Just a short follow up to the events of Changes.

XXX

Sephiroth marched off the elevator and approached a nurse who was sitting at the main desk. "I need to see Professor Hojo," he said.

"Are you scheduled to see him?" the nurse asked, looking startled. Sephiroth couldn't blame her; he had never willingly walked into the lab before.

"No, it's an emergency. I need him to follow up on an experiment he ran a few days ago."

"I'll go get him."

"Never mind, I know the way." Sephiroth brushed past the nurse and headed for the Hojo's section of the lab. He spotted the professor's lanky black hair outside the sample cages. "Hojo!"

"Keep your voice down!" Hojo snapped up and glared. "What are you doing here? I didn't call for you."

"No, but you did perform all sorts of experiments on me without my permission, so now you can clean up your mess." Sephiroth grabbed Hojo's arm—something he had never dared to do before—and dragged him into an exam room. "I need you to run some tests on my hair."

Hojo yanked his arm away and adjusted his glasses. "Your hair? No need, I've already gathered the information I needed. I've moved on to a new experiment. Come to think of it, however, I suppose you could be of use to it. Sit down on the exam table and I'll draw some blood."

"I apologize," Sephiroth said, fuming inwardly, "I should have been clearer. You're going to run some tests on my hair or I'll destroy your lab and all of your precious experiments. Consider your new one on hold."

"You—you would dare—" Hojo sputtered incoherently. "How dare you try to threaten me? I created you!"

"And you created someone much more powerful than yourself. In hindsight, that might have been a bad idea. Now," Sephiroth shoved Hojo further into the room, then sat down on the exam table, "I need to know what properties my hair has now. Specifically, whether or not it's poisonous."

"Obviously it's not poisonous," Hojo snapped. "If it were, you'd have noticed by now."

"It's not poisonous to me," Sephiroth replied. "There are other people in my life, some of whom don't have enhancements." He hesitated for a moment; he really didn't want to have to talk about his sex life with Hojo, of all people. It couldn't be avoided, however. Cloud was too important to risk just because it was uncomfortable. "You gave my hair a sense of touch. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but touching it can be pleasurable."

"Pleasurable? What are you talking about? I designed it to be like another limb. It shouldn't give you any more pleasure than touching your arm."

"Yes, well, your design was a little off. Look—"

"My design was not off!" Hojo shouted indignantly.

"Of course not. Look, I don't care about your pride or proving that you made a mistake. I'm not going to tell anyone about this, so you can carry on telling the president that you're the best thing that ever happened to this company. The point is that touching my hair causes sexual arousal. When I—" Sephiroth broke off, staring at Hojo's face. The man had turned completely red and looked like he was about to burst something. He felt a smirk creep onto his face. Knowing that the topic of conversation made Hojo uncomfortable had suddenly made the lab trip a lot more fun.

"Touching it for extended periods of time will make me feel like I've climaxed, and my hair will secrete some sort of fluid. I need to know if that fluid is harmful. You did say that you used morbol DNA."

"Why should it matter? Just don't touch it; you should have more self-control than that."

Sephiroth slammed his fist into the metal table. "It matters because I have an active sex life and don't wish to poison my partner. My partner who was miraculously accepting of the fact that you gave me tentacle hair. I don't care if this makes you uncomfortable; you did this to me, you can help me live with it. I never thought a so-called scientist would be so terrified of something like sex."

"I'm not—"

"You must have had sex at least once in your life, so the concept can't be entirely foreign. Unless you want to admit that you're not actually my father."

"Enough!" Hojo shouted. "Fine, give me a sample." He slammed around in a couple cupboards before turning up a sterile sample jar.

Sephiroth took the jar and smiled to himself as Hojo literally ran out the door. He had never actually managed to make him leave the room before. Still smiling, he pulled out his PHS and dialled Cloud's number.

"Hi! Is everything all right?" Cloud was breathing heavily when he picked up.

"Yes, everything's fine. I just wanted to make sure that you're still feeling okay."

"Yeah, I'm good. Out of breath because I ran as fast as I could to make sure I could get a second helping of man 'n' cheese."

"And did you?" Sephiroth laughed.

"Yup! The lunch lady really likes me. She just gave me double because she knew I'd be back for more. So what are you up to?"

"I'm in the lab—"

"What? What's that guy doing to you this time?"

"I went voluntarily. I told you I'd get him to find out if my hair's poisonous."

