"Alright, buddy. Lets get you home," James said, swirling his keys between his fingers.

I jumped off the bed and grabbed my suitcase. "Yes, please."

"Let me take that."

I raised my eyebrow at him as I picked it up, but otherwise ignored his suggestion. I was fully recovered now, I could do it myself. It was pride, after so long of depending on my friends I didn't want to for a minute longer. It was time to get back on my own legs.

James didn't say anything and silently walked next to me for a while. "So we have to stop by the bakery and the jewelry?"

"Yes. It'll be quick, I already paid."

"Awesome. Logan really wasn't happy when I saw him this morning."

"I know, he called me," I answered absentmindedly. He'd been near tears, he'd been looking forward to being alone with me. "He'll be fine though."

"Are you sure you want us to take Kenzie as well? It's not that it's a problem for us, but Logan does seem to prefer having her near."

"It was his idea, he wants to be alone."

"Probably a good idea," James muttered.

"It's just 24 hours."

"Not a lot after all those months away."

I shook my head. "But it's enough for now."

"You know we'll happily watch them, right?"

"Yes. Yes, I know. But Keira and Kegan had a rough time too the last few months and I'm having a hard time trying to divide my attention. It's good for Logan to spend a few hours alone with me, but I don't actually know how much this all affected my children."

"They're doing fine, Kendall. Way better than since they were with your mother."

I shook my head. "They're not doing as well as when I left them in August."

James stayed silent and I knew I was right. Keira and Kegan had been pushed around family members for three months, seeing Logan only sometimes. My babies had to be put first for a while; I wanted to make sure they knew we would stay now. I wanted to finally give them what they deserved, a stable home.

"Today is the only day I want to leave them, Logan needs to have this day more than they do. But after today they're staying with us."

James opened the car and I put my suitcase in the back, then sat in the passenger seat. "I agree with you," James said hesitantly as he drove out of the parking lot. "But just remember that they always had someone to care for them. They were never neglected. Logan's been to hell and back, Kendall. Don't feel guilty for leaving your children when Logan needs you more, you two are absolutely useless to them if he's not doing well."

I nodded, then stared ahead of myself. Children needed a stable home to grow up in, especially my babies after being tossed around, and if we couldn't provide that because Logan wasn't well enough we wouldn't be any better for them than James and Carlos or my mom were. What James said wasn't just a warning, it was a wake-up call. They would interfere if they thought we weren't good for them at the moment. It was annoying, but at the same time I realized they were just being good godparents.

"I don't want to talk to Logan about this yet," I told James. "For now he should just be worried about himself. But I will keep it in mind."

James nodded.

"Keira and Kegan will just be going to school for the next week, which means I get some time alone with Logan and Kenzie during the day and when the kids come back I'll spend time with them. Then the holidays we'll all just be home and take it easy."

"We're taking the girls to Minnesota for New Year's Eve, have them spend some time with their grandparents. We're staying home for Christmas." James stopped talking, but I had the feeling he wanted to say more. "We got an invitation from your mother to spend Christmas Eve in 2J. You did too."

"We're not going," I said immediately.

"She is sorry, Kendall."

"I know. At some point I want to see where we stand, but not for a while. I have enough to worry about."

"That's true."

"I can't do that to Logan."

"No. No, you can't."

"I think it'll be good for us to stay home Christmas Eve," I muttered, subtly telling James that a dinner with our two families wouldn't do either.

"That's okay, we'll enjoy ourselves."

"We'll see about Christmas day in pajamas?"

James chuckled. "Yeah, sure." He parked the car at the mall. It took me five minutes to get both my orders, then I was back in the car with James. While he drove I inspected the little round beads on the bracelet. K. D., K. L., K. C. and K. E. they said. Kendall Donald, Keira Lenora, Kegan Cames and Kendall Evangeline. I'd been hesitating between adding something to his necklace or getting something new, but I wanted the necklace to be for me only.

"He'll love it."

I smiled, closing the box. "Yeah."

We drove into our neighborhood and I suddenly felt nervous. I knew I shouldn't, that Logan would be so happy to see me and to finally get his day alone with me. But after all James said I got worried. I had to use this day to see how well he was doing and how much care and attention he needed. He'd been on his feet since a week after he had a baby, he couldn't possibly be fully recovered yet. And that on top of being alone for two months, there was probably way more fear than he'd been telling me about.

"So the plan is that you stay in the car while we pick up your kids, then you walk in when we drive away to the waterpark?"

"Yeah. I don't want Keira and Kegan to see me, they won't want to go anymore."

"Probably a good plan."

"I'll call tonight before bed."

"Okay."

James parked the car onto his driveway and gave me the key. "We're taking your car, close this one when we're gone?"

"Yes, thanks."

He nodded and smiled. "Have fun today."

I grinned too and waved a bit before he closed the door. I watched him walk to my house and go inside. A few minutes later he came out with a big bag over his shoulder, Kenzie in her stroller and my children in front of him. He went to own home to drop off the bag and get his own family. Then James and Carlos helped all of them get into the minivan.

I got out as soon as they drove away, knowing Logan was already getting ready to leave. He would not stay home longer than he had to now he could finally go see me.

My heart was pounding when I walked up to my front door. It was all so familiar, but so strange to come here after all that time. I ran my fingers through my hair as I took the last steps, then put my hand on the doorknob.

The first that hit me when I opened the door was the familiar smell. I smiled when I saw the coats and the bowl for our keys, those little things made my home. It was still the same.

I closed the door and put the box with cupcakes next to the key bowl. Now I just had to find Logan.

"James? Did you forget-"

And there he was. He froze in the opening to the kitchen, already wearing his shoes and coat. Logan stared at me, not believing his eyes. "Happy birthday, Logie," I said softly, taking a step forward.

Apparently that was all Logan needed to rush forward and wrap his arms around my neck. "Kendall!"

"Hey baby," I murmured, closing my arms around him and placing my chin on his head. It was amazing to have him in my arms again, to feel his warm skin and smell his sweet hair.

Logan pulled away to look up at me, his eyes full with happy tears. "Are you staying?"

I nodded, feeling love spreading through my body when he smiled at me. Logan rarely smiled anymore. I put my hands on his face, then put my forehead against his. "I missed you," I murmured, running my thumbs over his cheeks.

"I missed you too," He whispered back, the look in his eyes not so happy anymore. A tear escaped and I quickly caught it, wiping it away.

"Don't cry, baby. It's gonna be okay now." But more tears shed and Logan curled close to me again, hiding his face in my chest. "Shh, come here."

I helped him out of his coat and gently guided him to the kitchen. I took off his shoes while Logan broke into sobs. "Just a moment, sweetie. We'll go upstairs and cuddle in bed."

"O-Okay."

I got off his other shoe and then took his hand, pulling him with me to the stairs. I took the cupcakes, hoping for a little celebration when he calmed down. I put them on the nightstand, then pulled Logan closer and took off his shirt. I couldn't wait to have him in my arms under our soft blanket, just his soft little body pressed against my side.

