Well, Jamie had been right, like usual.

I didn't get much sleep(Insomnia powers: ACTIVATE!), no thanks to an extremely airy window and a really cold and windy night. In fact, when I woke up the next day, I felt more tired than before I had even got my three-hour-sleep.

I had suddenly felt very alone and colder than the night had made me feel, but I didn't have long to be alone. Jamie had woken up only a few minutes after I had, sweating and panting all the way.

I wasn't really shocked to see her like this. If anything, it was more like knowing a sad secret no one else knew. So instead of freaking out and asking if everything was okay like any normal person would have, I said, more than asked, "Another nightmare?"

I didn't move from my cross-legged position on the bed. I didn't even look away from the beautiful view the balcony window held. So as I heard her wipe away what were probably annoying unshed tears from her eyes, I watched the morning kaleidoscope of colors break through the sky and allow sunrise to make it's appearance.

Finally, after what felt like forever and took no time at all, she answered me. "Yeah," Was her simple response. Her voice sounded rough and a little shaky. It was then that I tore myself from the beautiful sunrise and looked at her. She was pale and had one hand over her eyes while the other one propped up her torso.

I glanced at the clock. 6:05 AM.

I got up and slid on my slippers. "Come on. It's late enough that someone should be up. Let's go get some breakfast."

Jamie removed the hand that had been over her eyes and sighed. "You know I never eat in the morning."

I shrugged lazily. "Yep. And then your always starving by the time lunch get's around the corner."

Jamie gave me one of her 'I'm-going-to-argue-with-you-on-this' looks and opened her mouth to protest when I waved for her to follow me as I headed to the door. "Just come on. You don't have to eat anything. If only to get your mind off the bad dream you had, come downstairs with me."

Yes, we were on the second floor. Yes, that's where all the rooms for occupants were. Yes, the kitchen was downstairs. Just thought I'd let you readers in on those little tidbits.

Jamie frowned and I could tell she was stifling another sigh, but she got out of bed anyway. I smiled happily. I mean, it didn't really matter or not whether I was in my dream universe. I still didn't want to wander around an unknown mansion(filled with hormonal mutants, no less) by myself.

When we got down into the kitchen, I saw an incredibly shocking scene that will forever be etched into my memory. There, sitting at the island, was a man. A man drinking coffee. A man drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

That man was none other than Logan(otherwise known as Hugh Jackman).

Oh, shush. I know it's probably not that surprising to YOU, but Hell! To me, it was absolutely shocking! I mean, Logan? THE Wolverine? Just casually sitting there drinking coffee and catching up on the new charities in town? Not likely! And yet there he was, doing just that. Hell froze over.

Well, actually, now that I think about it, it really isn't that surprising. But the point is, HUGH JACKMAN was still READING THE NEWSPAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

It was a big duh that he knew we had entered the room(Hell, he probably heard us talking all the way upstairs!). He just didn't look up from his newspaper. But, as said before, I was baffled that his character was sitting there being so... Normal. So, naturally, I blurted: "What, no beer?"

He looked up from his read and raised an eyebrow at me. "Morning, Obi-wan."

Quite the contrary to what you were probably expecting my reaction to be(i.e.: OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT. YOU FAG!), I immediately beamed. He already had an insulting nickname picked out for me!

Unfortunately, he then nodded at Jamie in recognition and murmured a cocky, "You too, Spock."

The reaction was instantaneous.

Jamie didn't even spare him a glance. Instead, she turned her head slowly and menacingly towards ME. I met her death glare head-on. "We've only been here a day and you've already sunk me down with you on the idiocy boat. Why am I not surprised."

My grin never faltered. "Glad to have you aboard, matie!"

Then she turned fully towards me and shifted her expression into a sickeningly sweet one. "You know, at first I thought I was going to have to kill HIM for saying that to me. But now? NOW I see that it's all YOUR fault. Therefore, the person I have to kill..."

She need say no more. My grin turned mockingly nervous. "You wouldn't murder me right here in front of Logan, would you? He's a witness!"

Her sweet expression didn't change, and neither did her overly honey-covered voice. "You have to sleep sometime."

Across the way, I felt Logan's unwavering stare and increasingly unsettling frown. I diverted my gaze to him instead of Jamie's psycho-menace face. When his frown didn't give way after several moments, I felt my grin go stale and eventually turn into a frown that mirrored his. Did I say something wrong?

