A little late… but here it is! Almost 7000 words of pure misery. I hope you enjoy!

The title is 'It ended with...', because I don't know what this story ends with yet. I'll probably change the title when I put up the last chapter of this.

It wasn't working.

This morning I found yet another negative pregnancy test on the sink in the bathroom where Logan always left them for me after he did them and left for work. We'd been trying to get another baby for almost two years now, but every time the signs seemed to be right and we got all excited because this time 'it finally worked', our hope got crushed again by one of these stupid white sticks with a sad smiley on it.

I sighed and threw it away, before getting out of my clothes and getting under the water. I was ready to give up. We were not going to get the last baby we wanted so badly. Logan wasn't ready to give up yet and was still hoping that one day it would work. He was taking all kinds of pills and other medicines that were supposed to increase fertility, but it was no success.

It ruined us. Thrice a week Logan would lie in bed naked, waiting until I would come to bed too and then we would fuck. Logan lying on his back with me on top of him, because 'this was the best way to create a baby.' It wasn't something we did because we loved each other like we used to do. This was only because we wanted a baby. Most of the time Logan didn't even come undone. I had to, because that was how it worked after all, but there was no pleasure what so ever. Our love making turned into fucking. Pointless fucking, because it led to nothing.

As a result Logan started to work more. He'd started med school about a month after we broke up the band and he was now in his fourth and final year. In the beginning, four or five months ago, I was okay with him working more often. He had to get a good grade after all and he still came home every night in time for dinner. But then I noticed he purposely started to work more. He took over some night shifts and left earlier in the morning, before breakfast.

I had always known the last year was the hardest. That he would be gone often to go to school or work or the library, but I always thought Logan wasn't one to ignore his family and friends. That he would make time for us every once in a while to do something or to just hang around at home. And he did. He tried to make time for us in the beginning, but it was hard and he could get only one free day a week. I was okay with that, honestly. Seeing him once a week was better than not at all and he really tried to get some more days off, which proved to me he didn't totally forget about us.

But now... Logan was hardly here at all. Even when he was home, he was always somewhere else in his head. He worked 7 to 5, came home, ate with us and then went to the library to study. He was there until he finished every assignment he had for that day and then came home again, sometimes after midnight. He would take a quick shower, check up on Keira and Kegan who were already sleeping and, on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, get in bed with me to fuck. He fell asleep right after and woke up at six to start the whole thing over again.

The good thing was that he still slept in my embrace, like always. Not when he took a night shift, of course, that were nights I didn't sleep either. I just... I wished that this was all over. Maybe if we finally succeeded in getting pregnant he would stay home more often. I wanted to make love again, to cuddle with him after and see him often enough to get a kiss out of him in the morning and a talk at night. One wherein he said more than 'work was normal' and 'yes' or 'no'. Keira and Kegan missed him too. Kegan more than Keira, because she was five now and going to kindergarten while he was at home with Lizzy and me all day.

I did things with them too, went to the park or my mom or Katie or whatever with them and occasionally James or Carlos joined in to spend time with their daughter, but never Logan. He was always too busy. I missed him so much and when he just started working so much five months ago that was okay, because he tried. He'd tried to get days off to spend time with us.

But he didn't try anymore. As long as he tried I could convince myself he wanted to be here with us, but now he wasn't trying anymore I wasn't so sure. I was sure he blamed me though. I couldn't get him pregnant. It was ridiculous, because it was none of our faults it didn't work, but I still thought he blamed me.

And he was hurting. He only showed it in one way, but he was hurting so bad. I'd put a lot of thought in it and came to the conclusion he must feel like he failed. He couldn't get pregnant. He wasn't able to get the third baby he wanted so much; the baby WE wanted so much. He felt like he let me down too.

Just, the way he tried to make up for it wasn't exactly right. Working harder and harder on his study and his job wasn't going to make things better between us or suddenly make him able to get a baby. He only drifted away from me further and maybe it helped him dealing with the pain this caused, but it certainly wasn't helping me.

Logan bottled his emotions up and kept them to himself. I had to put a lot of effort in making him talk, or he wouldn't tell me one thing. While he did that, I needed to talk about this. I needed to tell him what I thought of and felt about this, otherwise I couldn't process it properly. We never officially gave up the hope for another baby, but I thought that once we did, it would all be fine again. Not immediately, because things like this cost time. But after a while, when Logan finished med school and was with us more, we would work it out.

