Truth Or Dare!

Dark hallways, lined by torches placed sparsely enough so that you knew only generally where you were going, whizzed past as with the speed of a running elf, Eragon, in the company of of his indentured ser-loyal friend Saphira, Princess of the Elves, Arya, Her mother and Queen of the Elves, Izlanzadi, Traitor-turned-suspicious-good-guy, Murtagh, Murtagh's indentured ser-loyal friend Thorn and Leader of the Rebellion, Luke Sky- Lady Nasuada.

Not stopping, they quickly reached the large black doors that they guessed opened into the throne room, because if it's a huge set of fucking doors well doesn't that just kill all of the worry about where you fucking are.

Ahem, moving on.

Oh, right!

Taking a second to catch their collective breath, they line up in front of it and are about to break the door down when, suddenly, the door slowly creaks open of it's own volition. Assuming that this means that they WON'T be obliterated the moment they all rush in at the same time, they do exactly that.

After a headlong rush into the room, they don't even make it halfway to the throne before they are met with the oddest sight that they could claim at that time as to having been the oddest site...at that time. Sitting at a table in front of the huge, multi-tiered golden-ruby-emerald dais that holds the most bad-guy looking throne ever seen, is none other than the baddest guy ever seen.

Yes, they're now face to face with their enemy, their arch-rival, their entire worlds source of pain and suffering for last hundred years and the reason that there are only two dragons left in the world that wouldn't eat you the moment they saw you. Yes, the most feared man in the world, comparable to a god, with the battle-to-end-all-battles raging outside his very gates...is wearing a party hat and waving happily to the people who are holding swords with imma-kill-you written all over their faces.

Shaking off their initial disbelief at the sheer unreality of the situation, they each let out their own war cry and charge heroically at their nemesis, prepared to enter into the conflict of their liv-

SNAP

They freeze before any one of them could even take a step. Okay, so far, not to plan.

Standing up and still with the party hat sitting at a jovial angle on his head, the Dark Lord, The Evil King, the Scourge Of The Riders...said to them,

"Hello, how are you today? Nice weather we're having isn't it?"

Silence from his captives, they wouldn't give him the satisfaction, they wouldn't crack, they would defy him until the en-

"Yeah, it's pretty good."

They all turned to and fro, trying to find the source of the deep voice that had just resounded through all their heads. Finally, they spot the culprit, looking straight at him...then up...then up...then up...then up until Galbatorix has to tilt them with his magic so they can see the ceiling with their eyes, still unable to move.

Finally making eye-contact, they come face to face with a creature even more infamous than the Black King himself. Shruikan, wearing his own oversized party hat. Bringing his head down until it was sitting on the floor directly behind the table, obscuring the throne, the dragon took in the sight with his house sized eye.

"Hello, long time no see...ever."

Galbatorix acted like he had only just seen the dragon, introducing each other as casually as one in this sort of situation would expect.

"Oh, yes, sorry old boy. Shruikan, meet nice people. Nice people, meet Shruikan."

The dragon flapped a large clawed foot at them in a doleful wave, creating a small gale with the action, before returning back to his previous position curled up behind the throne. Now that introductions were out of the way, Galbatorix decided to move things along. Clapping his hands, he walked back to the table, his prisoners floating along behind him like several very detailed anatomically correct balloons.

When he reached the table, he sat down at his chair, obviously a large, high-backed thing and all those under his thrall did the same, being forced into their chairs and held down, sitting neatly postured with their backs straight and their hands in their laps.

Looking happily around the table, the King started talking.

"Now then, while we wait for our other guests to arrive, is everyone comfortable, would anyone like a glass of water?"

As one could expect, this question wasn't met popularly, in fact, it was met with a barrage of words that had mothers the world over glaring at nothing, profound disapproval radiating off them. The king's smile never faltered however as he calmly replied once they used up their store of insults.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, it seems that we may not be able to retain a sense of civility with each other. And here I was, hoping that I wouldn't have to slowly peel the skin off of you one at a time."

Silence, when suddenly!

