N-E: Merry Christmas everybody. This is a side story for The Dilemma so if you haven't read The Dilemma I suggest you read it before you read this. Disclaimer: Final Fantasy XIII and XIII-2
Rated T: for swearing and sexual references
Description: with the release of XIII-2, Lightning has been very egotistical and mean to the others. However on the night before Christmas she is visited by three ghosts. Will they change her mind? Slight CaiusxLightning and OOCness from Lightning. This fan fiction is based on a Novel by Charles Dickens.
With the release of Final Fantasy XIII-2 the main characters of the first game had forgotten about their quest to find out what the new game was all about and were instead, preparing for Christmas at Lightning's house. Snow and Fang were busy decorating the tree, Sazh and Vanille were putting lights around the living room, Serah was baking gingerbread, Hope was multi-tasking with filling up everyone's stockings and typing a Facebook Status on his phone and Lightning was meant to be writing Christmas cards but instead she was on the internet.
"Decorating Lightning's house With Lightning Farron, Oerba De Vanille, Oerba Yun Fang, Sazh Katzroy, Serah Farron and Snow Villiers" Hope posted as his Facebook Status. He soon received a notification that said "Lightning Farron commented on your status". Hope checked his notification and read Lightning's comment
"I thought I told you to stop tagging us in posts!"
Hope looked around the room to see where Lightning was. The pink haired heroine was on the computer looking up Final Fantasy XIII-2 and turned towards everyone else "looks like my new game has come out" she announced
"OUR new game you mean" Sazh corrected.
Lightning smiled "that's what I said, my new game"
Suddenly a portal appeared in the living room. Ace popped out and waved to everyone. "Hi guys" Ace greeted "can I be in this game"
Lightning got up from her computer and stormed towards the kitchen. Serah had just got the ginger bread out of the oven. She grabbed one of the hot gingerbread men and threw it at Ace. "Sis! Be careful" Serah yelled. "that's still hot"
"GET LOST ACE!" Lightning yelled "GO BACK TO TYPE-O!"
"IT'S TYPE-ZERO!" Ace yelled before screaming in pain. "OOOOW THAT HURTS!" Lightning sighed and closed the portal, forcing Ace to go back to his own game's world.
Snow sighed "sometimes I think we're being too mean to Ace"
"Yeah well his game's stupid" Lightning said.
"It's not stupid" Hope said "I've played the demo, it seems to have a plot and it's not the usual final fantasy kind of plot either"
"that's what they said about Versus XIII" Lightning explained "we all know how that will turn out."
Fang put her hand on Lightning's shoulder "whoa Light, you're being really rude today" she said "Y'know it's almost Christmas, we can go out and have a good time"
Lightning's eyebrow rose "…are you coming onto me?"
Fang's eyebrow also rose "what?" she asked before removing her hand from Lightning "I meant I could take you out to go shopping or fight a behemoth or two"
"NOT INTERESTED!" Lightning yelled "Besides, I have another game that I'm the main character of, this game's going to be all about me"
"actually I heard Serah and some dude named Noel are the main characters" Hope explained "also I get character development"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lightning laughed "Oh Hope, you're adorable!"
Hope's eyebrows furrowed "Light, I'm being serious"
"Man Fang's right" Vanille said "you are being rude today."
"Shut up!" Lightning yelled "It's the holiday season and my new game's come out, meaning I have to spend many days being used for promotions" Lightning then yawned "By the way, I'll need my beauty sleep so you should all work on decorating my house"
"WHAT? THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Sazh complained. "This is YOUR house we're decorating.
"Oh stop complaining!" Lightning yelled "Now get to work and polish my armour!" she said before heading upstairs towards her bedroom.
"I wonder what's wrong with Lightning" Serah asked. "She's not usually mean and vain…well…not THIS mean or vain"
Vanille looked at where Lightning was previously sitting. Recently due to the cold weather, Lightning had a cold and took these cold tablets but those cold tablets looked identical to Vanille's happy pills "uh oh" Vanille said.
