Disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I did, Sirius would be alive still!

Chapter 1: New Kind of Sorrow

The world I knew has become a scary place. Everything has changed over night. My family… gone. The Dark Lord is rising. He declared war; and my parents… my brothers were one of the first victims. I can't seem to find it in me to stop the tears. Lily is worried sick about me I know, but I don't think I'm ready to let her in yet.

School will be starting again in a few days and I still have to get my supplies. How can I go to school now. I feel so… guilty. I should have been there. I know things happen for a reason, but the feeling wont go away. Me and Lily had planned this camping trip since Christmas. Now it doesn't feel like it was worth all the effort it took to convince my parents in letting me go.

Did I even give them a proper good-bye? Me and my brothers fought so much, did I leave on a bad note with them? I never should have called Damian an ugly slug, he was the best big brother any one could ask for. And I never should of told Adam that I hated him. I should have had more patience. He was only eleven. He had such a short life. He didn't even know how to protect himself.

I have to go to the Ministry tomorrow. I don't know what to say. I'm going to hate all the petty looks that will be sent my way by my parents co-workers. Do they hate me for not being with them, that I'm alive and they aren't? What do I say to them when they tell me how sorry they are?

Bethany didn't get sleep that night, just like the three nights before. She was alone in her thoughts as she cried. She vaguely remembered Lily's dad carrying her from their camper into their house, leaving early from their camping trip due to the devastating letter. Even Petunia kept her snooty comments to herself.

She didn't bother to look at all the letters that came in shortly after her family's death. She didn't want to feel any more sorry for herself knowing that everyone she knew from school and her parents and brothers friends were feeling sorry for her.

By three o'clock am, she couldn't take it anymore. Getting out of bed, not caring how she looked- or even smelled at this point, Bethany left the spare room. Taking a deep breath she knocked on Lily's door. She could hear a light shuffling and a few seconds later the door opened.

It took Lily half a second to pull her best friend into a tight hug. Bethany cried harder some how still managing to have tears left.

"L-lily, can I stay with you for the rest of the night? I don't want to be alone." Bethany sobbed.

"Of course." Lily took her best friends hand and pulled her into her room. She hated herself the last four days. She knew Bethany would come to her when she was ready, but she had a hard time standing aside and watching helplessly on the sideline as her friend suffered.

Lily pulled the covers over Bethany once she climbed in next to her. Bethany lay in her arms as she lightly ran her fingers through her hair, knowing that it calmed Bethany. She didn't know what to say. She had no clue what her friend was going through. She wanted to be supportive but couldn't help feeling sorry for her friend. She knew Bethany hated that, and would be dealing with that from everyone else.

"Did you want me to come with you tomorrow to the Ministry?" Lily asked after a long silence. She knew Bethany hadn't fallen asleep.

"Yes, I would really appreciate that." She was silent for a while. "We can get our school things after that." Bethany knew Lily was looking forward to going to Diagon Alley. They had promised Alice and Kelly before camping that they would go together. She honestly wasn't feeling up for it, but knew she needed to get out for a while.

"No don't worry about it. Mum said she would have no problems getting our things." Lily reassured. She didn't want Bethany to get over stressed. It took four days for her friend to talk to her. It'd be obvious what the stress of a busy market place would do.

"I think it would be good for me to get out." Bethany commented. "I don't want to have to go back to school not prepared how to deal with people. I'm sure this will be good for me. We could even stay at the Leaky Cauldron till school starts." It sounded almost believable.

"Are you sure Beth? This is a really big step in a very short time. I have no problem staying here with you. Alice and Kelly will understand." Lily looked into Bethany's mismatched eyes looking for any hint of a breakdown.

"I know they would, but really I'll be fine." Bethany knew that was a lie and she knew Lily did as well.

"If that's what you really want Bethany, but know that we can leave and come back here if you feel that it's too much." Beth nodded. "Let's try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day and we both know you need it." Lily gave a small smile in hopes to cheer up her friend.

Bethany said thanks before closing her eyes. She gave a small sigh at the feeling of Lily's fingers running through her chestnut coloured hair. This she knew. This was familiar. Lily had adopted the habit not far into their first year of school together. It always helped Bethany through difficult times. She really couldn't ask for a better best friend. She was always there when she needed her, and Bethany would do anything for her.

Morning came all too quickly for Bethany. She was grateful that she had managed to get some sleep. Lily was right; it was going to be a big day.