"Oh yeah, I didn't think you'd go so soon."

"The sooner, the better. I don't want to put you at risk. So I've got to give him a sample."

"A sample?" Cloud's voice squeaked. "So you're ... you know."

"Not at the moment." Sephiroth grinned, imagining Cloud blushing over his tray of macaroni.

Cloud dropped his voice to a whisper. "I can't ... talk dirty to you or anything. I'm in the cafeteria, and I've got to go to sword practice soon."

"Want to listen to me talk dirty to you?"

"No!" Cloud shouted. "I mean, that's—"

"Calm down, Cloud, I was just joking. I only wanted to call and make sure that you were still feeling all right. Go to sword practice."

"Okay, I don't mean to say that I'm completely against ... it's just not right now."

"I understand," Sephiroth laughed. I'll have to call you when I'm away on a mission sometime. In the meantime, I'm going to think about fucking you and get this sample."

"Oh—okay. Um, good luck with that."

"Have a good afternoon."

"You too, bye."

Sephiroth hung up and twisted a length of his hair around his finger. He was curious now, wondering what phone sex with Cloud would be like. Cloud tended to get far too embarrassed when it came to any sort of dirty talk. He would definitely have to arrange something for one of his future missions. Cloud would never go through with it if there was a chance he could be overheard, but if he left him with access to his apartment, he might.

Sighing, he picked up the sample jar and set to work.

XXX

"So there's good news and there's bad news," Sephiroth said shortly after Cloud sat down at the table. He had chosen to return to the restaurant where they had their first date in the hopes that a familiar location with good memories might soften the blow. "Which one do you want first?"

Cloud took a deep breath, always looking like he expected the absolute worst. "Bad."

"Damn. Fine. Bad news it is. I'm poisonous as fuck. Hojo was pretty shocked I didn't straight up kill you. Not that he knows who you are by name, I swear," he added quickly, "just that I've got an unenhanced partner. Basically, everything a morbol can do to you, I can do with … this." He gestured to the braid that he had draped over his shoulder, keeping it out of trouble.

Cloud paled by several shades. "And the good news?" He fell silent as the waiter brought their wine and appetizers over, blushing brightly.

Sephiroth waited until the area was clear again before replying. "The ribbon will work. And if you're still willing to put up with me, you're the proud new owner of something most SOLDIERs spend their whole careers dreaming of obtaining."

Cloud frowned as he poked at the hummus with a piece of pita bread. "I'm not with you because I want rare equipment."

"I know," he said quickly. "I absolutely know that. You've never given the slightest impression that you want some sort of benefit from being with me. But if we're going to keep doing this, I do need you to accept the ribbon. You're way, way at the bottom of the list of people I want to kill, after everyone I don't know, the people I sort of like, and the people I like a lot."

Cloud blushed as he laughed. "Really? Even after Zack?"

"Definitely after Zack. That guy's lucky he makes it through the day half the time."

"So the ribbon will work? A hundred percent?"

"Yes. An unfortunate number of rats died in the process, but Hojo determined that the ribbon and remedies are the only surefire methods of counteracting it. The interns survived though."

Cloud gave a loud gasp. "You didn't fuck an intern with your hair! Did you?"

"Shut up! Not so loud! And no, I didn't. That was a joke which I apparently didn't pull off very well. I clearly need to work on my delivery. I didn't fuck an intern with anything else, either."

"Good. I might be willing to deal with you being poisonous, but I'm the only one I want you poisoning." He paused and frowned slightly. "Poor rats."

"Just in case anything ever goes wrong, though, I want you to have this." Sephiroth held out the padded pouch he had prepared earlier.

Cloud took it curiously and turned it over in his hand before he opened it. "Remedies?"

Sephiroth nodded. "I'll keep you stocked. Take one right away if you're ever feeling unwell or not quite right after we've been together. Sometimes it took a while for the effects to show up. Tell Hollister you have them and where they are as well, so he knows in case something comes on suddenly."

"But the ribbon works," Cloud confirmed.

"Yes, but accidents happen. It could slip off, or we might take it off too soon, before it's completely neutralized the poison. Remedies are our morning after pill, while the ribbon's the condom."

Cloud laughed and thumped his forehead down on the table just as their meals were arriving. "Great. That's the analogy I always wanted in my life as a gay man."

Sephiroth clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I'm here to help. And to make your life just a little bit weirder than you ever expected."