Hi All, Here is my new piece of fiction to .

This is an idea that came to me when I wasn't having the best of days but thought it would be interesting to write, so hoping you might find it interesting yourselves.

Character will be OOC at times.

WARNING: This Fic with contain dark themes such as; Swearing, Angst, Mental Illness, mentions of Sexual Assault, and Violence that might be deemed disturbing for some readers. I can not stress my warning enough and the rating of 18+.

Not all will be doom and gloom of course. This will be around about five parts, I can't say for certain, depends how carried away I get.

Disclaimers: Everything TVD belongs to LJ Smith.

Hope you enjoy!

Glossary;

OSUT - One Station Unit Training (Basic Training and Advanced Individual Training all in one)

PT - Private Time.

DS - Drill Sergeant.

Chow - Slang for meal or food.

DPOV

December 1990

Six burning candles stood to a halt, the stem embedded in the thick crust of white icing that covered the sponge cake beneath; scrolled across the centre in neat inscription read: 'Happy Birthday'. Not only was the cake giving me the message, there were maybe thirty people of a variety of ages singing off tune to the world famous birthday mantra. I watched the flames as they seemed to flicker simultaneously with the voices.

"Make a wish, baby" My mom hovered over me.

"Go on Son, there has to be something you want" My father was joining in with the encouragement.

I'd been lucky - Extremely so. The whole of the living room was jam packed of nattily wrapped gifts I'd been itching to open all day, as I watch the piles just multiple. My mother had joked it would take me till my next birthday to open them all. I have to disagree since I was a six year old hyperactive kid whose been jacked up on fizzy drinks, sugary sweets and on top of it all, it was my birthday and anyone who has been around kids with all that bundled up in one package, is a kid like a can of soda; you shake it so much that at some point it's going to explode. I could get through the presents in ten - fifteen minutes tops.

So I had every gift I could want and possibly more, so what did I wish for? I looked up from the candles and around the dimly lit room. There were people just standing, watching and waiting for me to do what was expected of me so they could return to enjoying themselves, but I couldn't, I didn't know what to wish for. For my naïve, young mind this was important; I couldn't, not make a wish!

As my eyes roamed the room all my worries dispelled as I spotted her face in the crowd; her smile beaming brighter than any amount of flames. An involuntary grin swept across my face and only grew with seeing her missing front tooth. Her ebony locks cascading in loose curl around her heart shaped face and down over her shoulders. Her eyes were glistening with pure innocent perfection and were staring right back at me. She answered any question in my mind, especially what I would wish for. She would turn out to be everything I wished for from that moment on.

I closed my eyes, it didn't matter whether they were open or closed; I could still see her imprinted into my eyelids and mind. My wish became the easiest thing in the world, and with it repeated silently in head I blew out all the candles in one heavy exhaled puff of air that left my mouth and lungs empty.

Following my success of blowing them all out there had been a chorus of cheers and clapping of hands, but on opening my eyes I just wanted to see one person. I got what I wanted. While my mom was cutting up the cake for all of my friends to take home in their party bags the adults resumed the chitchat between themselves and the kids continued their energetic antics. Well most of the children anyway.

"Happy Birthday, Damon" I spun so fast on my feet that not only did it cause whirlpools in my head but I could have easily taken off. I knew that sweet melodic voice. I smiled at the brown eyed girl before me, a shy smile upon her adorable face, with a hint of rose setting into her cheeks.

"Thank you, Elena" I returned the smile.

"You have lo… lo… lots of presents. I've never seen so many. Mine is only little." She giggled and motioned with her fingers something small in scale.

I widened my eyes in wonder and excitement. "You got me a present?" I asked truly surprised. Not exactly sure why, everyone else had gotten me a gift, so why wouldn't she?

"Of course, Silly" Her laughter rang other throughout the room.

"I'm not silly!" I insisted; straightening my back slightly offended. Okay it was more worry; I mean I didn't want her thinking I was silly. I didn't think she was silly. She was pretty.

Did she roll her eyes at me? That was to be the first time; I never expected it would be a long running reaction that occurred whenever I was around. But I'd have to grin and bear it.

"Well where is it? I want to open it." The fact that she'd called me silly was long dismissed and forgotten. Now I just wanted to open my present.

"It's with the others. But you aren't supposed to be opening them yet." She spoke as I grabbed a hold of her hand and sneaked off into the living room. Nobody had been allowed access to this particular room so we wouldn't be interrupted. "Damon, we aren't allowed in here." She repeated and yet it still changed nothing. "We could get into tr... tr... trouble" She resorted.

I chuckled because it was ridiculous. "It's my house and my birthday, I can't get into trouble."

"But I can, it's not my birthday or house."

"I won't let you get into trouble." I reassured her, she always was a bit of a goody-two-shoes growing up. We were like chalk and cheese. Still are at times.

After locating the gift, I realized she had been right. It was only little, but I didn't care I just desperately wanted to know what it was. I tore at the paper like something possessed and of course the five year old girl watching from my side was finding amusement in my excitement. I wasn't paying all that much attention to her surprisingly but then again I was only six, it would be a few years before she'd be holding my complete attention.

Discarding the blue printed gift wrapping to aside the content fell into the palm of my awaiting hand. I just stared.

"Do… do… do you like it?" The angelic voice brought me out of my daze.

"It's a bracelet!" I stated the obvious.

"Yeah it is" Elena's voice was suddenly small and deflated, a look of disappointment washing over her soft features with her eyes cast down.

"But bracelets are for girls" I cocked my nose up not exactly impressed. I mean none of my friends wore bracelets. Even if this particular bracelet looked like something a guy would wear.

Suddenly thinking about who I knew that wore bracelets; male wise was completely discarded from my thoughts as I saw her face. There was nothing innocent left, nor any trace of a smile left upon her face. Oh no instead her eyes were narrowed but burning holes into my skull. I think I may have even swallowed hard out of fear.

Her hand was reaching out and tearing the leather bracelet from my grasp. "If you don't like it, you just have to say." Her eyes were far too devilish to belong to such an innocent being as she was. It was amazing; she never had her stammer when she was angry.

My eyes were harsh too as she jutted out her chin towards me, her fist on her hip and of course I knew even then she was going to be a handful.

"I never said I didn't like it!"

"Well you didn't say you liked it either. Your face was all screwy-uppy. It took me a long time to make, and you are being mean" My girl, she has bite - Always has. She could be as innocent and pure as a nun but you piss her off and you'll see the devil, forever keeping me on my toes. I found it fascinating even then. But in that moment I was gob smacked. Reason one being that she had this side to her I'd never seen before, and reason two, because she had said she made it. She had made the bracelet for me.

Any aggravation evaporated from my eyes, and the smile of wonderment and astonishment returned to my face. "You made it?"

"Don't laugh at me Damon Salvatore. I won't be your friend anymore if you laugh at me." Oh how I loved her even then, and how she could threaten me with things like that until she was blue in the face but she would never be able to follow through.

"I'm not laughing at you" I felt the need to make that clear first. I was about to speak again but of course she didn't give me the chance.

"Then why are you smiling?" She demanded the truth. I reached out to take back the bracelet but she thrust her hand further behind her back to keep me from doing so. "You shouldn't laugh at people gifts. It's not nice." Her annoyance left her and was replaced with sadness as she cast down her eyes. I never liked that.

"I wasn't laughing." I repeated. "I'm smiling because I want the bracelet. Its… very nice you made it for me." I told her, my voice growing lower. It was very rare I was ever shy. Non-existent when I reached my adolescence.

"But you said it… it… it was for girls." Apparently she didn't believe I was feeling bad enough as it was.

"Well none of my friends wear bracelets." I shrugged.

"But your friends are stupid and mean!"

"Are not!" I defended.

"Are too!"

"Are not!" This went on for a while. She won, of course.

"Can I have my bracelet please?" I let out a heavy, exhausted sigh while my hand held out awaiting her to give it to me. "I won't laugh."

"You promise?" Her brown eyes searched mine.

