A/N:

I don't know why I wrote this. Seriously. But um, enjoy? I love reviews.

Words: 1,666

Disclaimer: Um…no. I'm just borrowing the characters so that I may place them in awkward scenarios for my amusement and the amusement of others.

Spoons

By Catsitta

A single question beguiled his interest—temptation to ask it too sweet to refuse. It was as if he was starving and before him sat a triple-decker chocolate cake on a silver platter, fancy icing and all the other trimmings. He could not—not—ask. After all, he was only sixteen and this was certainly out of the ordinary even for his peculiar friend.

"Zack…why is your living room covered in spoons?"

Clear-blue eyes took in the scene before him with a mixture of amusement and curiosity. Zack's two-bedroom apartment (one he shared with his mentor, Angeal) possessed a few extra decorations. The faded leather couch, the matching armchair, the flat screen television, the coffee table, the bookcase, the walls and the floor sported shiny, silver spoons.

"It's a surprise, Cloud! You'll see." Eyes of aquamarine peered from the kitchen, their depths filled with mischief. Zack was up to something and you did not have to see the living room's new décor to know that much. His quirky smile and overly cheery tone gave all his secrets away. "Just don't touch anything, 'kay?"

Cloud shook his head and laughed softly to himself. Zack could be such a goof sometimes. Grinning like a fool, the blond cadet nudged one of the spoons on the floor with a booted foot. Odd. Not all of the cutlery matched. Some of the spoons were small and simple, with rounded handles. Others, like the one he prodded, looked like true, sterling silver and their handles were ornately carved and inlaid with another kind of metal.

That was when he heard a knock at the door. Cloud looked up from his musings to watch Zack bounce to the door. The raven-haired First peered through the peep-hole before giggling like a child. Yes, there was definitely something going on and he was at the root.

"Hi 'Geal!" Zack chirped as he opened the door, revealing the stoic Commander Angeal Hewley. The burly SOLDIER narrowed his eyes at his student, obviously suspicious of his antics.

"It appears I left my key card behind this morning…" Angeal said, his deep voice resonating in the room as he walked past his student,"Or it was slipped from my pocket by a certain puppy…" Zack only continued to grin. "Hm…ah, hello Cadet. What are you doing here—and why is my living room covered in spoons?"

Cloud shrugged, flushing slightly with embarrassment. The honorable Commander, despite his unusual (and often denied) resemblance to Zack, always seemed unapproachable…untouchable. He was one of the original First Class SOLDIER's and could often be found at the General's side. Of course, unlike Sephiroth, Angeal smiled and could be found amongst the lower ranks, conversing and training. That did not mean, however, that he was one of those people whose shoulders you threw your arm around and told your life story. No, that was Zack's place in the eyes of SOLDIER. And Zack, at the moment, was definitely smiling to broadly for anyone's health.

Angeal frowned and crossed his arms,"Zack…" But before he could scold his apprentice, the door slammed open, revealing a very angry looking Genesis. The auburn First zeroed in on the raven-haired puppy and charged. Zack, of course, yelped and sped down the hall, the Commander in hot pursuit. "Why…?"

Again, Cloud shrugged, though he had a suspicion it had to do with the spoons.

"I'M GOING TO FRY YOU, FAIR! GET BACK OVER HERE!" Both Cadet and Commander flinched at the inhuman screech of the red-clad Genesis and Angeal actually paled slightly at the sound of something crashing against the floor and breaking.

"Um…So, how was your day, sir?" Cloud asked, before cringing at the various sounds emerging from the back bedroom. What was disturbing was the fact that the crashing and yelling did stop…the noises replacing them were definitely not those of fighting. He struggled not to flush red. Angeal's pink-tinted cheeks suggested he was trying to do the same.

"…uneventful…You, Cadet?"

"…yeah, boring. Until Zack invited me over. I wonder what's with the spoons."

"I wish I knew."

Zack suddenly rushed into the living room, looking ruffled and pleased with himself. Genesis followed with more elegance, his eyes narrowed with annoyance, but he was no longer attempting to kill the younger First.

"Hey guys, sorry 'bout that. Now, we're just waiting for one more person to show up…"

The three other men in the room stared at Zack with confusion.

"What? He should be here any minute now…"

"Zack, what are you planning?" Angeal asked slowly.

"It's a surprise!"

Cloud groaned. It was never good when Zack was planning a surprise.

"Pup. Will I actually have to kill you for this?" Genesis asked in an overly sweet voice, his hand stroking the hilt of Rapier with intent. The materia slotted in the blade glowed softly at their master's caress.

