Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAHA. THIS IS SUCH A FUNNY JOKE. HAHAHAHA. LET'S KEEP THIS GOING. HAHAHAHA.

Useless internet cookies to whoever gets the reference above.

Yeah, um, I'm back, sycophants.

Still trying to not be a satirist.

Still failing.

III: Maes Hughes

Maes Hughes had a terrifying tendency to drone on and on about his wife and daughter. It was actually an admirable tendency, if you noted how long he doesn't need to breathe when he rants. But no one ever does, so let's leave it at terrifying. He can go countless hours on the phone just talking about how his wife and daughter have the same shimmering emerald eyes, as if genetics was a subject of rarity. Most of the time, it will earn him a strange glance, a shout of rebuke, or harsh physical contact. But once upon a time, someone actually kept their sanity in response to his continuous ramblings.

It was the Ishbalan War of Extermination when Maes Hughes was reunited with his best friend from the military academy, from back when they had both been green bean cadets. He noticed Roy had changed, the nights of toiling homicide he inflicted upon innocent civilians dwindled his emotional stability to that of a mere five-year-old, when they were in the middle of enemy territory, inches from losing their lives. Mustang kept insisting that he could die, that she should die, that he would die. After everything he'd done to these people, wasn't it pure, unadulterated justice that they were the ones to finally end his heinous existence? He felt as if he was standing in the way of destiny, cowering under the ruins of a temple with Hughes. He made a move to leave his shelter, to embrace providence with outstretched arms and a rueful smile, but Maes held his arm firmly, and yanked him back when he attempted to rise. Hughes desperately inquired if there was anything he could do to keep Roy with him. Mustang requested that he tell him about his girlfriend waiting impatiently at home. To tell him there were people at home who counted on them, and then, and only then, would he steel his resolve to move onward. Hughes began ranting nervously, tripping over words as he made certain not to say the wrong thing to his friend who was so fragile at the moment, and could splinter if he gave him a semblance of a reason. So he went on discursively, trying his best to keep the Major with him. While it may have sounded asinine to anyone else who may have eavesdropped, the quick and trembling words acted as a contrivance to keep the Flame Alchemist alive. Alive and sane. And that's all Hughes wanted.

Maes Hughes has a tendency to drone on and one about his wife and daughter.

Maes Hughes has a tendency to touch those around them, guide them when they think everything's over, and see them through to the other side.

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