The smile itched at my lips. "I promise. Now can I have it?" I curled my fingers in and out as if to say 'give it to me'.

She finally did return the bracelet to my hand, and I was finally allowed to expect it properly. It was made from leather as I already knew. But now I could see the strips of the brown leather, plaited, while there was a piece of black string woven between the twists and turns. Even my young eyes could tell that it had been made with care and was extremely well made for a five year old.

"My mommy helped me a little bit with the knots at the end so it doesn't undo." She explained. I didn't mind at all. I did realize that I had been stupid before in cocking my nose up. Especially since deep down, it turned out to be the greatest gift anyone ever gave to me.

I took the leather bracelet and slipped it over my hand and onto my wrist so I could wear it. If I'd have been looking I would of seen her eyes light up like Christmas trees, but instead my attention was on the bracelet and how as soon as I dropped my hand it feel right from my wrist, back over my hand and to the floor. The giggles that filled the room definitely got my interest. She was laughing, and at me.

"It's too big." I huffed in annoyance, one because of the size of the bracelet and two because she was laughing at me.

She crouched and scooped it up with her delicate little fingers. "You have to tighten it, silly." Again she was calling me the name I disliked and now I felt a little stupid. I went to take it from her but she batted my hand away. "I'll do it."

Oh and she did, I stood there like a good little boy while she used her fragile fingers to tighten the bracelet around my wrist, just enough so it was secured onto my wrist and wouldn't fall off. She stepped back and grinned up at me once she'd finished, proud of herself. She had reason to be.

"There you go." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "You don't have to wear it, though. Not if you don't like it." She explained, not wanting to force me. Nobody could force me to do nothing.

"I do like it. It's not girly at all and I want to wear it." I smiled back, my cheeks beginning to ache.

"R…really?"

I nodded for the extra confirmation she needed. Her grin only grew.

I looked to the door and then around the room to all the presents. "Do you want to help me open all my other presents?" I asked her.

Of course her eyes widened and she shook her head, her curls bouncing. "I can't, we will get into trouble." We were going down that path again.

"I would never let you get into trouble, Elena. You are my best friend." On declaring my honesty, it only seemed to make her happier, and of course surprised. We'd been friends since we were in diapers, she may be a year younger than me and at times was probably closer friends with my brother, Stefan as they were in kindergarten together, but I did not care. Neither did she seem to mind either.

"I'm your best friend?" She quizzed.

Smile painted on my face I nodded. "Uh-huh."

"You could be like a brother." She grinned. I did not. If I was her brother then my birthday wish would never come true. I couldn't marry my sister!

Spring 2002

"I swear to god Damon Salvatore if you don't put me down. Right. Now. I'll… I'll…" She always sucked at making threats. Either she couldn't follow through with them or she just didn't have the vengeful mind to think of something fearful enough to threaten me with.

"You'll what?" I carried her over my shoulder as she was kicking her legs about, her fists beating against my ass as I just laughed. Well laughed as well as watched her ripe little ass wiggled about right in my face; only coated in little red bikini bottoms, one side hitched to display her ass better to me. I had to refrain myself from biting it. As a guy of eighteen years of age, it was one of the most difficult things I'd come across at the time. Yeah my life was full of hardship wasn't it? Oh what I'd give to have those days back.

"Stefan!" She squealed as I drew closer to the pool. "Stefan. Tell him! Tell him to put me down!" She demanded from where she hung over my shoulder. Oh her attempts to get my brother to save her were just adding to the hilarity.

"Oh, wasting your time. He can't help you. Nobody can help you." I forge a wicked laugh, giving her ass cheek a little slap. Oh I was definitely getting cheeky.

She let out a high pitched squeal in surprise. "Hey! You're going to regret that Salvatore!"

"What you going to do about it, Gilbert?" I snickered, and she was kicking her legs out all the more, causing my grip around the back of the thighs to tighten to keep from her falling or me dropping her.

"Put me down and I'll show you"

"Oh as tempting as that sounds, I'm enjoying this all too much."

Then came along Mr Serious "Damon, maybe you should put her down." Stefan seemed to be disgruntled by our fun.

"Oh lighten up little brother. I'll put her down when I'm good and ready. Plus she'd enjoying it really"

"Am not!" Chimed in my brunette best friend from behind my back, her hands now playing the drums on my ass, clad in my combat swim shorts.

Our relationship was a strange one. There would always be the attraction towards her; even in eighth grade when she was going through her hippy phase, and around about the same time her hormones really began to come alive and well Elena Gilbert is a walking 'Hazardous: Avoid with your life' sign whenever it's her time of the month. I've been on the receiving end of the back lash far too many times. It took me some getting used to; she could be a stroppy, frustrating mare without them. So how I didn't bang her head against a wall is beyond me. I just ended up banging mine, instead.

Every day was different, there were days I could ignore the constant voice in my head telling me I wanted her and wanted to be with her. But then there would be days I couldn't ignore it. She would do something, it could be anything, as little as look at me from under her lashes and I'd be hopeless. Of course to her she just thought Stefan and I were like brothers, especially when it came to us being overprotective ones, if some guy began sniffing around. Even at seventeen, her face rounded with her cheeks still holding the childlike features and puppy fat in them, she was always the most striking and simply beautiful girl I'd ever lay my eyes on.

While I loved that she was so obviously gorgeous and her quirky sense of humour that was right down my street, I'm not the only one that had noticed how remarkable she was. Of course nobody knew her like I did, maybe Stefan but only because he'd known her for just as long as I had. But it didn't matter if guys knew her completely like I did, they had eyes, she was definitely catching them. Oh but of course she was completely oblivious to that. She was oblivious to a lot of things. I do my 'brotherly' duties of shooing away her admirers. Well she thinks its brotherly - well the times she knows about at least, a lot of other times she didn't, and wouldn't - but with my eyes I definitely wasn't taking it upon myself as a brother from another mother; however much I try to convince myself it was. It works most of the time but then you get the odd guy who's determined, for example, Matt Donovan. Now he'd had a crush on Elena for a while but was the type that was too afraid to voice it. Didn't exactly need it, it was pretty obvious when you're dribbling and won't leave her side. That's the effect she had on guys. Well some. I'm not shy. Just too proud and don't want to make a complete and utter tit of myself.

See the problem is, Matt is actually a decent enough guy, and as much as I hate to admit it, Elena seemed to like him too. Whether it was platonic or romantic I couldn't be sure but I think we all know which I hoped for. My mind knew I couldn't have her, but yeah I'm a selfish prick and don't want anyone else to have her either. I knew a day would come when I didn't have the choice and I wouldn't be the most important guy in her life. When that day was to come I'm not really sure what I'd do with myself. I hadn't actually thought about it up until this moment and I don't want to think about it. But I focused on Elena being a strong minded and willed girl, even at seventeen. And with her holding those traits I knew that if she really wanted to be with Matt, she would have been and there would be nothing I could do about it. Fuck! That thought frightened the life out of me. But it was inevitable, if it wasn't Matt it would be someone else, that's why I had to try. I had to stop feeling these things for her. Recently I'd taken to finding a distraction, or multiple distractions. I was a testosterone crazed eighteen year old, it didn't take a lot to gain a particular reaction from me, it didn't take anything at all for her to that the effect on me - Now; for example.

"Damon. Pleeeease!" She was resulting to her whiny voice now. It only fuelled my humour.

"Pleeeeease what, Elena?" I mimicked.

"Please put me down. Do and I won't get you back!" Her attempt at bribery and negotiations were pathetic, to say the least.

A heavy, dramatized sigh left my mouth. "Fine" Adding great emphasis to the 'N'

"Really?" Wait, did I just hear a hint of disappointment there in her tone? Of course it could just be my imagination, wouldn't be the first time.

"Yes, I'll put you down. But you almost sounded disappointed there, Miss Gilbert." I snickered to myself. "Knew you liked it really." my cocky side kicking in.