"Nah, Gen. It's gunna be fun!" Zack began to do squats in excited anticipation. He really did have too much energy. The three other men in the room watched with identical 'WTF?' expressions on their faces. Cloud was so surprised that he forgot the fact that he had two of the most powerful SOLDIERs to ever exist standing at his either side. The blond shook his head and managed to peel his eyes away from the raven-haired First and back to the spoons adorning the room. What in Gaia's name was Zack up to?

At last, a simple, professional knock broke the silence. Zack giggled with delight and skipped to the door. Cloud glanced over his shoulder to see who the 'guest of honor' had the misfortune of being. Upon seeing a flash of silver intermingled with black, he gasped. Of all the people to now be standing in the doorway…

"Hiya Seph!"

"Zackary…" Sephiroth's greeting was low, cool and oozing authority.

"Come on in." Zack stepped to the side with a dramatic flourish of his arm.

"Theft is a crime, you are aware of that, yes?"

"Yeah, yeah…just get your butt in here General. We can't get the party started without yah."

"…Party? Zackary, what has this to do with my missing utensils?"

Sephiroth frowned slightly but did stride through the doorway, his presence overwhelming for the blond Cadet. He could do nothing more than stare at his idol with wide-blue eyes.

"…Zackary…"

"Hm?" Zack shut the door and quirked his head to the side.

"Are those my spoons on the far wall…and the floor…and the furniture?"

"Possibly. Some of 'em are Gen's and 'Geal's."

Said "Gen" and "Geal" narrowed their eyes at the puppy.

"Why?" All three of the powerful SOLDIER's asked at the same time. Cloud, of course, said nothing.

"What? I had to get all of you here somehow. So, I took all of your spoons. Brilliant, I'd say, 'cause it worked." Zack sounded rather proud of himself.

"The theft has…reason." Sephiroth said, his mako-colored eyes drifting from spoon-to-spoon,"but your choice in displaying them is rather…peculiar."

"Pfft. I was bored. That is until Spike showed up…and then Angeal…and then Genesis decided to chase me…" Zack giggled, before adding,"And now you're here! So, now I can give you your present."

"…"

"What? You said you never had a birthday party before, so I'm throwing you one. And birthday parties have friends, cake and presents."

Sephiroth's gaze found its way to Cloud's face.

"Then what is a Cadet doing here? I do not believe we are…friends."

"Don't be rude Seph…besides, he's your present!"

Again, the room fell silent as the occupants turned to stare at Zack. The raven-haired First walked over to Cloud, picked him up and held him out as if the blond were some kind of kitten. The Cadet blinked with surprise and nearly yelped when he felt strong hands remove him from his friend's outstretched grasp. Though, he soon found his feet planted on the ground.

"Zackary…"

"Awe, you need a boyfriend, Seph. I've got Gen. 'Geal's got Aerith. And you got no one. And Cloud's single to. I mean, you're both lonely, introverts with crushes on the other. It's about time someone intervened."

"…" Cloud looked up at the silent swordsman to see his face tined pink.

"Well…do yah forgive me for stealing all of your spoons?"

"…" Sephiroth looked down at the Cadet standing a few inches away, apparently too shell-shocked to move if the wide-eyed expression was anything to go by. He sighed,"Hello Cadet. Would you like to assist me in murdering Fair?"

Cloud blinked when he realized that the silver-haired swordsman had just made a joke. It was a deadpanned and slight creepy joke, but one all the same. A tiny smile appeared on his face as he nodded.

"Hn. I suggest running, Zackary." Sephiroth said as he looked up but Zack was already darting through the door, both Angeal and Genesis not far behind. They knew that the General would not kill the First, merely play with him a while, but the games he enjoyed were not for the faint of heart. Genesis did not want his boyfriend to be sliced to bits, if anyone was to have that honor it would be him; and Angeal, in his natural, mother hen ways, wanted to strangle him as well for his foolishness.

Noticing that they were alone, the silver General chuckled softly and wound his fingers through Cloud's spiky hair. "Then again, his present is very nice. Tell me Cadet, would you like to be my boyfriend?"

Uncertain whether this was the most awkward moment of his life or the most wonderful, Cloud squeaked.

"Hm. I'll take that as a yes." Sephiroth said aloud with a shrug before lowering his face to Cloud's and giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Now, we have a certain puppy to track down."

It was amazing how easily the spoons were forgotten.

Well, that is until the next morning when a certain General opened his silverware drawer and realized that he would have to eat his cereal with a fork.

Fin

A/N: ( Awkward much? Hehe. Pointless, plotless, humor and fluff. A reprieve from all the angst in my other stories.

I should note: Next chapter of 'Fourth Time's the Charm' will be out…soon-ish. Studying for final's set my progress back some and I'm working my way back into the flow of things.

Anywho…review! )