There must be some sort of rule in the universe that only allows me to update stories once every month. Or I'm just a terrible person. Whichever the reason, please accept my apologies. I don't ever expect to reach the level of massive awesomeness of people like chezchuckles, updating multiple stories daily, but jeez; I really am bad at this. And you all have been extremely amazing and supportive, so I'm sorry guys. Really and truly.

This chapter proved to be particularly challenging for me, but I had a breakthrough this weekend and finally finished not only this chapter, but also a little oneshot that I hope to post tomorrow if I get the final edits done tonight. ;)

Yes, this is the final chapter. I hadn't really planned for the fourth installment to be the conclusion. Just last month, I was shooting for five or six, but then 47 Seconds happened, and this story officially entered AU territory. It all worked out, though. I tried my best to combine some thoughts and to wrap everything up without compromising the integrity of my original ideas.

That being said, I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't ruin my story with your logic!

Two Monday mornings in a row, two counseling sessions, and no progress. None. Burke provides more questions than answers, and it's really getting on her last nerve. He's not making things any easier for her, and that's his responsibility, right? To help her. It's what he's paid to do—to help people. Part of the job description.

But no. He's been just as much help to her as Lanie. He doesn't seem to sympathize much with her dilemma either. All questions, no answers.

He commends her on the progress made, at least, in her admission. Still, that's not really what she needs right now. What does she need?

Their current case is making absolutely no progress, and Castle gets kicked out by Gates for littering all over the homicide department's floor, for distracting his partner when she was trying to narrow down the list of suspects. She's just fortunate that Gates hadn't picked up the crumpled, little balls of paper surrounding her desk and read them for herself. She doesn't think her captain would have thought the 'I love you' notes that she was pelted with for a good half an hour were quite as charming as Castle did.

So, she gets home around six-thirty, ready to unwind after a frustrating day. When she gets to her front door, she looks down, pauses. On top of her paper rests a small notepad, spirals coming out of the top, visibly worn. She knows who left it there immediately—who else would it be from?—but what exactly it is, she doesn't know. She barely gets inside before the paper is discarded on the floor and the notepad is flipped open to the first page.

It's dated. April 20, 2009. Their first year together. One of their first cases.

It starts out as case notes mostly, sprinkled with quotes from her and lists of ridiculous suspect names from Ryan and Esposito. Crook, knucklehead, chucklehead, dirtbag. She comes across nearly a full page of notes commentating on her ass in a particular pair of jeans, and she has to laugh out of both amusement and mortification. It's fascinating, really, how much their partnership has changed since then.

And suddenly, the notes go from superficial to personal. Little things about the look in her eyes at a crime scene and big things, like details about her past and her mom. Things she doesn't even remember telling him.

Her personality goes from sassy to determined. Through his notations, she transforms from sexy hard-ass to extraordinary. It's strange for her to see herself through his eyes. Embarrassing, but also…humbling. Flattering, for sure. She really comes off as a superhero on the pages of the pad, and she's struck by it. Awed.

And then it just sort of stops. A random thought and then nothing. But she knows how the story ends-with a fight and their first long summer apart. It wouldn't be their last, far from it.

Is she supposed to go return it to him? Surely he'd want it back, his first Nikki Heat observations. She's in front of his door before she can even comprehend how she got there when her phone vibrates in her trench coat pocket. It's an incoming call. From the man himself.

"Castle?"

"Yeah, Kate, hi." He sounds nervous, apprehensive. "Listen, I…can you come over? I have something important that I need you to see." She laughs lightly, and it confuses him; she can tell from the tone of his voice. "Kate? Are you there?"

"Yeah, Castle. I'm here. Right here, in fact. Open the door."

There's a pause on the line and then dead silence. The front door swings open. He's breathless on the other side, hair falling in his eyes, but he looks somewhat pleased to see her. At least, she thinks he does. Why wouldn't he?

"Hey," he exhales.

"Hey, yourself. What's the matter?"