See I was well aware of how this goes. She would deny it; imply I'm too full of myself - Just the usual. So I decided to deny her the opportunity. Instead continuing with my fun and fulfilled my promise - I put her down. Oh but I may have 'accidentally' forgotten to specify where.

Elena's screams sliced through the air as she fell from my arms and gravity sucked her down. Her screams silenced when her petite form collided and sunk beneath the glimmering water surface of the pool. As she hit the water it lost its sparkle under the afternoon sun as it reflected and instead was fizzed white and jumping through the air, escaping by splashing itself in all directions, seemed to turn out that most of it headed for me. But you're a miserable son of a bitch if you're in your swimwear, out by the pool and don't plan on getting wet at some point. I intended to join her at some point and get drenched but for now I was far too entertained with watching Elena splash and swish around, a little frustrated growl leaving her mouth between gasps as she surfaced. It was possible she would try and get me back, you know so it could be a complete cliché, and in my head it could be like the movies and I'll let her push me in, but I'd pull her back in with me. We'd splash around but eventually would come to her clinging to me with her legs wrapped tightly around my waist, arms encircling my neck. You know what? Since this sequence are all in my head, I imagine her bikini top coming undone, or better still just comes off all together. Oh wait I could trump that too, she would ask me to take it off.

Unfortunately this wasn't some movie nor was I that lucky. Instead she was just glaring at me, trying to act all annoyed at what I'd done but of course she wasn't, you know the typical story. I must say thought she did try and get me back, I don't know if I would have let her or not but it didn't matter because it didn't come about. Not when Caroline turned up, gate-crashing our little party.

"Oh so you're alive then" She came strutting out of the French doors from the kitchen. How she got into the house I was not sure, but then I saw Stefan had disappeared. He probably let her in.

Her hair hung long and blonde that was almost blinding from the Mid-Spring sun, the underneath of her hair enhanced with jet black hair extensions. What kind of trend that was I really didn't know but of course Caroline knows it's the in thing. I'll just have to trust her word for that, but then again I couldn't give two hoots. I cared about as much as the amount of material used for her skirt. Not a lot at all.

Caroline was... No I couldn't necessarily call or consider her to be my girlfriend, we hadn't been on a date nor did I have any desire to go on one, but we were... close in particular areas, let's say. I'd tried to keep it under wraps finding our relationship to be a little too insignificant to go broadcasting but the fact she was here now spoke volumes for the onlookers; i.e. Elena and Stefan - who had just re-joined the fun. I can't say I was pleased to see Caroline here, especially with a certain pair of eyes on me.

"Oh a miniature pool party. Private or can anyone join in?" She was waiting for my invitation but it wasn't coming anytime soon.

"Private, but I was just about to excuse myself." It was a lie, I wanted to let Elena push me in the pool and hope for the events I'd been imagining previously. But of course I needed to see why she was here and it wasn't going to happen in front of present company.

A pout formed upon her lips "Aw, here I was thinking you'd love to see me strip down to my undies and splash around; playing the damsel in distress."

"Not my style" I acted passive, as if oblivious and unfazed by her attempts to be flirtatious and suggestive. It was a dick move I know, I just wanted her to leave. "Can I talk to you a sec?" It wasn't a request, I just ushered her away from the pool back inside, doing my best to avoid eye contact with Elena.

Once securely in the sanctuary of the house and out of eye and earshot I could address her in my usual manner - rather blunt and passive-aggressive.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed. Okay and maybe rude too.

"I was bored, I tried calling and there was no answer, so I just thought I'd come see if you were in the mood to pass a little time." She approached me with seductively swaying hips, her hands taking advantage of my lack of clothing in the torso area. She was trying to provoke a reaction out of me. Unfortunately the reaction couldn't be helped.

"Caroline..." I began, my voice strained with annoyance with her and a shameful amount of lust. You see I already had a big problem from before she even arrived, now I was gaining the attention I wanted it was just egging it on more. Just a shame it couldn't be coming from the girl I wanted it to be.

"Did you see her face?" She blurted out, while I was a little lost in though and sensations.

"Huh? Who's face?"

There was a snort rippling from her nose, something I never expected Caroline to do, never mind to do it in front of anyone.

"Oh, you can't be that blind, your brother's girlfriend. I thought she was about to claw my eyes out or something" While she made the accusation her hands were journeying down so of course there was a sense of being distracted from her words but not that distracted because it eventually sunk in what she said and I snapped myself out of my trance and stepped back and out of her hands.

"What you talking about?" A frown formed upon my face. "And she isn't my brothers' girlfriend." I stated wanting to make that absolutely clear. That comment was made far too often for my liking and it pissed me off. I mean it was just ridiculous, they didn't even fancy each other and Elena and I was closer than them. Maybe a lot of people didn't see Elena and I being closer but either way we were and it annoyed me.

"Well whoever's girlfriend she is or isn't she doesn't want me to be yours." Her growing amusement wasn't agreeing with me.

"You don't know what you're talking about" I really doubt Elena would care who I was seeing or if I had a girlfriend. I didn't want to discuss Elena with her anyway. "I'll see you later or something" I dismissed her, I wouldn't usually that was probably why she was here but we weren't alone.

"Oh c'mon Damon, I have things to do later. I just want us to hang out." She looked down; attempting to look shy and failing miserable.

Her hands weren't roaming my abdomen anymore, nor were her fingers playing with the draw string on my shorts. She was lacing her fingers with mine. Now this wasn't your usual Caroline move, and I definitely wasn't the hand holding type. Well not with her anyway; think it would take a really special girl for me to want to do that.

I pulled my hands free, I didn't yank, nor did I let my hands linger. She was a pretty girl there was no denying that and well yeah she was pretty good in the bedroom department but it doesn't make her girlfriend material. We had nothing in common, we both deep down wanted other people even thought we would never admit it to ourselves never mind out loud. And for the love of god we were eighteen years of age, not twenty-eight. If I'm being honest I want to have fun. As much as I would like a girlfriend in Elena, it wasn't going to happen. I was sick of the confusion, the pathetic pining and the whole situation just being a pain in my ass. Life is supposed to be simple at eighteen. That's what you think and more times than not is it, but of course not at the time. You don't realize until you're older and in the real world how simply and fucking easy things were and could easily be if you weren't so bloody naive.

"You suck at acting." I snort, finding it in me to be a little more light-hearted. I always hated things being tense.

"Well fine then, don't make me act. You're parents are out, seems such a shame to waste the opportunity." Any trace of her attempt at being shy disappeared and she was back to being provocative; biting her lip and running her hands up and over my chest and around my neck.

Oh I was a prick. Why? Because I was tempted? I suppose Damon Salvatore did have moral's somewhere and they kicked in, well sort of.

"Give me an hour and I'll come pick you up." I offered. However much I wanted to forget about Elena and say to hell with it, I couldn't do it if I knew she was around somewhere. I had enough of a problem with being around her and not letting emotions and feelings take over, never mind her taking over my head while I'm with another girl.

I grew cheeky, gave Caroline's ass a little smack, banishing the thought that moments before I'd been doing the same to Elena, and comparing. I was already fucked; I ain't making shit harder for myself.

She seemed a little disappointed I was making her wait but I'm sure she could find a way to amuse herself.

She left me with a kiss on the lips, her cherry lip gloss brushing off on mine. Stuff might taste okay but sure didn't feel it.

As soon as the front door closed behind her, I used the back of my hand to wipe the sticky substance from my lips, wandering over the bar area to sneak myself a drink while I came up with an explanation for why Caroline may have been here. I'm sure Stefan could keep Elena entertained for a moment or two longer.

Apparently not. Apparently he couldn't even entertain her for the short duration of Caroline's stay because I was bringing the glass to my lips when right before me I could see my reflection in the grand mirror hanging avoid the fireplace. My face wasn't the only one in it. I spun around to see Elena standing in the doorway as if unsure what to do with herself, but a very prominent displeased look upon her features. Actually, disgusted might have been a better adjective.

Not a common occurrence to find myself in a situation where I don't know what to say. Turns out Elena didn't have a problem.

