A/N: So, I suck. I haven't posted ANYTHING here in months. I apologize to those that I left hanging. This story was written last year for Christmas, and I have another in production at the moment, but I wanted to share this Christmas tale here so you all have something to read until I post this year's Christmas story on the 14th. Enjoy!

A choir of speakers belted out Christmas music at volumes that would have made a rocker cover their ears, but Kate Beckett didn't mind it too much as she weaved her way through the crowds. She loved Christmas music and it surrounded her, much like the people that were jammed in the mall.

For some reason it seemed as if everyone in New York was as behind on their shopping as she was. Then again, waiting until the twenty-third to get her dad a gift probably wasn't the best idea she had all year. In her defense, crime didn't stop just for the holidays. In fact it got worse, as the jolliness of others could sometimes trigger a good amount of rage and annoyance.

Kate could almost understand it.

She already knew where she'd be spending her Christmas: at the station. She put in for it because, unlike many of the others at the station, she didn't really have someone to spend her Christmas with, and sitting at home watching 'What a Wonderful Life' was just a bit too sad for her. She'd spend Christmas Eve day with her dad, if he was home.

She was sure he'd be there for her, but at the same time she rather hoped he'd have other plans so she wouldn't have to explain what had happened with Josh, and why she was working the holidays again. Being alone wasn't so bad.

A sarcastic laugh escaped her. Who was she to say that? She, who spent most of her time by herself eating left over take out and reading case files because if she didn't who would? She, who read books by the dozens because the worlds between those covers were an escape from the troubles in her life that she couldn't get any other way.

"Excuse me- sorry- just passing through." She heard herself say almost like she was on autopilot. Her mind found enough interesting things to think about other than paying attention to all those around her. It also had one objective in mind. Get to the other end of the mall and find a gift for her dad and get out, back to her empty apartment.

She didn't really enjoy being alone, sure she made it seem like she didn't mind, but she did. Josh was great, he understood the perils of a hard, demanding job. He also was, as Castle would put it, more ying than yang. He did the same thing she did; long hours, tough work. They hardly got to spend any time together.

She actually spent more time with Castle than she had with Josh. She smiled slightly and stopped in her tracks, trying to get her bearings again.

Without realizing it she found herself dumped in front of the fountain. It was large, three tiered and sprayed water in all directions. In the reflection she could see the strings of Christmas lights, green garland and red bows that had settled everywhere in the mall, like some strange holiday spider had gone mad.

In the bottom of the fountain a number of tiny objects shimmered like small moons in the rippling water. She smiled despite herself and dropped her hands into her jacket pockets as she watched the water cascade from the top fountain. It was somehow soothing even with all the bustle around her. The water, the lights, the sounds, it all melted together to make her feel that everything could be all right, at least for a little while.

Her fingers happened upon something hard and round in her pocket and she furrowed her brow as she pulled it out between her index and middle finger. It was a penny. She couldn't remember putting change in her pocket at anytime, and the jacket was new.

"Huh," she said out loud looking at the shiny copper penny and behind it she could see the fountain. Make a wish on a penny and it just may come true, she thought as she took a few steps toward the fountain and flicked the coin into the air. She didn't know what wish she should make, but her mind already picked one out and she whispered it as the coin dropped.

"Not to be alone on the holidays." She licked her lips after she said the words, as if she wanted to bring them back in. She hadn't even thought about wishing for something in that vein.

The coin made a plunking sound in the water and sank to the bottom, shimmering back and forth as it tumbled and landed flat on the painted bottom.

Could she still be so childish as it believe in wishes? Next thing she knew she'd be wishing on a star and swearing she had talked to a cricket with a cane and top hat. She smirked, shook her head, adjusted her purse, and headed off toward one of the men's clothing stores that littered this side of the mall. Reaching it she stopped and looked in through the glass.

The store was small and almost everything could be seen from where she stood, even the cash register was in her line of vision and she turned to get a better look at the line that was forming, to make sure it was even worth going in. Every store she had been in that day was filled, and every last person was rude beyond belief.

It was about three people long, perfectly short. She took a few steps away from the glass, about to go in when she looked again and noticed who was paying the lady behind the register.

"Castle?" She said, furrowing her brow and canting her head to the side. What was he doing out shopping still? Then again, it was Castle, he probably waited until the last second to do anything. She stepped away from the window and decided she'd go to another one, she really didn't want to talk to him right now.

Things had been a little off between them somewhat since Josh. It wasn't as bad as when she dated Tom, but there was a weirdness there that she couldn't shake, one that got worse after she broke up with Josh. It wasn't Castle though, it was her. She felt weird, like something had changed between them, but she couldn't say what or if it was a good thing.

She had only made it about six steps when she heard her name called and she squinted as if the words had actually hit her. She stopped in her tracks and hoped she had misheard, but he called her again.

"Beckett?" Leave it to Castle not to care if he was wrong. He'd just shout out a name and see if he was right. She turned, her shoulders hunched slightly which pushed up the collars of her jacket. She tried to act surprise.