"What is it?" Snow asked
"Lightning accidentally mistook her cold tablets for my happy pills" she explained "she's going to go crazy tonight"
Meanwhile
Lightning awoke from her very short slumber and sighed. "Man, I accidently took Vanille's happy pills again" she said to herself. "I always go crazy on those happy pills" she lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling "and I get a little horny too, hopefully I don't see any men til the morning."
"Good evening Lightning" a mysterious yet strangely familiar voice had said. She looked up and saw a man wearing a leather suit, similar to Kadaj in Advent children, and he had purple hair and tanned skin.
"Who the hell are you?" Lightning yelled.
"It's me" the man said "Caius"
Lightning eyebrows furrowed in thought "sorry that doesn't ring a bell"
Caius sighed "I can't believe you already forgot who I am" he complained "We had an 8 chaptered fan fiction about us figuring out the plot of Final Fantasy XIII-2 by watching trailers" he explained "Remember? Ace and Noctis wanted to kill us and Sephiroth wanted to sue us for copyright…and Snow was David Bowie and Hope hit Puberty"
Lightning shook her head "nup, sorry I don't remember you"
Caius palm met his forehead "oh right, you don't remember" he said as he suddenly remembered that the guys at Square Enix reloaded the game and almost everyone forgot what happened.
Lightning sat up on her bed "why are you in my room anyway?" she asked "wow never thought I'd have a guy in my room" she said aloud "wanna do something?"
Caius's eyebrow rose "are you coming onto me?"
Lightning gave him a suggestive grin "well I'm dreaming anyway, so where do you wanna do it?"
Caius's eyes widened as he stepped away from Lighting "you're crazy"
Lightning licked her lips and advanced towards him "you're sexy" she said very seductively and pulled him closer to her
Caius remembered why he was there in the first place and pushed Lightning away gently "look Lightning! Lately you've been kind of a bitch so the authoress decided to rip off a classic Christmas tale and tonight you'll be visited by three ghosts." He explained
Lightning's facial expression returned to normal "obviously this is written by some bored teenage fan girl who needs a life"
Caius nodded "yep pretty much"
Lightning sighed "kay fine, I'll go along with this bored fan girl's fantasies"
Caius nodded "good choice"
Lightning smiled and advanced towards him again "y'know, you are in my room and all" she said as she stroked his cheek "this could turn into a dirty and very heavily descripted sex fan fiction"
Caius sighed and pushed her aside again "Let's keep this Fan Fiction PG rated okay?"
Lightning stepped away from Caius "right"
"y'know you're starting to sound like Fang there" Caius said "she used to keep hitting on me before Square reloaded the game." He muttered "God I'm I just going to keep getting hit on by these women" he then shrugged "oh well,it could be worst, I could be getting hit on by men, in which more fan service will appear"
"You called?" another mysterious voice said. This time it was Cid Raines leaning against the door of Lightning's room
"wow, this is one awesome dream" Lightning thought aloud "Lightning Farron is going to be in a sandwich" she smirked "which one of you guys brought the chocolate sauce?"
Caius groaned "honestly do pay attention" he growled "geez not only are you being a bitch, you're being a horny bitch"
Lightning bit her lip very seductively "is that turning you on dear Caius?" she asked.
Caius felt his cheeks heat up. He then shook off the thought and stormed out of Lightning's room "I'm outta here!"
Cid thought it was time to introduce himself "I'm Cid Raines, I'm the ghost of Christmas past"
Lightning's eye widened "wow I need to lay off Vanille's happy pills. I'm starting to hallucinate"
"I'm here to show you Christmas for you last year, When Serah invited Snow and Team NORA" Cid explained
"really?" Lightning complained "That was the worst Christmas ever.
Cid grabbed Lightning's hand "oh shut up! You're watching this flash back whether you like it or not" He then took her to a portal and took her to the past.
Last year
Lightning saw all the food that Serah put on the table. There was a lot, almost too much for two girls to eat "wow Serah, you sure cooked a lot" she said.
"yeah I'm going to have people over today" Serah explained
Lightning wondered who she could've possibly invited. She then came up with a conclusion "you don't mean…"
suddenly the front door burst open. A familiar blonde haired man walked through the door "WHAT'S UP?" he yelled.
