Chapter 19:

Time. Elizabeth had certainly enjoyed plenty of it. The days, weeks and months dragged on interminably. It had now been almost ten months since Mr Collins' funeral, and since she had last seen Mr Darcy. True to his word he had not pressurised Elizabeth into any decision, in fact; he had not spoken to her at all, neither by mail nor in person. He had not even, (to the best of Elizabeth's knowledge – which included all the gossips in Meryton) set foot on Hertfordshire soil since they had departed Netherfield the day after Jane and Bingley's wedding.

Every day since Elizabeth and Mr Darcy's separation had been spent in much the same manner. Elizabeth, not being the sort of person to mope about and drift into a decline, instead tried to occupy herself with any and all tasks in order to while away the hours.

Her mother, an indolent woman by nature, had always been astounded by the amount of boundless energy perpetually displayed by her second eldest child, but since Elizabeth's return to Longbourne Mrs Bennet had been at a loss of what to do with her. Many a day has come in which the mere thought of Elizabeth's restless and relentless activity was enough to force Mrs Bennet to remain abed rather than suffer the resultant headache which would be sure to follow if she were forced to bear witness to it.

But despite her activity, each and every day ended with the same undeniable truth clawing its way to the forefront of her mind, forcing Elizabeth to admit that she was and still is deeply in love with Mr Darcy.

She tried convincing herself otherwise; citing his many defaults as cause enough to loath him, but somehow got distracted by the remembrances of his eyes as they seemed to glow with an inner fire every time he looked at her; which was more often than not. She then tried to convince herself that she merely felt a debt of gratitude to the man; it was, after all, thanks to him that Jane and Bingley were reunited, that Mr Collins was cared for so meticulously, and that she herself was looked after and cared for as if she were a member of his family. This tack was however; as doomed to failure as the former as she realised that his kind and generous nature (a fact that she had previously completely overlooked), was just one of the many things she loved about him.

No, she would have to face the two facts looming before her – she loved him; and she would probably never see him again.

"Lizzy. Lizzy? Lizzy! Are you still with us Lizzy, or are you back in Derbyshire with your Mr Darcy?"

"I was merely admiring the beautiful view Charlotte," answered Elizabeth rather self consciously, after one of the numerous attempts by her friend to claim her attention finally seemed to hit its mark.

"I would imagine the beautiful view would pale in comparison to the site of Mr Darcy galloping into the foreground?"

"Charlotte, please! By your account I am no better than Lydia or Kitty when presented with the view of a man in a red coat! I can assure you that the scenery shall always rank first in my estimation…though perhaps a view of Mr Darcy upon his horse would rank a close second." Elizabeth smiled mischievously at Charlotte after her saucy retort and was rewarded when Charlotte let out a delicate giggle in response.

"Dear little Charles has finally nodded off to sleep. He's such a good little boy; Nurse says that he is the most perfect little baby she has ever seen," crooned Jane as she re-entered the little parlour at Netherfield that had become the common place for the three fine ladies to gather over a cup of tea and discuss – well, just about everything. "Oh do please tell me what has given Charlotte a fit of the giggles," enquired Jane as soon as she realized that she had obviously entered the room just after an amusing anecdote had been related. "It is my luck that I should have to leave the room just when something amusing is about to occur."

"Nonsense my dear Jane; Charlotte was merely teasing me and I simply paid her back with her own coin."

"Well if that is all then I am sure I can guess the means she employed to stoke your spirit into retaliation; but I'm afraid that she shall be outdone by me after I tell you that Charles has invited Mr Darcy to Netherfield to officially make the acquaintance of his godson. Now what say you to that Lizzy?"

Though Elizabeth could not help the blush that flared across her cheeks her heart sank at the truth she was about to utter; "He won't come. Charles has invited him several times before now, and he has declined the invitation every time."

"Which is precisely why I didn't want to mention anything to you until Charles received his reply, which he did this morning; Mr Darcy has assured Charles that this time nothing would prevent his visit to Hertfordshire and that we should await his arrival by noon tomorrow."