Besides that I missed him, I was getting mad at him too. I understood he was hurting, but this was just not the right way to deal with it. I couldn't help it to get mad. I didn't deserve this treatment he was giving me. I wanted to help him, I wanted to get him to talk to me so we could decide together how we were going to face this problem. If he just let me.

I knew it was hard to not give up if your requests for a free day are constantly turned down, but he could try harder on special days and holidays. Like Christmas. Or Thanksgiving. Or his birthday. Or new years eve. Or all the other events he missed, more birthdays and parties of people that loved him and had expected him to be there, on their parties and birthdays. He could try harder on those day. He could explain to the commission that took care of free days that he'd a husband and two small children back home. For all it mattered he called me his wife, if that would soften them more I didn't care at all. I was sure that he could get at least one of the holidays off. Then I would've understood they wanted him at the hospital on the other holidays. But now he'd missed everything.

He missed Thanksgiving. The amazing turkey my mom made in our kitchen. The great night we had with James and Carlos, Katie and her new boyfriend Dak Zevon -yeah, I was surprised too-, mom and Mr. Bitters. I was glad Logan was still around when she told me that, because I fainted.

And Keira, Kegan and Lizzy. I loved all three of them so much. Keira was now 5 and a half years old, still blonde haired and brown eyed. Only she wasn't a baby anymore. She was a little girl now. A little girl that looked extremely much like her father, something that was hurting me a lot. It wasn't for who she was. She just was incredibly much like him, and that only made me miss him more. She was such a sweetheart. She hardly ever picked up a fight with Kegan and was a better sister to him than I could've hoped for. It was amazing to see them playing together. I loved her.

Kegan would turn four in a few weeks, he and Lizzy shared the same birthday. For such a small boy he had incredibly much energy. It was weird, and if he didn't look like me so much I would've suspected Carlos to be the father. But he did look like me. A lot. He wasn't an exact copy of me like Keira was of Logan, but still... He resembled me more than Logan, which was quite nice. His brown hair had grown until it reached his eyebrows and almost covered his eyes. Every time we suggested to cut it off he started screaming and hit in his bed -James much? He played soccer a lot and I was already dreaming of being the coach of his team, even though I'd no idea how to play soccer. I'd been too focused on hockey to pay much attention to that sport. Kegan tried to explain it to me, but the fact that he didn't really know it either and that he didn't always make understandable sentences yet made it quite difficult. I would just do some research online sometime and watch a game or two with Kegan. We would figure it out. Kegan was the most affectionate of all three children. He was the one that came to me for hugs most. I loved him.

Lizzy was... A beauty. It was ridiculous. She was just a three year old, but I suspected her mother to be a supermodel. I wouldn't be surprised if Lizzy became one someday. She'd long silver blond hair and large light blue eyes. She was built more like an child than a toddler. James and Carlos were both immensely proud of her. Not only because she was so pretty, but also because she was kind. She wasn't nearly as shy as Keira was and was quite adventurous. When I found out the two three year olds climbed over the fence between our house and James' and Carlos', I wasn't surprised to find out it had been all her idea. Although Kegan planned took the lead in the whole thing, climbing over it first and figuring out how to distract me. They were quite a pair together. But whatever she did, Lizzy always accepted the consequences. While Kegan protested if I sent her home, she would do as I asked her if I caught them doing something naughty. She was overall pretty accepting. She had quite a big scar herself so she effortlessly played with kids that had glasses or a wine spot. She was fiercely protective over them, while other children were only scared. Yeah, I loved her.

So after thanksgiving came his birthday on December 12. He told us he would be home on that day. Everyone was happy with that, now we could give him presents and attention and everyone hoped that once he realized how much he missed us and he would spend more time at home.

We all got gifts him gifts. Keira made a drawing, something I was quite surprised about when I found out, but she had talent for it. Her dolphin looked better than any drawing I ever made in my whole life. Kegan made something with clay. Something, I still hadn't figured out what it was. I got him a new necklace. It looked exactly the same as the one he lost and I was excited for him to see it. I just knew he was going to like it and then I could've the bracelet back, so I could look at it again. Something besides our wedding rings. I felt closer to Logan when I wore the bracelet. James, Carlos, mom and Katie had gifts too and I'd planned a party for that night with all our old friends from the Palm woods. I couldn't wait and was even more enthusiast about this than Keira and Kegan. Logan would spend time with us!