Lightning groaned "oh great" she said "it's that bandana wearing idiot that you agreed to date"
Snow wasn't alone though. Team NORA decided to join the Farron sisters for Christmas dinner. Yuuj walked in and looked at Lightning. "wow Lightning, I like what you do with your hair"
Marqui smelled the aroma of Christmas dinner "mmmmm that smells good" Marqui said.
Gadot joined Marqui in smelling the aroma "damn Snow" he said "you're dating an awesome cook"
Lebreau also smelled Christmas dinner "wow that smells deli-"
"SHUT UP SLUT!" Gadot yelled
Lebreau placed her hands on her hips "WHAT THE FUCK?" she yelled in anger "I DON'T SLEEP AROUND YOU STUPID PIN HEAD! And who are you to talk? You're exposing you're chest" She looked at Gadot's exposed tanned, ripped chest "you're nice well toned chest"
Gadot raised a brow "are you coming onto me?"
Lebreau gave him a coy smile "kind of…."
Gadot took Lebreau's hand and winked at her. They both disappeared from the living room and Lightning let out a deep sigh "GREAT! NOW THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE SEX!" She yelled in frustration "BEST CHRISTMAS EVER! NOT!"
Marqui cocked his head to the side "what's sex?" he asked
"Well Marqui" Snow started to explain "when a man and a woman love each other very much, or they're very drunk, they…."
1 hour later
"and remember Marqui, always use protection" Snow said as he concluded his explanation of what sex is. Marqui was sitting in a corner of the living room rocking back and forth and stuttering nonsense.
"Seriously?" Lightning groaned "First my cat gets murdered now you've scarred the poor boy for life"
"what cat?" Yuuj asked.
Lightning glared at Yuuj "Tittles! You murdered Tittles on my 20th birthday party"
Serah sighed "here we go" she thought aloud "I hear a lecture about her dead cat once a day" she explained "by the way this is foreshadowing for the up and coming prequel"
Cid and the present Lightning watched the scene "as you can see, this is how mean you were last year" Cid explained.
"but that was only last year!" Lightning explained "Tittles was only murdered a few months before hand"
Cid sighed and took her to another portal "fine, I'll take you to one of your childhood Christmases"
8 years ago
Ten-year-old Serah didn't cook as much for Christmas dinner as she did in the other flash back. Thirteen-year-old Lightning walked downstairs and smelt the food. "Mmm this is good" Lightning said. "Did you make this?"
"Yeah" Serah answered.
Lightning looked at the food and wondered why there was a third plate on the table "…please tell me you didn't invite any strangers again"
Serah's raised an eyebrow "what? Why would I do that?" she asked
Lightning sighed with relief "good" she said. Lightning pointed to the third plate "wait…then why is there a third plate on the table?"
Just as she said that the front door burst open. A tall and big blonde haired boy walked through the door. This boy was taller than average and he wore a huge trench coat "WHAT'S UP?" 13-year-old Snow yelled.
Lightning freaked out "WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY?" she yelled.
"This is Snow" Serah explained "he's from your school"
Lightning shot a glare at Serah "I said no strangers!"
"He's not a stranger" Serah explained "I know who he is"
"well I don't" Lightning yelled "kick him out"
Snow's eyebrow rose "um Lightning, how could you not know me?" he asked "We're in the same class."
Lightning looked confused "what? I don't remember you!"
"We're in the same homeroom" he explained
Lightning cocked her head to the side "I don't recall you being there"
Snow furrowed his eyebrows "…you're weird"
"so are you" Lightning said "now where's my presents"
"Lightning!" Serah snapped "Don't be rude"
"um, I didn't think I'd be coming over" Snow explained "it was kind of last minute so…"
Lightning pointed to the front door "Get the fuck out"
Snow looked to Serah who was looking embarrassed and then to Lightning who at the age of thirteen still had that scowl on her face "okay…" he said as he strolled towards the front door
"Lightning!" Serah complained. "Snow's an orphan! He doesn't have anywhere else to go this Christmas"
"doesn't he have an orphanage to go to?" Lightning asked.
Serah shot a glare towards Lightning. "This is Christmas, you could at least behave"
Cid and Lightning watched from a safe distance "wow" Cid said "you were such a little bitch back then"
Lightning sighed "I guess I was, but I was only thirteen, I've grown up since then"
Cid placed his hands on his hips "oh really?" he asked "want to see what happens to you afterwards."