"Ah, the rest of our company arrives!"

He didn't even look in their direction, but at that moment, in ran Angela, Solembum, Orik and Nar Gharzvog. They didn't even have time to process what they were looking at before they quickly learned to fly, soon finding themselves forcibly seated with the rest of their party.

Clapping his hands together in a way that the King was starting to worry was becoming a habit, he eased up a bit on the magic holding them to their seats, allowing them to move their hands and feet, but still keeping their backs stuck to the backs of their respective chairs.

"Okay, now that we're all here, all comfy and all have our glasses of water',

'SNAP' Before each of them, a glass appears,

'we can begin!"

He was about to go on but Angela suddenly jumped up from her seat and flew at Galbatorix, Solembum at her side and Tinkledeath in her hand. With a smug grin, the King casually raised his hand and in a flash, the two were again restrained to their seats. Crossing her arms and pouting slightly, Angela glared at him.

"I hope you know that I wasted a perfectly good potion for that little escape trick."

Galbatorix's oh so witty response? He stuck his tongue out at the witch. After that amazing show of maturity, he turns his attention back to the group at large and see all of them with their hands on their weapons, glaring at him, waiting for the moment that they could strike and a certain dwarf that had actually taken his axe out from the holster on his back and was leaning towards the king with it outstretched, as if he could kill him if he touched him with the pointy end before he overbalanced and slammed his face into the table.

Sighing, the King grabbed the bridge of his nose between his right hand's thumb and forefinger, acting exasperated.

"You know, all I want to do is play a little game, if that's too hard for all of you I might as well just kill you all now."

He raised his left hand as if to carry out the threat and that's when everyone jumped forwards at once, each saying that they would play.

Clapping his hands together and groaning at the fact that he had done it again, he began talking again.

"Now, as I was saying, I have gathered you all here today for one reason, one very important reason! A reason so important, that it needed all of the best minds in Alagasia to be accomplish. I want to play a game of-' He pointed his hand at the air with a flourish and proclaimed-' TRUTH OR DARE!"

All around the table, there were looks of disbelief, no-one really knowing what to say when a tyrant kidnaps you and wants to play a children's game...except Angela.

"Ooh, I love this game."

Everyone who wasn't a tyrant glared at her and she blushed, quieting down.

Turning back to Galbatorix, Eragon decided he'd had enough of this smirking madman. Glaring at the King, he spoke with as much vehemence as he could possibly muster, the fact that he was trying to withhold every mean word he knew not lost on the King.

"Umm, with all insult intended, are you more mental than we thought?"

The King's grin widened at the question and he treated it like someone hadn't just questioned his sanity.

"Of course I am, why else would I collapse every entrance into this room the moment you came in here, sealing us off from your army for a few hours while they try to dig their way inside, just to play a game with you?"

No-one responded, no-one knew how. The moment he finished talking however, there was a large CRACK from the entrances to the room followed by the sound of falling masonry and accompanied by a dust cloud billowing into the room that didn't reach them due to the sheer size of the room.

Turning in horror back to the Mad King, their situation finally dawned on them. They were going to have to play a children's game with their enemy. Leaning over to whisper to Eragon to her left, Arya quickly told him that it would be wise to play along with the King until they could figure out a way out of their predicament.

Taking the lead, Eragon plastered a fake grin of his own onto his face and said to Galbatorix that they'd play.

Nodding his head, the king replied,

"Lovely, splendid, awesomesauce. Okay, the rules are si-' He was interrupted before he got far though, with Eragon cutting in.

"But first, you have to tell us why."

Galbatorix's smile turned into a frown and he deflated slightly.

"Really?" He asked in the most whiny voice he could muster.

Eragon raised a twitching eyebrow, trying with all his might not to yell, 'YOU'RE MEANT TO BE EVIL, BE EVIL!'

Taking this as a yes, the Mad King huffs and dives right into this question.

"Okay, I guess I can tell you. You see, I. Am. Bored. So bored. I figured out how to do anything and everything with magic a long time ago, 'snort from Angela', and when you can do everything, well, everything just gets rather dull really, you know what I mean?"