But it didn't work out that way. I woke up December 12 and Logan was gone. He wasn't in bed or in our bathroom or downstairs. He didn't even leave a note. I did know where he went though. His car keys and his bag with notebooks and encyclopedia was gone.

That was the first time I cried. I sat down at the kitchen table with my head in my hands and cried. I'd been so happy I finally got to spend time with him again. To see him for more than a few hours and kiss him and hold him again. I'd hoped Logan would see he missed us and try harder to see us more. I'd hoped to talk with Logan again. To have a real talk, not just a 'how was your day?' one. I wanted to tell him I loved him and how much I missed him. But that wasn't going to happen. Logan obviously didn't want to be here, otherwise he would've stayed. I called all our guests and told them that we called the party off. I talked with James and Carlos and managed to keep my tears in. They were taking Keira and Kegan somewhere for today and tonight they would sleep there so I could've the house for my own.

I spent most of that day crying. I wanted my Logie back. I called him several times, but he didn't respond. So instead I started going through all the picture books we had to look at pictures of him. I liked the ones of our wedding day most and kept looking at them until it hurt too much. I cried myself to sleep on the couch. It was the first time I actually slept without Logan.

He came home at five, like always and only noticed that something was going on when there was no dinner on the table and we weren't all patiently waiting for him. "Kendall, what's going on?" He'd asked annoyed. "I don't have time to cook my own food, why didn't you tell me earlier you weren't making anything so I could get take out somewhere?"

I had ignored what he said and changed subject. "Do you know what day it is?" I'd asked softly.

He was confused. "Thursday?"

"IT'S YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY!" I yelled.

He stared at me like I was crazy. "My birthday is tomorrow," He said irritated. "Today is the twel- oh."

"You said you would be here, Logan. I planned everything. We made a cake for you yesterday and now we were supposed to have dinner at James' and Carlos' house and after that your birthday party here, but, you know, YOU WERE NOT HERE!"

"Kendall, I-"

"No, don't Kendall me. We all were looking forward to spending time with you. Everyone had a present for you and was glad you were finally appearing around here again. Well, enjoy. James, Carlos, Keira, Kegan and Lizzy left their presents for you on the table, but you're not getting mine. You don't deserve it." After that I got up and walked past him up the stairs, slamming the door of our bedroom shut.

This had been the first time we actually fought about this. Well, not really fought, the first time I yelled at him. I'd been lying in bed for about an hour when the door opened and Logan came in. Timidly, and slightly scared, but he did and sat down on the edge of the bed on my side. He put a hand on my back and started telling me how sorry he was and that he really didn't mean to do this. That he completely understood why I reacted this way and didn't blame me for it and more bullshit I believed at that moment. I'd been too desperate to think any of it and soon he was lying in my arms again.

We talked and talked and talked and I didn't even mind most of it was about the hospital. I had my Logie in my arms and he was talking with me, listening to what I said and occasionally stealing kisses from me. He was blushing and being adorable and irresistible and I couldn't do anything else but forgive him.

It didn't stop him from leaving again the following morning.

Christmas was even worse. I'd made him promise he was going to stay home. He promised. We made plans again. Christmas in our pj's in 2J. From Christmas eve to the end of Christmas day. We would all sleep there, the four of us sharing mine and Logan's old room and Carlos, James and Lizzy in theirs. We would get dressed in our pj's and walk around like that the whole day. Like always.

But Logan wasn't there. It was officially the first time in twenty years we celebrated Christmas without Logan. I couldn't avoid people this time, so I had to go to 2J with Keira and Kegan. At least one of their parents had to be there with them. Again all the presents for Logan were gathered in a big box so he could open them when he got the time. I didn't put mine in. When I couldn't give him the necklace on his birthday, I saved it for Christmas, but since he didn't show up again he wasn't getting it.

For a few minutes I'd considerate throwing it away. I didn't want him to wear it anymore. It was supposed to be a thing that brought us closer again, but when I looked at it now it only reminded me of the times Logan wasn't with us while he should've been. I hid it. In its box in the drawer of my night stand.

