Too Deep for Words

Chapter 3 - Things

Stabler Residence Monday, June 9 – 7:30 p.m.

After dinner Olivia shooed Elliot and Ben to the living room, while she took care of cleaning up the kitchen and putting away the leftovers. She heard them laughing and playing and smiled to herself thinking how lucky she was to have them. The home phone rang. It was Maureen and she wanted to talk to Olivia about her boyfriend who had just broken off with her. Forty-five minutes and many tears later on Maureen's part, Olivia hung up and went to check on her men who were now uncharacteristically quiet.

Elliot, still in his dress slacks, shoeless and stripped to his wife beater, was on his back sprawled on the floor. Ben was on top of him; Elliot's right hand was across his back holding his son in place. They were both sound asleep. The strains of a 'Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends' DVD were playing on the TV. Smiling, she shook her head, looking at them for moment. A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she ran to the kitchen office area grabbing the digital camera. The second flash caused Elliot to stir and the third one woke him.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

It's only eight fifteen. Rough day?" she smiled and closed the camera.

"Mmm…not really." He rolled over carefully holding onto Ben and stood up.

"Let's just get him ready for bed…I'd hate to wake him for his bath," she told him as she kissed Ben's head, her arm around Elliot's waist.

"I'll get him up a bit earlier and give him one in the morning," Elliot said as he started up the stairs after she unlatched the safety gate. She followed them up.

On mornings Elliot was home, he readied Ben for daycare and dropped him off. Olivia usually picked him up in the evenings. Of course, with their jobs, this was always subject to change and sometimes one or the other ended up taking and picking him up. In the evenings, they usually bathed and put him to bed him together, alternating who read the bedtime story. Elliot always made sure to have him say his prayers, too. Olivia was still ambivalent about her thoughts on religion, but she had no problem with Elliot teaching their son the canons of his Catholic faith. She just didn't think it was for her.

Elliot gently laid Ben on the bed and started to remove his clothing as Olivia pulled a pair of pajamas from the dresser drawer and held them while she watched Elliot with Ben. "He's so beautiful," Olivia said under her breath as she stood with pajamas in hand.

Turning to look up at his wife, Elliot smiled softly and whispered, "Takes after his mother." He squeezed her hand then reached for the pajamas and began putting them on Ben.

She felt the flush start at her chest and crawl up her face. Even after all this time with him, she felt so undeserving of Elliot's compliments. "What, no smart retort about boys not being beautiful?" she teased while turning the focus back to Ben.

Shaking his head and smiling at his sleeping son, Elliot bent down and kissed him on the forehead then his cheek. "No. He is beautiful and he's ours."

Olivia pulled down the cover and sheets and Elliot put the child on the bed and tucked him in. He stepped back to let Olivia kiss him good night. As he watched her, his heart overflowed with love for her and his son. When she straightened up, Elliot put his arm around her waist and she hooked both her arms around him, and they looked down upon their sleeping child.

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

Kissing the top of her head, Elliot spoke quietly, "He really needs a brother or sister."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed this conversation happened more and more often and she was far too tired to go there tonight. "He's got two brothers and three sisters."

"You know what I mean. I don't want him to grow up alone."

"He's not alone. He sees at least one of the kids almost every day," she argued.

"I want him to have a sibling he lives with, someone to share life with," Elliot persisted.

"Elliot…" Irritated, she tried to pull away from him. He held her tight.

"Just think about it, okay?" he pleaded.

"I'm too old…"

"You're not too old."

"The job takes so much time and…"

"The job will always be there, Olivia. The time for family is now. If I didn't learn anything else from my marriage to Kathy, I learned that. Family doesn't wait. It can't."

She stared at the man in front of her knowing he was right, but not sure she was ready to take that step. She did want another child, just not right now.

"El, I do want another baby, but now is just not the time."

"The time is now, Olivia. At least think about it. Please?"

She nodded and put a quick kiss on his lips. He pulled her to him and held her close.

After putting Ben to bed, Elliot made his way downstairs to watch television, while Olivia showered and got ready for bed. When she came down, she went to sit with Elliot, kissing him as she took a seat next to him.

He draped his arm around her squeezing her shoulder and she reached up entwining their hands, absent-mindedly stroking his pinky with her thumb. After a few minutes of staring at the television as he surfed through the channels, Olivia took the remote from him.

"So…worst?" she asked him, muting the television.

"Ahhh…you go first." He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

"Okay…remember the thirteen-year old boy that set fire to the family car?" she asked him.

"The one who swore it was an accident from playing with the cigarette lighter?" he answered with another question.

"That's the one. He was arrested this morning for setting fire to his math teacher's car." She bit her lip and frowned.

"Gee, I hate to hear that," he offered, tightening his grip on her fingers

"He's only fourteen years old. I really thought I saw something redeemable in that kid, El. I just knew if we got him some help and gave him another chance, he would make it," she sighed.