Lily didn't hold back in telling her friend she needed a shower. Bethany blushed lightly, agreeing. Lily helped her pick out some clothes, pushing her friend towards the bathroom.

"I'll get you a plate ready downstairs, and send a letter to Alice that we will see them this afternoon at Madam Nally's at the Seams." Lily knew this was all the girl's favorite clothing store.

"Alright. I'll be down in a bit then."

Bethany closed the bathroom door and quickly locked it. She took a deep breath before looking herself over in the mirror. She almost didn't recognize herself. Her mismatch eyes were bloodshot and puffy from her non-stop crying. Her lips weren't drawn in her natural smile that had always been present. Her hair had lost its shine and the curls lay flat, falling almost to her waist looking very grungy. A shower was well needed along with makeup.

Bethany started the shower cold, hoping the shock to her body would wake her up and help her set her mind in order. She washed her hair twice just for good measure and didn't hold back on the body wash. The smell of Egyptian Jasmine filled the bathroom calming her nerves. She realized then that she had to accept reality and it wasn't going to be an easy task.

Lily had picked out a white sundress with little pink, yellow and purple flower print with a pink and grey striped cardigan and some thin-strap silver gladiator sandals. She was sure that Lily looked forward to this every weekend at school, when she could pick out what she could wear. She knew Lily was trying to keep it cheerful. She always said the way you dress reflects on the way you feel. If it was up to Bethany she would be wearing black, and a lot of it. It would of looked horrid because she really couldn't pull off the Goth look. Black jeans were one thing or a bit on her shirt. Too much and she literally drowned in it; drained of all colour.

After getting dressed she used her wand to dry her hair. She ran her fingers through it letting it fall perfectly over her shoulders. She was glad to see she had her normal volume back and her big wavy curls.

"Good morning dear, I'm so glad to see you up and about." Lily's mom said the moment she came down the stairs. She was quick to pull Beth into a motherly hug. Both almost broke into tears at the prolonged embrace. Mrs. Evans always thought of Bethany like a daughter. Quickly drawn into her cheerful, carefree, positive nature, it hurt her greatly to see Bethany go through such a tragedy.

"Thanks Mrs. Evans. I'm sorry if I've burdened you." Bethany hugged her a little tighter wishing greatly that it was her own mum.

"Don't fret about it love, you are no burden to us, and you are welcome to live here as long as you need too." Mrs. Evans pulled Beth to arms length looking over the girls face. "You are a very strong girl Bethany, you will get though this. It wont be easy and it doesn't happen overnight, but things will get better dear. Just take it one day at a time."

"Thank you for everything, Mrs. Evans." Bethany managed to arrange her face into what she hoped was a smile. It must of worked cause Lily's mom smiled back.

"Come breakfast is ready and you really should eat something. Lily tells me you're braving the usual trip to Diagon Alley. I'm so proud of you. Though I do worry you're over-exerting yourself. Going to the Ministry is going to be hard enough."

"I'm sure I'll be fine. Lily said she will come with me." Bethany said walking into the kitchen and taking a seat next to Lily in the breakfast nook. Bethany always found it amazing coming to the Evans over summer. She loved the simplicity of the Muggles-way of doing things.

Lily's dad put a plate in front of her. "Eat up, kiddo."

Bethany loved that about Lily's dad. He was a man a few words and didn't pry or press matters. He kept things short and simple and with as little emotions as possible. He was surrounded by only girls and knew they cried easily and he just didn't like dealing with them if he didn't have too.

Petunia didn't say anything, keeping her eyes on her plate. She ate a tad bit fast. Lily and Bethany knew she wanted to get away as fast as she could. Since Lily discovered her talent with magic, Petunia became cold. She thought her sister was a freak because she was a witch. It broke Lily's heart. Bethany figured it was jealousy.

"Mum, Dad, I'm going over to my boyfriends' now." Petunia put her dishes in the sink. "Be back after supper."

"Okay dear. Have fun." And with that she was out the door.

"Good bye to you too." Lily said sadly. Bethany grabbed Lily's hand giving it a light squeeze.

"She'll come around." Bethany said positively but both girls knew that would never be the case. But Lily always hoped.

Ame: Thanks for reading! This is my first story on ! Okay, to explain, this is sort of Alternate Universe during the Marauder's Era, but more modern-day. Some things will be the same. Some things will be different! If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. For those who do like it; awesome. Fave, review, bookmark, whatever.