A weird mix of fluff and angst, of drabble and short story. Have fun reading :)

Logic is such a poor substitute for comfort.

He can't talk himself out of the guilt.

What he sees, every night, what he sees when his denial cracks and memories bleed through…

The Doctor, the Oncoming Storm, Destroyer of Worlds…

How many he's saved, but how many he's killed. How many he's thrown down, how many eyes shut with the Doctor's vengeful brown ones burning down at them.

Nightmares will tell.

Nightmares do tell.

.

Dark, the screaming, the silent, smouldering insanity. She opened her eyes, she crept down the hall, she put her hand to his door. Any other companion, he would have pushed away. But Rose, no - once her voice reached his ears, once he heard her ask him what was wrong - then he broke down.

And Rose saw him. Saw him like he truly was, alone in the shadows. The Doctor, sobbing, reaching out for any shred of comfort he could find, in the dark and the heat of night. A child with a dream that had swallowed up reality.

Her hero, lost in the torture of every accusation his conscience could throw at him.

And she went to him and held him. She wasn't scared, and she didn't shy away from his weakness. He could never tell her how much that meant to him.

"Do you have nightmares like this every night?" she said.

He shook his head, lying to spare her. "No."

And he put his arms around her, and cried while they held each other, and then, at her urging and under the guidance of her gentle encouragement, he started telling her about his dreams. He stopped himself before the worst came. The full fury of a Time Lord's brokenness could kill a human being, snap her mind, so he bit back the words. She kept asking him, kept promising him he could tell her anything, and he kissed her to stop her pleas, because he wouldn't be able to resist them too much longer, and there was no way he was going to lose her. He cried and she cried and he kissed her cheeks and wiped away all the salty tears with his lips.

And then he told her. Not his darkest secret, no - if he whispered his name, there in the night and the dark and the atmosphere of fear and the domain of dreams - well, she'd never be able to look at him again. She'd run and hide and not come back. His second darkest secret, he shared.

"I love you," he told her.

Maybe that confession was too much, because in the morning, neither said anything.

He was worried she didn't feel the same way, that he had frightened her, and when he stayed silent, she assumed he regretted the confession. And eventually the unspoken rule that no one would talk about that night was set in stone. The Doctor didn't kiss her again, not like that. He'd lay his lips on the top of her head, once, twice, in a while, but the great revelation of that night was shut away. He didn't tell her he loved her again, and he forgot and she pushed away the memories, afraid he had only said those things in the blindness of a half-dream.

But every once in a while, there would be some shy, subtle sign - he'd take her hand securely or she'd laugh at him while he blurted volumes of technobabble - and they'd catch each other's eyes and smile.

They were scared and so happy, content and yet so discontent. They didn't want to break the friendship, and even less did each one want to disturb their own fantasies that the other might love them. Asking if it was reality might dissolve the spell.

But they were happy.

And his nightmares stopped.

And for a while, it was all laughter and friendship.

.

And then she was pulled away, and he was more lost than before.

And the nightmares came fast and hard on the heels of her departure. Nightmares that pointed fingers and called him Valeyard... Lord of Dreams... twisted... not the hero but the villain. Nightmares of all the murders and ruined futures, ended lives and ended worlds. Mistakes, but more often, intentional, determined. All those dead fingers pointing in accusation at him.

One particularly black night, he woke covered in sweat, shaking with horror.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry." He brought his knees to his chest, closed his eyes, and fought off the greif and pain. But he knew this would be one of the dreams that stuck.

And so, still muttering futile apologies, he pulled a coat over his pyjamas and went to the TARIDS console... picked up the phone... and did something he'd promised himself he would never do.

The other end rang once, twice, and then the line opened.

"R-Rose?"

"Doctor?"

"I had a nightmare," he whispered.

"Doctor! You can call me!"

She laughed, and then started sobbing. After a minute, when she had regained her voice, she said, "The phone works across dimensions?"

"Yeah," the Doctor said, his voice also full of tears and smiles. "But it sends up a massive signal. It's basically asking for trouble, on your end and mine. I'm - putting you in danger, I should go."

"No," said Rose, clutching the phone. "No, Doctor, don't, don't go!"

"I was hoping you would say that," he said.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked. "You're crying."

"No - no, I'm not. I just -" he drew a breath. "I need you, Rose Tyler."

"Come off it," Rose said. "You don't need me."

"Oh, yes, I do," he said. "And - Rose - remember the time I had… I had a bad dream?"

"Yeah." Her voice was breathless.

"I had another one," he said. "That's… why I called."

"You should have called before, Doctor!"

"No. It's so, so selfish of me to call you like this. You're really vulnerable with this signal going up near you… just… Rose, there was something I had to tell you, and … I needed you to… anyway. Rose, I should have said this again… I shouldn't have let us forget. Listen… I love you."

She started crying again.

"I love you, too," she said.

"Thanks," he whispered. "Thank you. But I don't understand. Rose, I've done so many horrible - awful things! How…"

"Shh," she soothed. "Doctor. I love you, and you are so loveable, Doctor, you're a good man. I wish I could say more, but just remember. I love you, and that's forever."

"Why can't you ... say more?" he said.

"You said this signal attracted trouble - well, here it comes. Being the defender of the universe is a big job for one little girl. I have to go."

"Stay safe - Rose! I - I love you."

And then he hung up.

If it was cheesy - *well* - so is the show, sometimes... admit it :D I'd really appreciate it if you reviewed!

Oh, and I know next to nothing about the Valeyard so I totally could have messed up on the reference to him there. I think he's an incarnation of the Doctor with all his dark qualities accentuated, right?

The line that mentioned "Ended Lives and Ended Worlds" was borrowed from Chameleon Circuit's song "Nightmares".

Some inspiration was drawn from the story "Shining Like Stars, Hearts Like Supernovas" by RennFlight.

Thaaaaank youuuuu readers!