A/N: Hello beloved readers. 'Tis Miss "J". So sorry for the wait. The beginning of the year is always hard for me. Thank you for still showing interest in this fic of ours and thanks you for all the love. Remember, reviews make my day! *wink wink* Now, enjoy yourselves and I hope it was worth the wait. Ta!

"T": I apologize, too. Thank you for supporting us. Pinyin is Macau and Peggy is Wy. Uyen is Vietnam. We finally found a name for her, so please accept her name. Also, to rin neko 23, we will bring Iceland soon but not now. Also Angel the Neko, did you notice something about this chapter?

The Emperor

Dear Arthur,

Today, Arthur's youngest sister, Peggy, was visiting the Emerald Kingdom to bond with her new sister-in-law. Her older brother Peter was very insistent that she come over, and his enthusiasm to have them meet was inescapable. His tendency to blow details out of proportion never ceased to amaze her. His exaggerated claims that their sister-in-law ended up as a witch in disguise with warts and other nasty skin anomalies were extreme prevarications. This bit of false information intrigued the eleven year old princess, which is exactly why she is paying the Emerald Castle a visit. She is not so gullible as to believe Peter; her curiosity just piqued since Peter would insult people only if they are upstanding people- like Arthur.

When they finally got to meet, Peggy could clearly tell that all of Peter's words were mere blasphemous lies. She's really pretty, thought Peggy. I'm happy that big brother married this lady. They instantly clicked and they laughed as they joyfully frolicked outside next to the rose maze as Elizabeta dutifully babysat them. She sat in a chair with an umbrella shading her; and since her husband was busy working on a new composition in the music room, Elizabetha had decided to read her secret suspense novel about vicious, bodice ripping thieves and kidnapped maidens. Reading such books was a secret pleasure of Elizabeta. She looked at the sky and smiled slowly as her thoughts wondered to the unusual weather. The breeze today was a fair one and the birds were chirping playfully, twittering away. It was a strangely lukewarm day for this time of the year, but that didn't seem to be the minds of the castle dwellers at the moment.

Breathing hard from the exercise, Alfred and his sister-in-law walked towards Elizabeta to ask for a nice, cold glass of water. It was a tranquil environment here and thus far it was turning out to be a very nice, quiet day in Emerald Kingdom. Or so they thought.

Husband, your handwriting was too difficult for me to read after you left. It was almost illegible. If it wasn't for Elizabeta's helpful assistance, (she was nice enough to read it to me) I wouldn't have been able to respond to your letter. You should work on that fancy penmanship of yours, Mister.

Despite being a beautiful day, in a rather unusual time of the year, something was definitely off. The pleasant noises that one would normally hear in the early afternoon, such as the chirping of the birds or the buzzing of the dragonflies, ceased to a halt and a sense of uneasiness began to set into Elizabeta's mind.

It was quiet- too quiet. Alfred stiffened and stopped Peggy to listen to the wind. The stillness caused his stomach to lurch and coil restlessly. He heard a rustle, so he turned around and jolted when he saw a flash behind the leaves and branches of a tree a few yards away. His heart began to beat faster; his breathing more shallow. In the corner of his eyes, he saw it, the silhouette of a dark, mysterious figure. And he was quick.

Alfred protectively wrapped his arm around Peggy. Something bad was going to happen.

You're a sneaky fox, aren't you? After you left, one of Francis's maids came by looking for the ring that you had given me so that she could dispose of it! If you knew that I wasn't going accept it, then why did you buy it? Curse you. I bet you are laughing at me now. I bet you knew that I would take the ring because of that.

He saw the glimmer, a trace of something reflecting the sunlight. He screamed. "Peggy! Elizabeta! Duck!"

After getting this letter, you had better not mock me about my writing and poor vocabulary. Can you imagine me revising this letter five times, while using a dictionary and a thesaurus, just to please you? Absolutely not. It's so hard, dude! And yes, dude is a legitimate word.

He lurched forward to block the shot and felt the sharp point of a piece of metal pierce his shoulder. Peggy shrieked in fear. Elizabeta ran and caught the injured princess before she, er…um, well he fell. He had lost all feeling in his right shoulder and Alfred could feel his arm beginning to go numb, so he leaned against Elizabeta for support.

Damn, thought Alfred. Kiku is on a mission, Vash is too far away to…to hear the enemy attack…and Ma-Matthias is…on vacation… in R-Ruby Federation.

Alfred was feeling drowsy all of a sudden. His eyelids were heavy, and his eyes begged to go to sleep. He complied and slowly closed his eyes as he drifted into a deep sleep.

