It's kind of ironic that scarcely five minutes ago I was complaining about Malfoy with Ron and Harry and now I'm snogging him. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. A lot of a hypocrite, actually. I go on a rant about how conceited Malfoy is, and how I can't stand him, and then I go off and, well… here I am, in the Room of Requirement, kissing him.

Although I'd just like to point out that I wasn't lying when I told my friends I despised Malfoy. I do. He's a spoiled pureblooded prat whose greatest joy in life is to insult Harry, Ron and I; so naturally, I hate him. He embodies everything I hate about the wizarding society and then some. He calls me a mudblood! Frankly, there'd be something terribly wrong with me if I didn't hate him, after all he's done, after all he's said. I loathe him, obviously.

However, it's kind of hard to think about how inhumanly annoying he is when he's kissing me. I feel pleasantly dizzy, almost drunk – not, of course, that I've ever actually gotten drunk – and I can't really think about anything lucidly while his lips are on mine. But I can't help but feel guilty about Ron and Harry, as if I was cheating on them or something. Not cheating on them, exactly; more like breaching their trust by snogging Draco Malfoy, their worst enemy. My worst enemy.

He still is my worst enemy; I hate him and he hates me. We've made that perfectly clear. Every now and then we'll remind each other of it, even when we're on our own, with the help of jabs at each others' blood status, looks or intelligence. But then we'll go right back to kissing.

I don't understand it. I wish I did. I know at least a half dozen people who could easily explain this to me and maybe even give me some advice on how to cope with it. But since nobody knows about it, and nobody ever will, I've learned that the best way is to treat it like an addiction, to stop analyzing and just give in. I do realize that that probably isn't the best way to get over an addiction, but to be perfectly honest I don't want to get over it. It feels too good.

It's not like it's particularly bad for me, either. It's actually been proven that kissing is healthy, even, assuming Malfoy doesn't have any germs that are yet to be heard of. And we're still sworn enemies; this is just something we do, as enemies. We're enemies who snog passionately in the Room of Requirement during their spare time. It's allowed. And we don't do anything more than that, so it's certainly not illegal in any way.

Although now that I think about it… are we still enemies? Is it actually possible to be enemies with someone whose kiss you crave? I don't know. If it is, it's unheard of. Or at least heavily concealed by the parties involved, just like we're doing. And if it is a real 'thing', shouldn't it be more about lust than anything else? I'm not exactly the most experienced in this area, as Ginny – who by the way is a year younger than me – will testify. But as far as I can tell, it's not just about lust with us. Obviously there's some – a lot, even – but that's not all… is it? I don't know. I'm confused. Pleasantly confused as to whether or not I simply like snogging Malfoy or am actually beginning to respect him.

Respect him? A month ago I would've considered the notion of respecting him to be pure lunacy. After all, he's Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret and prat extraordinaire. But I've begun to understand his side of the story. Slowly but surely, I've come to realize he's not as bad as he appears, and that there's actually some degree of human in there. And so I have no choice but to respect him for at least attempting to distance himself from his family's bad choices.

Because we talk, you see; not much, it's true, but we do talk. At first, it was mostly debates over whether or not Ron was interested in me and whether or not Pansy Parkinson was interested in him. But eventually it evolved into talking about our favorite books and classes, learning random little facts about each other's families, laughing at each other's dry humor. Eventually, he became a person, and not just an obnoxious Slytherin with no soul.

It was so much easier when I blindly detested him.

I don't wish I could end the addiction. It's far too pleasant to stop. I wish… I don't know. I guess I wish that the notion of "us" wasn't impossibility. I don't love him; I barely even like him. I just wish I could get to know him better. Because as far as I can tell, we could be very good friends if we didn't loathe each other so much.

They say it's a very fine line between love and hate. I'm willing to believe it; but in the meantime, Draco Malfoy and I are strictly enemies with benefits.