Chapter Four---Honey, You're Right, I'm Left, You're Gone

Some time later, Leia, Mirax and Iella could be found, engaged in holding the monthly meeting of the Corellian Wives Club. Like most Corellian social gatherings on Corsucant, it took place at the Luna Tap Cafe. Legend had it that the Luna had acquired its name from the fact that the clientele went crazy during a full moon. But, as Leia put it, since most of the clientele were also crazy when the moon wasn't full, that theory didn't hold water.

Winter, who attended their meetings as an honourary member--and designated driver---pointed out that the patrons weren't really crazy: they were just Corellian. "Same difference," Leia, Mirax and Iella sighed in unison, and in agreement.

Too true. The Luna was equally famous for its matchless Corellian cuisine and its notorious 'Corellian Rules' bar fights--which was to say, no rules at all. The Luna couldn't get insurance any more, but it didn't really need it--wealthy and not-so-wealthy Corellians on Corsucant could be depended upon to keep it open. Leia knew that Han was a regular contributor. He was also a charter member--along with Corran Horn and Wedge Antilles, among others---of the Luna Tap Cafe Drinking Club and Patriotic Society. With emphasis on the 'Drinking.' Their wives maintained their own traditions by creating the Corellian Wives Club, which also met at the Luna. Rumour had it that the Corellian Wives Club had been created to keep a weather eye upon the antics of the Corellian Husbands, but Leia had denied it so often that her friends deemed it politic to pretend to believe her.

The Luna never closed. Ever. It was a point of pride.

"So," Mirax said to Leia, once they had ordered their food, "What's going on with Luke and Mara? Have you heard anything?"

"I've managed to avoid that situation lately, thank the Force," Leia said.

"Am I going to be incredibly surprised?" Mirax asked. "Did she get him to talk to her?"

"Don't be silly," Leia said. "There's no possibility of that. You know it as well as I do. In fact, I'm definitely hopeful that she's on her way out of his life for good. And vice versa."

"What makes you think so?" Mirax asked. "Granted he doesn't talk to her, but maybe they've been too busy for conversation."

"Yes, but they're getting to the point where they've exhausted the available positions, and now have to decide whether they actually have anything in common," Leia said. "The danger zone. I don't see them surviving it, especially as they have almost nothing in common."

She didn't see all three of her companions synchronizing their eye-rolls, because the first course, a Corellian speciality, arrived at the table at that point. The Wives dug into the food in companionable silence.

"Don't look now," Iella said uneasily, as they were finishing their meal some time later, "but I think I see a red-head at four o'clock."

"That's impossible," Leia said, without looking up. "She's not Corellian, she's not married to a Corellian, and she's not an honourary member. She couldn't--or shouldn't---be here."

The three hulking bouncers employed by the Luna had come to the same conclusion. The Wives heard Mara's voice raised indignantly: "How do you know I'm not Corellian? No, I don't have to prove it! You prove I'm not, and if you can't, shove off!"

The bouncers apparently decided to press their point. Unwise. There was a crack, a thud, and a small shower of debris. None of the clientele looked up; this was normal for a night at the Luna. A minute later, Mara appeared at their table, looking ruffled, and brushing crushed plaster out of her hair.

"They let you in?" Mirax said, astonished.

"I had to slam all three of them into the wall," Mara muttered angrily. "I don't know why this place fancies itself as so exclusive! It's a dump!"

"Yes, but it's our very own personal dump," Iella pointed out. "Corellians only. So tell me, Mara, did shoving them into the wall solve your problem?"

"It did, actually," Mara said, with a sudden, if reluctant, smile. "They decided that if I could do that to all three of them, I must actually be a Corellian. So there."

Even Leia laughed at that, but she sobered quickly. "I've never seen you in here before, Mara," she said coolly, "Though Luke's an honourary member, of course."

"He shouldn't be an honourary member of any place that sells whiskey," Mara replied, equally coolly. Leia bristled; as Mirax said later, she thoroughly resented any criticism of her brother. Unless, of course, it came from her.