"How long have you been seeing her?" The harshness and bluntness of the question took me off guard, but of course in that moment I realized she's seen some of the interaction between Caroline and I. Why she seemed so pissed, I didn't understand.

"I'm not." I chuckled, shaking my head. I wasn't seeing her.

"Lair!" That one word changed my mood instantly, and remains of a chuckle in my throat, dried up and fizzled out. If Elena knew of one thing never to call me, it was that.

"I am not lying" I tried to settle without getting too pissed off. I didn't want to argue with her.

"I can't believe you!" The tone in her voice, the look in her eyes, all adding to the anger and upset radiating from her as she clutched the towel around her.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa." A little spun out by this all.

"Don't you dare, Damon. God I'm so stupid." Was this another of her mood swings?

I was momentarily distracted by my brother coming into the room, from behind Elena. "What's going on?" He quizzed looking between the two of us, a look of concern upon his face when his eyes landed on Elena.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Brother. Elena's having one of her moments." I guffawed, and possible shouldn't have. But I was no liar, nor did I want it floating around her head, never mind her accusing me of being.

"Oh yeah that's right isn't it? Silly little Elena, doesn't know what she's talking about. Silly little Elena, not knowing what she sees right before her." Oh she was definitely pissed.

"Oh you definitely don't see what's right in front of you." I murmured into my glass, but she was grabbing my attention as she came stalking over towards me, her eyes as sharp as daggers.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She demanded. "Actually you know what? Don't answer that. It would only be yet more lies." Okay I'll let it slide once with someone I care about. I'll let it slide twice because it's her, but I would not let it slide a third time for anyone. Nor am I hiding my annoyance.

"Don't! I don't know what you think you know, or what is going on in your head but you don't call me a liar or say I am lying." I hoped to make my message clear.

"Oh so you and Caroline weren't just all over each other then?"

"What's it got to do with you?" I spoke before I thought it through. I shouldn't have, and if I weren't so angry at being called a liar I would have regretted it immediately.

Satan himself possessed her eyes in that moment. Shock too. The regret was quickly coming to me.

"I'm supposed to be your best friend, that's what it's got to do with me! A best friend who you tell when you're dating someone." She fumed.

"When did we make this arrangement? I didn't know I'd taken some sort of oath where I had to tell you absolutely everything that happens in my life." I think I was close to being slapped; she seemed to be doing a good job of restraining herself. "Sorry I'm not some girl who wants to sit around talking about relationship while we paint our nails."

"You are such an ass." She resorted, and she seemed to be getting upset. I wished I could regain the difficulty for finding words I had earlier, seems now I had the difficulty to keep my mouth shut.

"Yeah you keep calling me that still you keep hanging around. And just for the record, I'm not seeing Caroline. Even if I was, why are you acting like I just killed the Pope or something?" I let out an exasperated sigh.

Her face was getting redder and increasingly scrunched up by the second; the vain in her forehead beginning to protrude. "Because... because..." She searched for words. "Because… you should tell me. You fly off the handle if I keep things from you. The tiniest littlest thing and then something like this and you can't even tell me and are lying about it."

I blew a fuse. "Are you deaf? I am not lying!"

"Then why the hell were you planning on meeting up with her? Why would her hands be all over you? Why was she trying to get you into bed? And why would she be kissing you?" With each question her voice reaching new limits with each question thrown at me. Her eyes becoming blood shot, and red rims appearing.

I searched for an explanation, how did I tell her the truth? But how did I not tell her the truth without her calling me a liar again? I hated being called a lair, I despised her calling me one. "Fine! You really wanna know? We hook up from time to time, we aren't dating, we aren't seeing each other she is just a distraction" Came bursting from my mouth, and it was like I'd just knocked all the wind out of her, with the suddenly jolted step back she took as if being knocked off her feet.

I'd never seen the look that appeared on her face before; a look of betrayal, hurt and... heartbreak? For a split second I let myself wonder if she felt it too, if I wasn't just a best friend or brother figure. That maybe I was something more to her too. I wanted to take it back, I wanted for Caroline to have never come around. I wanted her to be laughing again and over my shoulder playing the drums on my ass cheeks. But no, when do we really yet what we want?

"Who..." Her bottom lip began to quiver and her voice shaking. "Who are you?" She asked as if I was some sort of alien, some sort of vermin rat she couldn't bear to be near.

"I... I'm a guy" Okay not my proudest moment or choice in words.

"But not that guy. You aren't supposed to be that guy" A tear escaped her eye and I was hopeless and she was just looking at me that way, with disgust and I hated it. I hated it so much.

"What guy is what?" I hissed. "One that is an ass? You've been calling me an ass since we were kids. Thought it would have sunk in by now. I'm not some little boy anymore Elena. I'm not just some guy who drops everything at the drop of a hat to be the perfect best friend, to be your brother. This is me... I screw up. I screw around. I'm not attached to your side. I'm not going to go through life being who you want me to be! My life does not revolve around you!"

I lied and I paid the price. She told me the one thing I never want to hear 'To stay the hell away from her'. She meant it and I lost my best friend.

Summer 2002

"Maybe you could talk to Elena before you leave - Bury the hatchet." My mom suggested as I throw my bag into the truck of the car, trying my best not to lock my jaw or bite; to just stay completely neutral. Of course it was impossible for her name not to be mentioned regularly. My mum loved the girl, my dad loved the girl, my brother loved the girl... everyone fucking loved her and wanted to talk about her all the fucking time. I'd learned to at least try and drown it out. But at this moment in time it was hard to, especially since for the past two hours my mother had said the exact same thing more times than I'd had hot dinners.

"Mom, leave it. It's not happening." I deadpanned.

Of course it's not like I hadn't tried. Oh no, I'd tried already. Some don't consider it enough but I do when she is the one that had the fucking problem. When she was the one that told me to stay away, told me she hated me, told me she never wanted to lay her eyes on me again. She called me a liar. A pig. Oh every name under the sun, you name it she called it me. At the time I thought it was an argument. She left upset and I felt like a dick but was still pissed off with everything she had said. I went around the next day to try and talk to her; she wasn't having any of it, couldn't even be bothered to come to the door. I tried the following day and the next thirteen days after that but still nothing. I saw her of course but she just looked straight through me. I'd found the determination a fortnight after falling out. We'd never gone this long without hanging out or just simply talking before. I missed her, god I truly did. I even missed when she would text me in the middle of the night, waking me up to tell me she just had a strange dream. So I decided I wasn't going to miss her anymore and was going to sort this shit out because it fucking hurt. But not half as much as it hurt when I got to school that day and my plans plummeting like a rock. She was standing by her locker, looking gorgeous of course, wearing that smile she only wore when around me. Yet the smile was not for me. It was for Matt. The smile on her face was replaced with his lips. Yeah that shit stung. You know what? That at the time was the understatement of the century.

At the time I thought maybe she was trying to get me back for not telling her about Caroline, it wasn't. No, it turns out they were madly in love; inseparable. I spent many of evenings, mornings, lessons, lunch breaks thinking of all the different ways I could ring his neck, or chop off his hands whenever I saw him touch her. Singe his lips off so he couldn't kiss her. Humiliate him in some way. But I did none of it. I didn't even speak a word. I just tried to deal. But however much I tried to deny it, each passing day it grew worse. I missed her more and more, I loved her more and more, I tried to hate her more and more. My head was all over the place. So when I graduated I was getting as far away from Mystic Falls as I possibly could.

I needed something new in life; I needed a distraction and not Caroline Forbes or any other girl who wandered my way. No I had to be some place I hardly had time to think, somewhere I couldn't just change my mind and come back whenever I wanted. I contemplated college, I filled in a few applications but I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. I was never the doctor/lawyer type. I lost interest in everything really. But then I remembered the dream I'd had from a kid, joining the army. My father had joined at my age, as did his father before him. On thinking over my options it all seemed to click into place. So I enlisted. While fellow pupils were packing their cars or bags up to go off to college or staying home to accomplish their life dream of flipping burgers, I couldn't help but feeling so relieved I wasn't them.