He runs his fingers through his hair anxiously. "Wha-what do you mean?"

"You look…" she gives him a once over, "…winded. Worried. So what's wrong? Is it Alexis? Is she okay?"

"Huh? Alexis? No, Alexis is fine. She's staying the night at a friend's house, actually. She's been so busy lately with all of her internships and her class that I'm just glad she's making some time to relax." He smiles fondly, speaking of his daughter, and something inside her blooms, swells. Love. No, she's not ready for that. Not yet. Right? "What brings you here tonight, Detective?"

She chuckles. "What do you mean? You called me."

"Yes, but no. You were already here when I called. Did you miss me?" He gives her a well-practiced leer, eyebrows dancing up and down, but there's still something not quite right in his eyes. Something dark and heavy, weighing him down.

"I came to, uh, return this actually. That is, if you want it back." She holds out the ringed pad with an outstretched arm, but he shakes his head, refuses.

"It's for you. To keep."

"You're sure?"

"Of course. You got through it already?" She nods, biting her lip timidly, and he grins. "What did you think?"

"It was…perfect." She can't think of a better way to describe it. Their history together, flawlessly captured in ink, open and genuine. "Thank you." And then, "But my jeans, Castle? Really?"

He guffaws loudly at that, leaning against the wall with a little twinkle in his solemn eyes. "Really. I thought about ripping that page out, but I just couldn't resist. You wouldn't happen to still have them would you? The jeans?"

"Why? You want to borrow them?"

"Mmm, no. I'm more interested in what's inside the jeans." An awkward pause flourishes between them, and he considers his words. "Not that I meant…that came out wrong. I'm more interested in the personinside the jeans, Kate. The person."

"Always knew you wanted to get inside my pants, Castle." The words are scolding, but her tone is one of amusement.

"Jesus, Kate. Not what I meant. Although…" He trails off, obviously mind elsewhere, and her face flushes, hot and red. "Oh, but don't let that discourage you from coming in. I do have something I want you to see. I need you to see."

It's at that moment Kate realizes that she's still standing in the hallway, and he's still resting on the doorframe. He leans back a little, arm extended to welcome her in, and she passes him. His nervousness is evidently contagious because she feels her legs start to tremor in anticipation. Her knees lock in place to stop the quakes. He notices her hesitance right away.

"Can't show you in here. It's in my office." He leads her to the office door and then closes it behind them. "Just in case my mother comes in," he explains, "You'd prefer the privacy, I think."

"Castle…"

His sobers from his earlier jumpiness, mouth setting into a grim, hard line. "You're going to yell at me, Kate, maybe scream. But you can't leave until you let me explain everything."

He's scaring her now. "Rick, please, what is this about?"

He disregards her question, continues, "You'll probably hate me. But I can't keep this a secret anymore; it's eating me alive. And it's not fair to you, Kate. But there's just one thing I'm going to do first if you let me. But you might not like it."

She looks at him, face skewed in horror. "What, Castle? What is it?"

He leans toward her slowly, hand resting on her cheek, eyes locked onto hers, breath whispering just inches from her face. She focuses on his lips as he nears, though, eyes glazing over. Not from fear, no. Just a tilt of the neck, just a nod of her head. It would be so easy. She wants to. God, she wants to. His nose slides past hers, resting there for a moment, eyelids closing. His lashes glance her cheeks.

"I'm going to kiss you."

Heat. Heat surrounds him.

She's sitting on his desk, legs wrapped around his back, and he stands between them. Her hands are threaded through his hair, and his are under her shirt, expanded around her waist. She kisses him long and hard and ferocious. Her tongue soothes his lip after her teeth bite down with a little too much enthusiasm, and she grinds her hips into his waist with abandon, and everything is getting way too hot way too fast.

