I Will Never Love Like This Again…

Disclaimer: Misaki: PureHeartKill does not own Junjou Romantica, but she does own the Doctor Daisuke Takahashi and his daughter Sakura and Shinobu's teacher, Arai Satou, since never meet him/her in the manga I made one up...

Rating: T maybe M in later chapters

A/N: I'm REALLY sorry if some of the characters seem ooc at times. I noticed that I am a dork and I still had the thing for terrorist up 11 chapters into the Romantica part. Wow… really PureHeartKill? Anyway… I like Romantica and all, but sometimes Misaki's way of not admitting his feelings for Akihiko UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES really annoys me, so if he seems OOC I apologize. I want to thank everyone who's reviewed so far. None of my stories have ever gotten reviews before (I had another account before this one) so this is a huge deal for me. Also I'm sorry if the last chapter wasn't exactly up to par…. I can't judge my own writing because I'll just say "That sucks!" and write it… So I leave it up to you guys. If you want me to change anything, let me know and I'll revise any chapter you want ^-^

Extra A/N:Hello all my fabulous readers. Yes, it is me, PureHeartKill, returning to the FanFiction seen after a 2 year absence. I felt like I owe it to everyone who has taken the time to read/review/comment to at least finish the story. Since it has been two years, I can't really remember my vision as clearly as I once did, so please excuse the large gaps between updates because I am simply catching myself up. I hope you all still take the time to read my story.

Warning: BoyXBoy paring, don't like don't read. Also in the first few chapters there is a kind of character death and there will be Mpreg! Also this is my first full on Mpreg fiction so please be nice everyone!

And with that… I hope that you enjoy I Will Never Love Like This Again: Romantica Part

Chapter 44: The Boy Who Cried

Recap of last chapter: "I like that. Kizune it is!" Usagi said, reaching out to give Misaki's stomach a tentative, yet loving rub.

Suddenly, Misaki felt himself relax. The crippling anxiety that had been building up in his chest began to unknot, leaving him able to breath a little bit earlier.

"Kizune it is."

And Kizune was born. After nearly 30 hours of painful, painful labor, Kizune was born. And since that moment, he had not stopped crying. It had been nearly a month, and Misaki had not gotten a wink of sleep. Usagi had started using very expensive noise cancelling headphones just to drown out the noise, leaving Misaki stuck with a screaming baby to carry around while he tried to juggle housework and trying to find a job.

Yes, Usagi was rich, but that didn't mean that Misaki wanted to write on the man's coat tails forever. He wanted to feel like he was contributing something, so he was looking for something to do part time. Just something small that would pay minimum wage and make him feel at least a little bit useful.

Then again, he wasn't really sure he trusted Usagi alone with Kizune. Truth be told, Usagi hadn't put in a lot of effort since Kizune's birth. Miskai didn't know why he was surprised. Usagi never wanted kids- he even said so, multiple times, if Misaki remembered correctly. In fact, Usagi hadn't really been showing Misaki much interest at all since the birth. He wasn't even doing the annoying thing where he hung off of Misaki literally every second of every day to "recharge" or whatever the fuck he called it.

Maybe it was the weight. Misaki had been having trouble dropping the last 5 or so pounds of baby weight, so he wasn't exactly in the shape he used to be in. He didn't really want to sit around whining and complaining about how he was fat, because he really wasn't, but he still felt… Well, he felt like he was not needed. He felt like he was unloved.

He couldn't even get his own baby to love him.

No matter what he did, Kizune always cried. Misaki would just look at the boy and he would cry. He tried really hard, but nothing he ever did worked. And since on top of it all Usagi was barely even around to encourage Misaki, to tell him that it was all in his head, that babies cry and it was all going to be ok, Misaki was really starting to believe that he was just a terrible mother.

And he probably was. He was probably a terrible lover too. Usagi clearly saw him differently ever since everything happened, despite promising that everything would be ok on multiple occasions. Although he didn't want to think it, he felt like maybe Usagi didn't love him anymore. Judging by how quickly Usagi had fallen out of love with Takahiro, it was highly possible that the man had just lost all of his feelings for Misaki- just like that.

Misaki groaned as he tried to rock the screaming baby boy to sleep, his eyes barely staying open. If Kizune took a nap, then he could take a nap, and he would be one happy mama if he could just take one little nap. He tried to put Kizune down in his crib, but the boy screamed as soon as Misaki's arms left the baby's squishy tummy, and Misaki winced. He didn't know babies could scream that loud.

"Please, just to to sleep." He begged the infant, although he knew it was stupid. It wasn't like Kizune could understand his pleas. Honestly, it was so hard to know what Kizune wanted. Misaki had tried food, changing diapers, playing- everything in the books. He was worried that if he didn't sleep soon, he would either faint or snap- and neither option seemed favorable. Especially for little Kizune.

Then again, sleep wasn't exactly the best thing either. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw the events of 4 months ago replay over and over in his mind, like a sick joke. Then there were the nightmares… Even without Kizune crying constantly, Misaki rarely ever got any sleep. Still, he could feel his anger and frustration bursting inside of him. He had kept so much bottled up for so long, he felt like a volcano that was about to erupt. One little thing could set him over the edge, causing lava to spray everywhere.

Misaki tried to rock the crib in an attempt to calm the infant down, and Kizune screamed again. And again. And again.

Misaki shot to his feet, feeling his head pound and pulse from the pain of having to listen to high pitched screaming day in and day out, and marched over to Usagi's workroom. He yanked the headphones off of Usagi's head, glaring down at the man with fire in his eyes. "That's it! I've had it! I already do all of the work around here, and now there's a screaming baby to deal with on top of it! You never do anything but sit on your ass at your computer all day long! Are you going to be a father or not?! Because if you're not going to help, then I don't even know why I'm here anymore!"

Usagi's face started to slowly drain of it's color. He had never seen Misaki so angry before. "I… Misaki?" He said dumbly, not able to form intelligent words in his state of shock.

"Well? What will it be? Are you going to be a father and help me put Kizune down for his nap, or should I just leave because you clearly don't want to be a family?" Misaki demanded, staring down at Usagi as he waited for an answer. He was serious. Why waste his time with someone who didn't love him or their son? If Usagi didn't give him the answer he wanted, he would leave without looking back. He had reached the breaking point.

A/N: And I leave you there. Yes, after all these years, I am in fact the same terrible, evil person I have always been :3 Anyway, sorry if this seems completely awful. I really just want to finish this fanfic so there is a little bit of closure. My writing has kind of degraded over the years so just bear with me. I will complete this fic! (one day)

With love,

PureHeart