I waited. He frowned. It became a silent staring/frowning contest. I broke first. "What?" I uttered smoothly, sounding every bit like the moron I was.

Then my heart momentarily stopped.

"I never told you my name was Logan."

I stood there, my mouth flopping open, speechless for a few seconds. Then, using my incredible acting skills, closed my flapping mouth and said in a voice that broke under the pressure of his gaze, "Oh. Yeah. I heard a couple kid's talking about you and they said your name was Logan. Sorry if I was wrong, Wolverine. I meant no disrespect."

And then he did something weird. He sniffed the air and then his frown got deeper. And I'm not talking, 'Oohh yummy cookies! Must. Smell. Cookies...' sniffing the air. I'm talking about, 'I'm a predator! Must.. Sniff... Prey!' sniffing the air.

It was unnerving.

I looked at Jamie with an expression I hoped dearly conveyed my thoughts: He can't smell lies, can he?

She didn't say anything. Her eyebrows creased together as if she didn't understand my unspoken question, but her eyes said something else. They said something weird that I couldn't put my finger on.

I gave her my own look of not understanding then looked back to Logan. "So... Uh... What are you reading up on?"

He glanced up at me and then disregarded my existence before he stood up, folding his newspaper in half as he walked to the sink to dump out his unfinished coffee. "Nothing. I'm going to the Danger Room to blow off some steam before the students start the first session of the day."

I perked up. "Danger room session?" I was going to say something more, like, 'OMG really? Can I come? !' but remembered at the last second that we were trying to be inconspicuous to our large expanse of Marvel knowledge.

His frown dissipated slightly and he looked over at me with a glint of amusement in his eyes. "Yeah. You should join us and see what it's like."

And it all went downhill from there.

But pause!

There was one more important thing that happened before we went to go greet our death.

I walked over to a basket, grabbed a fruit, and stuck it in Jamie's face in a Superman pose. "Buhh-nahh-naaahhhh!"

5-10 minutes later...

And this, my dear readers, is what happens when you tell Logan to do his worst.

"JAAAMIE!" I shrieked, BARELY making it out of the way of a flying ball with spikes.

No, I'm serious. They had those. And I'm not kidding you when I say that I was really fearful for my life.

"A little busy!" Jamie glared, though I'm sure it wasn't because she was angry at me. It was probably more because there was a giant robot trying to squeeze her beautiful slimy guts out.

Okay, this may seem really shallow of me, but once you live with my stepfather for 10 years, you kind of get used to life-and-death situations and it doesn't affect you as much as it should. So while the spiky stuff vanished into a wall and was replaced by scary-looking hobo rapist men, I stood ram-rod straight and looked over to Jamie, completely unfazed by the change in atmosphere and environment(apparently the beautiful world with fire, explosions and dead grass wasn't enough, so now we were in a maze of dark gross-looking alleys in the heart of New York, New york) and instead concerned with more pressing matters.

Like so:

"Jamie! I forgot to brush my hair this morning!" Then I gasped. "Jamie! I don't even HAVE a hairbrush! !"

She glared at me again, and this time I'm sure it wasn't because of mortal danger.

Okay, this may seem to you a bit surprising or a bit glorified, but I promise it really isn't. Being trained in these thing's makes you.. Well... Less conscious of doing them. So, as was about to be said, I didn't even have to look to know that there was a virtual man behind me about to attempt to whack my head off. I ducked without even looking at him and then twirled around and sent the velocity from the twirl into a palm hit in the guy's jugular. The guy was sent backwards, gasping and doing this weird gurgling-type noise. I shook my head as if he was a two-year-old caught picking his nose.

"Really, you should be more aware of your surrounding's." Then I easily slid into a familiar kung fu position.

There was a little trickle of I'm-definitely-outnumbered fear that ran down my neck when the guy I knocked over got back up and three other men joined him. I quickly shoved it off and frowned at them poutingly(nope. Poutingly is not a word. Don't even bother going to look it up[*coughnotthatIdidoranythingco ugh*). "Why can't it just be like in the movies where you hit'em once and they're gone for good? You guy's better not make me break a nail."

Seriously. Have any of you ever broken a nail before? It hurts like HELL.