Everyone looked at him like he'd grown two more heads and one of them was an Urgal while the other was a Dragon. Again, however, Angela piped up.

"It's an annoying feeling when that happens isn't it."

Everyone turned to her again and she wasn't even paying attention to them, she had pulled out her knitting and was now crafting a...what looked like a large beanie, too large for any human. After several seconds of silence she did look up and seeing everyone's gazes, shrugged.

"What, it passes the time."

Shaking their heads, they returned their attention to Galbatorix.

"Anyway, after I figured out how to do everything, I decided that I might as well learn everything too. So, I started asking questions of myself, ranging from the random to the totally insane."

Everyone stoically kept a straight face.

"After a while though, I realised that, shockingly, my own imagination was limited, so, I sought the help of my staff which incidentally, consists of about three people, so no surprise there when that ran out rather quickly. I was nearly giving up when I heard the commotion about an army outside my walls and I took that as a perfect opportunity to bring in the best and brightest of this generation to help me find some more questions to answer. so, Truth Or Dare!"

He raised his hands and looked like he expected everyone to break into applause when everyone there was trying to make sense of the insanity that was this 'man's' motivation...and failing...it literally made no sense whatsoever.

It felt almost shameful to Eragon, here he was dedicating his life to bringing down a tyrant and here he was in an arms reach yet further than ever. Not only that though, it appears that the King doesn't really care that the Varden have marshalled one of the greatest and most powerful armies of their age and was instead playing games with his staff. How was he meant to feel?

"So, now that we have that cleared up are their any more questions before we start?"

Silence.

"Lovely! Okay, the rules are simple. I ask the first question and whoever it is who gets asked gets to ask the next and that person the next person and so on. The Truth questions have to be answered with a fact while the Dare questions must be answered with an Act...or whatever the hell you get asked to do. Okay, let's get this party started!"

Snapping his fingers yet again, two decks of cards, one blue and one red, appeared in the middle of the table. Piping up, Izlanzadi asked a question.

"What is this Galbatorix, you haven't explained everything?"

The Mad King looked at her and tapped his nose conspiratorially.

"It's a secret Lizard Queen."

The Queen blushed and everyone looked at her curiously, none more than her daughter.

"What does that mean mother?"

Blushing even more profusely, Izlandazi coughed into her hand.

"Uuuh..." She answered most intelligently.

Waving his hand, the King dismissed the matter.

"Okay, since I get to choose the first person, I'll have to make it a good one...hmm...Aha, I know, Eragon! Since you're the first new Shur'tugal in a hundred years or so, you get first pick."

Trying to hide the slight smugness at being first and failing spectacularly, he turns to his left and asked his prospective love The question.

"Arya, Truth Or Da-'

"Truth."

Stopping for a second, he sighs slightly in disappointment before his eyes lit up in hope.

"Arya, do you have any feeling for me that go beyond friendship or have you ever?"

her answer was nearly as quick as the previous one.

"No."

Smiling sweetly to Eragon, she turns to Orik and asked him 'Truth Or Dare?'

The dwarf didn't hesitate.

"Dare baby, woo!"

Mistake.

Now smiling wickedly, she responded with,

"Orik, King Of The Dwarves, I dare you to let Eragon shave you're beard with magic."

Gasps all around the table, even from the King. Phased only briefly however, the dwarf responded.

"I-I'll do it." Turning to face his friend who was sulking slightly, he asked him, "Eragon, brother, shave my beard lest my honour be in question."

Worried about how this would affect their relationship as brothers, he reluctantly raised his hand and with a couple carefully spoken sentences, the gloriousness that was Orik's beard fell to the table with barely a whisper.

Everyone watched silently as he picked up his beard and began to cradle it delicately in his arms, speaking softly to it.

"It's okay Sharleene, you're in a better place now."

Eragon watched this display with trepidation, worrying about his own hair now from possible vengeance.

He paled as he thought, Dwarf Vengeance!