I guess Christmas went okay. Keira and Kegan both cried when they found out their daddy wasn't coming, but I managed to distract them with presents and cookies. Mom helped me with that and we had a great time for the kids. I did have to talk to all the grownups when the children were sleeping though. They wanted to know why Logan wasn't here again and what I was going to do about it. "I can't really do anything guys. I asked him to stay home and come with us. He promised he was going to be here and he broke his promise again, just like with his birthday. I'll just yell at him again and put even more distance between us."

They were silent after that, none of them had noticed what caused this in the first place. I was glad about that. I didn't want to tell them we were failing at creating a baby we both desperately wanted. They would just tell me to move on. And I wanted to. I was more than ready to move on, but this wasn't about me. It was about Logan. He was hurting because it didn't work and took it out on us. I just didn't understand why.

So when Christmas was over and we went home I found Logan there. He had presents for all of us and dinner -Chinese take out- on the table. Keira and Kegan were really happy he finally was here again and spent time with us. Like I expected, he got them really great and expensive gifts, probably to ease his own mind. He got Keira a doll house with miniature figures of us and Kegan a slide for in his bedroom.

I didn't open my present. I made sure he was looking when I threw it away. I met his eyes shortly, before going upstairs and finishing some laundry or whatever else needed to be done. Logan didn't follow me and stayed downstairs to play with his children and open his own presents. It was the only good thing he did that day.

Once Keira and Kegan were in bed and sleeping he timidly came downstairs. I yelled at him again and this time he yelled back. It wasn't until he started crying that I stopped. He said he was sorry and that he really was going to be home for New Years Eve. I let it slide, again, but was a little less forgiving than on his birthday. I had him promise me he would be there and after that we had a pretty nice night.

We watched Nightmare on Christmas together, only Logan fell asleep halfway the movie. I spent the rest of the movie wondering where we'd gone wrong. I ran my fingers through his hair as I watched him sleeping in my embrace. I wished he would stay home more often so we could do this more, next to talking and spending time with our children. It was the first Saturday we didn't fuck. And I didn't mind. At. All.

Christmas holiday was awful. I now had both Keira and Kegan home all day and had to distract them all the time to avoid them asking for Logan. It was hard. Ever since his birthday he'd started working even more and often skipped dinner. I tried talking to him when he came home, but it was no use. He was always too tired to really pay attention and the next day he just did it again.

Luckily, New Years Eve was coming closer and we -James, Carlos, mom and I- started making plans to go to the Palm Woods and watch Mr. Bitters fire work show. But then Logan made other plans.

"Kendall, we're going to the New Year's party of the hospital," He'd announced on the December 30 after we were done with our little nightly routine.

"That sucks, because I already made plans for tomorrow."

"Without asking me?" He asked unbelievably.

"You're never here and don't answer your cell, how could I've asked?"

"I am here often enough! This is really important, Kendall. If I don't go it will ruin my reputation."

"Does that reputation include ignoring your friends and family, because then you're doing an amazing job."

"Jeez, Kendall. Can you never stop talking about that?"

"I would if YOU WERE HERE TO SPEND TIME WITH US! I actually would've gone with you if you were here the last two, no three, times you said you would be here on the holidays."

He was silent after that and turned his back on me. "A relationship only works if two people put effort in it, Logan. But now it's only me."

It was the first night I fell asleep without Logan in my arms, without any kind of pills or having a nightmare or crying. The next morning he was gone before the sun rose. His tuxedo was gone too and I knew not to expect him tonight. I didn't cry. I had known last night not to get my hopes up. Neither Keira or Kegan was really faced by it, they were getting used to not having Logan around. I didn't get used to it. I missed him more and more every day. I didn't show it though. The only time I cried was in the shower. It became my usual twenty minutes of crying.

New Years Eve sucked. Keira and Kegan had the time of their lives. They got to stay up with the adults all night and count down to the New Year. They absolutely loved the firework, while Lizzy was terrified and hid in James' arms. No, this time I was the only one that couldn't enjoy the festivities. It hurt so much to watch all the couples kiss at midnight. I wanted that too.

