AN: Well here it goes! This one will hopefully be fairly long... considering I have no idea where it will end up. Please let me know what you think and if you are interested in it continuing! Please please review!

Disclaimer: Nope I don't own Hetalia.

Warnings: Feliks' language, discussion of depression and other problems.

I had it hidden at the back of my closet. It was the first skirt I ever owned. My cousin cried and cried when she couldn't find it and I almost gave in and told her I had stolen it... but really though? It's like one skirt, and you have a WHOLE CLOSET FULL. I was a selfish ten year old. Maybe that is something I haven't grown out of. But I had my reasons! I like still do! Anyway about my super cute skirt. It was pink-what other color would be as cute on me? Okay, green because of my eyes. I look sooo awesome in green! And pink. Back to pink. The skirt had lace along the bottom and was a perfect twirling skirt. I mean PERFECT. I can't explain it to people who haven't had that perfect twirling skirt, but those of you who have had one, you know. When you find a skirt like that- you NEED it. And I needed that skirt. So I took it. And I looked sooo good in it! No one knew though. My parents didn't really pay attention, and so as long as I was in my room I could wear it all I wanted. And no siblings to rush in and find me. Perfect for a budding transvestite. Anyway! I miss that skirt now. I still have it packed away in a box with toys from when I was younger. It's right on the bottom of the box so anybody who accidentally opens it will miss it. I hope. I'm still dealing with all of this. I think it'd be like so much easier to get along with everyone if they weren't all such total jerks! I mean seriously though? What's the problem? My legs look damn good don't they? So lay off about the skirt alright? Asses.

But I guess I should start making sense. No fun I know but otherwise you'll be totally lost and I'll just be sitting here blabbing for no reason. Even though my voice is totally perfect! Just like everything about me! I wish. I just like to annoy people. That's why when someone gives me a rude look or says something I smile. I smile the biggest most annoying smile I can. And I wave baby! I wave at them in my skirt and high heels. If I'm in a super bad mood I may even blow a kiss.

I don't always think though. And I've almost gotten killed for it. Like being totally serious here. Scared the shit out of me. But I'm kinda dense so I don't learn. Just to be annoying I'll keep blowing my kisses. I'll blow my kisses at the biggest most homophobic asshole I can find. And if he beats me to a bloody pulp? It like totally doesn't matter baby!

See I may be super loud, even though I'm cute that way, but even I have my problems. And to be totally honest? I've got a lot. Have you like ever had those days where you toooootally feel like shit? You know what I'm talking about. Don't want to get out of bed, but you might as well. Don't want to eat, but it gives you something to do. Don't want to go to classes, but you're paying for them so you might as well. I've been there too honey. I am right now.

So my closet is FINALLY full of all the adorable skirts and dresses I want. I even- you'll be like 'OMG he's totally awesome for that!' after hearing this- bought women's underwear. I DID IT! It's sooo much more comfortable than I thought! I just felt like totally gross wearing boxers or even briefs under my cute skirts! It had to be women's underwear! Anyway I finally have all that shit... and I'm all like 'ok now what?' because I realized I have no one to wear them for.

No one but me thinks I'm cute in them. I can blow all the kisses I want. I can wink at all the men I want. I'm just... I'm like not that strong okay? Even the perfect me has tough times. And lately it has been the worst. Like seriously. I mean never had a point in time where there has been more shit.

Ya. Totally awesome right?

Hell no.

So here I am. A sophomore in college with not a single friend. Well I've got a few online. Most of them are super boring though, except Francis, and when I want to go out clubbing who do I have? That's right honey. No one.

My parents caught me in a totally adorable green and yellow plaid skirt my senior year of high school. I'd done like sooo well up until then. Every time I got that god awful skin crawling feeling I'd run to my room and put on a skirt! Once when they went out of town for the weekend I took the bus to the next city. I was feeling soooo bored with myself and with my life so I took my favorite skirt and top in my bag. When I got to the bus terminal I went to the bathroom and- with like the biggest breath and adrenaline rush ever- changed into my adorable outfit. Baby I totally strutted out of that men's bathroom! I think the old man who was washing his hands almost shit himself. His face was soooo funny! If I had been drinking something I would have spit it all over! Which would have sucked because then it would have gotten on my clothes! Ok so good thing I wasn't drinking anything. At that time my hair was still as my father would put it a 'respectable length for a man.' Ya thanks Dad! You're super awesome by making your son fit into your shitty ideas of what a man should be! Pent up anger at family? Me? Oh please sweetheart! I think I invented it!