Lightning shrugged "well while I'm here I may as well"
Lightning opened up the present Serah got her "oh my god!" Lightning gasped "Serah got me a toy gunblade! Wow she DOES know me well"
Present Lightning watched past Lightning play with her toy gunblade "I want that toy gunblade" she said "Cid, go steal that toy gunblade from that girl"
"HAVE YOU LEARNT NOTHING?" Cid yelled in frustration.
"yeah" Lightning answered "never let Serah run Christmas dinner, she keeps inviting weirdos"
Cid's palm met his face "hopefully the ghost of Christmas present may help"
Lightning's eye brow raised "the ghost of Christmas what?"
Back at Lightning's room
Lightning was suddenly transported back to her bedroom "wow…that was a weird dream" she said. Lightning looked at her clothes and realised she was still in her guardian corp uniform. She thought the reason why she didn't sleep well was because she wasn't wearing anything comfortable. Lightning yawned and almost removed her shirt, only to hear someone scream.
"OH GOD!" Caius screamed and covered his eyes. "I'M STILL HERE!"
"Oh hey Caius" Lightning said, not sounding so bothered about almost stripping in front of him but instead happy about it. "Did you wanna take it off"
"Honestly what is with this woman tonight?" Caius thought aloud. "no put your shirt back on!"
Lightning groaned and put her shirt back on. "you're no fun. Why are you still here?" she asked.
"I have to stay around until you've learnt your lesson" Caius explained
"I know, I've been a bad girl" she gave Caius another coy smile "a very bad girl, I need a spanking"
Caius's eyebrow rose "why are you so…sexually active tonight?" he asked
"I accidently took Vanille's happy pills and that can make me go either crazy or horny" Lightning explained "or both. Either way I go out of character"
"yoohoo" Vanile waved as she strolled into Lightning's room
Lightning jumped in front of Caius "BACK OFF! HE'S MY SEXY MAN BEAST!"
Vanille looked at the man behind Lightning "who are you?" she asked.
"I'M CAIUS!" Caius yelled, sounding frustrated that no one remembered him "I'M THE MAIN VILLAIN TO THE SEQUEL!"
"We have a sequel?" Vanille screamed out of shock.
"Why are you here anyway?" Lightning asked
"I'm the ghost of Christmas present" Vanille explained.
"You sure you're not here to make a Caius sandwich with me?" Lightning asked
"CAN YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH ME?" Caius yelled "IT'S CREEPING ME OUT!"
Lightning twirled a strand of her hair with her finger "c'mon, you're liking this aren't you?" she asked
Caius's cheeks felt warm and he felt a twitch under his eye "…well…I'm out of here!" he screamed as he vanished out of her room again.
"Now Lightning!" Vanille explained "Because you were so rude this Christmas eve, I've come to show you what our friends are up to" Vanille took Lightning through a portal to the living room
Lightning's living room
Lightning remembered that her friends were downstairs decorating her house "Wait…can't they see us?" she asked Vanille
"Nope!" Vanille said.
"Hang on…if you're with me, then who's that?" Lightning pointed at the present Vanille who was helping Sazh set up the lights.
"oh that's the real me" Vanille explained "The one you're talking to is just a spirit"
Snow had Lightning's armour for the new game out on the table "wow, why does she even wear this armour?" he asked "It's so heavy"
Fang shrugged "I don't know, but when she puts it on there's a random wing attached to it"
Snow chuckled "seriously?"
"yeah" Fang said "seen the pictures?" Fang got out her phone and showed Snow pictures of Final Fantasy XIII-2 and they both laughed.
"hey!" Lightning yelled "I look pretty damn awesome in that armour"
"Man why is Lightning so rude tonight?" Sazh asked as he was setting up the Christmas lights
Vanille sighed "my happy pills give her side effects. She could either be rude, crazy or extremely horny"
"horny?" Snow said sounding confused "Never seen her horny."
"yeah she's always so soldier like" Sazh said "didn't even think she liked men…or women"
Lightning placed her hands on her hips "Can't help it if there aren't many decent guys in this game to ship me with" she said but of course, none of them could hear her.
