New chapter! Please be sure to review, it really does motivate me to update faster ^_^ My writing is far from perfect so I'm open to constructive criticsm as well.
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- Lex.
After Santana closed the door behind Quinn, she immediately broke down and leaned against the door, slowly sliding down. She pulled her knees close to her chest and cried. She cried for the pain Brittany was in, and the hopelessness she felt when she thought about trying to fix it. There were no excuses, she knew that, but she had no idea how she could make things better with her blonde, and that scared her the most. She cried for the division of her and the blonde, and most of all, she cried because she caused it.
She was consumed by her thoughts, reliving the events of the previous night.
Santana stood off to the side with fellow Cheerios, just outside of the large crowd on the makeshift dancefloor. Despite Brittany's refusal to accompany her, she was having a fairly decent time. A better time than she thought she'd be having that night anyways. She made a mental note to stop by her house before the night ended.
A voice brought Santana out of her daze. "Hellooo? Earth to Santana." Chelsea, another Cheerio said. "Are you even listening?"
Santana shook her head. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."
The girl followed her line of vision across the room, to a random girl on the dancefloor. She twisted her face. "What're you, gay or something?" she questioned.
"N-no! I wasn't…" Santana stuttered as she began to realize what was taking place.
The look on the girls face said she didn't believe her. She looked over Santana once more with judgmental eyes before turning away and beginning another conversation. Santana wanted to crawl inside herself and hide. She wished for the ability to be invisible. To disappear. But she stayed amongst the Cheerios; until Puck stumbled his way over, groping her. A pair of lips met her cheek in a sloppy kiss that reeked of alcohol. She took one last hesitant look over her shoulder before allowing herself to be led upstairs and into his room.
Once they reached his bedroom, clothes were quickly removed. First his, then he undressed her. He set his pace fast and rough, his breathing becoming heavy and labored. Santana tried to appear as though she enjoyed it, digging her nails into his back and moaning occasionally. He finished quickly, and got dressed quicker, throwing a silent 'thanks' over his shoulder before he left. Santana sat on his bed for a moment before getting dressed. Once Santana was alone, she located her clothes and began to get dressed. She checked herself once over before deciding to head downstairs. Although she was disgusted with what she found there, she let it be. There was no way to fix the dirty, uncomfortable feeling she held or clear the stench of guilt that permeated her skin.
Santana fought her way through the crowd, which had grown since she left. She rejoined the Cheerios, and was met with knowing glances from the entire group.
"I saw you go upstairs with Puck…"
"Yeah." She said defensively.
"So… How'd it go?"
A few Cheerios giggled.
"Fine… Great, actually." Santana crossed her arms and put on the best bitch smirk she could muster.
Santana knew she was lying, to the Cheerios and to herself. She hated the way she felt afterwards, it made her skin crawl. She felt disgusting, like her body was nothing. That all she was good for was to be an object of the sexual desires of any guy looking for a quick hook-up. That she had no worth, because she never gave herself any, and now no one else did. And she didn't expect any different. All she expected was to be able to go home, take a long shower, and go to bed and hope for better days. Days filled with only her and Brittany, free from worrying about the looks and rumors of the people she dared call her "friends".
"Um… Are you okay?"
Santana swiped the tears away from her face quickly; she hadn't realized she started crying. "Yeah, I'm fine." She cleared her throat. "I just need a drink."
She rushed away from the girls, before more tears could push their way to the surface. She soon reached the kitchen and filled a cup with several types of alcohol she found there. She drank it in large gulps, and didn't stop until it was halfway empty. The liquor seared her throat, but she didn't care. She downed the rest of the concoction and began to pour herself another.
Santana shook her head at the memory. She picked herself off the floor, groaning at the unrelenting throbbing in her head of the almost forgotten headache. She continued back up the stairs and into her bathroom. She adjusted the water as hot as it would go, allowing the burning sensation to cleanse her as the water rushed down her back. She crawled into bed, fatigue immediately washing over her. She thought of Brittany briefly before exhaustion clouded her mind and she drifted into sleep.
When she awoke, she felt significantly better. She checked the clock on her nightstand; it read 2:35. By 3:00, she was dressed and on her way to Brittany's house. It was a relatively short walk, as they didn't live very far away, but to Santana it felt like an eternity. She was dreading having to talk to the girl, she had to stop herself from turning around and calling off the entire thing. She came up the walkway and rang the doorbell. Mrs. Pierce answered the door with her apron donned and a cheery smile.
"Why hello, Santana. It's quite a pleasure seeing you here."
"Hi Mrs. Pierce." Santana said, retaining a weak smile.
"Come on in, Brittany's upstairs in her room."
Santana followed the woman into her home, and up the familiar stairs she'd used so many times. She continued until she reached closed door at the end of the hallway. She grabbed the handle of the door, and paused. She sucked in a deep breath and opened the door.
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word - Elton John