"I know it hurts, but you can't save them all, Liv. You think we should have learned that by now, huh?" he said sympathetically as he squeezed her hand.

"Doesn't keep me from wishing we could. Some days it seems like we just can't save any of them. It never gets any easier to lose one, you know." She looked up at him.

He stared back with a vacant nod. Both fell into their own thoughts about all the victims over the years they had lost; those they couldn't save and those who didn't want to be saved.

Finally, Olivia came back to the present. "Your turn."

He had forgotten about the envelope until she asked him about the worst thing…until now. His mind echoed the words again as the picture flashed before his eyes. No way was he telling her about it. Not yet. Probably not ever.

"Well, Seigman had a doctor's appointment or something and…it was really bad…" he said slowly.

Olivia sat up straight and turned to Elliot, concern written all over her face for her former partner and friend. "What? What was bad?"

"There was no coffee!" Elliot laughed as she slapped him, her frown turning into a grin.

"Elliot! That was not very nice!" she said indignantly. "And, besides, you hate Brad's coffee since Munch is the one who taught him how to make it!"

"I know. I know…I'm sorry. I guess that should be my best thing." He pulled away from her, shifting so he could lay his head in her lap as he stretched out across the couch.

"Okay…this is for real," he sighed heavily, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose. "The worst thing…Fin and Seigman got a case right before lunch. Two-year girl…raped by her eleven and fourteen year old cousins. I nearly lost it when I saw the pictures." His eyebrows knit together as his voice lowered until it was barely a whisper. "Blond hair, big green eyes, beautiful," he sighed again. "God, Liv, she's Ben's age! Where do these kids get these ideas?"

"Oh, El, I'm so sorry." She stroked his forehead and cheeks, thinking of the poor little girl. "Are you sure it was the boys?"

"We're still checking everything out, but yeah…looks like it." He heaved a huge breath of air.

"Oh, baby…" She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Okay…okay, let's pick things up…best thing?" He smiled a half smile at her.

Breaking her train of thought, she looked down and smiled, "The best thing…the squad got an invitation to Mia Lawson's graduation next week. And she wrote me a letter thanking me for offering her the choice between rehab and juvey hall. She's graduating with honors, El. She also sent her senior picture. She's beautiful…you would never recognize her as being the pill-popping, pot-head she was a year ago and a half ago." Her voice cracked as a single tear fell, landing on Elliot's cheek. "She's been accepted into Brooklyn College's criminal justice program and she plans to apply to the academy when she finishes."

"That's great, babe. See, we can save some of them. We do make a difference." He reached up, wiping another tear from her face.

"Yeah, we do," she sniffled. "Okay, what was the best thing for you today?" She ran her hand over his short hair and tickled his ear.

"The best thing? Hmmm…promise not to get upset?" She squinted at him, but then nodded. "Well, there was this really gorgeous, sexy lady. I mean, absolutely stunning brunette. She had the most incredible legs. And she wanted me." He told her.

"Elliot! Be serious!" she warned, halfway wondering just who this woman might be.

"Oh, but I am being serious. She definitely wanted me…I could tell…I mean she was all over me, Liv…you should have seen her. She kept leaning into me like she couldn't get close enough…" he paused, gauging her reaction before continuing.

At these words, Olivia's jealousy raised its head and her mind went into overdrive visualizing this stunning woman coming onto her husband. She had worked with Elliot long enough to know women were definitely attracted to him and quite a number of them boldly made remarks as well as moves on him. She was also wondering if this game of worst thing/best thing was a good idea right now. Especially, since he was telling her another woman was the best part of his day.

They had started this tradition of sharing the worst/best thing shortly after they started dating. Cragen split them up enough that the brass would not be too suspicious, so some days they barely saw each other at work. To compensate for that and to encourage talking and sharing their thoughts and feelings, they had come up with the idea of telling about the worst and the best things that had happened to them each day they were apart. They continued it after their marriage only now it was everyday they shared it.

Her mind snapped back to the present when Elliot began talking again. "…and then when I kissed her…she melted into my body like she couldn't get enough."

"What?" The word escaped before she could stop it and he laughed at the way her face contorted with jealousy.

"Here, let me show how it played out." He swiftly pulled her down and shifted until he had her on top of him. "She especially liked it when I kissed her like this."

She slapped at him when the realization hit her that he was talking about her when he came home and surprised her in the kitchen. In mock anger, she tried to push off of him, but he held her tightly and began kissing her neck, running one hand up and down her back as the other caressed her face. Immediately, she melded her body to his, laughing, relieved she was the other woman. She was the best part of his day.

"El…mmm…El…?" she mumbled, barely able to think clearly with his lips and hands on her like this.

"Yeah, babe," he murmured softly as he kissed his way up from her shoulder to her mouth.

"We both lied. The best thing is yet to happen to us today," she said as her lips met his in a passionate kiss.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~