A/N: Last chapter. I hope you had an interesting time reading this. Opinions are appreciated very much! Especially since I felt, for lack of a better word, strange, most of the time writing it. And the later parts of it don't feel, to me, like something I would usually write, but I must have, because here we are after all, chapter 8.

I'm Really Not Okay

Chapter 8: See

The three of them are sitting cuddled up with blankets and extra pillows, mugs of hot tea in their hands, on the Hummels' living room couch the house otherwise empty, Kurt has made sure of it, knowing this, today, it needs ' … we need time to ourselves if I'm ever going to tell him, and I need to, I want to.'

Blaine can feel the tension still in the room with them, even now they have tried to get comfortable, Mike sitting to Blaine's left, Kurt to Blaine's right. Blaine almost jumps out of his own skin when he hears Mike's voice.

"You know my sister Lina," Mike says, and Blaine can only nod, because, yes he does, he has spent some time with all of Mike's siblings and family.

"How is she?" he asks innocently, not seeing the connection yet, but how could he.

"She loves college. She's majoring in biology now. But …."

"But?" Blaine asks still confused.

"She … there was a time …. She was not always this … content."

And now things are starting to click in Blaine's head, "You two, you talked this much about Lina? Why?"

Kurt's voice is shaking, Kurt scared of what he says next will be revealing too much too quick about himself by association alone. 'What if you hate me then?' "Mike told me she used to …, she used to get these anxiety attacks, when … every time … she …."

Kurt is breathing hard all of a sudden, and Blaine puts down both their mugs to pull him into a tight hug, "Hey, hey it's okay, if you are not ready for me to know …, I'm not going anywhere. Sure I was jealous …."

And suddenly Kurt is shaking in his arms, and Blaine freezes in shock until he realizes it is laughter, and looking at Mike sees him smiling amused too.

"You were jealous of the two of us?" Kurt whispers.

"You really were, Blaine?" Mike asks too, nudging Blaine in the shoulder.

"Well, yeah, of you two spending so much time together."

"Oh?" Kurt asks with a slight frown, "Was it really that much? I didn't realize, I mean, I know it was more than before, but …."

"No, probably it wasn't all that much, but way more than before," suddenly Blaine grows quiet. Then, "And I was missing you so much. Talking to you, joking with you. Both of you. Do you know how many lunches I got stuck with Rachel at one table, alone? I mean I love Glee, but discussing solos and duets yet again? I mean, enough is enough at some point."

Both Mike and Kurt are still smiling at Blaine's exasperated look saying this.

And then Kurt is biting back a grin.

A moment of quiet content comforts them into new strength to go on.

Kurt starts, voice stronger again, "I'm really not okay, Blaine. And, and I did not understand at all what was going on with me until Mike came to me and just … just talked to me about his sister, about Lina." Kurt breaks of, still feeling weird talking about someone he has never even met but having helped him so much. He has a phone date with her two weeks from now, after her heavier exam load is over. Mike has arranged it.

"I told my sister what I knew from Tina about Kurt's situation and she said it was okay to talk to him about … about her life."

Blaine asks in a whisper, fear obvious on his face, "What about it?"

Mike tries to stick to the main point, there is time for all the unnerving details later, Mike is sure this is not the last conversation the three of them will have about any of this "A lot of people have trouble with big changes in their lives, of people, environment, and the anxiety that can come with them; not least from all the stressful atmosphere surrounding them. It's often something or someone outside them who triggers it, but not always. That's what Lina says anyway about herself. She says it is important to choose right in who you surround yourself with."

Kurt can feel Blaine umcomfortably shifting beside himself, so he clasps both of Blaine's hands in his own, twines their fingers thoroughly then looks up again, right at Blaine. "It wasn't you this time, I promise. The … the first, first time I did, I … I …," Kurt breaks off takes a deep breath, he has never actually said it out loud to anyone but Mike, "… the first time I cut myself, were the last months of middle school. I got so scared. Everything was about to change, and … I just, some days I came back from school, and I just sat all alone in our old house, dad at the shop and my mom …, you know, not having been there for a long time, and everything just started hurting so much without anyone to talk to there with me, and no friends at school, I started feeling like I was about to explode. And then that feeling started, that, that itching all over and under, always deep under my skin, and one day, one day, I just … I couldn't take it anymore, and … it was never the pain, the pain never felt anything remotely close to good, but it made me feel something. Something was in my control, I could, I just … it was up to me, all up to me, to stop or not and how deep, and how often. And in those moments nothing else had to matter, nothing else did. I only stopped again after I joined Glee."

"Months," Blaine murmurs, swallowing hard, crying thickly.

"Months," Kurt nods squeezing Blaine's hands, still in his, tighter. "I needed something to make me feel. I had forgotten all about singing that summer. It didn't even occur to me that that was what was actually missing in such a big way. Drawing those lines into my skin, it felt like the only self expression left. I had no idea what would come, it felt so utterly crushing."

And as Kurt starts to shed his own tears heavier and heavier at the memory, Mike talks on, hoping Blaine is still taking things in, despite the tears still washing over his face, rawing and reddening his skin, "You see, Blaine, Lina had the same problem, fear of all those uncertainties, before she started college, and high school, and middle school. Although I had been too young to notice those first two times, that last time I did, and I had talked to her a lot about it, because I tend to get nervous far too quick too, and I was scared I might …, you know. Sometimes I have to, in the middle of writing, throw a pen literally across the room, just out of my hands, so that … because, I start to feel an itching to ram it into my arm. Gosh, I sound like I psycho," Mike buries his head in his hands, tea mug long empty placed on the coffee table a while ago.

"Hey," Blaine reaches out and hugs him with one arm to his side, "Mike. Thank you for telling us. And thank you, thank you so much for helping Kurt and me, us. You have done so much for us. A psycho would not do that. Next time you feel that way, call me? Please?"

Mike nods and Blaine turns back to Kurt, while still hugging Mike close with one arm, the other hand still wrapped tightly in Kurt's. "Kurt? What can I do so it won't happen again?"

And just like that Kurt's crying even harder, "You are doing it all already. You stayed with me, without me even having to do so much as ask for it. You are the one person who does not pester me about my future and college all the time. We talk about all kinds of things. That is so ..., you are so precious to me. I need yo to know that."

Blaine holds on tight, "There must be something more we can do? Together?"

"Like what?" Kurt asks, sounding slightly unravelled.

"Maybe Lina can help us," Blaine carefully suggests, while dissolving into a blubbering mess of tears in the next second, the tension of weeks holding in all his own feelings, suddenly spilling over all at once."Mike?"

"I'm sure she will be okay with talking to both of you, and she does have some good advice, I know that for a fact. What I don't know is if it will help you like it helped me."

"But we can try," Blaine says, calming down a little again as Kurt snuggles deep into his arms.

"We will try," Kurt says, hope clear in his voice, infused with streaks of hoped for happiness almost felt already.

They are almost there.