After a minute of silence, the Dwarf, his expressions now able to be seen on his very pale face, turned to face Galbatorix and yelled in a thick voice,

"I DEMAND MEAD!"

With a snap of his fingers and a little ping, several flagons of mead from the King's personal stores were now sitting in front of his 'guests', as well as two large vats in front of the dragons seated behind their riders and a veritable lake in front of Shruikan.

After taking a long pull from his flagon and being pleasantly surprised when he saw it magically refill, the dwarf turned to the elf Queen,

"Truth Or Dare?"

Izlanzadi replied, "I am afraid of nothing Dwarf, give me you're hardest Dare."

Grinning smugly, Orik replied, "I dare you to sit on Murtagh's lap for ten minutes, bridal style."

She immediately turned away from the smug dwarf and looked towards the teenager who was now blushing more than the dragon he rode.

Her face set into a stoic grim, she calmly got up from her seat. Upon discovering that she was able to move however, she drew her sword and had it flying at Galbatorix in less than a second.

The moment it came within a foot's distance of him however, it stopped and turned to ash, the ash floating away never to be seen again.

Shrugging and saying that she tried to the rest of the wide-eyed group, she walked calmly around the table, walked calmly behind the chair that Murtagh was seated in, stood calmly next to the seated Murtagh, leaned calmly forwards and started whispering into his ear,

"Did you know that there are nearly several thousand ways to castrate a man, nearly a thousand of them while sitting on him? How about this, did you know that I know them all?"

A large and creepy smile lit up her face, her eyes looking dangerous.

"So let me tell you right now, if you move, I will peel your dick like a banana."

She whispered it, so no-one except the dragon's listening and both Angela and Galbatorix heard. Three paled and shuffled about, worried that their pride as males of their respective species' was in danger, while the other half gained grins of their own, each of them making mental notes to talk to the Queen if they all get through this.

After a shaky nod from a very pale Murtagh, Izlanzadi turned around, leaned back and sat down on his lap, wriggling so that she could get comfy.

Behind both of them, the giant pile of glittering red scales known as Thorn could barely hold in his laughter at such a sight, writhing around on the floor behind them with suppressed giggles.

Still with that dangerous smile on her face, she looked around the table, keeping her gaze on those who were smiling even slightly until they were not smiling anymore.

Finally, her gaze turned on her daughter.

"Arya, sweet child of mine, Truth Or Dare?"

Her daughter looked shocked that she would willingly do this to her. Looking vehemently at her mother, the elf responded with,

Dare, mother, give me you're worst."

Her wicked smile coming back full force, she stated,

"I dare you to kiss Eragon. On the lips. With lots of vigour and of course, tongue."

Arya just looked at her mother, nay, stared. After a minute her cat-like eyebrow twitched and she slowly turned her gaze to Eragon next to her who was looking back with no small amount of hope in his eyes.

Turning back to her mother, the princess responded,

"I would rather kiss a Snalgli than this no-hoper. At least that would stimulating."

While Eragon cried silently to himself at the sheer ease at which she said that, Izlanzadi didn't miss a step.

"Ah, ah, ah daughter, it is the rules. You MUST comply."

Arya shook her head, crossing her arms and looking resolutely at her mother.

"No."

Coughing slightly to clear his throat, the king spoke up from his position at the head of the table.

"Um, if Arya refuses to accept the Dare, she has to take a red card from the table and do what it says."

Arya nodded and quickly levitated the topmost card to her hand. Giving it a quick read, she paled and the card fell to the table.

Taking the opportunity, the kind grasped it with his own magic and after his own short perusal, he looked up, a gleeful look in his eyes.

"Ladies, Gents, if Arya doesn't kiss Eragon, she has to receive a spanking from her mother!"

I hope you had no expectations beyond this and I apologise if you did. Remember, I haven't done anything AFTER this except...well, nothing that you lot would be interested in. The point is that it will take me a bit to get back into the swing of things so re-writing 'Truth Or Dare' will help me do that.

Once again, and with severe nostalgia, I leave you with this chapter.

Once again...

No One-Liners!