I ran my fingers over his sides, looking at his face to see if he was okay. Logan's lip trembled, a sliver of fear hidden beneath the desperation to be close to me. "Don't worry, sweetie," I murmured, "We'll just cuddle."

Logan nodded and I pulled down his jeans, turning him around to help him in bed. I quickly shed out of my own clothes and joined him, finally after all these months. Logan put his head on my chest and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. I felt his tears drip on my skin and ran my fingers over his side, hoping to calm him down but not really optimistic on that front. He sobbed and grabbed on to me tightly. I tried to take his hand, but he refused to take it off me so I ended up running my fingers over his arm.

"I'm not leaving, love," I murmured to him, then placed my lips against his forehead.

Logan didn't listen and kept on crying quietly while digging his nails in my side, clutching me with all his might. I moved my hand up to place it on his cheek, running my thumb over his skin. He would cry himself to sleep soon; these kind of emotions always tired him out.

So I started humming softly, gently touching him while he whimpered and let his tears drip on my chest. The little thing was shocked and scared, he didn't want me to leave again now I just got here. He felt safe in my arms, he wanted to relax and enjoy it but couldn't because he was so afraid it would all be just a dream when he woke up.

"I d-don't w-w-want to s-sleep," Logan whimpered, confirming my suspicion that he was fighting it.

"Why not?" I asked him softly.

"You j-just got here I-I want t-t-to stay with y-you." He hid his face in the crook of my neck, hiding from anyone but me.

"Logie," I muttered, gently pushing him back a little so I could see his eyes. "We've a whole day and night ahead of us, just for the two of us. And tomorrow and the days and weeks after that I'm not leaving, we'll have plenty of time to catch up and do things together. But right now you've to sleep, baby. I know you didn't do so very well the last few days." I ran my finger over the bag under his eye, catching another tear. "I'm not going anywhere, it'll be really good for you to close your eyes for a bit."

Logan's bottom lip trembled and I could see the exact moment he gave up trying to find excuses not to. "I want to s-sleep with you," He whispered.

"You can, baby," I told him, turning onto my side so I could pull him against me.

Logan put his arm over my side and just like that we were in our favorite sleeping position for when Logan felt scared or sad, his little body completely engulfed by mine. "I d-don't want to s-s-sleep for l-long."

"I'll wake you up if you're still sleeping in two hours."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Logie. Close your eyes, okay?"

He nodded and I buried my nose in his hair, closing my own eyes before I started humming again. Logan only slowly let go, but I was glad that he did at all. Of course my little baby was scared to be left alone again, but I would show him he didn't have to be afraid of that. He wouldn't be alone again.

I kept humming softly until he was asleep, but I kept running my fingers through his hair until they got numb. I felt better now he was asleep and getting the rest he needed, Logan could finally get on his road to get better, five weeks later than he was supposed to.

The last week had been hard, due to Ally having chicken pox Logan had to take care of the kids on his own. Keira and Kegan both had it, but Kenzie hadn't and she was young enough for it to be dangerous. Keira and Kegan couldn't stay over at their house, which meant Logan hadn't spent a night with me for a week. All Ally's blisters were closed now, so according to Logan she was no longer contagious. It was safe for Kenzie to be around her.

I could see how much it affected him, those nights were what he looked forward to, what kept him going. Suddenly having those taken from him hit him hard. James and Carlos felt bad, but there was nothing to be done about it. I would just have to be really loving towards him today.

"We'll eat the cupcakes and I'll give you your gift, then we'll take a long bath together and after that watch the animal show," I muttered to him. "As long as you stay in my arms."

I closed my eyes and fell asleep with a smile on my face.

We woke up four hours later, but I didn't feel bad about it for too long. "I fell asleep too," I murmured when Logan blinked and opened his eyes. "Sorry."

Logan didn't react badly, but instead wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. I was only surprised for a moment, then I pulled him closer and rolled onto my back. He pulled away and smiled at me, before kissing me again.

He had just smiled at me.

I felt this really warm, heavy feeling spread through my chest and I placed my hands on his cheeks, holding him off so I could look at him again. Logan was surprised and curious, but quickly his look softened and he bit his lip. "Don't do that," I whispered, taking it out from between his teeth. "You're so beautiful."

And then he blushed. I couldn't even remember the last time he did that, or maybe I could but this time was way more special than any other time because it was because of something that made him happy. "C'mere."

Logan placed his lips against mine again and for a long time they didn't leave. I couldn't believe four hours of sleep made the difference between a barely functioning Logan and this happily kissing Logan. It was so incredible, so amazing to finally see a little bit of my old Logie again after a whole month of misery. There had been some good moments, but none of them had been like now and he hadn't even said anything yet.

After a few more minutes he pulled away and smiled at me again, obviously very happy how things played out today. "Best birthday ever," He told me quietly, resting his head back on my chest.

"I'm so glad to hear that," I told him, running my hand down his spine. "And I haven't even given you your present yet."

Logan perked up and I chuckled softly at his eagerness. I sat up, holding him close so he wouldn't move out of my lap, and managed to grab my jeans from the ground. I took the little box out and gave it to him. "It's nothing special, just a little reminder that we'll all be here from now on."

But the look of gratitude on his face told me it meant way more to him than I thought it would. "Promise?" He asked quietly.

"Promise what?"

"That you'll all stay with me from now on?"

"Yes, Logie," I answered immediately, taking his face in my hands again to pull him closer for another kiss. "Tomorrow we'll all be here and I'll make sure no one leaves again. I promise."

He nodded gratefully and gave me the bracelet so I could put it on his wrist. "I love it. Thank you."

I smiled and gladly accepted his hug. I loved all the contact and that we didn't have to watch ourselves like in the hospital. Today was just for us. "Hey, Logie."

"What?" He sounded a bit muffled; his face was pressed in the crook of my neck.

"I also brought cupcakes."

Logan pulled away so quickly I had to brace him. "Really?"

I grabbed the box and opened it, showing him the chocolate cupcakes with the cream filling he loved so much. "As long as you leave me the biggest one," I told him.

He quickly snatched the -apparently- biggest one. "Nuh uh."

"You didn't," I gasped.

Logan giggled and took a bite, moaning loudly. "Best cupcake ever."

I smiled and took the other, starting to eat mine a bit slower than he did so I could give him the last part of mine. Today I would spoil him rotten.

I loved looking at him eat, how he truly enjoyed the cupcake and how much he had already changed since last night when I could barely get him to leave the hospital. I was a little bit hesitant about believing this to be permanent, because it could easily be a spur of the moment thing. I didn't want to think about it though; I would deal it when it came.

He finished his and I broke a piece of mine off, feeding it to him. "Sweet tooth," I teased.

Logan shrugged and got himself another piece, getting chocolate on the corner of his mouth. I chuckled and wiped it off, while he sneaked the last piece of the cupcake out of the cup and ate that too. "Hey!"

"It's my birthday," He said sweetly, licking his fingers.