Hope shuddered with fear "I don't really want to see her horny to tell you the truth"
Fang shrugged. "At least the princess is fast asleep" she said. "while she's gone let's talk about her"
Lightning's eyes widened "wait what?"
"yeah!" Snow yelled "C'mon Serah's old enough to marry me" he complained "it ain't illegal…even though people think Serah looks like she's 14 and I look like I'm 28"
"What's Lightning's problem anyway" Hope argued "she's not even an original character, they based her off Cloud Strife"
"yeah with that whole ex-soldier thing" Sazh said in agreement "She's not even the main character to this sequel. It's Serah and Noel….who ever that is"
Fang was busy polishing Lightning's armour "man I hate polishing!" she complained "Almost as much as I hate Lightning's attitude"
"wow" Lightning said sounding surprised "I didn't think they hated me that much"
"oh they're just mad at you for being a vain, selfish, horny bitch" Vanille said, still with a happy and cheerful voice.
"way to put it nicely" Lightning said sarcastically "what am I meant to learn from this anyway?"
"to stop being so vain and be nicer to your friends" Vanille answered
Lightning folded her arms across her chest and sighed "if I told you I learnt my lesson can we leave?"
Vanille gave her another cheerful grin "SURE!"
Lightning's room
Lightning sighed with relief. There was no sign of anyone, not even Vanille or Caius "oh goody I'm back in my room"
"so learn anything?" Caius asked. Lightning turned around and spotted Caius sitting on her bed with a bored expression on his face.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" Lightning screamed.
"In this story I'm just a spirit helping you change" Caius answered. "Did you learn anything or what?"
Lightning nodded "yeah, my friends are really mean"
"well that's because you were being mean to them before" Caius answered
Lightning screwed up her face "by the way, I thought you left"
"I was hoping that you're side effects from those pills would've faded" Caius said, sounding a little hopeful
Lightning thought about it for a moment "they haven't"
"oh" Caius said sounding a little surprised "how can you tell?"
Lightning gave him a coy smile "Because I still want you to strip"
"no" Caius answered bluntly "besides I can't take off my clothes they're really tight"
Lightning winked at him "that's what you're going to say 'bout me later"
Caius let out a heavy sigh "can this future ghost come over already?"
Lightning raised a brow "what future ghost?" she asked.
"Lightning!" A young man yelled with excitement. He looked like Squall Leonhart except he was happier and he wore blue. It almost looked similar to Fang's costume "Long time no see"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Lightning screamed.
"it's me Noel" Noel said with a smile on his face "the last human left on Gran Pulse in the distant future" he explained "I went to the past to give your sister a moogle that turns into a bow and help her find you"
Lightning laughed in amusement "that is the most ridiculous story ever"
Noel placed his hands on his hips "really, 'cause it's kind of true"
Lightning's smile faded away as her eyes widened in shock "wait what?"
Noel grabbed Lightning's hand and walked her towards the Time gate "I'm going to dramatically change your character at the last minute!"
XIII-2
Lightning was taken to the future where a new town was built on Gran Pulse named New Bodhum
"hey Serah" Noel said and pointed towards the time gate "let's go find your sister"
Serah nodded in agreement "yeah!"
Lightning's eyes widened in shock "wait" she yelled "what is this shit?"
"this is the near future" Ghost of Christmas Future noel explained "where Serah's a playable character"
"AS IF!" Lightning yelled "SERAH CAN'T FIGHT!"
Various scenes of Final Fantasy XIII-2's game play was shown and Serah was fighting with expertise
Lightning looked a little surprised "or maybe she can" she thought aloud "wait, where am I in all this?" she asked Noel
"oh well y'know, in Valhalla" he explained "versing Caius, serving an empty chair, only there to narrate the story and give this a plot"
Lightning raised a brow "but aren't I the main character?"
"actually no" he explained "Serah and I get more screen time, hell maybe even Hope gets more screen time"
"no wait, it won't be final fantasy XIII if I wasn't there as much" Lightning screamed "I CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN! I CAN CHANGE!"
