Sorry I took so long to update! I was so busy over my break that i hadn't a chance to get on my computer! But here it is, I hope you like it!

"Good Morning," Arthur said, looking up from his desk. He was already up and set to work.

"Morning," I answered with a smile. "If you have a minute, I'd like to talk about my future."

Arthur sat back in his chair to glance up at me. "You spoke to Gwen." It was a statement, not a question.

I felt my smile disappear. "Yes," I answered and looked at the ground.

"She just needs some time to warm up to you again," Arthur tried to reassure me.

"She doesn't want me at the wedding, does she?" I asked gloomily.

Arthur didn't answer right away, he sighed and crossed his arms on his chest. "She says it's up to me. She said she won't stop me from being your friend. She just says she doesn't trust you anymore."

"So what does that mean?" I asked in distress.

"It means that you're the new Court Sorcerer," Arthur clapped my back with a large smile but I just raised an eyebrow.

"And what does that mean exactly?" I cocked my head to the side.

"Well," he hesitated, "I'm not entirely sure. I guess you protect Camelot from Magic. And you help me write all the laws that contain magic usage in them."

"Huh," I nodded thinking it over. "Does that mean I get a seat on the council?"

"Do you want one?" Arthur asked me.

"No," I responded honestly. "I'm not really one for politics."

"No," he agreed with a half smile.

"What can I do to gain Gwen's trust again?" I asked him slowly.

Arthur considered my question, "I don't know. Maybe time will heal her wounds. She's hurt."

"I know," I put my head in my hands. "And it's my fault!"

Arthur looked like he wanted to say something, searching or some way to fix it all. But when he came up empty handed, he turned and slowly walked away.

At the wedding, I smiled and danced with everyone. I watched the pure joy radiate Arthur and I felt such envy in the pit of my stomach. I watched his bride's eyes glow when she danced with her husband and I thought only of her.

I left early, no one noticed. I got to my room, crawled into bed and fell asleep, her face in my mind as I drifted.

Time went by in Camelot. In just a year, I helped Arthur create all the laws that stood on magic. Still, the castle was attacked now and then by magic forces, but no longer needing to hide my abilities, I fought them back easily. I saved Gwen and Arthur on many occasions, still I got little more than a polite nod from Gwen. She still didn't trust me.

I had run out of ideas of how to gain her trust. I wasn't sure what else I could do. Eventually I gave up. I stopped trying to keep her friendship and she became just another person…well as much of another person as a Queen can be.

An entire year passed, and I asked Arthur for a leave. He granted it with no questions asked, but I got a suspicious raised eyebrow from Gwen. I didn't explain why I wanted to leave, I just left. On horseback, I rode through the forest. It was nice and quiet.

A little house came into my view and my heart began to pound. I kept riding towards it. Fallen trees around it from the fight came in my view, faster I urged the horse. A little pile of rock and dirt came into view, I shivered and slowed the horse, jumping down lightly.

SNAP! I whirled around to see Gwen, her foot on a twig that had snapped. She grimaced in annoyance and met my gaze. "I knew you didn't kill her. Coming to meet with some old friends are we Merlin?" my name came out like a disease in her mouth and she spat it on the forest floor.

"I came back to see her again, yeah," I nodded, holding back the water that threatened to spill over my face.

"Thought you could trick us, didn't you," she continued, "But I wasn't fooled."

Anger. Bubbling, hurting, untamable anger welled inside of her. "Gwen. Go away. I want to be alone with her. Please just leave now. I can't do this right now."

"Of course you do," Gwen stuck out her jaw. "But I'll return to Camelot. And when I tell Arthur where you are…."

She trailed off as I glared at her and her eyes betrayed terror. She took an involuntary step back.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I told her bitterly.

"No?" she said but her voice quivered. "Just kill me then? I knew I could never trust a sorcerer."

"Gwen," I practically hollered as the tears spilt over. "Can't you see I'm hurting right now?"

"What?" she began but I cut her off.

"It's been a year, one year since I killed her. One year since I held her in my arms as she took her last breath. One year since she told me she loved me. One year since I watched the light in her eyes die out. One year since the woman I loved died by my hands, in my hands, for you. For you, and Arthur, and Gaius and and and for Camelot! I killed half of myself that day!" I was screaming, holding my head in my hands, the words coming over. "I knew she had done wrong. I knew she was evil. I knew we could never be together but why was I the one that had to kill her? Because no one else could! I knew she had to die, I knew it...but it didn't make it any easier."

Gwen was standing there, jaw open and eyes wide.

"I lived because she asked me too. She told me I had to live for her," I began to slow now, my lungs begging for more air. "So I did. And for what? For one of my best friends to hate me! You have no idea, Gwen. You don't know what I've had to give up, what pain I've had to bare! You'll never be able to understand!"

I rounded the same bend so that I was at the grave, tears sliding down my face. "I'm so sorry," I told the grave that was her last bed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you from yourself. I'm sorry you had to die at my hand. I'm so sorry we couldn't be together."

Silence. Of to familiar and bitter silence. And then a rustle, a slight whisp of the wind and I felt a hand on my shoulder. She pulled me close to her, rocking me gently.

"It's okay Merlin," Gwen whispered to me, rocking me slowly. "Shh…it's okay."

"I-It's a-all my f-f-fault," I told her through sobs, "I sh-should have been able to s-save her!"

"No," Gwen said in my ear. "She had too much hurt and hate in her heart to be saved."

"I loved her," I admitted.

"I know," Gwen sighed. "I know."

I stretched out my hand over the grave and muttered under my breath. For a moment, nothing happened, and then a single rose grew.

"Do you think someday, in a different life, we could be together?" I asked a childish question, I knew that. But I had to ask.

"I hope so," Gwen let go of me and turned to leave. She wanted to give me time with her. She left me there, staring at the grave. Even after all this time, I couldn't say her name. I couldn't utter the word that meant her. I could speak the sweet syllables that made my heart glow once.

But the wind, as it tossed around me I could have sworn it whispered silently on that little hill. In my ears it whispered, "Morgana."

THE END

Did you like it? always manage to screw up the endings to my stories but...I like this one even if no one else does.