Finding Kono

Chapter One

Zebraboymom

Disclaimer: They are not mine. Feelings…angst…sigh…

Author Notes: Something with a little more angst than my most recent fics. I promise to all shippers a good ending, but it will be slow going. I've thought about this all season and I really think if I were Kono, I would have left Five-0 over everything that happened. I know others have written her leaving as well, but here's my take on my title. It's not just about Steve finding Kono, but her finding herself. Warning. This is angst. You all know I'm a big fluffy lover, but I wanted to try more subtle and deeper this time. It starts at the end of her undercover with Fryer. Yes. I will finish Payback. I promise, but this is one of those stories that just started to pour out of my head. I was compelled to start writing.

Six Months Earlier

Steve watched as Fryer stumbled back from the punch he had delivered to his jaw before he turned and walked away. He saw Kono watching out of the corner of his eye and he hoped she knew what that interchange had meant. It was his way of telling her he cared. Somehow as he caught her blank expression the realization hit him that it was probably a little too little too late. His mishandling of everything had already driven a huge wedge between himself and a woman he respected more than any other in his life. He had to just pray she understood and forgave him. Her absence from the team for the last several months had made him angrier and angrier. Like a stubborn jerk he had stayed away from her. He realized now that it was mostly out of guilt for what he'd done to her or maybe it was what he had not done for her. Either way he had failed her.

He walked towards their vehicles confident that she would fall in step with the rest of the team and she had. He remembered letting the breath he had been holding out and suddenly he was one smug bastard. He watched her get in Chin's car throwing one unreadable look his way and drive away thinking he would see her back at headquarters. Steve couldn't wait to give her badge and gun back to her.

When Chin arrived back twenty minutes later without her Steve was stunned.

"Where's Kono?"

Chin rubbed the back of his neck and refused to make eye contact with Steve.

"Where is she Chin?"

"She said she wasn't exactly part of Five-0 right now and she asked me to take her home."

"But it's only a matter of time before IA clears her. She should be here with the team so we can celebrate together."

"I don't know what to tell you Brah."

Steve called her twenty times that night, but it went to voice mail every time. He thought about driving by her house after they all spilt up for home, but he'd never done anything like that before. He wasn't sure how she'd take it.

The Present

And so it was that he found himself once again drinking himself in to oblivion as he sat on the beach behind his house. It had been six months, five days and fourteen hours since Kono had walked out of their lives. When she didn't come back the next day or the next week he had tried to respect her privacy. Maybe she just needed a little time. He had finally taken her badge and gun over to her house three weeks after her reinstatement was announced, but what he found had rocked him to his core.

There was a for sale sign on the front lawn.

He remembered showing up at Chin's house seething with anger. Malia had answered the door and she immediately called Chin to come speak to him. Chin stood quietly and met his hard stare.

"What the hell Chin? Her house is empty. You had to know. Why didn't you tell me? Why wouldn't you give me a chance to talk to her? Where is she?"

"I promised her I wouldn't tell you. She wants a clean break and to start over."

"But she loves Five-0. At least I thought she did. Is she still mad at me? I was an ass so I deserve it, but this is so final. Why'd she do it Chin?"

"I can't tell you that Steve. Please don't ask me for more details. She's my cousin and she made me promise. If I tell you anything she said she'd cut me out as well. All I can tell you is she's safe and she's starting a new life somewhere else."

"But where? I have to talk to her Chin. I can't just let her…go."

Chin had never seen the stoic SEAL more emotional in all the time he had known him. He felt sorry for him and he found himself getting angry with Kono for putting him in this situation. She was asking him to choose between them.

"I can't break a promise to her. Please understand Steve."

He watched as Steve spun on his heels, climbed in his truck and roared off down the street.

Steve tried her cell phone for the hundredth time and was shocked this time to hear the message.

"The number you have called is no longer in service."

It made his skin crawl as he listened to it. Now he couldn't even track her. He vowed he would find her anyway, but where should he start?

Steve had spent the last six months searching for her in his spare time. He had no cell to track and he couldn't find any credit cards in her name. It would be another four months before she had to file a tax return. Maybe then he could get an address, but there was nothing in the system to find her. She didn't want to be found. He looked out at the waves and wished he could see her riding one of them with a big smile on her face. It was her favorite time of year. This was when the big waves hit the north shore. Maybe he would drive over there tomorrow. Maybe she never left the island and he'd find her surfing the pipeline.

He had to do something. He couldn't have another day like today or his team was going to stop trusting him. Maybe they already had.

Earlier that day

Chin watched as Steve ripped his vest open and threw it at a crime scene investigator. Leaning back against the trunk of a black and white that was called to the scene he lifted his shirt and ran his hand over the two huge red blotches forming on his chest. He had taken not one, but two bullets directly to his vest. They had knocked him off his feet and he had crashed to the hard asphalt trying to catch his breath. Danny and Chin had continued to fire at the vehicle as it burned rubber tearing out of the parking lot. Both men had then run to Steve's side.

Danny could hear Lori's voice frantic over the radio. She had been running Tech Ops back at headquarters.

"Steve! Oh my God Steve!"

He had assured her that Steve was okay. Now he stood in front of his stoic boss with his hands pressed together and tried to control his anger as he went off on him.

"What the hell Steven! You have got to stop this. You're reckless and thoughtless. You keep this up and you are going to get yourself or one of us killed. I mean it Steve. Get your act together. I don't know what to do with you anymore."

Chin agreed with him.

"He's right Steve. You need to take a break and get your head together. The team can't function like this."

He was met with Steve's angry stare.

"This team hasn't been the same because Kono left and you know it. You know where she is. I bet you've seen her in the last few months. I have to see her Chin. I have to at least try to make things right with her."

Chin scrubbed his face with his hand and walked away.

Steve slammed his fist down on the police car and shoved Danny out of his way as he left the crime scene.

When they returned to headquarters Lori met him at the door and threw her arms around his neck. He assured her he was fine, prying her free and heading into his office, slamming his door. The rest of the afternoon was spent with his elbows on his desk and his head resting in his hands. This was a living nightmare he was never going to wake up from. Why was his life always so shitty? Losing Kono was the last straw that broke him. He had lost so many people from his life and Kono had meant more to him than he had ever let himself acknowledge. He had taken the strong unstoppable woman for granted and now that she was gone he felt incomplete. He felt like his insides were crawling. He hated himself right now and it wasn't going to get any better until he saw her again in the flesh and knew that she was okay.

Steve's thoughts returned to the moment as he heard the grass rustle and someone walked down to join him. It better not be Danny. He was not in the mood for one more of his lectures tonight. Worse still would be Lori offering herself up to take his mind off things. He wondered now what he ever saw in her initially. The girl was nothing like Kono and it bugged him.

Instead a hand slapped a piece of paper down on the table almost knocking his beer off.

Chin's voice was calm, but controlled.

"Hurt her again and I will kill you."

Without another word he turned and walked away. Steve reached out a shaky hand to pick up the piece of paper. It was an address on Molokai. She was that close? One island away this entire time? He sat up and ran his hand over the address. His stomach started doing flips.

Half an hour later he was on the phone calling the governor at home and asking for some time off. He had put Chin in charge of the team, his bag was packed and he was on his way to the airport. He would sleep there and catch the first hopper flight to Molokai. All he could think about was seeing her again. Catching just a glimpse of those dimples…if he was lucky. He left his truck in long term parking and made his way to the terminal. He would convince her to come back. He was sure of it.