Elizabeta violently shook the princess, churning her head back and forth, but her efforts were fruitless. Alfred would not wake.

Also! Roderich lent me a book about survival in a jungle or something. I skimmed through most of it, but at least now I know about six different ways to make a fire without wood. Pretty cool, huh? By the way, do you have any idea how many things are flammable out there in the world? A lot.

"Princess… Princess… Princess!"

Peggy sobbed, thinking that her new sister-in-law is dead, but Elizabeta pulled out the dart and examined it, in fear that it contained poison.

"Tranquilizer gun..." breathed Elizabeta after examining the syringe, "But who would-?"

The castle is boring without you to boss me around, because now there isn't anyone here for me to disobey. Except for Rocherich and Elizabeta. Arthur, get me a souvenir, okay? I heard that Jade Palace is known for its cute little trinkets and toys. Please get me one, okay?

A man leapt down from the tree, and he had a triumphant smirk on his face. He had short black-brown hair, with a flyaway curl on the right side of his head and wore a white and navy blue hanbok with long oversized sleeves. Elizabeta recognized this man, but she was too stricken with fear to utter his name.

Arthur, I've been thinking…We should travel the seven seas next time. You can be the pirate and I can be your princess. Ha ha, get it?

Elizabeta seized a frying pan that was latched onto her leg like a holster, and raced toward the stranger. He was a skilled fighter and easily dodged the woman's attacks. He punched her straight in the face, causing her to become unbalanced and disorientated. He then jumped up, swung his leg and then kicked a pressure point on her outer thigh; it was a soft spot in the middle between the knee and hip. Elizabeta didn't even have enough time to cry out in pain. She was instantly paralyzed, and the blow left her lying defenselessly on the ground.

Your sister is coming here! I have to go greet her now. Reply to me as soon as possible.

Peggy scooted back from the approaching man with long white sleeves, tears were running down her face and she whimpered in fear, but the man just sniffed at the trembling princess and picked up Alfred instead. Then, he vanished, taking the princess with him to their destined destination, to the Jade Palace.

Sincerely,

Marie Everdeen Bonnefoy

P.S. I hope your ship doesn't sink. Be safe.

XXX

"Open the gates!"

Im Yong Soo marched past the bridge which was guarded by two majestic dragon statues, as he carried the sleeping Alfred in his muscular arms. He didn't carry him for the entire journey, of course, but it seemed as though the dose from the dart was remarkably a lot stronger than what Im Yong Soo had previously thought. It had been a good half hour and Alfred has yet to stir from his slumber; he was still utterly and completely unconscious. The guards at the gate saluted their general before unlocking the grand golden gate to the Jade Palace. They then turned to revealed two large, wooden bolts which, when twisted to the left and then rotated countered-clockwise twice, turned on the escalator leading to the palace. Drool began to seep from Alfred's parted mouth, drizzling down to Im Yong Soo's sleeve. This had caused Im Yong Soo to irritably complain about how the princess had ruined his precious hanbok beyond repair; it was indeed his most favorite hanbok.

The escalator started with a ding and Im Yong Soo dutifully got on the machine. He was certainly thankful to all the laborers, architects and engineers who created this new escalator because before, one would have to climb over 2,000 stairs to reach the entrance to the palace itself and that was a thorn in the ass. As he approached the top of the escalator, Im Yong Soo swung the princess over his shoulder to allow him to use his hands more freely. He caught sight of the small pool of drool which had gathered awkwardly on the sleeve of his arm. He stared at it sourly before rubbing it away.

Gross, and I thought this chick was suppose to be an elegant princess… thought Im Yong Soo.

He reached the top of the stairs and walked towards the doors of the palace, the princess was still sound asleep. With one free hand gripping the ivory embroidered door knocker, Im Yong Soo roughly pounded three brusque knocks. The electrical mechanism behind these doors opened them robotically, and an intellectual man, with golden eyes and dark bangs, which were fashionably combed to the sides, greeted him respectfully.

"Greetings Im Yong Soo. What has brought you over to the emperor today?"

"I have done his dirty work, Pinyin." said Im Yong Soo as he adjusted his hold on the princess and carried her bridal style.

"I see… I shall inform this to him."

Pinyin drifted away to the back of the room. There were numerous velvety curtains in solid red hanging from the ceiling, but Im Yong Soo could still see the outline of his emperor, the reason for his very existence. The shadow behind the curtains nodded its head and got closer to Pinyin. Pinyin peeked out; his face solemn.