And then as one guy ran towards me, I ducked and fell to the side like a little chicken instead of a I'll-kick-your-ass-without-breaking-a-sweat-looking kung fu person. Luckily, he tripped over my curled up body and fell flat on his face. I grinned like a moron, happy with my accidental achievement.

I stood up and backed away from the other nearing men. Three left, one injured? I could take them.

..Probably.

I never got to find out, because the room shifted again.

We were now on a long road in the middle of nowhere, decorated with lavish dried-up cactus's and brilliant dead sand. I looked past the end. The road stretched on for miles and miles and didn't stop or turn.

I looked over to Jamie, a few feet away from me, and held my breath.

Then it came. The 'interesting' part.

A loud whistle came from behind us. I jumped and twirled around, Jamie turned stiffly and prepared to take action.

But what we saw was nothing even remotely close to what we were expecting.

"Coach.. Carr? ?" I blurted incredulously.

Have any of you ever seen Mean Girls? Yeah. Coach Carr. He was standing right there.

"WHAT THE HELL? ? ?" Jamie shrieked.

I looked at her with much the same expression of exploded shock.

He pointed at us with force, expression completely mean-looking and solemn. Then, in a voice full of authority, he ordered, "Do the chicken dance!"

My mouth dropped. Hell just froze over. Again.

"I will not be part of your weird sex games!" I told him, once I finally got my voice back a few seconds later. I inwardly winced at how my voice held no condescension and instead unbelief.

Jamie looked hatefully at him. "Oh, I'll show you a birdy dance." And then promptly flipped him the bird.

In normal conditions, I would have laughed.

Instead, he then turned into a monstrously large Barney. "Fifty laps around the room!" The Barney roared. Enter where Hell had again froze over.

Pause. You may think this is completely unreal. But I promise it will all make sense later.

..Probably. Unpause.

Jamie was completely serious-faced when she solemnly told the monster, "Fuck you, Barney."

Barney began to waddle towards us. I blanched. Jamie looked unphased. "Please! My DOG can run faster than that."

Whew. That's saying something.

No, for real. Her dog is half slug.

Barney took a swipe at her. Jamie dodged almost effortlessly. "Please! I'm the pattiecake QUEEN!"

I couldn't help it. I burst into a fit of giggles.

Then Barney turned into a realllly scary-looking mutant. My giggles and grin disappeared.

Jamie ran behind me then pushed me towards it. "Tessa! I choose YOU!" I fell flat on my face then sat up and looked at the mutant. Then I looked back at Jamie's retreating figure.

"Use 'poke with a stick'!" She called over her shoulder.

I made this face: D8

As I was about to comment that I was not a Pokemon, I felt my head get hit from behind. My vision warbled and I fell back over on my face.

Distantly, I saw Jamie stop and turn back around. Her eyes narrowed into slits. "I'm going to break you like a Kit-Kat bar."

I swear I heard the theme music for Mortal Kombat start up when she said that.

Then she ran past me and all I heard was death while my world faded into black.

A few momentos later, I was awake again.

My world came into focus with Jamie and Logan's face. Jamie looked satisfied, Logan looked ... Well, he looked mostly like he did the first time I saw him. And the time after that. Scowling.

So I did the first thing that came to mind, not really completely out of my fuzz. "You gotta problem with meh, buddy? 'Cause yur always scowlin' at meh."

He scowled more.

I stood up and didn't even almost fall over. I was pleased with this fact.

I recognized the room we were in as the Danger Room control center.

"So..." I drawled. "What was with Barney?"

Wolverine shook his head and growled something that sounded distinctly like, "Damn Deadpool.." And immediately after, as if he had muttered nothing at all, he said, "Someone tampered with the controls while I went to pick up something from the other side of the room."

I blinked. And then stared. And then I blinked again. "You mean... you turned your back for a little itty bit... and someone programmed a purple dinosaur from a children's show to attack us?"

Jamie raised a finger as if she were raising her hand in class. "Don't forget the perverted jackass from an overrated teen movie."

I pointed at her like a mother does in reprimand for her children. "Hey, I liked that movie. Lindsay Lohan totally got me with her 'I'm a bitch' debut."

Logan looked at us like we were both the stupidest people to live.

Hmm... Which makes me wonder... is stupidest a word?

The dictionary is your friend. [Insert Jedi mind wave here]

"You two..."