"Hmm. Alright then."

"My fingers are sticky now."

"That's what you get for stealing my cupcake."

Logan pouted and I leaned into give him a kiss. "Come, we'll take a shower."

RRRRRRRRRRRRRR

After our hour-long shower in which we didn't really do anything but talk and kiss, I took Logan downstairs and made us smoothies. We sat at the table and for a little while I went over the bills and other letters while rubbing Logan's feet in my lap. None of it was important enough to pay immediate attention to so I quickly stopped.

We went house searching then and decided that if we wanted to move this along we would have to contact a real estate agent. We knew what we wanted now and had an idea of where we wanted to go, now was the time to actually start visiting some places.

The best part was seeing how excited Logan was about this. He was really looking forward to leaving this place and getting a new chance in a new house, he deserved it too. After all we've been through it was our turn to get some peace and quiet. We would never get that here, not after the band and all the bad people we met here.

Logan wanted a place for the kids to grow up safely; somewhere we could let them ride bikes on the street without having to watch them. A house with a big backyard so we could get a swing or maybe with a big tree to build a tree house in.

What I loved most was how open he was about what he wanted. I loved that he told me exactly what he wanted so I could get it for him. I loved his ideas for the house and I loved the idea of my children having a better place to grow up in. But most of all I loved how much Logan wanted this, that he was working towards something. I hoped it would help him get better, back to being happy.

Logan kept swiping through houses on the website while I ran my fingers over his side and kept my cheek against his hair. This was just as perfect as having him in my arms in bed, or cuddling together in the shower. He was so relaxed, lying back against my chest and simply looking through rooms in houses. Little thing hadn't been this happy since the summer.

"Look how cute they did the nursery! We could do something like that for Kenzie."

"It's great, Logie."

"With the curtain like that and the carpet, but I like our white furniture better than that dark wooden crib."

I nodded and just listened to him, marveling at how good this nap had been for him. It was almost like we were back four months, looking through baby clothes together or just sitting here while Logan read a book. I ran my fingers over his wrist, turning the beads up again. It was a bit loose now, but I hoped it would fit better once Logan got better.

"Kendall?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you still okay with my bedroom idea?"

"Yes, more than okay."

He nodded and took a deep breath, as if that had been bothering him a lot. "I found the right color green, do you want to see it?"

"Of course."

Logan went to another website and opened his saved items, mostly paint colors and fabric samples for curtains. He clicked one and showed me the soft green color that reminded me of the sun shining through leaves. "It's really beautiful, Logie."

"I want this one," He told me quietly. "In the new house."

"You can do it exactly as you want to, sweetie. I want you to feel comfortable there."

"Then you just have to be there," Logan whispered.

"I will be, love," I murmured, placing my lips against his neck. "You're not getting rid of me easily."

"I don't want to get rid of you at all."

I closed my eyes and crossed my arms over his chest, holding him tight. "Thank god we're on the same page about that."

Logan struggled and turned around to wrap his arms around my neck. "You really, really can't leave again."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He nodded, but stayed right where he was. "It doesn't matter how much you say it, I don't really believe it yet," Logan whispered.

"You don't have to believe it yet, I've no problem reminding you that for the next few weeks."

I felt him smile and I leaned my cheek against his, wondering if there was anything else I could do for him now. Logan seemed to be just fine though, it was probably better to not do anything and keep holding him until he was finished. It was strange how quickly he went from being really happy I was here to being totally paranoid that I would leave him.

"Keira didn't want to go away today," Logan muttered. "She was really anxious for some reason, it took me a while to convince her there was nothing wrong."

"I guess that's what we'll have to deal with for a while. It's not that strange she would feel scared after being tossed around for so long. Keira just wants to be sure she can always come back."

"We've to show her, Kendall. I don't want her to feel like that."

"And she won't once she sees we're staying right here."

Logan nodded. "She seems so big sometimes but she's only six," He whispered. "We've to be really, really good to her."

"We'll spoil both of them with lots of gifts on Christmas and until then with all the attention they deserve. Keira will be fine, sweetie."

"We have to let her in on the house thing a bit early. She'll feel important that we let her in on something no one else knows yet."

"That's probably a good idea."

Logan nodded and pulled away a little bit. "How are we going to tell James and Carlos?"

"I don't know yet," I sighed. "But they knew that it would happen at some point, we can't stay together forever."

"How will they react?"

"I think they'll only show us support and happiness, they would never think badly of us for leaving. They probably won't like it though."

He bit his lip and looked down. "What if... What if they propose to come with us? Like last time? Do we want that?"

Everything from Logan's tone to his posture told me that he did not want that. I couldn't figure out why until I thought of all that had been going on the last months and that he now associated James and Carlos with those bad memories. He didn't want to be reminded of that every day in a new place. "They won't want to, Logie," I said softly. "They have their lives and jobs here."

"You're probably right," He whispered. "Are you mad at me for not wanting them as close anymore?"

"No, I'm not." I took his face in my hands so I could look in his eyes. "I understand where you're coming from and I would probably feel the same way. And it's not like we won't see them ever again, but for now we'll just keep some distance."

"I feel really bad about that. They've done so much for me and now everything is good again we're not sharing it with them."

"James and Carlos won't see it like that, baby."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," I answered, thinking of my talk with James. He had encouraged me to focus on Logan and do what he wanted, if I made Logan happy this way they would never think ill of it.

Logan smiled a bit and then leaned in to kiss me. I ran my fingers over his cheeks and pulled him closer, parting my lips to move this on. I missed being close to Logan a lot while I was in the hospital, it hit hard when he told me he wasn't ready yet.

He put his leg to my other side so he was straddling me, moving his hand up until it was in my hair. I put my hands on his waist and ran my fingers over the skin above his sweats. Logan's skin was as soft as ever and he still reacted the same way when I touched him.

He pressed closer to me when I ran my hands up over his back and started kissing down his jaw to his neck. Logan grabbed onto me tighter and I heard his breathing speed up, it was difficult to keep this slow pace. All I wanted was to rip his clothes of and make love to him right here. I've had dreams of doing so, I wanted nothing more for our first day here.

I took his shirt and pulled it off of him, running my hands over his sides as I claimed his lips again. Logan's hands were on my chest now, gripping my shirt tightly. I remembered how reluctant he'd been in the hospital to move any further, that he wanted to wait until we were home. I was glad he appeared to be okay now.

Even after a few minutes of kissing Logan never moved his hands any and I realized he was nervous. I pulled away and took his hands off my chest, then pulled my shirt off. Logan hesitantly put his hands on my shoulders, only to quickly wrap them around my neck again and hide his face in the crook of my neck. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked him worriedly.

"I c-can't yet," He whispered, holding onto me tighter. "I'm s-sorry."

I closed my eyes and let my hands fall back to his waist. "It's okay," I murmured, "Don't worry about it, love."

"It's n-not o-okay."