"Oh come on, Damon. It's been months. Don't you think you should both stop being stubborn? She's a lovely girl, and whatever your differences; you've been best friends for years and she deserves to know, she's want to know" I had to hold back from snorting in ridicule at that comment. Well that last part anyway, I'm sure I was doing her a favour.

"Dad? You ready to go? I don't want to miss my flight." I completely ignored my mom and there was no chance I could miss my flight. We were so early that we'd probably be able to drive to Georgia in the time I'd have to wait for my flight. Okay slight exaggeration, but close.

"Well you would if you forgot this?" My dad came out the front door holding my handhold that contained my tickets and passport. "Seriously Damon, you can't go getting ahead of this. You're joining the Army, not off on some vacation, you can't afford to have you head in the clouds, forgetting about things." Yet another lecture from my Father.

Ever since I told him I had enlisted he'd been like a freaking Drill Sergeant. Been telling me the Pro's and Con's, the In's and Out's, what you should do, what you shouldn't. What you need to do, what you can't. He thought he would get me ready for army life, been waking me up at the crack of dawn, setting me routines; All to get me ready. Half of me hadn't minded, gave me something to do, something to occupy myself with.

"I know I was just coming in to get it." I fibbed. He knew it too.

"Those excuses aren't going to work in Georgia, son."

"Oh Sepp, give the poor boy a break. He's going to be great." My mother defended me, trying to get my father to lay off my case. Of course it didn't matter he would be repeating everything he's told me over the past couple of weeks on the car journey to the airport. I'd told my mom she wasn't allowed to come with, she was already a wreck, and fussing. It was a little embarrassing and plus I couldn't bear her saying her name yet again.

."Do you really have to go so early? Maybe you should stay a little longer. Maybe you should go and talk to..."

Thank heavens for my father in that moment. "Not this again, Lil. He's keen to get there. Now Damon, close that truck and we'll hit the road." He commanded me and I did as I was told just so I could get out of here as soon as possible.

I drowned them out when I saw my brother lurking by the door. I offered him a small smile. Not only had things been non-existent between Elena and I but it had all put a strain on my relationship with Stefan as well as Stefan relationship with Elena. He'd been caught in the middle. He'd been so pissed off at me for the way I'd spoken to Elena that day, what I'd said that it caused a huge argument between the two of us to break out after he had returned home from making sure he got back to her house safely because she'd been upset. As a result of being upset she'd told Stefan to leave her alone too. Of course she hadn't meant it as strongly as she'd demanded with me, nor did she refuse to see or speak to Stefan. They were still friends, hung out at times but no way near as close as they were before.

Approaching the front door, he pushed his hands into his pockets, always was one for being slightly awkward.

"What no brotherly hug goodbye?" I rose an eyebrow, chuckling slightly.

"You were never the hugging kind." He commented and I suppose he was right.

I nodded with pulsed lips. "Suppose not. Handshake then?" I thrust my hand between us and waited.

He looked from me and down to my hand, before shuffling from one foot to the other as he pondered. Apparently it would take a lot of energy to pull a hand from the pocket. He seemed to find it though and drew his hand from his pocket and placed it against mine before carrying out a formal shake. I laughed at how absurd it was. He was my brother and who knew how long it would be before I saw him again. I pulled at his hand and wrapped my other arm around his shoulder, patting him on the back. He seemed tensed and rather surprised at the hug but he'd get over it.

"Take care, baby bro." I pulled away and gave him a light smile.

He was returning his now free hand back to his pocket and gave a nod of the head. "You too. Don't go looking for trouble"

I silently laughed, my chest bouncing the once. "I'll try, but this is me. Can't make any promises."

He snorted as if knowing it was true, and agreeing with me. I looked down because I couldn't seem to help the words that formed in my throat. Whatever happened I couldn't stop worrying and just leave without making sure she was okay even if she wouldn't know, or want me to. It pissed me off of course that I couldn't not care, or just get over it and leave her to her own defences, but old habits die hard. Plus that buffoon was still hanging around her. So however pissed I was at myself, I just accepted it.

"Will you... you know... watch out for her?" I asked, and I don't think a name needed to spoke for him to know who I was in fact talking about.

"I would even if you didn't ask."

I nodded because I was pleased. I knew she would be okay with him around. He might not feel the way I did for her, but he still loved her in the way I couldn't, as a brother.

"And uh... if he hurts her, you'll..."

Apparently he didn't need examples of torture. "I'm cut out his heart and feed it to him" He had his own, and well of course it took me off guard. Stefan wasn't exactly the try to say something like that or make threats. He was the good brother out of the two of us. But well I was impressed.

"I was going to say kick his ass, but your way sounds better." I chortled.

"Well... I guess you've been rubbing off on me." His shoulders gave a shrug and I have to say maybe that was true.

"Well then I know everything will be in good hands won't I?" I slapped him on his arm, snickering.

"Damon, time to go." My dad called out from where he was waiting by the car. I glanced over my shoulder and held up a finger, to tell him just a second. Of course there were mutter-cutters about discipline and how my action wouldn't be acceptable in the army.

"Don't join the army." I told Stefan. "Not if you want Major over there breathing down your neck, thinking the house is an assault course."

He wouldn't be joining the army. No Stefan was going to become a doctor, or a lawyer. He was the brains of the family. Well sort of, he just had a hell of a lot more patience than I.

"I won't be" Things were still pretty tense but I realized I wasn't going to get him to lighten up. I said my final goodbyes to my brother and headed back to the car, ready to finally leave. Of course my mother had to say goodbye, thankfully Elena's name wasn't mentioned but she made up for it, by fussing. Anyone would have thought she was never going to see me again.

My father had to tear her off of me; she was being far too dramatic. When in the car I was finally able to breathe. I was leaving; getting myself out of this godforsaken town. Doing something with my life, and hopefully this was a start of a new one. One that I found myself secretly apprehensive about, fearing my hatred for the lifestyle of being told what to do 24/7 and being unable to do anything about it. But that was what I needed. And it sure as hell was what I was going to get.

The fates wouldn't have let me leave town without one little reminder of what I was leaving behind and trying to escape. Elena. Why is it that for the past four months she had not so much as looked at me but as my father approached The Grill, she choice that moment to come bursting out of the doors, all red faces wearing a smile from ear to ear, but not real. She was balancing a tray on her arm and talking to a couple who sat perched at one of the outdoor tables, placing their meals before them. My heart stopped for so many reasons but most of all for just seeing her in such a way. She was working? Working at the Grill? I had no idea that she had even been looking to get a job never mind having one.

She was always so bold and imaginative, having umpteen ambitions and dreams. She wanted to travel the world, she would read about a new place and would not shut up for days about wanting to go, how we could save money and go even thought we were only about seven. When she was six our moms took us for a day out to the zoo and she became obsessed with animals, especially monkeys and decided she wanted to be a vet. She had Stefan and I pretending to be animals; Stefan a giraffe because he was tall for his age and lanky. I, a monkey because unfortunately I had my father's ears. I'm pleased to report that as I grew older my ears didn't protrude nearly as much as they did when I was a kid, and of course I was always dashing to look at, just matured better with age, like a nice red wine. Not that Elena would have taken much notice to that. But yes I let her dissect me. Then we became rock stars when Elena decided she would be a singer, that's how first learned to play guitar. Then I'd be an actor when she decided singing wasn't for her and she preferred dramatics. But unfortunately it wasn't acting that got her attention; it was taking a more director's role, writer too. That wasn't good for me since daily she wanted me to play the heroine and Stefan the hero. Why? Because she had me by the fucking balls and there was no saying no to her at times, and even if I did she would just give me that look of 'Oh yes you will do as I tell you' or she would get upset and I would feel bad and have to give into her just to stop her blubbering. I wised up to it eventually, realizing that she really should have been on stage herself because she was quite the little actress. But then came her artist ambitions. She'd always been creative, and out of all I think sitting so she could draw me was definitely my favourite dream of hers I participated in. There was of course her writing to which I was never allowed to know anything about. Asking her if I could read something she had written gained me a reaction as if I'd asked her to strip off all her clothes and do the hula.