He addressed the anxious general, "Im Yong Soo. Come here."

Pinyin peeled the curtain back, to reveal a man who was wearing a heavily ornate headdress and had a long swooshing ponytail, which curved stylishly to the side. Pinyin poured tea and gave it to the man. Taking the teacup and thanking his servant, the man took his cup like the people from the West and stuck his pinky out. He was Emperor Wang Yao of the Qing Dynasty, and he was sitting on his couch, which was ornamented with symbols of everlasting wealth. He was surrounded by platters of his cuisine: dumplings, egg rolls, moon cakes, and other delectable treats that not even one village can afford. The Jade Palace was not called a palace for nothing.

"Finally Im Yong Su," said the Emperor, "For a moment, I thought you abandoned me for another."

"Emperor Yao!" exclaimed Im Yong Soo as he placed Alfred onto a nearby coach.

It was in this moment that Alfred began to reawaken from his drug induced slumber. The first that registered in his mind was that: one, he was lying on a soft couch, two, that he was bonded by rope at his hands, legs and ankles and three, he was definitely no longer in the Emerald Kingdom. Alfred drowsily opened his eyes. He lazily glanced around and saw the man who had captured him and the emperor, who was sitting on a canopy bed surrounded by lacquered screens of swans and storks flying in the sky. With one sniff, Alfred could smell an array of scents. The tantalizing aroma of spices, the aromatic bottles of soft perfumes and the soothing incenses that the people used to respect their ancestors all floated pleasantly throughout the room. The most redundant smell was the cleaving smell of ginger, which clung to the sleeves of the men in the room. There was a cabinet that carried most of these smelly fragrances at the roof of the cabinet, and next to it was a vast visual of the Jade Palace and its blueprints. Lots of scrolls hung on the walls; most of them were written in a strange language that Alfred could not decode.

As time passed, Alfred became more aware of his surroundings and he began to look for a way out of his sticky situation.

Unfortunately, the only thing he could see in the room, from his current lopsided position and slightly blurred vision, were maps of the palace and faded black and white photographs which may or may not have portrayed the history of the kingdom. His focus, however, was then interrupted by the increasingly loud and intense conversation between the man who he had registered as his kidnapper (and by the look of his attire, he was also a general of Jade) and the emperor of Jade Palace.

"Anikiiiiiii…" whined the overgrown Im Yong Soo.

"Im Yong Soo!" reprimanded the emperor. "You are to inform me as hyung-aru!"

"But hyung doesn't sound pretty…"

"Umm… hello there…" Alfred meekly whispered.

Both Jades turned their heads to the tied up princess who lay awkwardly on the coach a few feet away.

"I don't mean to break up this lovely conversation," Alfred nervously laughed, "Really, it sounds like a serious family matter and all, but what am I doing here with my hands all tied up like this?"

To exemplify the uncomfortable bondage, he twisted his hands and tried to pivot around despite having his legs tied up. His abnormal strength couldn't break the fibrous ropes, and instead, it left red, scorching rope marks on his wrists.

Im Yong Soo, being not the brightest, but neither the dullest light bulb on the Christmas tree, chose the worst time to whisper into his superior's ear: "Hey aniki, want her to be your concubine?"

The Emperor, obviously insulted and fuming mad with the mere idea, whacked his general on the head with his fan, and in a hot-tempered outburst, bellowed, "No! Of course not, you fool! Stop bringing me these useless presents!"

Im Yong Soo mentally whined to himself. Dang, he used the bamboo-framed fan this time too…that's the worst.

The knuckleheaded general tenderly rubbed his bruised head in pain. "Sorry, aniki..."

"Because of your foolishness, you brought this worthless girl to my court! Without the beloved princess, there is no way my younger half-brother would be lured into the palace. The plan is ruined!"

But then the young general's eyes gleamed with pride as they begged to tell his half-brother all he had learned during his stealthy investigation in Emerald Kingdom.

"Ah, I may not have gotten the Princess Peggy, but you are incorrect, aniki. This girl here will be our trump card. She is more desirable than she looks because over the past couple of months of watching over Prince Kiku, just as you have requested, my liege, I have discovered that the young Prince is in fact extremely infatuated with his friend's, wife."

Emperor Yao visibly relaxed his tense posture and his eyes sparked in interest…but twinged with an underlining hint of jealousy, as well.

"This girl?"

Yao was shocked to hear that his precious baby half-brother would fall for such an ugly girl.