I sighed and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch, wrapping it around his back. "You're not ready, Logie. I don't blame you for that. Besides, this is your day. If you're not up to something we're not doing it."

"But you wanted to."

"I can wait," I told him softly. "It should be something you want to do too, not to please me. I'll be perfectly happy as long as you stay right here."

He nodded and pressed his lips against my neck. "I love you," Logan whispered.

"I love you too." I wrapped my arm around his waist to hold him close. "Come, lie down with me."

He did, placing his ear over my heart. I ran my hand over his back while staring up at the ceiling. It hurt more than I wanted to let him know, not today at least. "Logie, can you tell me why you're so scared to do this?"

His hand tightened in my shirt and he stared ahead of him, refusing to meet my eyes and acknowledge the question. Telling me what was wrong was probably just as scary as doing it.

"You don't have to now," I murmured, feeling how he relaxed again. "Just think about it and tell me later."

"Thank you," Logan whispered.

"For what?"

"Not pushing me," He answered and rubbed his cheek against my chest.

I nodded and ran my fingers over his side, then went for the remote and turned on the TV. We watched our favorite documentaries and went on with the Big Bang Theory, which we both enjoyed.

Logan kept really quiet and I feared it was still because of what I did earlier. I should never have pushed it; today was all about him and what he wanted. I had to wait, this was not my time. First I had to focus on Logan and make sure he got lots of rest and food and cuddles, meanwhile I had to make sure Keira and Kegan were doing alright and see to it that I gave Kenzie enough attention. After all that I would get to ask things of Logan again, that was how it worked. I had to make sure all of my babies were doing fine and being happy.

"Kendall?"

"Hmm?"

"I still have cookies from when Carlos brought them over Monday."

I grinned. "You wanna get them or should I?"

Logan was already up and I watched him rush to the kitchen shirtless, then come back with the cookie tin. "Come quick before you get cold."

He shrugged, but gladly settled back in my lap and let himself be wrapped in the blanket. Logan opened it and gave me my favorite hazelnut one while he took the chocolate chip. He settled back against my chest and went on watching TV, taking little bites from his cookie.

We ate them all and Logan went back to leaning quietly against me, running his fingers over my arm. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

He looked up and smiled a bit, though it wasn't very convincing. Maybe the energy he got from the nap had run out and it was time for another one. I put my hand on his cheek, pulling his head back against my shoulder. I ran my fingers over his side and kissed his forehead, then laid down. Logan put his head back on my chest and within minutes he fell asleep.

"Little love," I murmured, "Don't hurt yourself."

I kissed Logan's forehead and closed my own eyes, I wasn't tired but just lying on my own couch in my own house with my Logie was perfect. We were almost through his list of things he wanted to do and I had already decided we would make curry for dinner. He loved curry.

I wanted to see if we had any ice cream for dessert, on his birthday I would get him as much sweet treats as I could. Maybe we had some ingredients to make a cake.

I could do something romantic, set up the table with a white sheet and candles, see if we had a nice wine somewhere or else use apple cider, feed him little bits, rub his feet under the table with mine... Logan would love that. He loved being courted and it had been a while since I did anything like it, not even in the months before my surgery.

I would love to see him blush and try not to smile. It was my favorite thing about Logan, that it was so easy to see through his façades and see how much he liked things. Today I wanted him to be as happy and cheerful as I could make him.

Carefully I pulled my arms back and grabbed a pillow for Logan to rest his head on. I slipped out from under him and wrapped him tightly in the blanket before pulling on my shirt and going to the kitchen. I could make a chocolate cake and serve it with vanilla ice cream; we always had those delicious little cups for the kids. Logan thought they were just as good as they did.

I made cake batter and added a generous amount of cocoa and chocolate bits. This was too much for today, but it would be fun to have some with the kids tomorrow so they could sing to daddy for his birthday. I didn't start the curry yet, Logan made it really clear that he wanted to cook together. I did set the table with candles and the nice china and wine glasses. I didn't find any, apple juice would have to do.

I was just making tea to drink while we cooked when Logan came in, wrapped in the blanket and rubbing his eyes. "What do I smell?" He asked sleepily.

I smiled, he was adorable when he just woke up. "Chocolate cake for dessert."

"Oh. I like that." He smiled up at me and I pulled him into a hug.

"I hoped so," I murmured into his hair, turning him slightly so he could look at the table without letting go of me. "I figured we could do something romantic for dinner."

Logan blushed and put his head against my chest. "That's a long time ago."

"Too long ago. Besides, I still owe you one for our anniversary back in September."

He didn't answer me and I remembered him telling me something about that day a while back. "Want to tell me about it?" I asked gently, not wanting to press too much about the last few months. Today he didn't have to think about that, today he should relax and think of how bright our future would become.

"I put battery powered candles in your room and turned the light off, then I laid in bed with you for a long time. You were cold."

I held onto him tighter and pressed my lips against his hair. "Let's replace that memory with a better one."

"Please."

I put my hand on his cheek and made him look up at me. Logan really didn't want to be reminded of the last few months, he wanted nice things now. The look in his eyes was so hopeless though, as if he would never be able to distance himself from all that happened and forever live in fear of something like it happening again. I placed my lips against his forehead softly, kissing my way down to his lips. "Don't worry today. Just you and me and nothing ever happened."

He nodded quickly and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me down for another kiss. We stood like that for a while, exchanging these really soft little brushes of our lips. I pulled away eventually, rubbing my nose against his before reaching down to pick him up. I wasn't supposed to, but I really wanted to coddle my Logie for a little bit and that included him not walking.

I brought him back to the couch and pulled him in my lap. Logan buried his face in the crook of my neck, keeping his arms tight around me. "I forgot to make tea," I muttered in an attempt to humor him. "I boiled water, I just forgot to make tea of it."

But he didn't react and I knew he was still with his thoughts at the very lonely anniversary he had with me in the hospital. As soon as I could I would take him out somewhere really fancy and romantic and make up for all the time I missed, but for now tonight would have to do.

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Okay sounds better than what you had most nights the past month."

"I like knowing you're near," Logan muttered, "But it's not as good as waking up in your arms like this morning."

I smiled softly and kissed his hair. "I'm staying with you again tonight, love."

"And every night?"

"Tonight and every night after that," I promised.

"Okay."

"These naps work for you though, don't they?"

Logan nodded. "I feel better after them."

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to keep that going for a while, take a nap when we put Kenzie down in the afternoon before we have to go get the kids."

"Okay."

"It'll give us so much more time to cuddle, Logie," I murmured excitedly, rubbing my hands up his sides.

I felt him smile and I pressed another kiss to his cheek. He was just so precious, my little Logie who got so happy from the idea of spending a lot of time curled up in bed. I truly found my soul mate.

The oven beeped and I was disappointed that this moment with my Logie was over. I loved the way he clung to me now, how he felt relaxed and at ease in my arms and how he pressed little kisses to my neck. "Let's get your cake and start dinner," I muttered to him, placing a soft kiss on his temple.

"But we do have to do a taste test."