She had a lot of dreams, but she never wanted them to be handed to her on a plate. That's something I admired about her; if she wanted something she would work to do whatever it took to get it, and she would let anyone bring her down, even if she could be a little out there at times.

As we past I tried to do that thing, you know when you are looking out the corner of your eye but pretending you aren't looking at all. I was aware my dad had seen her, and probably watching my reaction. I didn't want to be obvious. That went straight out of the window when she must have caught sight of the familiar car and looked up. For the first time in four months she looked right at me, and I couldn't help looking back. I couldn't quite decipher the look upon her face but it definitely wasn't hatred to which I was thankful for.

It only lasted a few seconds because we were only driving past. She hadn't looked at me for so long that those couple of seconds were everything and not enough all rolled into one. I looked back in the wing mirror to watch her shrink into the distance but I was sure she was still watching after the car. She was looking. Why? Why now?

"Stop" I mumbled, my eyes still trained on the reflection in the mirror.

"Stop!" I repeated, this time much louder and firm so he heard loud and clear.

"What's wrong?" My father questioned and I snapped my head around.

"Just stop the damn car!" Wasn't ones usual tone towards ones father, but I wasn't in the mood to explain. I couldn't even explain it to myself.

There was nothing more I wanted in that moment other than for him to pull the car over and to just climb out. Just talk to her. I didn't care about being angry or the fact that I was in love with her. I'd come to the conclusion this was all just screwed up, that for so long I'd been pissed I wanted her to be more to me, wanted her to feel the same way and couldn't just accept and appreciate her being my best friend, and now I didn't have her at all. Life... fucked up sometimes. I just wanted to say goodbye, for her to take care of herself. Jeez we didn't even have to say anything she could just stare some more.

But it was a whole other story when my father began to do what I asked, or more demanded. He was pulling up and coming to a stop at the side of the road. I could still see her out of the mirror, just standing there. My hand clutched the door handle while inside I was having an internal battle with myself. Should I or shouldn't I? Too many things were going around in my head in that moment, I knew if I were to do this I would just have to get it done, but now well I was losing my balls. No let me correct myself. I had lost my balls.

This was why I was leaving; to escape moments like this. I'd let my eyes linger for far too long. Thirteen years too long. I glanced down to my arm, the leather bracelet encircling my wrist. The same piece of material she had put there all those years ago. Whatever happened I couldn't bring myself to take it off. It had become a part of me. I knew I would have to take it off when I got to Georgia but I'd find somewhere for it.

"Just go" I grumbled, my jaw locked as I looked out onto the road before us, refusing to allow myself to look back. I'd already heard her tell me she hated me and never wanted to lay eyes on me again. I don't want to hear it for a second time. Maybe I'd give her what she wanted. I don't give a shit if I sound like I'm whining, I am, just like I'm pathetic and a chicken. She just keeps proving how she's the only one who can bring a whole other side out of me.

My heart broke once again, not because I was driving away from the one girl who truly ever made me feel longing and want. But because I was driving away and realizing I really had lost my best friend and unlike before now I was walking away from getting her back.

Don't worry; I know I was a fool.

November 2002 - Fort Benning, GA

I couldn't begin to explain just how amazing a shower could feel, even a shower that would only be a couple of minutes long. The temperature was a little cooler than you'd usually have it unless you were trying to take care of a certain issue. Oh and of course the fact that I was surrounded by possibly ten or twelve other guy doing the exact same thing, naked as the say they were born. But when you haven't had the time or opportunity to shower for the past three days you really don't care about anything other than feeling clear and feeling the water against your strained muscles and limbs.

You learn quickly not to get carried away or to find peace in having a shower. It wasn't for relaxing, simply just to keep you hygienic. You don't find any time for yourself or to chill out during OSUT. Part of me actually thanked my father for Pre-Boot Camp, Boot Camp.

Shower time came to an end far too soon, but hopefully I'll be able to get another tomorrow - Won't be putting any money on it though.

I returned to the bay, wearing my shorts, shower shoes and towel thrown over my shoulder. I still had rather a lot to do; laundry, clean my boots and I'm sure our wonderful Drill Sergeant will want me to do something or other, depending on his mood. Which so far hadn't been so bad but he was worse than a women for mood swings. Of course I ain't going to say that to his face, not if I want to keep mine.

I wandered back to my bunk to find Nick laying there without a care in the world, snooping. Pulling my towel from my shoulder, it thrashed through the air and whipped his calves and gaining me his full attentions.

"Get off my bunk. Don't you have shit to do?" I quizzed, seeing something white in his hand, looked like an envelope.

"Nah. Gunna do laundry t'morra. Unless you feel like doing it for me?" And he had the nerve to look hopeful.

"Go find someone else to be your bitch. Or here's a wacky idea you get off your ass and do it yourself." I feign amazement as if it was an epiphany.

"Dude, seriously. Think there was something wrong with chow. Three fucking times in the past hour I've been to the shitter. Like Niagara fucking Falls" He would have been better in the Navy with his language. He always painted a lovely picture.

"Charming. Thanks" Obvious sarcasm as I tried to push him from my bunk. I gave the prick the top bunk because apparently he felt claustrophobic on the bottom. I didn't believe anything that came out of his gob but these days I don't have the freaking energy to argue.

Nick was the first guy I spoke to when I arrived here at Ft. Benning for training. He was a lazy fucker, why he choose to enlist in the army - never mind Infantry - bewildered me sometimes. But he might be a slow starter but once he'd found the motivation he could run rings around most of the others in the Platoon - Other than me of course. Apparently we were Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. How the fuck I got roped into that I don't have a sodding clue, but it happened. We were the same age, straight out of school, I was looking to escape certain things, and he was looking to escape life in general. We just clicked. The wedding's the following spring.

"No seriously, man. With that and the blue balls I'm suffering I think I'm in need to take a trip across town. See myself a medic." He winked. By a trip across town he meant across base. It pretty much becomes its own little world here, completely out of the loop from the outside world. Like the Amish, just without the straw hats and beards. Oh and of course, women.

"Maybe one of the lovely nurses would like to give a hand with my little problem"

"Little being the key word there." I snickered. "And I worry about you daily. How you manage to have blue balls, surrounded by guys twenty-four seven makes me question a few things. Do I need to have a word with DS?" meaning our Drill Sergeant. I pulled the pillow from under his head hoping that might shift him from my bunk, it didn't work, and I would have to resort to drastic measures. "Plus I had to go up there with my hand. Only way they'd solve the matter would be you returning a Eunuch." He winced.

"Hey! Firstly, there is nothing little about me. I could take eyes out. And pur-lease no woman could resist me" He smirked and I always thought I was a cocky son of a bitch.

I was about to kick start my plan into action but he spoke once more. "So my good friend... Who would one… Elena Gilbert be? And why have you never mentioned her before?" A mischievous look appeared upon his face and I completely stopped and forgotten what I'd just been about to do. There was only one possible thing my mind and body was aware of. That name. A name I hadn't spoken or heard vocalized in nearly three months. A name I'd been escaping and in some ways had, even if she made appearances when it couldn't be helped. But that was only in dreams or last thing at night or first thing in a morning. I expected it would be a lot longer before I heard the name but no. He just said it.

Second thing that entered my mind was why? how? How did he know her name never mind why was he speaking it?

"Oh she's definitely someone. Damon Salvatore got himself a little girlfriend has he?" A shit eating smirk on his face, as he fanned himself with the envelope I'd noted him to be holding before. In that second half an explanation came to me; something about that envelope.

"Give me that" I reached out to snap it away but he was pulling it out of reach, so I launched forward like something possessed. The kid had reflexes. A question, how come when I wanted him off my bed he wouldn't but now when I wanted his ass there so I could get the envelope he was off it in a shot? This caused me to collapse flat on the bed but I managed to regain myself quickly and rolled off to climb out the other side, after him.