Unbidden, Mara sat down. She looked at Leia, and said in a tone of loathing: "Your brother--!"

"What about him?" Leia said, looking belligerent.

"He's an idiot!" Mara exclaimed.

"Certainly his taste in women is nothing to write home about," Leia said, sotto voce.

Mara ignored this. "He's comes in, and I want to talk to him about our problems, and all he can say is----"

"Is what?"

"Honey, you're right!" Mara said indignantly.

"Well, imagine that," Iella murmured into her ale. "Downright abusive, I'd say."

Mara gave her a fiery glance. "It is abusive, if that's what you say to everything! And he did! I said something--anything, and I do mean anything--he said, "Honey, you're right!" He sounded like a malfunctioning droid!"

"Han does that, too," Leia said gloomily, peering at Mara over her glass. "Drives me crazy."

Mara brightened. "You do understand, then," she said.

"Do I ever," Leia said. "Makes me feel like a child having a tantrum. Like he doesn't give a damn for what I'm saying, but he'll say anything to placate me and shut me up. I hate that--"

"Yeah," Mara said, pouring a generous drink for Leia, "It's incredibly annoying."

It was Mirax's considered opinion that Leia's tolerance for alcohol, if somewhat better than her twin brother's, was still not particularly large. Mara, on the other hand, exhibited an iron capacity through the subsequent evening, where she and Leia discovered more opinions in common than they had previously suspected. The main one was their opinion of men: they were exasperating, irritating, and enraging. Oh, yes, and maddening, too. And of course, Mara was better off without one; specifically, without Luke. Leia was happy to point out all his disadvantages to Mara. He was dull, especially because he had to save the galaxy nearly every year and twice during leap years. He was shy and gauche, and he had a girl on every Outer Rim planet. His rustic manners were Leia's despair, and Mara would be spending her time fending off high class hussies from every Inner Rim planet you could mention--all eager to try out the Jedi Master. He was a wuss, and Mara wouldn't believe how domineering he could be. He had no conversation, and he never stopped talking, except to Mara. He couldn't possibly be any good in bed (Leia by this time was very drunk), because he went through women like water, and if Mara didn't believe her, she could furnish her with a comprehensive list of his girlfriends assembled by Security.

Mara agreed with everything, and kept pouring. By this time, midnight was a distant memory and even Mara's rock-like self-control was fraying.

"You know, Leia," she said, clutching her drink. "I don't know why I put up with him!"

"Well, I agree with that," Leia said, nodding. "Absolutely. I think you should go find him and break up with him. I mean, he deserves it!"

Mirax and Iella had a difficult time keeping up with Leia and Mara, or keeping their own heads up, for that matter. Only Winter, as the designated driver, still had some wits about her. Now she said, "Look, Mara, you don't want to do anything rash. Why don't you sleep it off before you make a decision?" Leia shot her an angry look, which Winter ignored.

"Mara, he's not good enough for you," Leia said loudly. "Waiting until the morning isn't going to change that, is it? I mean, he's got no money, he's short, he's gauche, he's skinny, and worst of all, he has no conversation. You can do better."

"Damn right I can!" Mara said, darkly. "He acts like I'm desperate, or something. It's humiliating."

"Well, then," Leia urged, "You just show him who's boss. You don't need him!"

"I don't!" Mara said, pounding her fist on the table. The glasses rattled alarmingly.

"Right!" Leia said, with a fist-pound of her own. "You tell him that! And make sure you don't argue with him. Just tell him what's what!"

"Yes!" Mara cried. She leapt to her feet and charged out of the Luna, barely missing the bouncers, who were scrambling to get out of her way.

"Gods," Leia said, peering blearily after Mara's retreating figure, "How many times did I repeat myself? I thought she'd never get it."

Then she laid her head on the table and went to sleep under the bemused gaze of her fellow Wives.

Iella asked, confused, "What do you suppose that was all about?"

Mirax sighed. "That was about sabotage," she said.