"Castle? What are you doing out here?" He smiled broadly at her and closed the distance between them. She could smell his cologne even amongst the sea of smells. He had one hand in the pocket of his long black coat, and the other holding a bag with the name of the store he just came out of stenciled on the side.

He looked good, but she had always thought he had a certain... look about him. She tried not to smile but her lips still lifted up. The shadow of a beard that he normally wore was a little richer now, and she found herself wondering if a beard would suit him. No, probably not.

"Doing some last minute shopping, of course. Why are you out here? I figured you'd be one of those who do all their shopping in September."

"I- I am, usually. Just picking up a few things."

"Oh? Spending Christmas with your dad, huh?" She thought of lying to him, but decided that it didn't matter.

"Uh, no, actually spending it by myself. I'm working on Christmas. Christmas Eve day I'll be with my dad for most of it, but he can't stay too long."

"What?" He said, taking his hand out of his pocket and looking at her in somewhat shock.

"What?"

"You can't spend Christmas alone."

"I have before, it's not that big of a deal, Castle."

"Yes it is..." He paused and she groaned as she knew he had one of his 'brilliant' ideas. "You can come over and spend it was us."

"No," she said without even registering what he had said. When she had she had no choice but to stand behind the No. "It's fine, Castle, I don't want to impose."

"No, come on, it's just me, mother and Alexis. We always make too much food and I... would love for you to come."

She looked away from him, gnawed on her lip for a moment and then looked back, shaking her head. "No, I appreciate the offer, but it's fine I don't mind. Plus, the next day will probably be a long one."

He frowned and looked almost sad but it lasted only a moment before a mask of indifference came over his face. "If you change your mind..." He said with a shrug.

"I won't, but thanks." She already changed her mind. She wanted to take him up on the offer, and yet she couldn't now. She probably wouldn't have no matter what, but she wish she could.

"Okay then, I should probably go look for Alexis-Merry Christmas, Kate..." He said before he bent and kissed her cheek gently. "I hope it's wonderful and Santa brings you everything you wished for."

"Uh... yeah... Merry Christmas, Castle." She said, her hand going to where he had kissed her. A heat was there, as if his lips still lingered. He smiled and walked off with a small wave and disappeared into the sea of people.

For a moment she stood there just listening to the music playing across the speakers, her stomach fluttering and she wondered why she had turned him down.

It would be too odd, she decided and began off into the crowd, heading back into the store Castle had been in. It would just be too odd to spend Christmas with Castle, Martha and Alexis. It's a time for family, and while she couldn't be with hers, she wasn't sure she wanted to be with any others. She didn't want to be the pitied girl that didn't have anywhere to be on Christmas, which was why she had work.

She ran through the racks, still wondering if it would have been so bad to go to Castle's. She had been there before, even spent a few days there when her apartment became a black hole. Holidays were different. She decided and picked out a nice shirt that she thought her dad would really like and went up to the register and paid.

She left the mall, one last heavy blast of heat following her on her way out into the parking lot. It began to snow as she crossed it. The snow had been coming in bursts through out the day and a layer was already building on the black top and made the walk a dangerous one. She slipped once or twice but she never fell.

The snow came down at a clipped pace, masking the lamps in a sheet of white, and the lights flared behind it. It was almost picture perfect, but Kate was too cold to really admire it and quickened her pace to her car. When she reached it she found it covered and mumbled a curse. She opened the passenger side door, threw her bags in and got the brush out from the back and set to work cleaning it off. She tried her best to keep snow from going down her sleeve but she failed more than she succeeded and by the time she had the windows clear her wrists ached from the stinging cold. She was liking the snow less and less as time went by.

The car took a few tries to start but once it did she sat there with her arms wrapped around her and waited on the heat while looking out into the snow. It was doubling it's pace, the flakes becoming larger and the hood of her car was already covered.

When she was little this was her favorite time of year. There was just something in the air around Christmas that made her feel warm and happy inside. She hadn't felt that feeling since her mother had passed on. It seemed any joy of the season had gone with her because it was just another reminder that her mother was no longer with her. She could still remember vividly the Christmas after. Her father had just started to drink a bit too much and she was home still, not really wanting to go back to school yet.

Their tree was pitiful, but it was all either of them wanted to do. She was the one that decorated it, all the while she tried to ignore the memories each ornament held. Her father couldn't even be in the same room as the tree. He tried to sit with Kate once but that lasted all of about fifteen minutes before he had to get out of the room as if it was on fire.

A Charlie Brown's Christmas was playing on the TV and she sat in her pajamas and tried her best not to cry. She kept hoping that her mother would come through the door at any minute. She prayed that she would come back, just for the holiday, and then did something she hadn't done since she was three. She wished that Santa would bring her mother back.

She had thrown the idea out just as quickly as she had allowed it to flourish and wrapped the blanket she had across her shoulders around her a little tighter.

She also remembered hearing her dad weeping in the other room, offset by the sound of a beer opening every few minutes. However bad she was, he was much worse. That was the beginning of the downfall for both of them. He just fell faster.

She sighed and put the car in reverse, checked behind her and backed out of the parking space. She headed home, the day before Christmas Eve, thinking about her mom, and being alone again.