511 I Really Can't Understand

(No really I can't!)

By Emmett Cullen

So I read this book called 511 Things only Women Understand because my wif- I mean my sisters and my girl friend really wanted me to read it. I know this is supposed to be a book report but the problem is that really I couldn't understand this book. It was like it was all in another language. Here's an example of the insanity:

161: how to end the shouting and start the taking.

What the hell does that mean? Shouting is just loud taking. Jacob and Edward do it all the time but they usually wait until Nessie is out of the room. Then Jasper joins in trying to get them to stop shouting cause we all have very sensitive hearing. Then I start shouting random words because I want to be a part of the group and they all look at me like I'm some kind of crazy person. That's usually when the shouting stops.

376: Bubble Baths

Who doesn't understand bubble baths? I love them. Every night when I get home I sit in the bath tub with my little rubber duck and wait for Rosey. She never comes in though because she says grown men don't take bubble baths. If she can take bubble baths, why can't I? It's not like bird flying over rainbows!

224: How you can have a closet stuffed to the walls and still have nothing to wear

Now this one I understand pretty well. I don't want to understand it but I do. I live with 5 women and 4 of them are obsessive shoppers. The last time I took their credit cards it was a complete disaster! Alice tried to shave my head!

Somehow I'm starting to understand this book.