"Well if that be so then it can have nothing to do with me. I believe he has made his sentiments quite clear as it regards me, he fulfilled his obligation as a Christian gentleman and now wants nothing more to do with me."

"If that were true Elizabeth then why has he so steadfastly avoided your company over the last year?"

Elizabeth didn't reply, she merely looked back out of the large window over the green sloping grounds towards the horizon.

"Well if you truly don't know the answer to that question then allow me to assist you; he has avoided you because you asked him to. He has avoided you because the damage to your reputation would have been irreparable had he begun to pay his addresses to you before your husband was even cold in his grave; and worse still, had you been seen to return those affections so soon after your husband's passing. There, does that adequately answer the purpose?"

"Perhaps Charlotte, or perhaps he has simply avoided my company because he does not desire it," said Elizabeth getting up off the chaise and walking toward the window. "You are a good friend Charlotte but not all the best wishes in the world can make someone fall in love with someone for whom they have no regard. I will forever be thankful to Mr Darcy for his friendship during those trying months but I must be realistic, he believed me indifferent and as such has moved on with his life. Now I must attempt to do the same."

"Moved on Lizzy? Has Georgiana said anything about Mr Darcy? Is he engaged?" asked Jane worriedly shifting her gaze between her sister and Charlotte.

"No, she and I have reached an unspoken agreement to not speak of Mr Darcy's affairs. I could not expect a sister to betray her brother so," answered Elizabeth.

"How can you say that Mr Darcy does not love you Lizzy? You were the one who told us not so many months ago that he was so besotted by you that he even overthrew all the bounds of propriety in declaring himself to you whilst you were still a married woman. A man so in love does not simply forget about the object of his affections and 'move on' with his life."

"Oh Charlotte, don't you see; that is precisely my point! If He truly loved me as much as he had once professed to do, would he have purposefully avoided my company for so long? Especially as now the impropriety of his affections would be considerably lessened by the fact that I am now widowed."

"On the contrary Lizzy, his attentions would be considered even more unseemly so soon after Mr Collins' demise. Before, you were a married woman and were naturally protected by your vows, but now you are a young widow - food for gossip and scandal," said Charlotte matter-of-factly.

"Indeed my dear Lizzy, listen to Charlotte," said Jane leaning forward in her chair to address her obviously agitated sister. "Mr Darcy still cares deeply for you, of that I have no doubt. His withdrawal from your company was to safeguard your reputation, that is all."

"He was not so eager to safeguard my reputation that afternoon after Mr Collins' funeral. Had I not reminded him of my new circumstances; had I not told him that it was impossible for me to even think about anything else at that moment, I feel sure that he would probably have made me an offer then and there."

"Well there you have it Lizzy. You did not dissuade him out of his regard for you, you simply brought him back to his senses," said Charlotte, smiling as she gently sipped her tea.

"No Charlotte, I chased him away. I told him to leave me be, not to press me further or to cause tongues to wag by his continued attentions. I did not mean that I never wished to see him again!" Elizabeth looked down at the carpet as she tried to gather the courage to speak the truth that she knew in her heart. "He must have thought I was indifferent to him and as such, has chosen to forget me."

"Lizzy," whispered Jane, who had gotten off her seat and approached Elizabeth by the window. She gently placed her hands on her sister's shoulders and turned her around to face her. "I know that during all of your trials and heartache I was not where I ought to have been, and though I cannot change the past allow me to comfort you now with words which I know firsthand to be true – it is not such an easy task to forget about someone when you have loved them with all of your heart. You see them in every face that passes you by; you hear their voice in every whisper of the wind, and feel their touch on your skin even when you are completely alone. He will come, Lizzy, and by his still fervent love for you he will prove that what I have said is true, I promise."

Charlotte couldn't add anything to Jane's speech, never having felt that kind of love before, but she hoped deep down in her heart that what she had said was true - for Elizabeth's sake.