That day was... hell I don't even know a word for it. I felt so totally great I could have cried. Being out in the world though, the real one... it was so much different than in my room. I felt perfect in my outfit, and I could see myself in shop windows. Let me tell you honey I looked daaaamn good! There is a reason that outfit is still one of my favorites! My ass and legs look better than a runway model's in it. Still though. The looks. I wasn't ready for those. Like not even close. I tried to just keep my eyes forward. I thought to myself 'Just act as beautiful as you KNOW you look!'

I thought I'd be able to do it. Every time someone gave me 'that look' though my smile fell a little. One particular man made me stumble a little. Looking back I thank God I wasn't wearing heels yet, just a cute flowery pair of sneakers. I would have fallen over and scarred my beautiful face if I had been in heels. I never knew what they meant when they said 'if looks could kill.'

Damn. That man's face. It was totally like one hundred times more ugly right then that it normal was! I'm sure of it!

And let me tell you honey that's a lot.

Eventually I ran off to the back of a clothing store and buried my feelings into buying new clothes. I'd saved up for months knowing I wouldn't get a chance like this again for... well for like forever practically. I cried as I grabbed every dress, skirt, and blouse I could get my masculine hands on. If only my hands were a little smaller and my fingers a little longer. Anyway. I can't remember how long I stayed in that store. I think I tried on almost everything in the place. It was perfect. And so painful. I had to ignore the shop girls who stared at me. They left me alone though which was totally perfect for me. I don't think I'd have been able to pull off my ridiculous confidence just then.

Anyways the girls left me alone and I spent most of the money I had saved up that day. With my arms full of bags I went back to the bus terminal ready to change and take the bus home.

Long story short that didn't happen. I'll spare you the details- trust me honey you don't want to know about those ugly boys. I managed to lock myself in a stall. With all of my bags of course! Do you like serious think I'd leave all of those adorable things in the hands of pigs? No way in hell! So I ended up sitting there crying my ass off for like... oh hell honey I don't know how long. But I do know I missed the last bus.

Damn right? That's how it's been for me. So I grabbed all my bags and shit- after changing of course. I didn't want to get another black eye to match the one I was getting. Like seriously my face can only handle so much. Especially in one day.

I totally don't remember the whole walk home. That's right honey. My super hot legs walked my sorry ass ALL THE WAY BACK. Took me the whole damn night. I felt like shit. But I didn't have even close to what I needed for a taxi. Besides that would have been like waaaay too convenient right? The hero totally needs to suffer.

I call bull shit on that too. You aren't the only who thinks that totally sucks.

So I got home who knows when and totally fell into my bed. Seriously. Thought it'd break I hit it so hard. I slept the whole next day and then had sore legs for so long I thought I'd die. It sucked. Like completely.

But I finally had clothes. More than just two skirts and one blouse. I was sick of stealing from my cousin. And I think she was toootally starting to wonder. I mean I only stole a few things... Seriously! Are three skirts and one blouse too much to ask for over like seven or eight years?

No? Thank you! I totally agree!

But she I think she was completely catching on to me. Even if I was sneaky she only lost clothing when I came over.

But after my trip? Sweetie it had been hell. Trust me. That black eye lasted so long I wanted to cry. How could I help it? My beautiful face had been ruined!

But worth it?

Like totally!

How could that many outfits not be worth it? And honey I looked so good! God I wish I could have shown someone how dead sexy I looked. But I didn't have anyone. So I held it in. It wasn't until my senior year that my parents found out.

So I was totally just chilling in my room eating some completely delicious kolaczki my mom had made when she like totally burst in through my door. I never found out what she wanted to say. She took one look at me in my skirt and top and walked out of the door again.

AN: Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think! And don't worry. Toris will show up soon!