"Oh look, he's getting worked up. Never seen you move so fast Salvatore." He taunted, waving the envelope around in the air passing it around his back and overhead, teasing me. I really wanted to ring his neck.

"What you got there, Dumb?" Jase from the next bunk sat with his legs dangling, watching in amusement. Thankfully it was Nick who was referred to as Tweedle Dumb. It fit.

"Oh, just a letter. Damon here has himself a little girlfriend, he kept from us."

"Oh let's see."

"Oh for fuck sakes, just give me the damn letter. And she isn't my girlfriend" I felt the need to clear up because I was sick of hearing that shit. But lord, I have a freaking letter - A letter from her.

Now I understand when women say 'Boys will be boys' I can also see their frustration. They passed it back and forth while I twisted, turned and pounced in all directions to get my hands on the letter.

Their fun came to an abrupt end when an obnoxious voice bellowed through the air, our bodies just stopping, straightening up and turning to face the voice as if out body had a mechanism or switch to completely stop what you'd been doing. "What is going on here?" The eyes of our DS flickered to each of us, waiting for an answer, stern and impatient.

"Just fooling around, Drill Sergeant" Nick, the idiot, answered. DS was in his face within a second, arms tucked behind his back.

"Fooling around? Where do you think you are, Private? This is not high school. This is the United States Army; you are not here to 'fool around'" He shrieked in Nick's face.

"Yes, Drill Sergeant"

"Yes? Yes you think you are in high school?"

"No, Drill Sergeant"

"Well which was is it, Private?" He was getting very impatient. Yeah, he was having a bad day. "What is that you have behind your back?" He demanded to know, pulling his hand out from behind his back and holding it out expectantly. Shit! Now he's going to make a big fucking deal over the letter.

"It's a letter, Drill Sergeant!" He answered, and I wanted to kick him in the shins.

"A letter? Well let me see, Private." He commanded, and Nick did as he was told, probably hoping if he did he wouldn't be made to clean the shitter's as punishment.

DS Smithy snapped the envelope from Nick's hand and inspected it. It kind of pissed me off that it was my letter and every fucker else was getting it in their hands before I could even get a decent look at the thing. And if he opened and read it, well I don't usually make a show of myself or raise my voice to the DS because I don't necessarily want my ass kicking but it might take me a lot to bite my tongue, or snap the letter from his hands.

"Mr D Salvatore. Would you like to explain why you are in possession of this letter, Private?" He addressed Nick. "Can you not read, private? Or maybe you enlisted in the army under a false name, Private Schofield. Is that the case?" The veins in his neck and forehead began to glow a purple colour.

"No, Drill Sergeant" Nick replied.

"No you can't read, Private?" Okay so he was in a teasing mood, but of course you wouldn't know that if you first met the man. You would think he was about to gnarl your neck to shreds.

"No, I can read, Drill Sergeant. But no, I did not join the army under a false name"

"Then how is it that this comes to be in your possession, Private?"

"It's mine, Drill Sergeant" I interjected, unable to stop myself. Plus this was only going to head around in circles.

His eyes snapped to me, almost piercing my skull. "Did I ask you to speak, Private?" And now he was in my face. Something I'd never been good with, but here you have to be good with it because it's going to happen.

"No, Drill Sergeant" I answered loud and clear, head up high.

"Then what right do you have unless I ask you to speak, Private?"

"None, Drill Sergeant."

"Precisely. Now, you are D. Salvatore, correct?" He asked.

"Yes, Drill Sergeant"

"And this letter belongs to you?" He held it up in my face, and my fingers twitched from behind my back, fighting with myself not to tear it from his hands.

I nod, once. "Yes, Drill Sergeant."

"Well then I suggest you keep your possessions to yourself in future, Private. And since Private Schofield here believes he is in Kindergarten maybe you would like to grace us with a little light reading before lights out" He glared at me, and I fought my eyes not to widen. Fucking hell, she was hundreds of miles away and she was still finding a way to get me in trouble or screw things up.

My jaw clenched because of course that was the last thing I wanted. But of course I didn't have a choice. "Yes, Drill Sergeant" I spoke through my teeth. I took the envelope in hand, finally.

My eyes ran over the script, written on the back was my name and Ft. Benning's address and then in the top left hand corner was Elena's name and return address. It was from her. I had to fight with myself to keep my heart contained under my Sternum. My throat was suddenly dry as bone, and was like I had shards of glass lodged as I swallowed hard. It was her writing. However much time past, I knew her writing.

"Is there something wrong, Private?" I was brought out of my daze, by the DS who brought me back to reality, and reminded me I had all eyes on me, and had something expected of me.

"No, Drill Sergeant" I answered, as loud as my seized throat would allow. I turned the white envelope over and pushed my finger under the tab, hesitating for a second before tearing it open. It was enough that she sent me a letter, with being apprehensive but knowing the letter might not be good and might just be her way of reminding me she hates me and having to read it aloud dropped my heart into my stomach. I also feared that something was seriously wrong. What other reasons would she have for writing me?

I pulled the crisp white sheets free from the envelope, both been carefully and precisely folded. My heart was doing back flips. I could already see the imprint from her writing where she would have been pressing harder than usual. That confirmed this wouldn't be positive and she was possibly angry while writing it. I unfolded the sheets and let my eyes do a quick scan over the scroll, my jaw strained, tightly.

"Well, begin, Private. We don't have all day" I was given my orders, and there was no getting out of them unless I didn't want to be able to sit down for the rest of training.

I closed my eyes with my jaw locked, finding the will I needed to relax and dispel the built up tension coursing through me. I took a deep breath and let my eyes open and fall upon the familiar hand writing.

I parted my lips and regrettable spoke the first line aloud.

"Dear Jackass," I began and that was all it took for the whole bay to roar out with laughter, even DS smithy fighting the humour upon his face and Nick and Jase snickering beside me.

DS was the only one who was able to contain himself and found the strength to reform his Alpha stance.

"Quiet" He roared, everyone's laughter coming to a halt. Well of course there were a few quiet sniggers here and there.

To be honest I wasn't humiliated, I was pissed. Not pissed that I had to read aloud or that everyone was laughing. Just pissed she'd addressed me that way. But of course it sparked my interest over what other insults the letter was going to throw my way.

"Like I said this is not high school and nor is it Kindergarten so I think that's enough for one day. Just keep your mail to yourself in future, Private. And don't make any plans for tomorrow's PT, the showers are in need of a real good clean" He looked to me, and then looked off. "All three of you" He announced and both were seconds from groaning and complaining, and Drill Sergeant Smithy could tell too, and only had to give them one look and they refrained themselves from doing so.

"Yes, Drill Sergeant" We all chanted, simultaneously, waiting for him to be out of eyesight and earshot.

I would have punched Nick if I hadn't have been so distracted by the letter.

"Well thanks a lot for that." Nick huffed and jumped up onto his bunk. "There goes my trip across town." He was like a child.

"Should have thought about that then shouldn't you?" I smirked and then slipped down onto my bunk.

Nick's appeared as he rung it over to be nosy. "And if there are any photos of titties in there from your 'friend' make sure to share since..." He didn't get a chance to finish because I was using the palm of my hand to push his face away. "Ow, Ow, Ow... okay... I get it." He winced, backing away disappearing back to his throne and I lay back, gripping the letter in hand.

"I'm just saying though. You owe me" He chimed from above, his head popping out again. I kicked my feet up into the air, and came into contact with the slats and mattress above me and caused it to jump in the air and because of Nick's positioning he went flying before he could even grab hold of anything and tumbled off. For both of our sakes he managed to fall off and land on his feet.

"Oi, what was that for?" He seemed a little dazed but was pulling himself around.

"Don't you have something to do? Maybe go pay a visit to the stalls, they were empty when I was showering. Relieve some tension."

