I was gonna do the next chapter for 7days but decided to write this instead.

IT'S A PARODY.

:D

It is a glorious day in LIMA OHIO. So glorious it hurts to be alive. And oh how it hurts so good.

Two adorable boys are walking down the street, hand in hand, singing a song from the first classic musical the author found using Google. The author unfortunatly does not have the attention span to even look up the Wikipedia article on this mystery musical, so the context of the song may be a bit weird, so we won't reveal what exactly they're singing. Also the author would like to apologize for breaking the fourth wall and promises to fix it. Sometime.

The two singing adorable boys, who are obviously boyfriends and therefore obviously Kurt and Blaine, stop in mid-frolick.

"Kurt?" Blaine says dramatically.

Kurt looks over at his FUCKING GORGEOUS boyfriend. "Yes?"

"Where are we going, anyway?"

Kurt appears to consider this. There are a lot of places they could go. Lima is a bustling suburban town, apparently. It has it's own high school, after all. They could go to a movie, an art gallery, a comic book store, they could eat lunch at one of the dozens of fast food joints downtown, they could ride bikes down the bike trail, they could go to the park and swing, they could go to Walmart like any self-respecting teenager and be obnoxious (the author regrets further breakage of the fourth wall to tell you she works at Walmart and really wishes you idiot teenagers would stay home and smoke pot instead of go to where she works and make a huge mess of everything), they could go to the music store, or they could go to a boutique and try on silly hats. Or they could go to the Lima Bean again, or Breadstix. They could go home and make out, even. That last one sounds nice.

"Let's go back to my place and make out," Kurt says with a wily grin.

BUT NO.

Like a COMET COMING IN FOR A CRASH LANDING, a mysterious stranger falls to Earth right before the eyes of the most adorable gay couple ever. "NOT SO FAST!" says the stranger, who stands upright and is revealed to be wearing a cliched Marvel Comic-style supervillian spandex outfit. Emblazened on his chest is THE WRITER.

"Gasp!" says Kurt, clinging to the very macho Blaine like a swooning 1950's damsel in distress. "It's THE WRITER, here to ruin our day! Do something, Blaine!"

Blaine looks very confused, and also very nervous about being put on the spot. "W-what should I do?"

"NOTHING!" The Writer says, "Resistance is futile!"

"Engage him in an RPG STYLE TURN BATTLE!" Kurt suggests, looking a bit manic.

"A what?" Blaine sputters.

"Or you could smoke pot and protest PETA and be a dick in general in your off-time, that way they'll write your character off the show!"

"That sounds eerily similar to commiting suicide!" Blaine replies in shock. He has way too many things to live for; awesome 70's music, butterflies, Kurt wearing super-super-tight pants, etc etc.

"But then you can put your talent to good use, instead of working for people who'll autotune you to death!"

"THE WRITER WANTS TO BATTLE!" says The Writer in an Epic Voice (TM).

"I'm too handsome to die!" Blaine whines at Kurt.

"At least you won't die a virgin," Kurt supplies wisely. "I mean, maybe you could fight for my virtue or whatever. The Power of Love will save us."

Blaine is disturbed by the goings-on here, but is distracted from scrunching his nose up all cute-like by The Writer.

"DO YOU ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE? YOU HAD BETTER 'CAUSE IT WOULD BE SUPER RUDE IF YOU DIDN'T."

Kurt gasps, super shocked. "That was a low blow!"

"RUDENESS?" Blaine says, simply aghast, positively flabberghasted and/or gobsmacked, "I would rather die than be rude to someone!"

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED THEN, BITCH!"

"Whatever!" Blaine scoffs as he enters his ANGRY TEENAGER mindframe.

"THE WRITER uses FANGIRL ATTACK!" The Writer shouts, and suddenly a mass of 15-year-old girls come running in from all directions and pounce on Blaine.

"AAAAH OMGOMGOMG WE LOVE YOU YOU ARE "

"FUCK," Blaine cries as he is smothered by Fangirl Love. The girls scream in orgasm when he cusses.

"Victory shall be mine!" The Writer says.

Blaine gathers his wits. "Fine, you wanna mess with me? I am BLAINE FUCKING ANDERSON." More fangirl screams. One or two of them drop dead from sheer lack of oxygen. "GIRLS, GIRLS," he says to his legion of minions, "That guy ships KURTOFSKY and SEBLAINE!"

The fangirls are silenced, and the silence is so eerie. They turn slowly to face The Writer, who tries to maintain his smug grin. As the girls begin to froth at the mouth and twitch compulsively, the smug grin fades into a look that can only be described as "oooh fuuuck"

The girls pounce on The Writer, flinging hateful rants from tumblr at him like so many bricks. While that's happening, Kurt snaps out of his daydream about all the scarves he's gonna wear next week to fuss over Blaine.

"Looks like your Shipwars Attack was effective," Kurt says dryly to Blaine, who is seething.

"I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW KURT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA."

"I gathered as much," Kurt mutters. He kisses the scratches from the fangirl's nails away, and uses a fucking silk handkercheif to wipe away their bubblegum Lip Smackers kisses.

