A/N This is a crackfic. There's a petition on the white house website regarding banning Samcedes. This fic imagines that it was brought to the attention of the President, and he decided to attempt to make it a reality. This work of fiction is entirely intended to be read as humor. I don't own Glee, except for some of their music on iTunes, and the Season 2 DVD's.

Change We Can Believe In

The White House, December 7, 2011

Special Assistant to the President Jeffrey Kirkland was nervous. He served at the pleasure of the President after all, and occasionally, there were unsettling aspects of his job that he had to do. Unfortunately, he worked for a man who was very calm and collected under pressure. Barack Obama was a very difficult man to read, which exacerbated Kirkland's nervous demeanor as he made his way to the Oval Office. He knocked on the door, and a Secret Service agent admitted him inside.

"Mr. President, you asked to be updated on the petition site, specifically ones that cross referenced the re election plan?" Kirkland said.

"Of course, Jeffrey, of course. It is getting to be that time." Barack Obama said, looking up from his morning intelligence briefing.

"It's a little strange, Mr. President, but it does seem to brilliantly mesh with the petition regarding banning killing shelter animals with gas chambers." Kirkland said, handing over the printed version of the petition.

The good thing about this President was that he was a quick study. He read the petition over quickly, befitting his days as a Harvard Law Student and University of Chicago Law professor. A slow smile stretched over his face.

"You know Jeff, this is almost too good to be true."

"LOL Samcedes is canon, Mr. President."

"You think I don't know that?"

"I'm sorry sir."

"It's fine. Call Joe and Hillary, I'm going to have to run this by them."

"It shall be done."

Later that day, The Situation Room, The White House.

"With all due respect Mr. President, this is insane. We have a perfect plan for your reelection on the website right now. The Republicans have defined themselves in opposition to anything that we try to do. So, they have to oppose a bill that would outlaw shelter animals being sent to gas chambers. We tie that around their necks and be done with it!" Joe Biden exclaimed.

"I think the petitioners have a point, actually." Hillary Clinton responded.

"You just like the Nyan Hillary Experience."

"And?"

"Ok, Hillary, even if we make so Samcedes is banned, that doesn't mean Hevans will happen." Biden responded.

"Joe, it's Kum, not Hevans. We're not Republicans for fucks' sake." The President responded.

Hillary smiled at him. It was her first real smile in quite awhile. She shipped Kurt with happiness, and frankly, this season had been shit as far that was concerned. At the point that visiting fucking Burma was preferable to staying in country and watching Kurt Hummel get fucked over by everyone, well. . . shades of the 2008 campaign certainly came back to haunt her. He didn't regret winning the nomination, but it was a grueling struggle that had left some wounds. This was a good way to start making things right.

Biden threw up his hands in an exasperated manner. "Let me get this straight, we're going to make Ryan Murphy rework the rest of Season Three of Glee so that Samcedes doesn't happen. How are we going to do this?"

"Well, Joe, you've always wanted to blow something up with a Predator drone haven't you?" The President asked.

Biden grinned from ear to ear. "Fuck it, I'm in."

"While we're at it, we're going to make them make Sam gay again. It'll piss the Republicans off even more." The President said.

"Nice." Hillary said. "Means that it's Kumming."

"What about Klaine?" Biden asked.

"Well, there are Republicans who are going to be irritated by making Sam gay again. But, if we made Blaine an Al-Qaeda operative who's been activated to assassinate newly elected Congressman Burt Hummel. . ." Obama said.

"He is vaguely ethnic. Fox'll love the shit out of that." Biden replied.

"And he's foiled by Sue Sylvester, of course." Hillary chimed in.

"Duh. It's canon that she's a former CIA operative." Obama replied.

"On top of that, Ryan Murphy gets his spin off. Gitmo, starring Darren Criss." Hillary responded. "Or maybe it could be called Gleetmo?"

Biden was nodding his head. "Yeah yeah yeah, this way, the Blaine people are happy because now there's an entire slot of television devoted to BLAINE! Blaine getting waterboarded, Blaine teaching the other terrorists at Gitmo how to sway in the background while he gets all the solos. It's perfect Mr. President!"