Christmas day
Lightning shot up from her bed. She looked around and sighed with relief "damn that is one weird dream" she said "too bad Caius didn't lecture me hard if you know what I mean"
"honestly you have a one track mind!" Caius said. "This isn't part of your character"
Lightning blinked a couple of times "wow I'm still dreaming"
Caius groaned "you were never dreaming!"
"sure thing" Lightning smirked "by the way, the handcuffs are in my drawer and the whipped cream is downstairs"
Caius sighed and opened a portal "I'm outta here" he waved "see you in Valhalla. Oh by the way" He grabbed a pebble out of his pocket and threw it at Lightning "this might prove you're awake"
"Oww! That hurt" Lightning whined but then she realised "wait…I wasn't dreaming? OH MY GOD! I'M SORRY FOR COMING ONTO YOU! I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING!"
"well you weren't" Caius grinned before leaving Lightning's room.
Lightning rubbed her head "damn that bastard" she cursed. She yawned and walked towards her window. She opened it and saw Hope shoveling snow off the pavement "YOU BOY!" she yelled
"I have a name" Hope growled
"what day is it today?" she asked
"it's Christmas day" he answered "can't believe you of all people would've forgotten"
"excellent!" Lightning muttered "Hope come inside and invite everyone over for Christmas!" she yelled.
"even team NORA?" he asked.
"ESPECIALLY TEAM NORA!" she yelled. She closed her window and strolled towards the hallway. Lightning felt good about herself. She never felt more alive. "morning sis!" Snow grinned.
"MORNING BRO!" Lightning said happily
Snow's eyes widened in shock "wait, you actually let me call you sis?"
Lightning patted him on the back "of course! Why wouldn't i? You're marrying Serah so we're going to be bro and sis!"
"ALRIGHT!" Snow yelled in joy. Lightning skipped downstairs towards the kitchen to greet her sister.
"morning Light" Serah greeted
Lightning chucked "please Serah" she said "you already know my name is Claire. In fact" She ran outside her house "EVERYBODY CALL ME CLAIRE FROM NOW ON!"
The whole neighbourhood cheered. "Yay!" Everyone that ever appeared in the game cheered, even the people from Type-0 and Versus XIII were there, cheering at the fact that they can call her 'Claire', that was until Lightning woke up again.
Reality
Lightning shot out of her bed and screamed so loud she probably woke up the whole neighbourhood. "!"
Serah ran into Lightning's room "Lightning are you okay?" she asked.
Lightning nodded "I just had a weird dream that's all"
Serah sat on her bed "what was it about?"
"apparently there was a sequel to this game and so I was being egotistical and I had accidently taken Vanille's happy pills" Lightning explained.
"ooooh" Serah cringed "yeah that stuff makes you act weird."
Lightning nodded "anyway some dude named Caius visited me and since those happy pills make me horny I came onto him"
Serah's eyes widened "oh god you didn't have dream sex with Caius did you?"
Lightning shook her head "no"
Serah sighed with relief "oh good"
"anyway I was visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future…who were Cid, Vanille and Noel…whoever that is. Noel showed me the near future where you're the main playable character of Final Fantasy XIII-2 and I awoke from that dream and I was being nice to everyone. Even Snow, I let him call me sis and I let everyone call me Claire" Lightning shuddered in disgust "God I hate that name"
"wow that must've been hard" Serah said
Lightning sighed "I know"
"good thing that was all a dream except for the part about the sequel"
Lightning nodded in agreement until she realised what Serah just said "wait what…hang on?" She pointed at Serah's clothes "Why are you in a new costume?"
"greetings Kupo!" A moogle with a crystal on it's head instead of a pom pom waved "My name is Mog"
The same brown haired man burst through the door "gooooood morning sunshine!" he then pointed to himself "I'm Noel"
"what is this?" Lightning yelled
"we're the main playable characters of Final Fantasy XIII-2" Serah explained
Lightning's palm met her forehead "you've got to be kidding"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS KUPOS!" Mog waved
"and remember buy our new game" Noel said "or at least pre-order"
Merry christmas and a happy new year kupos! Thank you for supporting me this year and I hope next year you'll enjoy the prequel "Fail Fantasy XIII". Please Review and let me know what you think. Constructive critisms are welcome, flaming is not.