January passed relatively normal. Logan kept up his habit of working more and more, but showed up three times a week to eat dinner with us and have his fuck. And I kept holding on. I was almost completely working on autopilot. I woke up at 6, showered, woke Keira up to get her ready for school, woke Kegan up and took them both down for breakfast, dropped Kegan off with James or Carlos, brought Keira to school, picked Kegan and Lizzy up so James or Carlos -depended who had to start later- could go to work, come home and do whatever needed to be done in the household, worked on my garden -I needed a new hobby okay?-, make lunch for Kegan and Lizzy, played a game with them, took them to the supermarket, picked Keira up from school, brought Lizzy home, listened to what Keira said about what she learned that day at school, made dinner for the four of us, brought Keira and Kegan to bed, did the dishes, watched the 8 o'clock news, took another shower -I had nothing else to do and wanted to cry- and went to bed, lying awake until I heard the front door open and close.

And the next day I did it all over again. Until now. Friday February 13.

I felt the hot tears sliding down my cheeks as I leaned against the wall of the shower. Tomorrow was valentine's day. Logan hadn't said one word about it. Not that we talked often at all, but still. This was fucking valentine's day. I wanted to be a disgustingly cute and romantic couple. I fantasized about having dinner together with candles and wine. I would pull his chair back for him and hold his hand. I wanted to hug him and kiss him. And I wanted to make love to him. Real love. With foreplay and soft touches and kisses. With holding each other close, as if we would die if we didn't touch each other. I wanted to make him feel good again. Because obviously he didn't feel good at all.

I turned the shower off and stepped out of the cabin. I looked into the mirror and saw the same 27 year old guy as always. I was still blonde, I still had green eyes. My eyebrows and nose were still too big to fit my face. I was still tall. I was still toned. The only difference was the tan color on my arms and shoulders from working in the garden so much.

I dried myself, thinking of the things I was going to do today to distract myself from Logan. Carlos was home today, so I didn't have to take care of Lizzy. Kegan would probably want to play with her and be over there all day, since Lizzy wanted to be around her dad for a change.

That meant I was going to be alone all day, unless I went over to spend some time with Carlos. Which could actually be nice. Carlos had found a job as a stunt double for an actor in a very popular series, that had to do a lot of weird stuff. He had a lot of fun doing it, but took days of to be with his kid and husband. Like I wanted Logan to do. James had a contract as a runway model with 'Cuda. He had irregular working times, but was sometimes home for two months.

I sighed again and started drying myself. Four years ago it had been the other way around. They were having troubles while we were doing amazing. Secretly I really wanted to go back there again, even if it meant putting James and Carlos through that again. I just wanted my Logie back.

I got into some clothes and took a look at my watch; six thirty. I had to hurry if I wanted to get Keira at school in an hour. I went to her room and switched on the light. I first picked out some clothes for her, before going over to her bed and waking her up. "Keira, it's time to get up, honey."

She opened her eyes tiredly and nodded. She crawled out of bed and let me help her with her clothes. She went to the bathroom after that to brush her teeth and I went to Kegan's room to get him up too.

He was already awake and sitting on the ground, playing with some toy cars. "Hi, buddy." I picked him up and put him on his dresser. "Did you have nice dreams?" I asked as I pulled his pj's off.

"Yes. About me and you and Keira and Lizzy and daddy. We were dancin'."

"What kind of dance, Kegan?"

"The circle one."

"Aha, I see."

"And you and daddy were holding hands still when it was over." Knives. Don't cry, Kendall. He didn't know, it was just a dream. His, not even yours. It will all be fine again.

Once I had Kegan dressed I told him to go down stairs while I helped Keira with her hair. I was getting good with her hair, really. I could make braids and pony tails and comb her hair without hurting her. I even taught James and Carlos. Before Lizzy always came to me when she wanted pretty hair, but my friends got jealous and wanted to learn to do it themselves. Not surprisingly, James was better at it than Carlos, who quickly gave up.

I loved Keira's curls. They came past her shoulder blades, not because she didn't want to cut them off, she honestly didn't care. No, I didn't want it. Her hair was so soft and shiny and I wanted to cherish it. She would grow up and wouldn't let me touch it anymore.

I didn't really have time to do something complicated and just put her hair together in two ponytails. I took her downstairs and made breakfast for us, just cornflakes. I made lunch for Keira and put it in her backpack.