Just then another person I didn't recognize at all walked in, eyes frantic and searching for someone. When the girl's hazel orbs landed on Logan, she rushed forward as if the world was going to end. "There's trouble," She told him hurriedly. "We have to get to the X-Jet immediately!" He seemed alert and ready for anything and was heading for the door when the girl grabbed his arm. "No time..!" And promptly melted into the floor, taking Logan with her.

I stood with my mouth open and gaped at the place they disappeared for a good few minutes, neither me nor Jamie talking, before I finally said, "Well... I guess.. We unofficially met Kitty. Or.. a least.. I think that was Kitty... That could have just been some random person with Kitty's abilities, but.."

We both stood there in silence for a few seconds before I decided we needed to do something.

I turned to Jamie like a bunny rabbit turns to a five 'o clock ho. "Jamie, we need a plan of action."

She raised an eyebrow. "Uhh, yeah. How about we get the Hell out of here before Deadpool comes back?"

I waved a hand at her as if that couldn't be more unimportant. "No, no, not that. We need CLOTHES. And TOILETRIES. We need to go shopping."

Her face lit up and she snapped a finger and pointed at me as if I had made an amazing revelation. "Ohh, yeah! Great idea. Ever heard of money?" She rolled her eyes. "My debit card? Yeah. Not here. Back at home."

I squinted at her as if I was trying to decipher if she was actually there or not. "What happened to your 'five finger discount'?"

She rolled her eyes in her trademark, 'you're an idiot' expression. "That only works to a certain extent. Small stuff, yeah. Not a whole freakin' barrel of clothes and tooth brushes and shit."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Eh. Mother always stole flat screens and other expensive crap from stores. Why wouldn't we be able to get away with a few shirts?"

She looked at me blankly for a few seconds before she crossed her arms and said in a flat voice, "Because stealing is wrong."

I looked at her as if she were a satanist walking into a church. "Hell just froze over." Then I blinked and shook my head, "No. No. Nevermind. Hell already froze over when we came into this dimension. So... Hell just had a sunny day."

She wagged a finger at me in a negative gesture. "No, Hell had a sunny day when Coach Pervert told us to do the chicken dance and Barney started chasing up around the middle of God-knows-where."

I nodded. "Good point. So I guess Hell DID just freeze over... again."

If Jamie was going to say anything to that, she never got the chance. The next second, I stepped away and pressed my palms to my head as if I had a horrible headache. "AAAAAGGH! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!" And then proceeded to fall to my knees and scream.

Jamie plugged her ears before yelling, "What are you talking about!"

I stopped my scream and started hyperventilating. "The HAIR! I can't HANDLE it!"

Jamie looked at me in a struggle to understand my meaning.

I knee-walked over to her and grabbed her shins in replacement of shoulders. "It's because I forgot to shave! IT'S KILLING ME, JAMIE! I'M DYING! DYYYIINNGGG!" Then proceeded to fake faint.

Jamie raised an eyebrow at me. "Just ask someone for a razor, dumbass." And then proceeded to walk out the door and leave me.

"Daddy is leaving mommy!" I cried, back on my knees.

She turned back to look at me momentarily. "Yes. I am."

"Where are you going?" I frowned.

She shrugged. "Away from here."

"But Daddy! I... How could you leave me here when I'm on my hands and knees for you?"

I saw her choke on a laugh before she stumbled out of the room. I followed, like a diligent little puppy.

/ / / / / /

"Wow. Why'd we come back up here, again?" I asked.

Jamie frowned. "To get away from a possible encounter with a homicidal maniac named Deadpool?"

I shook my head and watched everything going on around us.

The world of upstairs was in complete disarray. People were running around like busy bees on steroids and anyone who stopped long enough to spare us a glance either cared too little for us and moved on or cared too much for us and looked very suspicious. THEN moved on.

They all looked slightly nervous and a tad bit worried with just a pinch of business-like monotone to cover their faces. The perfect mixture to scream: we're in deep shit.

I turned to my better half. "Well. Now I'm curious. What's going on?"

She raised an eyebrow boredly. "What ISN'T going on with the X-Men? If it's not Apocalypse it's probably some other evil villain going on a quest to dominate the world."

I shrugged. "Eh. It's worth finding out, anyway. It could be worth our while."

She gave me a blank stare. "I doubt it."

I raised an eyebrow this time. "What would you rather do? Go shopping?"

"Well..."

And that was the fourth time Hell froze over that day.