A/N: The result of my friend and I doing writing exercises together. I need help.

"Suzaku…can I ask you a question?" Lelouch asked. Now was probably the worst time in the history of the world to ask such a question, but something had popped up and it could not be prolonged any longer.

Even if the entire Student Councel was giving him weird looks as he ushered Suzaku out of the room, all the while trying his best to control his situation.

When they made it out to the hallway, Lelouch mentally prepped himself to ask the most embarrassing question of his life. But he was about to ask it anyway.

"Do you ever get…urges?" Lelouch questioned, trying his best to phrase it in a politically correct manner.

"What kind of urges?" Suzaku questioned, but then he saw what Lelouch's textbook was doing a terrible job at covering, and then his mouth flew open in recognizition.

"Ohhhhh." he said, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"It isn't funny." Lelouch said, his face turning redder by the moment.

"My, my. Isn't our little Lelouch growing up?" Suzaku said, smug, "I'll…cover for you. But go take care of that, won't you?"

Confusion briefly crossed Lelouch's violet gaze, but was then replaced by determination.

Suzaku walked down the hallway, laughing, but then he heard Lelouch clear his throat.

"What is it?" he called down the hallway.

"Well…erm…how do I take care of this?" Lelouch asked.

And that did it. Because Suzaku was on the ground, clutching his stomach, and rolling around in what appeared to be uncontrollable laughter.

"It's not funny." Lelouch whined, but his best friend was still laughing.

"So, you're brilliant at everything, yet you don't have the sexual knowledge given to a pre-pubescent child?"

"I have the odd feeling your making fun of me." Lelouch said, and Suzaku just shook his head in response.

He jotted down the address to a few sites and put them in his friend's hands, "Have fun! Oh, and make sure to delete your web browser."

Lelouch stared down in confusion for a few minutes, before calling out, "Um, Suzaku? What's the XXX stand for?"

Suzaku laughed in response and then walked away.

Lelouch locked himself in his room and pulled out his laptop. The whole walk home he was trying to think his little problem away but it only got worse. With a sigh, he typed in the first address.

"What kind of website names themselves YOUJIZZ dot com?" he mumbled to himself as he clicked enter.

And was then bombarded by bunch of pictures of naked woman.

He clicked on the first video, which was called "A Tale of Two Titties" which he thought was a very terrible pun.

He watched as a really…um…big-busted woman engaged in very bad acting with a very….well-developed male. And then clothes started coming off.

"Lelouch? What's that noise?" said a frail voice from outside of his door.

Nunally, he thought.

"Um, nothing!" he quickly put his earphones in and prayed she wasn't smart enough to realize what was going on.

He watched the whole thing from beginning to end, but just felt really odd afterward. And it didn't fix his problem at all, so he texted Suzaku about it like all good friends do.

Lelouch: I tried what u said but my problem's still there.

Suzaku: Really? Jacking off to a good video always does the trick for me.

Lelouch: Wats jacking off?

Suzaku: Im not having this conversation with u.

Lelouch: HELP ME OUT.

Suzaku: This isn't my department.

Lelouch: It's not exactly like I had a Dad around to talk to me about this stuff, ya know. If you recall, he was a bit of a dick.

Suzaku: HAHA…dick.

Angrily, Lelouch shut his phone and tossed it back onto his desk. His next destination? Google.

"JACKING OFF" he typed in, accidently leaving the caps on.

What he found had been a simple enough definition: stimulating your penis with your hand to cause orgasm and ejaculation.

But then he made the mistake of going onto images and spent the next fifteen minutes crying.

"I'm over it." he told himself, blowing his nose with a tissue, "I'm a big kid now."

He hoped maybe that had helped to get rid of his problem, but it was still there, and making it incredibly uncomfortable to move.

Feeling ready to tackle on this milestone in his life, he began to text Suzaku again for support.

Lelouch: I read that you're supposed to think about things while you jack off. What do U think about?

Suzaku: Don't u think that's a bit personal.

Lelouch: NO SECRETS BETWEEN FRANDS.

Suzaku: Um, what I did that day. Walking the dog, things like that(:

Lelouch: rly?

Suzaku: Yeah. It's a turn on.

Suzaku was at the student councel meeting chuckling to himself, and no one knew why. Milly made a grab at his phone, but he simply put it in his pocket and smiled at her, batting his eyelashes and feigning innocence. Begrudgingly, she continued on about budgeting.

As Lelouch jacked off his mind wandered to many things. He thought about what he had for breakfast that morning, he thought about maybe buying a pet lizard beause lizards were cool, and if his income would allow it, then he hit the jack pot: he thought about taking over the world.

This was such a turn on for him that he increased the rhythm of his strokes and breathing laboriously.

Just then C.C. invited herself into his room.

"Lelouch, I've been meaning to talk to you. We don't have enough piz-" she stopped as she saw his lower half wrapped in sheets, and his hair a mess. He had a book open in front of him.

"What were you doing?" she asked, amused.

"Reading." he answered.

"Then why is the book upside down?" she questioned.

When he stammered a reply, she called out, "BUSTED." and then walked out of the room.

Lelouch thought about continuing, but then he looked down and realized his problem was gone. C.C. really killed the mood.

Feeling triumphant even though he didn't succeed at doing anything, he began to text Suzaku.

Lelouch: I took care of my problem (:

Suzaku: I'm…glad?

Lelouch: A girl helped me.

Suzaku dropped his phone and gasped in shock.

It was simply a matter of time. The only thing that bothered him was this: How the hell did Lelouch get laid before he did?

"Do you have something to share, Suzaku?" Milly asked.

"No." Suzaku said, looking a bit green in the face.

A/N: In my head this happened somewhere in the series. No joke. This. Is. Canon. :DD

I hope you enjoyed it.