When they were both done I grabbed the keys and walked to Carlos. He opened the door for us, letting Kegan go past him. "Lizzy's still upstairs, Kegan. We were a little late this morning, but you can go to her if you want," Carlos yelled after him. Kegan was already up the stairs, happy to go and see his friend.

"Are you okay with having the two of them all day?" I asked him. It wasn't often they were not at my house.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," He said. "I've to go the store later today, though. Can I drop them with you then?"

"Sure. Well, we've to go now, so..."

"Okay. But stop by when you get back. We need to talk," He said sternly. I frowned, wondering what that was about, but I stopped thinking quickly. I would find out soon enough.

I nodded. We said goodbye and I took Keira back to the car. Here came another story. Keira was never really... excited to go to school. I knew most children weren't, but Keira was different. She never said anything about the other children in her class, or friends she made. She only told things about the things she learned and showed me the drawings and other things she made.

It worried me. The older she got, the more she looked and acted like Logan. And Logan had always loved school. As long as she didn't come home crying I figured she was fine. Just shy. I was going to talk to her teacher soon, anyway.

We reached the school and Keira got out after giving me a kiss on my cheek and a 'Logie love.' I waited until I saw her walking into the school before driving away. I still remembered her first day of school. Luckily Logan was still with us when that happened otherwise I wouldn't have been able to let her go. If I'd been alone that day I would've taken her home. She was so sad and I couldn't stand to see her like that. I only left her there because Logan blackmailed me. It was no fun.

I tried to think of something to do before I went home. I really didn't want to talk to Carlos. Even though he hadn't said what exactly he wanted to talk about, I had the idea I wasn't going to like it. I sighed as I realized I couldn't avoid this.

I drove home, not wasting anymore time. I might as well get this over with. I parked the car in front of my house and went straight to James' and Carlos' house. Yeah, I referred to Logan's and my place as 'my house', since Logan wasn't there often enough to call it his home.

I opened the door of their house and was met with Kegan, who had apparently been waiting behind the door. "Hi, baby."

"Papa, are you going to play a game with me?"

"Maybe later, Kegie. I've to talk with Carlos for a bit. Why aren't you playing with Lizzy?"

He pulled a face. "Lizzy wanted to play with barbies, but I don't like barbies."

I chuckled. "Isn't there something like a male barbie?"

Carlos appeared from the kitchen. "Yeah, it's called Kendall."

It took a moment before I understood. "Oh, ha-ha. You're so funny. I know it's called Ken."

"I know," Carlos said, still grinning.

"Go play with male barbie, Kegan." My son walked away reluctantly, not happy I sent him off to play with barbies.

"You. Kitchen. Now," Ordered Carlos and turned around. I followed him, almost as reluctant as Kegan was. I sat down at the table while Carlos poured coffee in two cups.

I stared at my wedding ring and wondered what he wanted to talk about. I was almost sure Carlos would start about Logan. "When are you going to kill yourself?" He asked as he sat down next to me at the table.

"W-what?"

"Exactly what I said, when do you plan on killing yourself? Not this month, please, we're too busy to have a funeral."

I looked at him incredulously. "I wasn't planning on killing myself."

"You do look like you want to."

"Why would I want to?"

"Because Logan practically left you?"

I looked away, feeling tears sting in my eyes once again. It was so real when someone else said it too. Carlos sighed. "You should really do something about this, Kendall," He said softly.

"I know" I whispered.

"Then why don't you?"

"I do! He just doesn't listen to me!"

"Make him listen!"

"I tried! I tried fucking everything!"

Carlos hesitated for a moment. "Then kick him out," He suggested.

My eyes widened. "What?" I asked shocked.

"You heard me. Kick him out. Not for real, I know you would never give up on Logan, but just as a threat. Don't tell him that it's a threat though."

"I don't know, Carlos. I don't think I want that."

"It might be the only way to show him he's going too far. Let him feel he's going to lose you. I'm 50% sure he'll beg you on his knees to take him back."

"Only 50?"

"Yeah well, or he's going to beg you if he can please come back or he's going to kill himself. I'm not sure yet."

"Yeah, that did not make me feel better."