Needing to clear her head and examine her heart yet again, Elizabeth excused herself, choosing to walk through the grounds in order to attempt to make sense of what Jane had said. She knew her sister was trying to ease her pain but then she thought back to all of the letters that she received from Jane shortly after her marriage to Mr Collins, and how empty and cold they had seemed by Jane's standards. She knew her sister had been heartbroken by Charles' abrupt departure but only now that she was feeling the same pain did she fully understand just how difficult it must have been for Jane during that time; and she didn't even have the luxury of her sister to comfort her, as Elizabeth had been blinded by her own troubles at the time.

'Poor Jane,' thought Elizabeth, 'if you only knew that you owed your pain and suffering to Mr Darcy's meddling, you would not perhaps be so eager to wish him to still be in love with me. But then again, if you knew that you owed all your joy and happiness, including that little darling now asleep in his crib, to Mr Darcy, the forgiving creature that you are, you would exonerate him of all blame, would embrace him warmly and would no doubt love him as I do.'

Elizabeth was lost in thought; daydreaming of Mr Darcy, the walk they had taken around Pemberley together, the intimate evenings around the dinner table, that day in Mr Darcy's study at his house in London when both of them had so nearly forgotten all propriety. If she closed her eyes she could still feel the heat of his breath on her face and feel the roiling coils of fire that seemed to radiate out of his body as he stood pressed up so close to her. While lost in this passionate haze a voice, seemingly distant and dreamlike, suddenly became clearer and awakened her from her trance.

Without realising where she had been wandering, she had ambled around to the front entrance of Netherfield, and there a little distance in front of her stood Mr Darcy, just now handing over the reins of his horse to a footman.

Elizabeth hastened to scurry back into the shadows beside the house but Mr Darcy turned around at precisely the wrong moment and stared straight at her with a look of disbelief. But what other emotion seemed to lurk behind those eyes – could it be happiness?

"Miss Elizabeth. It is you," said Mr Darcy as after nearly a whole minute had passed with the two of them locked in each other's gaze, he hurriedly walked up to meet her. "I beg your pardon for staring; I could not believe to find you here, at Netherfield."

"Mr Darcy!" uttered Elizabeth in absolute astonishment; her cheeks glowing red at the remembrance of the images that had just been flitting through her mind's eye and the heat which still flared within her core. "You are come?"

"I am early; I only intended to arrive tomorrow but found that I was able to conclude my business in town much sooner than I had hoped. I am only just now arrived. Charles' man said that he is currently busy with his steward so I thought to stretch my legs in his garden until his meeting was concluded. I see you have had a similar notion."

"Oh! Yes," was the only reply that came to Elizabeth's lips.

"I hope you are well, Miss Elizabeth? And your family is in good health?"

"Indeed, yes sir, we are all in excellent health," stammered Elizabeth. "I am often now at Netherfield – to help Jane with little Charles."

"Of course," said Mr Darcy awkwardly.

After this exchange all dialogue ceased for several minutes. Elizabeth was trying to look at anything other than Mr Darcy's face and Mr Darcy was desperately trying to make Elizabeth look in his eyes without actually taking hold of her face in his hands and bending it to his will. She always did infuriate him!

Eventually after what seemed an age to both parties, Elizabeth broke the silence with more common places. "I trust Georgiana is well?"

"Yes, I believe she is, though I would imagine that you would have better knowledge of her than I do at present. I have not yet had a reply to my last letter to her."

"She wrote to tell me that she is currently residing with your Aunt in London. She is of course too modest to mention it but it would seem by all the accounts of the balls and parties and breakfast's she has been invited to that she is already something of a hit. In truth, even I do not receive such regular correspondence as what I used to get from her but I do not begrudge her her happiness. She is sure to make a wonderful match."

"I believe so," was the only reply Elizabeth received. The silence threatened to overtake them again as they were left still standing apparently frozen, when Mr Darcy, not able to bear the awkwardness any further, suggested a walk through the orchard that bordered the house to one side. Not really thinking about propriety or any other such consideration Elizabeth happily accepted the invitation and walked along side Mr Darcy in silent yet heated anticipation of she knew not what.

