Love, Hate, Sarcasm, and Robots

Chapter One- Back to Aperture

Chell surveyed the landscape, expecting the voice of a sarcastic robot that despite countless attempts at murder and infinite insults still retained charm and charisma. At the very least she was waiting for the haunting "Are you still there" to echo across the field. Was she actually free? No tricks, not another test, really truly out of Aperture? It wasn't even remotely like GLaDOS to just... let... her... go. Grinning Chell fell to the ground and rubbed her face against the warm golden grass. She suddenly jerked up as she swore she heard "It would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire. So don't actually do it." Her breathing became heavy and adrenaline surged through her veins. Where were the turrets? Where were the bottomless pits? Not that she missed them, it was just... all she knew But forget that for a moment. Where were the people? She sat in the field, it was vaguely comforting, but paranoia would not leave her alone. She began to pet the companion cube. Realizing that this action was completely pointless, Chell stood up and hurled the cube as far as she could. If she was honestly out of Aperture, she didn't want any reminders of the past. This would be a new life. Four days later Chell found herself banging on the rusty metal door begging GLaDOS to take her back. There was no food out here apparently and if she had found even the slightest trace of civilization, she would have followed it. How long exactly had she been asleep? It didn't matter. No matter how crazy, inhumane, sarcastic, and cold GLaDOS was, she was still a voice. Someone to talk to, er, more listen to. Besides Chell missed her portal gun. It was hard to imagine a life without moon dust and blue and orange, and... how was it even possible to miss GLaDOS at this point? Chell assumed it was really Caroline she missed. Or Wheatly. That didn't matter though, he was out in space, or possible shattered and... It broke her heart to imagine him lonely and apologetic. She really hadn't wanted to let go of him, but when you run out of air and pass out, there's not much you can do about it. Her thoughts were interrupted as she heard a beautifully familiar (screw the fact she sounded annoyed as a test subject that just got deprived of their companion cube) voice.

"What do you want now, Chell?" GLaDOS sighed. She said my name! Chell thought giddily.

"I had a feeling you'd come back. But this soon? I thought you'd be able to survive out there on your excess body fat for quite a while." Chell ignored the insult, she was happy to hear a competent sentence, as rocks did not make for great company. She wanted to ask GLaDOS if she had brought Wheatly back from space. Although it would seem completely out of character for the sociopathic robot, it was possible. GLaDOS would do anything for science, and test subjects were in no way plentiful. She'd have to use what she had. Even if it meant bringing back the little moron. Chell cringed, why was she thinking like GLaDOS? She tried to message the question. First telepathically, not expecting a response, just for fun really. She was startled when she heard GLaDOS reply,

"Yes. Now, I understand your confusion, why would I bring him back..." Chell cut GLaDOS off with her own thoughts,

"That's not what I was confused on."

"Ah, yes. Telepathic communication. I forgot to never expect much understanding from a human. Just project I was working on. You know, trying to forget all the betrayal and hurt in my life." Now Chell remembered what her pure determination for freedom had stemmed from. Pure insulting, manic, sarcastic company. Not exactly top notch companionship. At least the companion cube knew when to shut up. It didn't even talk, just sat there all comforting. Hell, she'd forgotten how great Wheatly was, always optimistic and sweet. His clueless adorkableness...

"Hello? Fatty? I can read your mind you know. So, I'm assuming you want to see the moron?"

"What do you think, Caroline?"

"Don't you ever call me that again or I will be forced to replace your pitiful room of air with neurotoxin, for science. Now, he is currently in the middle of a test."

"What kind of test?" Chell said- er- thought, noticing that none of the chambers were currently in use.

"Well, I expected you to return, but in case you didn't, I needed human test subjects. See, I need to be able to torture- test, to test something with emotions, fear, and a degree of competence."

"So, he's a core."

"Not anymore. Well, hopefully not anymore. Another project I've been working on. Core to human machine. Cryogenics is a useful thing after all. He should be done now."

"Done? Lovely word Caroline."

"I AM NOT CAROLINE! NEVER CALL ME CAROLINE." Chell knew the death threats were hollow, so this was her time to see the robot cringe, about damn time.

"If you want to see your pitiful friend, stupid human emotions," She mumbled, "I suggest you start being kinder."

"You try it first."

.

.

.

.

"There is a hallway. Follow it until you reach a door, then go in. He should be there. He needs someone to take care of him anyways."

"Take care of him?"

"Really, I thought you were intelligent. He's never been a human, his motor skills, nonexistent, his cognitive abilities, well," GLaDOS smirked audibly, "We both know how that is." Chell rolled her eyes, it wasn't really his fault. She followed the instructions and saw the door (surprisingly not a lie). Well, this is it. She took a deep breath as she put her warm hand on the brass handle, cold despite Apertures tendency to keep it's facilities up to tropical standards. The door squeaked open and she saw him, laying there, he was defiantly not a core...