I chuckled. "We'll do a taste test, sweetie."

Logan and I fed each other little bits from the cake while we worked on the curry and I could feel how much he liked this without even looking at him. It was so nice to know that this was helping him, that he would get better day after day. I kept touching him as much as I could, placing my hand on his back or waist when I passed him or running my fingers over his arm while he stirred. At first unconsciously, but even more when I realized what I did and how it made Logan smile every time.

I put the pans on the table and held his chair back for him, which gave him that sweet blush on his cheeks. During dinner we mainly talked about the kids and what James and Carlos had been up to the last few weeks. They had been working both while taking care of Logan and our children and I now figured how relieved they would be as well that it was all over. It would be nice for them to finally settle in with Ally and spend more time together with the four of them.

Logan brought up my mother briefly, because James had also told him that my mom invited us all over for Christmas Eve. I told him we wouldn't be going, that we would spend the 24th at home, setting up the tree with the kids and drinking generous amounts of chocolate milk. He looked visibly more relaxed after that. I put the dishes in the washer and then brought the cake to the table along with the ice cream.

"Go ahead," I told him as I presented him with a knife.

Logan grinned and sliced off one big piece, he put it on a plate and put ice cream next to it before getting up and moving to my side of the table. I smiled softly when I moved my chair back and pulled Logan in my lap. "The food on your plate is always better than mine."

I kissed his cheek and took the fork, getting a little bite and feeding it to Logan. "I'm sure it is."

We ate the cake together and took another piece, before cleaning up the kitchen and moving back upstairs. Logan was tired, he didn't want to say so but he did lean against me more and more. "Bed or bath?" I asked when I closed the bedroom door.

"We already showered."

"So? On your birthday you can do whatever you like."

He smiled. "Then a bath."

I drew a bath with the bubbles and salt Logan liked and even managed to find some dusty candles and some matches. My little husband was sitting on the bed, going through some photos. "Carlos sent these of Kegan in the waterpark."

I sat next to him and chuckled when I saw my son going down the slide face first. There were some more of him doing silly things and then two of Keira checking up on Kenzie in the stroller. She was such a caring sister. "I told James we would call them before bed," I remembered suddenly.

"Oh. Now is just in time."

We called Carlos and got to talk to Keira and Kegan right before story time. Kegan told us all about the slide while Keira was strangely quiet. She never talked much, but now she had just said hi. Maybe I should've taken Logan a bit more serious when he had been so persistent about giving her more attention. I would make a decision tomorrow, when I'd seen her.

We ended the call with the promise we would see them tomorrow. "Keira's not doing well," Logan mumbled when he put the phone down.

"She's not," I agreed, staring at my hands.

"Maybe we should keep her home Monday, give her a little bit of time alone with us. We've never put her first before, but she really needs it now."

It hurt him deeply that he hadn't been able to help her. I sighed and pulled him against me, trying to find the right words but not exactly getting anywhere. I too felt as if I'd failed as a parent. "We'll keep her home Monday," I told him. "But the only thing that'll help her is to see that we'll stay."

He nodded and put his head against my shoulder, swallowing away the tears. I pulled him up gently and took him with me to the bathroom, eager to get him into the calming, warm water. I got in first, pulling Logan close as soon as he sat down. He put his head on my shoulder and his hand on my chest, still pressing really close. "We should've been with them today, it wasn't fair to have you all to myself when Keira needs us."

"Logie, listen to me," I said softly, holding him tighter so he couldn't get away. "Keira and Kegan have been really well cared for the past months. Everyone tried to act in their best interest, my mother, James and Carlos, you, even Katie and Dak. They were fed, bathed, dressed, got to school and their clubs every day."

"But they aren't happy."

"No, they're not," I admitted, running a few fingers through his hair. "Are you happy though?"

Logan only shook his head.

"You didn't have anyone for a long time to take care of you, while you could've used the help just as much. Not until there was really no other way did James and Carlos take you in. I've seen how bad you were doing, sweetie," I muttered, "You need this day way more than Keira and Kegan do."

Logan whimpered softly and I pressed my lips against his forehead, feeling his tears drip on my shoulder. "You have nothing to feel guilty for, you deserved to have one day to yourself after all these months on your own."

This was something he needed to let out though, the pain he felt for putting himself before his children. Logan had never done that consciously before. I had put him before my children several times, but always when Keira and Kegan did well so it wasn't as conflicting. "It's your turn, Logie."

He nodded, but for a long time after that he couldn't stop crying. I didn't mind, I had expected a lot more tears today and I had been wondering when it would come again. Just the relieve it was finally over and finally letting go of your worries was what had brought me near them this morning before James picked me up. Logan had much more layers, all of them piled up since I went into a coma. I would probably be dealing with more of these sudden tears.

"Don't think about it, love. We'll see them tomorrow."

Logan nodded again, this time a bit firmer. "It's m-my turn now."

"It's your turn," I agreed, placing my hand on his cheek.

We stayed in the water like that until it got too cold, then Logan told me he wanted to go to bed. He leaned against me while I rubbed him dry, staring at us in the mirror. He was tired, but I didn't think he wanted to go to sleep yet. "Want to watch a movie?" I asked him.

Logan nodded. I helped him get dressed before putting on some boxers myself and getting us to bed. He just leaned against me while I scrolled through our films, I wanted something light and fun, one of Logan's favorites. I settled for Pirates and made Logan lie down on his side, facing away from me. He didn't appreciate that and tried to turn around until I put the laptop in front of him and laid down behind him, pulling him to me tight. "I'm not letting go of you," I murmured, tucking his head under my chin and pulling the blanket all the way up to his to cocoon him in warmth.

He just put his hands on my arm and squeezed softly, signing me he loved this. For half an hour he was quiet and still, but he also never let go of my arm. I guess it had something to do with finally being in bed together, working towards falling asleep together after so long. It must be strange for him, to finally have what he wanted for such a long time.

We were halfway into the movie when I noticed how much Logan was fighting the sleep. "How about we go to sleep, Logie?"

He just nodded and wriggled until he could tuck his head under my chin and hide away. Logan was exhausted; the movie probably hadn't been a good idea. I closed the laptop and just let it sit on the bed, there was no way Logan would be rolling away from me tonight. It would be safe for tonight.

"Will you hum to me?"

I nodded and pulled him closer, this night had to be perfect. It had to be exactly like he had dreamed it would be the past months. So I started humming 'You're beautiful' and ran my fingers through his hair until I was sure he was out.

I hoped he wouldn't wake up tonight. I hoped he wouldn't have nightmares and that he would wake me up if he did. The last thing I wanted was for him to be scared now that I was here. He didn't have to be.

I glanced down to look at what I could see of his buried face. I hadn't looked at him enough today, my beautiful love. I couldn't wait until he had his sparkle back, until he laughed out loud again, until he would come to me to share something happy instead of all this misery.

Later this week I would make an appointment with a realtor, a morning when Keira and Kegan were in school. Maybe if he saw we were getting a move on moving he would be more optimistic. I would love to see him smile at me like this morning.