It was amazing how much this sparked his interest. "Really? Hmm" He seemed to be contemplating. I don't know why, we all knew he would be going. The stalls were in the shower room at the back, they were where you go if you felt like 'relaxing' yourself. I don't really take much interest in his activities or finding a cure for him but I'd rather him go do that, than wake up in the night with him going at it above me.

He was digging out his towel. "Think I'm going to go take a shower. Can I borrow your shower shoes?" He asked.

"Fuck off" Dirty bastard. He left, laughing himself stupid. Poor kid, well someone had to find him funny.

There was no such thing as peace, or alone time in the army; least of all in OSUT so I couldn't really just unwind and read the letter alone but I was as alone as I was going to get since he had sodded off. My nerves were returning because now I had no excuse not to read the letter. And I did want to read it, of course I did. Curiosity killed the cat and all that. My laundry would have to wait.

I unfolded the sheets of paper for the second time today and however freaking corny or pathetic this might sound, I could smell it, and smell her perfume from where her wrist must have brushed up against the paper as she wrote. I'm not saying I sat there sniffing the damn thing, I'm not that sad - Yet.

I took a deep breath and began to read, this time not out loud but to myself.

Dear Jackass,

I've been staring at a blank sheet of paper for days and have made several attempts to just put everything into words for weeks but they all end up in the trash. So I've come to the conclusion that I've been over thinking things far too much on how to express everything with the right words. What I should say. What I shouldn't. Well not anymore, this is my last attempt and I'm not going to ponder, I'm going to write exactly what's in my head; however it may sound, however you might take it, regardless of whoever may have to read this before it reacts you! I have things to say and I'm going to say them. Here goes!

You are an Ass, Damon Salvatore. Always have been and always will be! How dare you? How dare you leave without as much as a goodbye? How dare you tell Stefan not to tell me what was happening, what you were planning? Do I really mean that little to you? Did our friendship and all it was not deserve at least a note, letter, a simple bye, a phone call? Jeez even a text would have been something but no, nothing!

What happened, Damon? I mean I know what happened that day but what changed before it? I never expected for your world to revolve around me, I never asked for it. No maybe you don't have to tell me every little move you make but I thought we were open with one another. That, that was what made our friendship special; that we didn't have secrets.

You hurt me, Damon. You hurt me more than I could put into words and for so many more reasons you will never come to understand or know. I know it doesn't make sense to you but it makes sense to me. So yes you hurt me, but it was my fault too. I never should have reacted the way I did. Part of me feels like I was behaving like a spoiled brat but I was so angry. I know your love life is none of my business but I was just so shocked. I know you've always been a cocky son of a bitch and I know you're a guy and guys have... needs. But I just never saw you as a guy who just uses someone; even if that someone was Caroline Forbes. You always told me that a man should treat a woman properly, that you would never let a guy hurt me or use me; that I would be treated properly because I was special. You made me feel special. You made me feel like I was the most important thing on the planet. But then I find out you'd been keeping things from me and using Caroline and that wasn't the guy I knew you to be. He wasn't my best friend who I look up to and never thought in a million years would hurt me.

I turned the page.

I know you are sorry, I know you tried to make things right and I just turned you away. I was just so angry, hurt and a little betrayed. But it's no excuse for my behaviour, because you're right; I am stubborn and even thought I might have needed time it all seems such a waste now, because you're gone and I don't know when I'll ever get to see you again or even if. But I need to say sorry, sorry for over-reacting and sorry for turning you away. I would take it back if I could.

I suppose a part of me knew we wouldn't always be as close as we were, but I never imagined thing would turn out like this. For starters, I never thought you would join the Army. I mean I know you dressed up as GI Joe on Halloween years ago and were in the scouts and took it seriously but I never thought it would be your career path. What about college? What about Engineering? What happened there? Did things really change that much? I have to wonder how much I really knew you. Or maybe I'm jealous because we never got the chance to talk about it before you made your decision. Especially a decision like this.

I try to imagine it, imagine you there. You mom said that you are only doing your training but it still worries me about what will happen after you finish your training. Whatever happens between us, I don't want you to get hurt. The internet says Fort Benning offers the best military training, but it's really hard work. I feel sorry for anyone who has to boss you around. Well other than me of course. I just hope you are okay.

I also need to apologize for something else. There is nothing I regret more than telling you I hated you. I don't hate you Damon. I never could. So I'm so sorry. You'll always be my best friend whatever happens, or however you may feel. I don't blame you if everything has changed for you, maybe you hate me, and maybe you can't bear to look at me. I don't know, I don't know what I mean to you anymore but I hold onto hope that one day we can be friends again. You might be an ass, and you might have royally pissed me off by not saying goodbye but you're Damon. You do things I don't understand at times.

I have no idea when this will reach you but either way, I hope you have a good birthday and Christmas too. Will be strange for you not to be here so we can tear your presents open together.

Take care of yourself, Damon.

I miss you,
Elena.

PS. I'm not stupid; I know you told Stefan to watch out for me. He hasn't left my side since you left. He has taken on the role of being you rather seriously but doing a good job. Still not the same of course, but I appreciate the effort and thought from the both of you.

Now beginning to express how I felt right now was rather impossible but I will let you in on the few main emotions running through me. Firstly, relieved; relieved she was okay and relieved that she could bring herself to send me a letter, a form of contact. Happy, for obvious reasons; She didn't hate me, and whatever I did she still thought of me as her best friend. But then there was the slight anger, anger at myself because I hurt her. I already knew I did but not to that extent, I wouldn't allow myself to think about it. Then there was the regret, the regret of not getting out the car that day to say goodbye to her. And well also, humour, humour because a few things at what she had said had tickled me and also as I'd read the letter it was like she was here with me, I could hear her voice in her words, I could imagine her facial expressions, just everything. And also because at a couple of points I think she is confusing being in the Army and being in prison. There can be similarities at times but not in the way she thinks. Another thing I was sad about, I missed her 18th Birthday.

I read over the letter several times, mopping up every single word, hearing her voice in my head again. I wanted to see her. I couldn't of course but didn't mean because I couldn't I didn't want to. I held hope.

"What you grinning about?" derived a voice, snapping me out of my trance. I didn't need to look to know it was Nick, I also hadn't been aware that I had been grinning but now I was paying attention, my cheeks knew.

"Oh nothing" I sighed, almost contently.

"Uh-huh. Sure you aren't. You look like a guy who'd just had the lay of his life. And here I was thinking I'd been the one just getting my rocks off." I could hear him cackling to myself and I looked up, completely ignore everything he'd just said. My mind was only on one thing.

"What's the date today?" I quizzed.

"Umm…" He glanced down to his watch. "Nineteenth, why?"

I shrug my shoulders seeming nonchalant while in my head I was working out how long I had. I would get home for Christmas Eve. That was just over a month. It seemed such a short time and a lifetime all rolled into one. But it's better than I could ever have thought, because I was going to see her. And hopefully put this right, but not in a letter. I would have to apologize in person.

"So who's this chick? This Elena?" He asked, because he was a nosy bastard but this time I didn't mind in the least.

I lifted the letter back to my line of vision so I could begin to read all over again.

"She's my best friend." A smile crept across my face.

So you are probably wondering, what is so dark about that? please don't doubt me. It will be coming but not yet; since this is a AH/AU Fanfic I have a picture to paint, so please bear with me.

I have a habit of writing long chapters which are around the 15k point, its how I write, most of my readers in the past have complimented my chapter lengths but I know not everyone is the same so just to warn you, the length will all be around the 15k mark.

I hope you enjoy the fic so far, I know it doesn't give all too much away but as I said, I will get there.

If you are interested in reading something while waiting for the next chapter I have another story Unbroken Promise's (Also TVD and Delena :D) that is complete so please check it out. Yes I am shamefully plugging my own stories, what can I say? I love that people read it and love it more when people give me feedback lol.

Please leave me a review whatever your critique, it is all appreciated =)

I'll be off watching Damon kiss Elena on the porch repeatedly, like I have been doing since Thursday.

Adios Amigos,

Danielle xx

REVIEW!

||
||
||
\||/
\/