"I was kidding, Kendall. He won't go that far. We all know Logan, he wouldn't do that. Just... Kick him out. Not all of a sudden, but when you're fighting again, and I'm sure you'll be fighting again soon enough. James and I are standing behind you."

I turned my head up and stared at Carlos, losing myself in my thoughts. I wanted Logan back and maybe the only way was to lose him first. Just to show him I was being serious about this. Maybe if he got scared enough he would see what he was missing out on and come back to us. If it meant I had to put on a show and kick him out, I would do it.

I didn't want to go on like this any longer. I wanted to have him back in my life, to have him next to me when I woke up, to eat breakfast with him and kiss him good morning after he had his coffee. I wanted to spend some time together again. If this worked I would've my Logie back. The one thing I wanted most. My sweetie back in my arms, under my hands, eating my food, cuddling with me, kissing me, loving me.

And I wouldn't let him go this time. I was going to do everything I could to keep him with me. I needed him. He had to come back to me.

"How do you suggest I should do this again?" I asked softly, not entirely sure I want to go on with this plan yet.

"Don't drop the bomb all of a sudden, wait until you two are fighting again, tell him you had enough and that you're not sure if you want him around anymore. He'll probably start pleading or whatever and that's your chance. You know, this might actually be good for you too, some time apart from all this."

I nodded slowly and stared at the table. I didn't want to lose Logan, but if he took this serious and found out this had only been a threat, he would be pissed. I didn't want him angry, I want him scared. If he was angry at me he wouldn't come back.

No. Logan's mind didn't work that way.

"Are you and James going to help him if he asks you if he can stay here for a night?" I asked.

"Depends on what you want," Carlos told me. "It might be good if he wasn't here though, easier for you."

"If he asks... Then let him in," I said softly. I didn't want him to sleep on the street or something. I didn't think he would go to James and Carlos, maybe only when there really wasn't anywhere else to go. But he had his own car, there were enough beds at the hospital or he could rent a room somewhere. He wouldn't dare to come to either one of our friends and family, too afraid they might turn him down too.

"You know what's coming up, right?" Carlos asked quietly.

"Valentine's day? I gave up on that a long time ago Carlos, I didn't even bother to plan something for tomorrow."

"Yeah, about that, can you watch Lizzy for a day? And a night?" He asked awkwardly.

"Sure," I sighed. "It's not like I've anything better to do."

"Thanks, man. But this wasn't really what I meant. Kegan's and Lizzy's birthday is coming up, did you tell him about that yet?"

"No, I didn't. I was planning on doing that last night, but he went to the library before I could even open my mouth. You don't think he'll skip their birthday, right?"

It was one thing to go to work on family events, it was completely different to go on the birthday of your kid. I didn't think Logan would go that far. That's just one step too far. That would be like betrayal. And Kegan wouldn't enjoy his birthday at all. It would shatter my little boy completely. I didn't want that, not on his birthday. Not ever. Kegan didn't deserve that, he was just a kid. I had to make sure Logan stayed that day. He had too.

"I don't know, Kendall. You said he forgot about his own birthday, why not forget Kegan's too? And it's not like he feels guilty about it, otherwise he would've come back a long time ago. You really have to convince him to stay this time. It's not gonna be pretty when Kegan finds out Logan left again."

"I know," I mumbled. "And if he does... I'm going to kick him out. Because that was your plan right?"

Carlos looked down ashamed. "I just have the feeling Logan will go to work that day. If he does... I think he doesn't deserve it to stay with you guys."

I looked at Carlos for a long time. I was wondering if I agreed with him or not. I decided I did. It was worth the risk if I could've my Logie back. "Alright. I'm going to kick him out."

That is it for now. I already am halfway the second chapter and the third is already done, so it shouldn't take me too long to update. Maybe tomorrow or the day after.

And guys… I was a little disappointed in the reviews I got for the last chapter of ICWPS. I got six AMAZING reviews, from six of my most loyal reviewers and I was really happy with those. But over ninety people followed that story and then I get six reviews? I'm glad with what I get and I don't write for anyone but myself, but that didn't feel… good. I worked for over a month on that last chapter and know I'm feeling like you don't even like it. That's okay, of course. But you could tell me that too…

Alright, I'm done complaining :) I hope you did like this chapter!