"I'll make you happy again," I promised him. "I'll make sure you're safe and loved, like I've always done."

I buried my nose in his hair and enjoyed his familiar smell. I was home, finally. Right here with Logan, like I should have been all along. I would make sure we wouldn't be apart again for a long time, not until he was sure I wouldn't leave. "I can't wait until you'll be my little smarty pants again, but until then I'll take care of you."

I closed my eyes and suddenly felt how tired I was too. Focusing on an immensely sad Logan all day was tiring, but even more so because I also still needed a lot of rest. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to nap with him when Kenzie went to sleep during the day. Logan definitely wouldn't mind if I stayed with him the whole time.

I would see tomorrow. I had more than enough time to spend with him now I was home. I smiled to myself as I drifted off. Yes, we wouldn't have to spend a single minute apart for a long time.

I smiled to myself when the sun hit my face; we'd forgotten to close the curtains last night. It didn't matter, this was still one of the best mornings I had in a long time. Logan was still sprawled out, his arm and head on my chest, the rest of his body hanging out on the mattress.

He had only woken up once, when a car alarm went off outside that woke me up too. I had pulled him close and as soon as it stopped he'd fallen asleep again. It had been fantastic. It was past ten, we'd been asleep for well over twelve hours. I never told James and Carlos what time we would pick up our kids, but since it was Sunday we weren't really in a hurry. I had promised Logan pancakes, we would have to eat those first. And I really wanted to take a shower.

I saw Logan sneak a peek through his eyelashes, but he quickly closed his eyes again. I grinned and took my hand off his arm, running it lightly over his side where I knew he was ticklish. He squirmed and pushed my hand away, glaring at me when he opened his eyes. "No tickling!"

"Oh. Who made that rule?"

"I did, I wasn't done pretending to sleep yet."

I smirked, moving my other arm around his chest so he couldn't get away. "It really sounds like a rule that needs to be broken though."

"No, it doesn't!" He squeaked when I started tickling his stomach. "Kendall stop!"

"No, why should I?" I turned him over and sat on his legs so I could use both hands. He giggled and tried slapping my hands away, but he could barely catch a breath from laughing so hard.

"K-Kendall, st-stop! P-please!"

"Not until you gimme a kiss."

Logan tried getting up and I gave him a hand, holding him close when he kissed me softly and put his cheek on my chest again. I melted then, seeing how much he just wanted to be close. I sat back against the headboard and held him in my lap. "Good morning, Logie," I said softly, placing soft kisses on his temple and forehead.

"Hey," He said, smiling up at me.

"How did you sleep?"

"Good."

I grinned happily and saw surprise in his eyes, then his smile widened as well. Maybe the key to getting his smile back was to show him my own smile. "That's great, baby."

"It's just sleep."

"Not just sleep. It's good for you, you look better."

"You look better."

I smiled and shook my head, running my fingers over his cheek. "There is no way I look more beautiful than you do."

Logan blushed and wanted to turn his head down, but I put my hand under his chin. "Don't hide from me? I want to look at you."

And just then I saw the tiniest hint of his sparkle, just a little glitter really deep down. Like the reflection of water in a deep well. It was gone just as fast. I had to spend more time telling him these things, I'd known one time wouldn't do it but I still felt sad to see it go. "I love you," I told him, trying to remember how much I'd said it yesterday. Not nearly enough.

"I love you too," He whispered, wrapping his arms around my neck and placing his lips on mine. I eagerly went with it, we hadn't kissed enough either yesterday. I would need another whole day with him to satisfy my need.

"Come, Logie," I said when I pulled away, moving my arms to pick him up. "Let's go take a shower."

We got undressed and into the shower and I was so ready to continue kissing him when I remembered how reluctant he was to move further. I hesitated only for a little while, just kissing didn't seem to bother him and as long as my hands didn't wander it should be fine. I only wanted to show him that I wanted him.

I leaned in and kissed him softly, closing my arms around his middle. This was the easiest way while also holding Logan close. He didn't seem to mind; he wrapped his arms around my neck and stepped closer to me.

I made sure to keep him mostly under the hot water and got lost in his kisses. This was still one of the best things ever, something only I could ever experience. I couldn't wait until he got better and he allowed me to show him how much I loved him again. How much I wanted him that close.

I would be gentle. I was always gentle but the first time we would again I would make a point of it. We would spend a really long time just kissing, only moving further when he did the little whine thing that told me he wanted to go on. Logan rarely wanted to lead and I felt more comfortable leading, so I would hover over him and trail my lips down his body, nibbling in all the places I knew he liked. I loved seeing him shiver and know I was doing something well. I loved when he finally stopped holding back and moaned for me when I got further down. Most of all I loved how he clung to me when he came undone.

I was awoken by my daydream when Logan stopped kissing me and struggled to get away from me. I let go of him in surprise, but instantly took his hand when I saw how shaken he was. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"You and- but I can't... I can't."

Just then I realized my thoughts had caused something else, which had scared Logan. "Logie, I'm sorry. That's just what you do to me. I would never try anything until you wanted to."

I took his other hand and pulled him closer, but not too close. "Please don't worry about it?"

He nodded quickly and wrapped his arms around my neck again. "I know," Logan whispered. "I just panicked."

"It's okay," I soothed, running my fingers over his back. "But could you explain to me why? Maybe I can do something about it."

"You can't."

"Still, baby. I would really like to know."

"I don't want to tell you."

That hurt. I bit my lip and put my chin on his head. It did have something to do with me then. I didn't hurt him, did I? I couldn't remember all that much from the summer, but I was sure I would know it if I'd ever forced him into anything. No. I knew myself well enough to know I would never have done that. "You know I wouldn't hold it over you, Logie. How can it get better when I don't know what I'm doing wrong?"

"You're doing nothing wrong," He said quietly. Logan turned off the water and got out of the shower. That was the first time since I got home that he willingly let go of me and took more than a step away from me.

"Then what is it?" I almost snapped. I never meant to hurt him and I didn't appreciate it that he wouldn't let me help him. I wanted nothing more. I could only just control myself. It wasn't fair what he was doing now, I was trying to help him, but I couldn't when he didn't let me.

Logan ignored me and kept his back towards me, wrapped in that towel that hid his little body away. I stared at him, wondering if I should be mad that he didn't answer me or investigate further.

The decision was made for me when I saw his shoulders shake. "Aw, Logie," I murmured, quickly going over to wrap him in my arms. "Please don't bottle it up and hide it away. If you really don't want to talk to me then go to James or Carlos. Just don't crop it up, it's not worth it."

I sat down and pulled him on my leg, carefully rubbing him dry while he let tears drip on my shoulder. I felt sorry for him, obviously this was conflicting with other feelings and he didn't know what was better.

When we were both dry I took him to our room and gave him one of my shirts and sweats. He could probably use the comfort. I threw some clothes on and wanted to take him downstairs, but Logan pulled on my hand to keep me here. We sat on the bed and he leaned into my side. For a few minutes I thought that was it, but then he took a deep breath and looked up at me, only to turn his head down.