Chapter 2- Apologies and Oh So Human Emotions

"Chell? Is it really you? Am I dead? I am, right? This is, um, I don't know... Uh... bloody hell I hurt!" Chell giggled (in her mind of course),

"No, you're fine. Kind of. She made you human. Can you stand up?"

"Stand up? But I haven't got leg... AHHHH! What in the name of sanity! I'm a core... I..."

"I just told you, she made you human. Now stand up. See, okay, get on your knees first, now, see, you've got feet, use them now, okay, now you're kind of standing up..." Chell hid a laugh as he crumpled back to the floor.

"You make it look so easy..." He said, exasperated. "Oh! I just realized! You're talking! You're... but... you...and... you're lips aren't even moving... Are you a core now? I don't understand..." He looked more flustered than usual, tugging at his chestnut brown hair.

"I've got hair! What do I do with it? Does it make me fly or something?"

"No, it's just hair. Come to think of it though, what exactly does it do? Whatever. Come on, you need to learn to walk."

"But I, I can't see straight. Everything's so blurry! Is it supposed to look this way?"

"Blurry? No. Hang on..." Chell opened a few drawers and returned with a twisted piece of metal.

"Here, this should help." She handed him the frames.

"What do I...?" Chell smiled and guided his hand up to his face. She gently placed the glasses over his eyes.

"There. How's that?"

"Whoa... It looks so much... wow."

"Is it clear enough, because there are other ones that make it look different..."

'No... no... it's perfect. And you look so... different... in a good way! Sorry, yeah, in a good way."

"Now how about standing? And walking of course. Come on."

"I need to... I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't mean it! All that crazy stuff I did, it's just, whoa, being in control of everything... It really messes you up! I really am sorry... And I probably deserved being up in space with that defective core... And I never wanted to hurt you, it's just, GLaDOS, she..." He was cut off as Chell wrapped her arms around him comfortingly.

"It's good to have you back." She smiled.

"Really? Because I honestly didn't think you'd forgive..."

"Any voice that isn't insulting me constantly is nice to hear. Besides, I missed you. And now look at you! You're standing!"

"What? I... I am! I'm standing up! Wow, this is so weird..."

"Okay, try walking." Wheatly attempted to copy her movements, but toppled over. Chell bent to catch him.

"You need to bend your knees you know."

"Of course..."

"Okay, so you just took a step! Good job! It takes most people years to master this..."

"Really?"

"Yes, but they're infants and toddlers." GLaDOS' jabbing comment rang through the speakers.

"Well, that's basically what he is right now, he just became human."

"True, but he has fully functional legs. It's his fault he can't walk. Besides, the fact it takes children such a long time to learn how to walk still baffles me."

"You wouldn't understand, you aren't human. So shut up, Caroline." Chell smirked as she could practically feel the anger radiating off GLaDOS through the facility (she actually could since the facility technically was GLaDOS' body).

"I'm not even going to..." Chell grinned realizing she had just angered the old piece of metal speechless. The security cameras clicked and Chell knew from experience that they were off.

"Okay, you need to learn how to walk really fast! Come on, we don't have much time!"

"What are you... AHHHH!"Wheatly was cut of as Chell began dragging him through the halls.

"I know storage is around here somewhere..."

"What do we need... ah! Oh you're trying to find the portal gun! Brilliant!"

"Shut up for a minute! We don't know if She can hear us!"

"Oh right, sorry."

"See any doors around?"

"Well there was..."

"What! Where!"

"Well it..."

"Tell me!" Chell grabbed Wheatly by the collar of his shirt and practically hissed at him.

"He he... Funny story, I just kind of realized it was, um, a, kind of a, window. But, eh, when did false hope kill anyone..." Wheatly smiled sheepishly, tugging at his hair.

"Plenty of times." Chell released his shirt and grabbed his hand again. She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Ah! What a moron," Chell started, Wheatly looked uncomfortable but said nothing. "I am! Telepathic communication! Of course she can hear us! Well, not hear exactly... but, you get the idea."

"Wait she can hear what we're THINKING? I really hope she was lying, because..."

"Can you stop talking for five seconds! Life threatening situation, stop thinking about your privacy!"

"Can YOU hear what I'm thinking, because that might make things... somehow... even more awkward..."

"SHHHH!"

"So, I'm hearing what you're thinking? How do you STOP thinking? I can't stop thinking, never could, is that even possible? Do you die? Stupid question, you aren't dead, am I dead? I am, aren't I? She killed me, didn't she? Is this really what being dead feels like?"

"Can't shut up either? Look, yes, you are hearing what I am thinking, no you cannot stop thinking. Only strong thoughts are conveyed, ones you're trying to tell other people, and no, as of now, I have no idea what you are thinking. Plus, YOU ARE NOT DEAD!"