No words had been spoken by either of them since they had begun their walk and they were now several yards into the orchard, when Elizabeth could stand the silence no longer.

"I am glad you have finally come back to Hertfordshire Mr Darcy. I feared that it was perhaps my presence that kept you away. Our last words to each other were not very conducive to hope that we should ever have the pleasure of seeing each other again." Elizabeth's speech had started out strong but as the awkwardness of her confession and the intensity of Mr Darcy's eyes seemed to sink in, her courage failed her, and the last few words were uttered in no more than a faint whisper, directed to the grass between her feet.

Eventually, after receiving no answering reply from the gentleman, she braced herself to look up at his face to see if it would betray any outward sign that she was either right or wrong in her assumption.

"Mr Darcy, are you quite well? Indeed, your face seems pale. Perhaps we should turn back to the house?" she asked as she encountered his troubled gaze and ashen visage.

"I am not well Miss Elizabeth, but returning to Netherfield is scarcely likely to make me better." His eyes were jet black and smouldering as they bore into hers and his voice was husky with suppressed passion. He slowly, yet steadfastly, reached out towards Elizabeth and gently cupped her face in his trembling hands. "Lizzy," he sighed.

Elizabeth had no control over her response. Her eyes closed and she buried her cheek in his warm palm. A soft sigh escaping her lips as the months of doubt and worry and pain seemed to melt away at his touch.

"Look at me Lizzy," he commanded in his gentle whisper.

She slowly opened her eyes to stare directly into the eyes of the man she knew to be her equal in life. He drank her in, raking over her face with his fiery glare, until their faces were only a hairsbreadth apart. "You have not forgotten me then, and moved on with your life?" Came the quiet enquiry out of Elizabeth's soft lips.

"It is not possible to forget someone who I love so dearly; who has become as much a part of me as my own flesh and blood. It would be like removing this heart," he said, beating his fist over his chest, "and expecting me to continue living without it. It is a physical impossibility."

"Then you still care for me? I did not drive you away with my thoughtless words?"

"I am here, am I not?"

"But you didn't come! Weeks and months went by, and you didn't come!" spat Elizabeth, her voice finally returning to her as the hurt she had suffered through finally seemed to register in her mind.

"Elizabeth, your words that day at Rosings were not thoughtless, they were true. I was at first hurt by them but I soon realised that if I truly cared for you as much as I had professed to, then I had to leave you be. I had to give you the opportunity to grieve, to heal and to decide whether or not you truly wanted me, rather than feeling as if you owed me a debt of gratitude. I never wanted your gratitude – I only ever wanted your love, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth battered her eyelids as the spark of her love flared into a full-scale blaze. "Well you have my gratitude; gratitude for what you did to restore your fiend to my sister, gratitude for looking after Mr Collins in his final days, for looking after me and befriending me. But above all of this you have my unconditional love, Fitzwilliam."

At these words he enveloped her in his warm embrace. His arms wrapped so tightly around her that she could barely breathe, but she didn't fight him. Instead she clung ever tighter to his torso, burying her head in his chest as the rapid pounding of his heart seemed to echo the beating of her own.

After what could have been several minutes or hours or even several sun-kissed days they finally broke apart, just enough for Mr Darcy to reach his hand under her chin pushing it up towards his face with his thumb and forefinger and whisper; "I love you Lizzy," before touching his heated lips to hers in a kiss that started off gentle and chaste but which increased in passion and fervency with every passing moment in an eager attempt by both parties to make up for lost time.

xxXX THE END XXxx

A/N: I just want to thank everyone who has followed / favourited this story and who have posted reviews. Every review and alert has meant a great deal to me. A special thanks go to Marion, who is currently translating this story into French. She has certainly been one of my most dedicated readers and dare I say Fans! If you enjoyed this story, please go along to the North & South fanfic page and check out my other story –'Poles Apart'. I have only just started this story and though updates may not be as regular as some of you would like, I will try my best to have chapter 2 up in a couple of weeks!

Thanks Again!

Jules.