"I feel like you failed me," He whispered. "You promised you would stay and then you didn't. But now you're back I can only think of how long it will take before I lose you again and I don't want to get too close." He said it all really fast and then sobbed once before pulling himself together again. "I k-know it's irrational and not f-fair, b-but I can't h-h-help feeling it."

It was unfair; I couldn't help being almost murdered. I wanted nothing more than to stay with him, love him for the rest of his life. "I understand," I said quietly, even though I only did half. "Thank you for telling me."

Now that he had confided in me and I knew why it had been so hard to tell me I wished he never had. It hurt a lot that in all those years I hadn't built enough confidence in him that he would believe I would always come back. I would never leave him.

"I didn't want to say anything because you would be hurt," He whispered.

I nuzzled his temple, before placing my chin on his head. "You're sweet," I said softly, "But it hurts way more to see you struggle with something and I don't know what it is."

"Can we just go really slow? Maybe get used to being here together again and go from there?"

"Sure, Logie."

He gave me a small smile and kissed my cheek. "Pancakes?"

I grinned. "Yes."

Hi babies!"

"Papa!" Kegan cried happily and run toward me.

I picked him up and held him above my head. "When have you gotten so big?" Kegan was actually a child now; he had completely lost his toddler build. It was then I realized it was only four months until his fifth birthday. I put him on my arm and kissed his forehead, I was glad to have him here again.

Logan was on his knees hugging Keira, whose little body was shaking. I looked over at James, who seemed a bit nervous. "Keira didn't really have a good time, she was really homesick. I'd never seen her like that."

I frowned and put Kegan on the ground, then crouched down next to Logan to put my hand on Keira's back. Kegan followed me and wrapped his little arms around my arm. Keira looked up and then moved closer to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Hi sweetheart," I muttered, rubbing slowly over her back. "What's up?"

Logan pried Kegan from my arm, who didn't really appreciate that until after Logan promised him a cookie and lemonade. I picked Keira up and she hid her face in the crook of my neck. "She'll be okay," I told James. "Thank you."

"No problem, we had a fun time yesterday. And Kenzie was really good."

I smiled a bit and glanced at my sleeping baby in her stroller.

"Alright. I'm gonna get going. Are you guys eating over tomorrow?"

"Uh, sure."

"Great, see you guys then." James waved at Logan and then left, as if nothing ever happened.

"You wanna come eat cookies with us?" I asked Keira, lifting her chin to look at her face. She did look really sad and as if she hadn't slept in a while.

Keira nodded, keeping her arms tight around my neck.

I grabbed the stroller and brought it to the kitchen so Kenzie could be with us too. I sat down and held Keira in my lap, hoping she would feel better in a little while. She was home now.

"Look, honey. Chocolate chip cookies."

But Keira wasn't really interested and leaned against me. "How was it in the amusement park, Kegie?" Logan asked him, while wiping off crumbs from his cheek.

"I went on the dino ride!"

"Great, buddy. Did it go hard?"

"Really, really hard!"

"What else did you do?"

Kegan proceeded to tell about his amusement park adventures while Keira slowly stopped crying and took a cookie after all. I ran my fingers through her curls, not liking at all how knotty they felt. I always took perfect care of her hair, but I guess that hadn't been on anyone's mind lately.

"Who wants pizza tonight?" I asked my kids when Kegan had nothing more to say.

"I do!" He yelled happily. Keira nodded and Logan smiled, it was something we all loved. Something rare, because everyone had different food preferences.

"Daddy, I want to watch the dragon movie," Kegan announced, climbing off of Logan.

"I'll set it up for you."

I kissed the top of Keira's head. "Go watch the movie with Kegan, baby."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I want to stay with you."

That little sentence reminded me of Logan a lot and I hugged her back. "I'll join you in a moment, Kenzie needs a bottle."

Keira nodded and ran to the living room to join Logan and Kegan. I went over to Kenzie, who was still sleeping but wouldn't be for much longer. "Hi baby," I murmured, running my fingers over her tummy. "I'm glad you're here. And that I'm here."

I left her before I would wake her up and made her a bottle. If Logan could entertain Keira and Kegan for a little while longer I would get some time with my youngest, for the first time actually alone.

"Perfect timing," I told myself when Kenzie whimpered and opened her eyes, just as I closed the lid on the bottle.

I took her out of the stroller and shook the bottle until all the formula dissolved. "There we go," I whispered when she started drinking. Kenzie stared up at me with her huge round eyes, so much like Logan's except for the color.

"Our first day all home, junior. Are you excited? I am, I missed you, and your brother and sister, and daddy. We'll have a really fun time together, just hanging out and talking and cuddling. Doesn't that sound amazing?"

Kenzie put her little hand on my finger and I took it as a sign that she loved nothing more than that. "I love you, Kenzie. I'll tell you everyday so you won't forget."

She finished quickly and I was really relieved that her eating habits had gotten better. Kenzie was the last thing I wanted to worry about. I grabbed a cloth and put her over my shoulder, patting her back until she burped.

I kept her against my chest and started walking around, hoping the motion would help her get back to sleep. I'd forgotten how easy newborns were to take care of compared to older children. Tiny babies never got into any trouble, they just wanted to be fed and changed and cuddled. Kenzie loved being held, I didn't know much but I knew that about my third child.

I wandered with her to the living room, feeling my heart swell again when I saw Logan sitting on the couch with a kid cuddled in either of his sides. He looked up and smiled at me, then went back to running his fingers over Keira's arm.

I decided then that I wanted to be part of that picture, it was still early and dinner could wait a little longer. I went back to get Kenzie's blanket, then I sat on the other end of the couch. Kegan left Logan's side to get in my lap and I saw Logan longingly look at Kenzie. I handed her over and was immediately met with an armful of Kegan who loved being clingy now and then.

It was how we spent the next hour, watching the movie together. Logan lay down at some point with Kenzie on his chest and Keira against his side, his feet touching my leg. This was exactly what I'd been looking forward to the last month, I wanted nothing more than to have this day alone with my family and now it was finally here.

I glanced over at Logan, who seemed incredibly relaxed holding both our daughters. I hadn't seen him like that since way before my coma. Keira seemed happier now too, or at least not sad anymore. It would be a little while before she would start believing again that all would be fine. Kegan wasn't like that, the moment he saw the both of us here he went back to his cheery self. Kenzie was too young to notice anything that was going on, but she too seemed to notice the difference. She was much more relaxed here.

I rubbed Logan's foot and he smiled at me briefly, probably thinking of the same thing. "I love you," I mouthed to him. Logan's grin and blush were answer enough.

When the movie was over Kegan ran off to go do whatever it was he did and Keira grabbed her pencils to get on her favorite pass time. Logan went to change and feed Kenzie upstairs and I was left with nothing to do. It was a really strange sensation to get home after such a long time and be completely out of the routine. I had no idea if there was anything to be done, like laundry or bed making and perhaps it was better to just not think about it until tomorrow.

