Let it Hurt

A shudder ran up the blonde's spine as she sat on the edge of the sidewalk, her eyes trained on the cars zipping by. She hated all of this life, she hated everything. She had a strong emotion for whatever life threw her way, and this was one of them. But it was as if the cold of winter had shut her up, so the emotion wasn't showing at all. She was pale, near white, and her eyes were bloodshot from crying.

She suddenly she started to cry again. But she really cried. Her body shook with each violent sob she choked out from behind her hands, the icy rain pelted her body with ice and chill. But she didn't care. She never would care for anything ever again.

XXXXXX

"Hey, Puckett," Freddie's voice made her jump near out of her skin.

"Go away," she collapsed on the couch, gripping the fabric like it was her life force and burying her stained face into a pillow.

"This is my house," he reminded, reaching to wrap his arms around her tightly and securely. She just didn't have the strength or heart to slide out of them as he dragged her to the bathroom, sitting her on the sink.

"Just leave me alone," she finally managed, stumbling toward the room she was staying in.

"Right now? Are you kidding me?" he smiled a little and took her wrists and got kneed where it hurts, "OW!"

"Just GO AND DIE!" she screamed, slamming the door and collapsing on the floor.

XXXXXXX

"Food…" Sam whined to her best friend. Carly laughed and rose from the bench, setting down her bags.

"Okay, I'll go get you something," she felt her friend needed a break from the shopping she'd dragged her into. As she started across the street, a huge taco truck came blaring down the road.

But this time Freddie wasn't there to save her.

"Carly…" Sam was crying softly now onto the carpet as she slept restlessly in front of her door where she'd fallen.

"Sam," Freddie's voice seemed distant, and the next thing she knew she was laying in her bed, all bundled up and comfortable.

But she didn't like the comfort. She was too slow to save her best friend…no. Carly was her sister. And she was too slow to save her life. And now she was gone forever and she alone. But she deserved this punishment for all the things she ever did. Carly deserved better than her and she knew it. Her sister was finally happy, and she was rightfully miserable.

But she'd hurt Freddie because he loved her. He'd never stopped, she'd decided, so she'd split as soon as she could. Why burden him when she was so horrible to him all this time? She loved him so much it hurt her…a lot. But no longer would she hurt anyone. She'd leave and just let it all hurt.

"Let it rain!" she whirled toward the window, eyes sleepy and wild, "let it rain! Let it pour, let it hurt! Let it HURT!" She rushed outside with energy she didn't have, collapsing on the soaked streets and sobbing.

When she finally regained conscienceness, she was back in the bed, all warm and cozy. She moaned and flopped back, glaring dangerously at the one who'd brought her back in.

"Benson," she hissed, "just let me die. It'd be a favor."

"Look," he knelt down to her level and wrung out some blonde locks, "I lost Carly. I won't lose you, too." She wouldn't allow the pressing tears this time as she absorbed those words.

He really cared about her. But why? She was a monster and selfish and mean and…and…

"You tried," he stroked the brace on her leg and looked at her sling, along with the bandage on her head and all the bruises and cuts, "you did. But nobody could have saved her. But you tried."

"I hate how you're right," she sniffed and laid back, "life sucks."

"Give it time. It'll be okay, I promise," he suddenly had her pulled against his chest, "let it hurt, huh?"

"Let it hurt…" she whispered, "then let it heal."