"Kate," he breathes between kisses. "Beckett, we have to…" His thoughts get jumbled in his head as her fingers trail up his spine beneath the cotton of his button-down. "God, Kate, I love you, but we need to stop. I just have to show you-"

She groans when he tries to pull away from the clutch of her thighs, tugs him closer, hands working nimbly on his shirt, pressing open mouth kisses to his chest as it's revealed button by button, tongue swirling. She tugs away for a moment, but it's only to protest.

"No. I don't care. I don't want to know. I just want you, Rick. Just you."

He knows he has act now before he can no longer find the resolve to stop, but it's so difficult when she's doing the things that she's doing. Oh, and so eagerly. One of her hands flutters down to the button of his dark jeans, but he grabs her wrist before she can slide it through, catching her off guard, giving him the perfect opportunity to extract himself from the hold of her legs.

She's panting furiously, glaring at him through a thick haze of arousal, and he almost has to dive back in right then and there. No, focus. Not on her swollen lips or her eyes or her heaving chest. No, definitely not any of those things. Those thoughts aren't helping at all. Focus on the truth.

"Kate, it's about your mother." Yes, that does it. The mood is killed instantly, but it's all for the greater good. He finds the remote to his makeshift murder board and hands it to her. "Turn it on."

She looks upset, betrayed, but also disbelieving. "No, Castle. No."

"I'm sorry," is all he can offer. She presses the button on the device and the board comes to life. Her own face reflects back. "You have to tap it." She doesn't move, so he does it for her and the case expands.

"When?" Her voice is hard, and her face is livid. He can't blame her.

"Don't leave until I explain everything." She vacillates, but then gives a curt, reluctant nod. "Right after you came back to the precinct. In the fall. After the shooting." She stiffens at his confession. "A man contacted me right after our first case back together. The only name he gave me was Smith, but I'm sure it's just an alias. Montgomery…he sent Smith some files right before he died. They were about the case, Kate. But he didn't give me any information right away, just told me to try to convince you to stop digging into your mother's case. He said he could keep you safe and that whoever's orchestrating everything wouldn't…" his voice wavers, "…that the Dragon wouldn't send an assassin after you again. But only if you stopped."

"So you asked me to take a break."

"Yes."

"And he didn't give you any new information right away?" her voice stresses the last two words, and he just nods. She changes her approach. "Why is the mayor on there? Is he involved?"

"I don't know if he's involved," he answers honestly. "I don't think so. Not exactly. But Smith contacted me again in November, during the Weldon case. He told me it was an important one to solve, told me we had to clear the mayor's name. Because…" She's not going to like this. "Because if he was found guilty, and if I was kicked out of the precinct, there wouldn't be anyone there to keep tabs on you. To protect you."

"Protect me?" she spits out. "Castle, I can protect myself."

"I-I know you can. But not from this, Kate. This case will get you killed. I couldn't just let you run headfirst into danger. So I kept it a secret. I asked you to back off. I knew I couldn't hide it forever, but I didn't know what else to do."

"But you've been investigating."

"Not actively. I don't have the resources for that. Just…theorizing a little. Piecing bits together."

"And you're telling me this now. Why?"

"Seemed like as good a time as any. Like I said, it wasn't fair to you. And because…I love you. You know that."

She picks her jacket up off the floor-he doesn't even recall taking it off in the fog of lust and haste-and he's worried that she's going to bolt. Not that he wouldn't deserve it. But no, she's not running yet. Instead, she turns off the board, pockets the remote, and sets her jacket down on his desk.

"You had no right to do this, Castle, and you're going to stop. Until the case comes up again, you're going to stop looking around. And you're going to tell me if Smith ever contacts you again. When he does. Right away." It's not up for question. It's a string of commands.

"You know I can turn it on manually, right?"

"But you won't."

"Okay," he agrees. "I won't." But then, "Kate, if I can make progress and keep you safe, why not?"

She's determined, resolute. "Because I do."

"You do what?"

She looks at him as if he's the stupidest man who ever crossed her path, but then her eyes soften. She speaks in a whisper, "I do. Love you."