So I stayed on the couch and zapped until I found sports. There was a summary of that week's hockey matches, which was perfect for now. Mindlessly I watched until Logan came down the stairs. He sat next to me and leaned into my side. "Can't believe you're watching sports."

"The kids are playing by themselves and you've got Kenzie, I don't really have anything else to do."

"It's so boring."

I smiled slightly and kissed the top of his head. "Then don't watch."

"It's okay for now," Logan murmured, closing his eyes. "More than okay."

I put my arm around his waist and focused on the sports again. It felt great to just sit here; it was everything I'd been looking forward to. Home, Logan, my baby daughter, Keira drawing and Kegan running around upstairs.

I smiled to myself again. Oh, what a boring life we would lead if this was all I did for the rest of it. I knew I wouldn't, I was to antsy for that. I wanted to be on my feet, do things for my family and run it like I used to do. I loved being a stay at home dad. James and Carlos and eventually Logan could work all they wanted, I would gladly stay here and watch the kids. It wasn't a job that got me much glory, but it brought me joy.

"This is almost too good to be true," Logan whispered.

I nodded slowly, it really was. "I'm glad to see you so happy," I told him, leaning my forehead against his. "We'll be okay, sweetie."

He nodded and leaned in to place his lips against mine. "I love you."

"I love you too."

After dinner we took the kids upstairs for a long bath. I helped both my children in their pajamas and with their teeth while Logan bathed Kenzie. We all piled up in the big bed and Logan read a story, a long one.

By the time he finished Kegan had fallen asleep and Keira was rubbing her eyes. Logan took Kegan and I went with Keira. I sat on the edge of her bed and ran my fingers through her hair. "Sweet dreams, Keke."

"Are you staying with us now?" She asked me quietly.

"Yes, I am."

"Promise?"

"I swear, sweetheart."

"I r-really missed you," Keira whispered.

It was all I needed to get the blanket out of the way and pull her back in my lap. "I'm sorry for being gone for so long, baby. But I'm really not going anywhere for a long time."

"And d-daddy?"

"Daddy is not going anywhere either, I won't let him."

"Is he still sad?"

"No, Keke. Maybe just a little bit, but that will go away soon now we're all here."

"Okay."

I ran my fingers through her hair and placed my chin on her head. "Are you sad?"

Keira nodded and I felt a lump in my throat because that was the absolute last thing I wanted.

"Why, sweetie?"

"I want to stay with you now. And with K-Kegan."

"You don't have to go anywhere." I took her face in my hand to make her look at me. "The last few months some things happened that we didn't know about before and because of that I got really sick and I had to stay in the hospital. Daddy was really sad then, which was why you stayed with grandma."

"Grandma s-said mean things a-about d-daddy," She whispered.

"I'm sure she didn't mean it," I muttered, but I wasn't really convinced myself. "Daddy and I both really wanted to be here with you and from now on we will be. I'm still a little bit sick, so I'll be home with you guys a lot."

Keira nodded and reached out for me again, so I pulled her into another hug. "Let's lie down, Keke. I'll stay with you for a little bit." She lay down next to, hiding her little face against my chest. "It'll all be okay, baby."

I ran my fingers through her hair and hummed softly until I was sure she had fallen asleep. Carefully I got out of her bed and sneaked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Kegan's was already closed so I went back to my own bedroom.

Logan was sitting in bed, holding Kenzie on his knees so he could look at her face. "I'll go brush my teeth."

He nodded, never taking his eyes off our baby. I went into the bathroom and shed off my clothes, eager to get back to my Logie and cuddle with him. Today had been amazing and I wanted to end it the way I liked best; with my arms around my baby.

I finished quickly and went back to him, then got in next to him. Logan glanced at me, but his smile was gone and it immediately alarmed me. He was nervous about something, why?

"I have to show you something," He said quietly. "And it's really strange, but it is also really important to me now and I don't want to give it up."

"I'm sure that I can handle whatever it is, after all we've been through there's not that much I haven't seen yet."

Logan bit his lip and didn't answer that, which made me a tiny bit worried. He gave me Kenzie and proceeded to take his shirt off, he grabbed a pillow and put it in his lap. I was lost at this point, but even more so when he took Kenzie back and put her on the pillow close to his chest.

At first I didn't see anything weird, but then I noticed how Kenzie was at his chest and drinking of all things. I shouldn't even have been surprised; this was something that fitted in exactly with all the other odd things that happened to Logan.

"So the chest pain..."

"That was from before I knew, it doesn't hurt anymore now."

I nodded, sliding an arm around his waist. I put the other under his legs and quickly moved him between mine, then wrapped him in my arms so he wouldn't get cold. "Strange little thing you are," I told him softly, placing my head on his shoulder to watch my baby being fed.

"So you're okay with this?" He asked quietly.

"I think it's beautiful, love."

Logan put his hand on my arm and squeezed softly, that had been what he wanted to hear. I put my head on Logan's shoulder and watched my daughter drink. I wanted to ask how long he'd been doing this, but stopped myself. Logan would just feel guilty for not telling me.

Kenzie pulled away and started whimpering, Logan turned her around and helped her on his other side. It was so sweet to see her hungry little mouth searching out Logan and then her little hand resting on his chest.

"This also stopped her problem with the feedings, didn't it?"

"Yes, she likes this too. I've been doing all the night feedings this way, it's easier than getting up to prepare a bottle."

"That's actually a really good idea."

Logan smiled a bit, gently touching Kenzie's hair. "She's gaining more weight than before, so this is probably better for her too."

When Kenzie pulled away next her eyes were closed and she was falling asleep, I pulled Logan back when he wanted to get up. I took Kenzie from him and swaddled her back in, then placed her in the bassinet. She was sleeping already, my little darling.

Logan was still sitting back, but lay down as soon as I crawled in next to him. I quickly wrapped him in my arms, eager to finally have him to myself again. My Logie who had done so well today. "Today was good, wasn't it?" I said softly.

"Really good," Logan whispered, tucking his head under my chin.

"We can do this, Logie. We'll take it really easy and just take care of the kids for now. We'll ask the housekeeper to keep coming for a while longer so we don't have to worry about that stuff and spend some time together and with the kids. But most importantly so you can lie down and get better."

Logan stared at me for a moment, but then nodded guiltily and looked down. "I would really like that."

I smiled sadly and kissed his forehead, but I was really, really glad he kept up telling me what he wanted and how he felt. Logan hadn't always been honest with me about those things. "We'll be fine."

"I'm starting to believe that too."

I kissed the top of his head and closed my eyes. We weren't there yet, but we would be. I was sure of it.

I'm not sure this is the end or not. I have some ideas for more chapters, but since I've been updating so slowly and irregularly I don't want to promise anything. So don't get your hopes up. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing and following this story for three (!) years.

PS. I am working on a long one shot that should be online sometime next month.