*** Time Skip - 3 Months Later ***
You know that feeling when you've taken a nap for what you think is going to be five minutes but then wake up hours later?
That feeling of not knowing what time or day it is and wondering what's even happened?
How you talk and people answer but you don't absorb any of it?
A feeling of complete and utter disconnect?
That's how it feels.
I stand a my locker for a few moments to take a few deep breaths.
What's funny about being involved in a major car accident is that there is suddenly all the help in the world available to you.
Friends come out of the woodwork, therapy is given (borderline enforced), breathing techniques are given as solutions for anxiety, and teachers are all too will to accommodate any needs you might have.
However when it comes down to it you can't fix what's been irrevocably broken.
My eyes catch Noah's across the hall as I start towards my next class.
I look away quickly.
Those eyes are always there.
I feel like they're just waiting for me to trip up and then it'll all come out in the exact way I have nightmares about.
It puts me on edge every time I see him.
Unfortunately this feels like way more than it used to.
I don't have any reasonable explanation for why he is always for a few steps away but his presence doesn't let up.
Maybe it would be easier if he actually spoke to me, casually or full on accusations would be better than the silent lurking.
I know that some thing has to change to change the status quo and that it has to come from me.
I'm just terrified of the confrontation that's coming.
I huff as I walk into class, and then suddenly remember myself as I see a few eyes linger on me.
Invisibility is so far away now, and it's safe to say I almost miss it.
*** Time Skip ***
This is it.
I'm going to do it.
Every second that passes my breath gets more labored as all the possibilities bubble up inside me like trailers for bad horror movies.
I can't sit still standing up and sitting down again on the plastic choir room chairs shifting endlessly while I consider the best position tactically.
I keep running through the script in my mind.
Something I've written, rewritten, altered, altered, thrown out, and ultimately settled on.
Even the text was agonized over for far too long for such a simple message.
- Puck, can you meet me in the choir room at 3:30 pm
For example his name, do I put Noah which I call him is my head, and generally call him, or does that breed familiarity and make it difficult to separate myself from the situation.
(Regardless of how into this I actually am)
Puck is what everyone calls him, so seemed safest.
The location.
His house is too personal and I couldn't just go over in case his Mom was home, or his sister.
Also I couldn't just spring it on him at his house.
Inviting him to my house was also a no.
What if he wouldn't leave?
I'm also far more susceptible to breaking down at my home because it seem more acceptable.
The choir room seems like even ground.
The time.
Three is too early not giving him enough time after class, but what is too late?
My breathing kicks up another notch as I looked at my phone for the thousandth time.
3:29
The door opens and I feel like I'm gonna pass out.