He freezes, slack-jawed and speechless. Probably looks like a deer in the headlights. But that doesn't matter. Nothing else matters because right now, she loves him. Oh God, she loves him.

"Kate."

"I'm angry, Castle. Pissed. But I understand why you did what you did. I understand your motives, misguided as they might be. But it's hard to be angry with you when another part of me just wants to drag you into your bedroom and to have my wicked way with you."

No way. She did not just say that. But, oh, she totally did. "Yeah?"

She presses the heels of her hands into her eyes and gives a little, agonized moan. "Why did you have to kiss me?"

"It was just a kiss. Or, well, it was supposed to be." He smirks at her. "Someone got a little carried away."

"Ugh." She swats at his shoulder. "Not helping. I'm still mad at you."

"But you love me."

She blows out a long puff of air. "I said that?"

He bites back a laugh. "You most certainly did. No take backs."

"Wasn't planning on it. Just surprised myself a bit." She elaborates, "In these past few weeks, I talked to my therapist and to Lanie, and I just wanted to deny everything. I didn't think I was ready."

"And now?"

"If it means losing you, I never want to solve my mom's case, Rick. I want to put it in a box, to lock it up and keep it there forever. It doesn't mean I'll be forgetting her," she seems to say it as much to herself as she does to him, "It doesn't mean I'll be letting her down. It just means I'll be trying to live. Finally living. For her."

"She'd be proud of you, Kate." Her eyes well up with unshed tears. "I'm sure she is proud of you, wherever she is now. But you don't have to make any big decisions right away. Think about it. I don't want you to push yourself into anything you're not ready to do. I don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for." Oh, right. "That's not what this was about, Kate. You know that right? All of this."

She swallows past the lump in her throat to answer. "I know, Castle."

But does she? "I love you. I wanted you to know that. I wanted to convince you that what we have is real. But if you need time…"

"I love you too. I'm ready to come to term with that much." She chuckles, and then sobers. "But I should probably be going."

"You could stay," he tries not to sound so desperate. "You know, the guest room is open. Or you could take my room if you want. Not to brag, but my bed is awesome. And then I'd take the guest room or the couch, maybe. I'm feeling a little restless, actually. Might stay up a little and try to get some writing done. Gina's been sending me nasty voicemails about the rough draft of Frozen Heat being due-"

"Castle," she laughs, "Relax."

"Or," he starts, "We could, uh, go in there, and you could show me some of those wicked things you mentioned."

"I'm angry with you. And I'm not going to say I don't hate you at all right now because I'd be lying."

"Oh, right. Of course. I understand." He deflates a bit. "There's something I want to say right now, but it's not exactly appropriate and will probably just irritate you more, so I'll refrain."

She rolls her eyes. "Go ahead. Before all that bottled up innuendo gives you an ulcer."

"Yeah?" She nods in consent. "Okay. Well. I was just going to say: angry sex could work for us."

She just about chokes on her own saliva. "And there it is."

"Tell me you haven't thought about." She reddens, the scarlet wave coloring her cheeks and crawling up her chest. "I, for one, can't stop thinking about it."

His partner growls. "Don't make me shoot you."

He has to be serious now. He has to know. His hand reaches for hers, grabs it tight. "We'll be okay, though?"

Kate smiles at him, gentle. "Just gotta find the silver lining. If you can make do turning lemons into lemonade, then I can too, right?"

"I love you." He loves her. More than anything or anyone with the exception of Alexis, of course, he loves her. She knows it. She feels the same way, and he doesn't think he'll ever get over that. But does she truly understand? He can barely comprehend the depth of his own feelings, the complexity.

"You don't have to keep trying to convince me, you know."

"I can't help it," he whines. "You make me needy."

Kate muffles a snicker with her one hand and squeezes his own with the other, reassuring.

"We'll be okay."

That's all, folks. If you feel so compelled, press that little review button, and let me know what you thought. And as always, thank you for reading. It's been a wonderful little ride. I'm looking forward to future adventures with you all. :)