"HE SAID I WAS RUDE. I AM A FUCKING GENTLEMAN, I AM SO FUCKING DAPPER I OWN A POCKET WATCH. AND IT'S NOT EVEN BECAUSE I'M INTO STEAMPUNK, KURT, IT'S BECAUSE I AM A DAPPER MOTHERFUCKER."

"I know, honey. I know. You are such a gentleman. I'll let you hold all the doors open for me for the next month if that'll make you feel better."

Blaine comes down from his rage a little bit. "...Can I pull your chairs out, too? And let you pick the music we listen to when we drive to and from school?" he asks timidly.

"Of course." And then they kiss, and it is super hot and loving and everything your wet dreams are made of. Yes, you. I saw all that Klaine smut in your browser history. Anyway, unfortunatly you are not allowed to see this epic make-out because The Writer has a dastardly plan to explain.

So, The Writer has managed to shake off the fangirls with a three-week hiatus. They are all sitting on the ground sobbing pitifully, checking their tumblrs obsessively for any scrap of a spoiler. A few girls are moaning, probably hallucinating, begging for a fic update from an author who doesn't suck. Which isn't this author, thank God. I couldn't deal with that kind of pressure. ANYWAY. The Writer says, "I'm not done yet! I have to make people not like this couple so we can split you up at the end of the season without there being riots on the Fox lot! There is no other way!"

Kurt and Blaine look to each other, not at all shocked at The Writer doing bad exposition.

"CRAB ATTACK!" The Writer cries, and Sebastard Smiley-Face Himself III, Esq. materializes out of a pile of greasy trash on the side of the road.

"Hey babeh," Sub Sandwich says to Blaine, "you are so sexy. Since I'm blatantly hitting on you, the fans will mindlessly start shipping us, and it's only a matter of time until SEBLAINE is endgame and KURT HUMMEL is living in a box outside of the Lima Bean! It's not like you spent the entire last part of season two practically worshipping the ground your boyfriend walked on! It's not even like you two have the only non-dysfunctional relationship in the canon! ! Muahaha! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!"

Blaine then uses his DALTON FIGHT CLUB attack and punches Sesame Seed in his stupid face.

"Oooow! Oooh, ow, my stupid face!" Santa Baby howls. "Ooh, that hurts sooo bad... oh my God..."

The Writer stands shocked. His crazy fangirl attack failed to scare Blaine away, his Crab Attack failed to lure him into a character-damaging plot-i-mean-relationship. In fact, the fangirls are more crazy about Klaine than ever and Sebluhbuh is a man broken.

"It's not like you had any redeeming characteristics, anyway!" Blaine shouts at System Error. "And Sebastian is a STUPID name!"

"YOUR NAME IS STUPID!" Sierra Mist counters. "What kind of name is BLAINE? It's like a go-to Gary Stu name! Like Hunter or Adonis or whatever!"

"It's a Celtic name! My name has fucking culture! Your name means you are a singing crab that tattles on Ariel for trying to acheive her dream of going up on land and falling in love! And since I am for some reason obsessed with Disney to the point of needing rehab, that makes me NOT LIKE YOU VERY MUCH."

Sebehbeh then proceeds to weep. His soul is broken in twain by the might of Blaine's awesomeness and it is truly a thing of glory.

Anyway, back to that other shit.

The Writer scowls angrily. Because there is more than one way to scowl! "This isn't over yet, you hear me? THIS ISN'T OVER YET!" A fancy car driven by Troll Murphy rolls up, and The Writer gets in, and they speed away cackling madly.

Blaine looks over at Kurt, who is sitting off to the side with his phone out. "Hey, Kurt! I think I beat the writers of Glee!"

Kurt looks up, "Oh, did you? That's awesome honey. I just got a text that I was accepted to a different fine arts college than NYADA! I guess they do that by text now."

"I thought you only applied at NYADA?" Blaine asks as he walks over to his adorable boyfriend.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not stupid. That NYADA place turned out to be a scam, anyway. They wanted me to pay a whole year's tuition and fees upfront via money order. No, I got accepted to an accredited and respected art college in Chicago, so even after I'm in college I can still come see you! And Chicago is better than New York, anyway. They have better blues in Chicago."

"So true," Blaine says.

And then they make out, and the author was totally gonna describe it. Instead, the author is super lazy right now and points you in the direction of a gif version of THE KISS; just imagine it ten times hotter, maybe with some frottage and missing shirts and taking place in the middle of a really weird fever dream.

oh man :x

AND THAT, that was the story of how Blaine one-upped the writers of Glee and Klaine got their happy fucking ending.

THE END. MAYBE. DUN DUN DUNNN

This was terrible. Oh well. Hopefully it made you giggle a little. :) Damn those Glee writers. *shakefist* Good thing Blaine is level 50 already.

Review to cram a rare candy down his throat! :D :D :D We need to up his stats! PROTEIN AND CALCIUM. YUMM.

k done. i am so out of my mind rn. i am so sorry. lol