The writer's head hit the keyboard with a steady smack, smack, smack, causing a garbled mess of letters to appear on the screen.
Well, that didn't work. Time to check "Type like a pony" off of the list of ways to get out of writer's block.
"Well hey there! What's the matter?"
Oh for the love of Celestia- don't tell me I'm writing-
"Yep, you really are!"
But I-
"Didn't even say that you were writing a story where you talk to Pinkie Pie? Sure, it's maybe a bit cliché, but oh well! I like it!"
Yeah, but I promised myself that I would have chapter 3 of The Honeymoon posted, and Jace In Ponyville's chapter 3 off to Ava Nova!
"Well, what's stopping you?"
If I knew that, I wouldn't be stuck, now would I?
"Well, I guess you're right! Maybe you could just do a Christmas story instead?"
I pointed to the giant pile of crumpled up sheets of paper.
"Oh. Right. So THAT'S why you're resorting to this."
Yep, pretty much.
"Maybe you should just take a break?"
That's what was first on my list. It's been over two weeks. I think. I haven't counted.
"Oh. Well, then why not just do an interview of me and you?"
That sounds like one of the most self-serving things I have ever heard of.
"Right. Ya know, you probably won't get any ideas from me, considering you're writing everything I say."
I know. But hey, The Writer's Guide to Getting Unstuck said that sometimes it's okay to just write a conversation between you and a character- posting it on FanFiction is another matter entirely.
"Why not interview Fluttershy then? I'm certain you'd enjoy that! Plus, you wouldn't have to follow the cliché!"
That's what I thought. But she ran away the second I said "Hi."
"Oh, Rainbow Dash? Or maybe Applejack?"
They're somewhat mad at me. Especially Rainbow Dash for not telling her who Applejack's ex was.
"What about Rarity?"
Eh. I'll try her later.
"Big Macintosh? What about him? You wrote your first story almost exclusively from his over the shoulder view.
Nah. I've written too much about him. Plus I'd be too tempted to make all his answers "Eeyup" or "Nope". Besides, he's trying to get Fluttershy out from under my couch.
"But the best interviewers-"
Make only questions their interviewees want to expand on. Again- MAJOR BRAIN FART GOING ON RIGHT HERE.
"Well, you've got some homework you could do!"
Pinkie, please.
"Why not just post whatever you did write and see how the readers like it?"
Fine. I'll post that later. Though Celestia knows they won't like it. But for right now, I'm enjoying this.
"Ewwwwwwww- out of context, that could sound so wrong!"
…
"What? You set out to get SOMETHING on the internet, I'm just filling in the space!"
Great. Just blatantly TELL them I have nothing to go on.
"You're welcome!"
Ya know, this is one of those times I wish I had a commission to work on.
"Yeah, but you don't have any!"
PLEASE, SEND ME SOME PEOPLE.
"What? Why are you saying that?"
Well, they're going to see this, so I don't see why not. Sure, it sounds desperate, BUT I AM.
"Thmk yuv erry uch!"
What are you- oh, my mom gave you some sugar cookies.
"Yeah, and they were delicious! OOOOH! And that gives me an idea!"
What's that?
"Why not just convert YOUR Christmas to pony Christmas?"
Well, that would be about that time too late, because, ya know, the point of a Christmas story is to get it out BEFORE Christmas.
"Right. Well, I'm out of ideas."
Want to go caroling?
"Are you crazy? I'm a figment of your-"
"Sweetie, are you talking with yourself again?"
Yes Mom! But I have a reason this time!
"All right, but you had better not get all creepy like you did last time!"
"Wow, your mom sure seems odd! I mean really, I just said hi to her like four minutes ago!"
Trust me, she can get very odd at times.
"I don't think being odd is a bad thing!"
Wait- Fluttershy? You're out from beneath my bed?
"Oh, well, I just saw your violin and was going to ask if you would mind me looking at it… if that's okay with you."
My violin? THAT'S why you're out here?
"Oh, um- yes, I- I…"
Listen, you can set the thing on fire and I wouldn't mind. Go ahead.
"…yay…"
"She plays violin?"
Well, she DID go to a Prep school.
"Yeah, but that's not canon yet!"
I know, it's entirely my thing. But- again- I CONTROL EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"Well, not entirely…"
Okay, in this STORY I control everything.
"Not entirely…"
Wat 'chu talkin' bout?
"Well, that anvil hanging above your head that won't snap until you look up for one."
What are you- HOLY HAY.
"See? I told you!"
Yeah, but now my chair's broken!
"Sorry! I can't help it where Gummy hangs his anvil collection!"
In my HOUSE?
"Okay, okay, so maybe I should get the rest of them down now…"
The rest of them?
"Yeah, I sorta helped him hang a couple above your bed."
Ya know, I wish I knew whether I was sane by this point.
"Yeah, but you don't for right now!"
"Eeyup!"
Darn it, Big Macintosh! I was trying to AVOID pushing that meme- or whatever the hay you want to call it- any more!
"Nope!"
GOSH DARN IT! THAT'S IT! I'M OUT OF HERE!
"Oops. Did I do that?"
"Oh, hi there Steve!"
*Hurrrr!* *Hurrrr!* START YOU DARN ENGINE!
"Eeyup. Howdy."
"Do you guys know where neighbor Winslow is?"
"Yeah, and he asked me to do something… something involving you…"
"Where is he?"
"Down in the basement!"
"Thank you very much!"
Okay, now we've got people from Family Matters in here. What next?
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Great. Now Link is here too. *Slam*
Pinkie, how many people did you invite over here?
"Oh, only those three! Oh, and Optimus Prime!"
GOSH DARN IT! THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
"Oh, come on! The party's just getting started!"
Yeah, well, now I'm writing the ending.
"Okay, see ya!"
Wait, what?
"Well, you're writing the ending, so we're leaving!"
Okay. See you next time.
"See ya!"
*Author's note: OKAY. I admit: not what I usually write. But, do take that hint seriously: I AM OPEN TO COMISSIONS. Anyway, see ya!