"Well, let's write up a script then." Obama said.

A marathon writing session, and several thermoses of coffee later. . .

"Well, this is better than the actual show. . ." Hillary said, looking over the script.

"That's not saying much." Obama replied.

"And now I get to launch hellfire missiles at Ryan Murphy's residence?" Biden asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Obama said.

Ryan Murphy's evil lair

An explosion rocked the fountain of blood that was located in the garden of Ryan Murphy's evil lair. The phone rang by Ryan Murphy's bedside. Ryan Murphy answered it, hands shaking.

"Ryan, this is Joe Biden, the Vice President. The next missile goes into your bedroom. Do I have your attention?"

"Let me put on my thinking cap, Mr. Vice President." Ryan said, grabbing a hideous yellow cap from a pile of hideous caps and placing it on his head. "You have my undivided attention."

"Glee is a big pile of shit, and we have a script that will turn it around."

"You do realize, Mr. Vice President, that I will tell the Republicans that this administration is wasting its time meddling in a television program."

"That's a risk we're willing to take, Trollmurphs."

"You do also realize that I am Ryan Murphy, and I will ruin everything that is good and pure in the world?"

"Well, it's the administrations hope that when you see the script ideas we have that you won't in fact want to ruin everything like you always do."

"If you wanted a good show, maybe you shouldn't have had me run it."

"I'm going to come in and we're going to go over the script, capiche?" Biden said, launching another missile that blew the door apart.

Some while later . . .

"As long as Darren gets the spin off, that's fine. And I'm going to tell the Republican Presidential candidates about this."

"Go ahead. Kum has to happen too."

"Kum is vile and disgusting."

"Doesn't matter, Hillary will kill you if it doesn't happen."

"Why should a show called Glee make people happy?"

"Ryan, Glee is not about opening your wallet to Fox. It's about opening yourself up to joy."

"You make me sick. Very well. Gleetanamo will be about opening your wallet to me by God."

"No1curr, Ryan, no1curr."

"We have the Christmas episode already filmed, but the episode after the hiatus will be this. . . masterpiece, you've given me."

"It's been a pleasure, Ryan."

Friday December 9, 2011

"Mixed responses from the GOP presidential field regarding the Administrations decision to intervene in the production and writing of the Fox show Glee." CNN anchor Anderson Cooper reported.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann issued the following statement: I fully supported the degaying of Sam Evans. My husbands work after all depends on the ability to degay people. This is once again an example of the overreach of the Obama Administration.

Congressman Ron Paul had this to say: Well. . . when the character of Sam Evans was originally cast, he was cast to be Kurt's boyfriend. So the founders' intent, I think, is the most important thing here. Glee demonstrates, that when you get away from original intent to make a quick buck, forfeiting your principles in the process, that bad things happen.

Senator Rick Santorum: The fact that gay people are shown in a positive light on this show, or any other show will lead children to believe that Homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle choice. It's only a matter of time before they start supporting beastiality, pedophila, and polygamy. Please don't Google me.

Herman Cain: If the government had implemented my 999 plan, maybe Dwight Evans would still have a job. Hey baby, I'll show you my dark chocolate! I have not had sexual relations with this woman. . .yet. 999!

Rick Perry: Glee has gotten rid of three characters this season. Dave, Lauren, and what's that third characters name. . . EPA?

Mitt Romney: I will feel exactly how you want me to feel on this subject, until someone else who is away from you wants me to feel something different about this subject.

Jon Huntsman: I don't know why we're wasting time discussing a TV show for God's sake.

Newt Gingrich: This is the type of Saul Alinsky radical behavior that classifies this administration. They show the exact same respect to continuity that Glee shows, yet they criticize Glee for that same lack of continuity. I advised Freddie Mac to foreclose on the Evans house because everyone else was treating Sam like dirt, so I figured it was the popular thing to do.

And that's what we all missed on The West Wing.