Alfred could hear the distaste in Emperor Yao's voice, which made him want to stick his tongue out at his royal highness. But he didn't like the idea of Im Yong Soo's sword slicing him. So he would keep quiet and try his best to look lovable, which for Alfred, wasn't too hard at all.

"Yes. He completely fawns over her."

The emperor's voice suddenly lowered to a possessive growl.

"She is?"

"Yes!" Yong Soo jumped excitedly. "Forget Princess Peggy, this girl is a gem! There is no doubt that young Master Kiku would come here, in furious anger, to try and rescue her."

Yao thoughtfully rubbed his beardless chin in deep contemplation.

"Fine…I have made my decision. Take her to the dungeons!"

XXX Alfred's POV

Well this sucks!

How I managed to be thrown unceremoniously into a dingy jail cell in less than five minutes is beyond me and in a freaking dress no less! I am now confined within a stinky, stupid, iron box with another woman sitting on the opposite side of the cell. I can't really see her much other than her green eccentric dress and a bamboo hat that hides part of her face. The smell here is demoralizing, and the unbalanced tiles on the floor make it difficult for me to shuffle and lay myself into a comfortable position to sit in. The hat wearing woman snored, and I chuckled slightly, thinking that if Arthur was here, he would say that she would be the perfect example of a pococurante, which I learned, as a noun, it can mean an indifferent or careless person. I smile again as I remember how sometimes I just want to brag to Arthur saying that I too can learn new vocabulary.

See? I'm not as stupid as you make me out to be, you old fart!

"Hey…" I whispered.

No answer.

"Hey," I poked her shoulder, "Who are you and what's your name?"

Still no answer.

If I take a closer look at her, she gives off the impression that she may be about my age- maybe younger- however, one cannot assume such things too quickly when it comes to dealing with these Jades. They can look twenty years old, but their birth certificate would say otherwise.

I try poking her shoulder again "Hello? You awake?"

A snore was the only reply I got.

Man, this woman is a sleeper alright. She looks skinny, and I bet if she was wearing a tighter dress, then I probably would have been able to see her ribs. I wonder how I can wake her. Was there a book about waking up Jades? Let's see here… They're usually stuck-up, smart, family-oriented…

Wait. If I recall, Arthur did say something about not insulting certain people or else they get really upset…

My voice was a bit croaked up from dehydration, but who cares about how long it's been since I've had a drink?!

I went close to her ear.

"Steamed rice sucks."

She twitched.

Fellow humans, never, and I mean never, ever insult any form of rice, whether it's dried, brown, steamed, or whatever color or texture you would call it, in front of a Jade. I read that in 101 Ways to Insult a Jade for Dummies. Some of their bullet points made me laugh, though.

Now commence my continuation of speaking out other pet peeves.

"And you know what?"

Was it me, or did the room suddenly get cold?

"I hate pho. Have you heard of the 'Pho King Restaurant'?"

I swear it suddenly got into sub-zero temperature in here all of a sudden. Like all of the jail cell got quiet. I know that only she can hear me with my soft, dying voice, but I'm scared that I was too loud to the point that I won't have a very happy end in here.

Okay, one last lame joke.

"What do you call a Vietnamese person," Well, I think that is what her tribe nationality is called, not to mention her strange clothes gave off pretty good clues too, "and a nigger together?"

Did I see a shiny gleam inside the hole of her sleeve just now?

"A Vinigger."

She abruptly blinked her eyes open and tackled me down like a freaking wrestler. Then, just like a bolt of lightning, she pulled out a hidden dagger from her dress and almost grazed my cheek with it, and all I can do is shriek like a maniac because this woman is psycho. She's nuts. Cookoo and clobbered in the head. I mean, okay, I shouldn't have said all of those corny stereotypical jokes, but how the hell did she get that weapon? She just pounced on me like a lioness or something. I mean, do weapons just mindlessly fall from the sky and bury themselves underneath young girls' clothes? I think not! How could I have seen that one coming?

She pressed me hard to cold, uneven floor of the cell and muttered something in a foreign language into my ear, which I shall assume to be threats that are meant for me and my unborn children and definitely not an friendly invitation to back to her place, because I would SO not go there even though she was pretty hot and exotic.

But back to my fear of being shanked by that incredibly sharp dagger. And I seriously hope she doesn't shank me because that would totally leave scars! Don't you know they reappear when you grow old? I don't want that!

As I was praying (and also begging for mercy) to some eternal being, who created the world and given us these wonderful thing called laws, I didn't expect a guard, who was not too far away from our cell, to fumble with some type of rod and shocked her before she could stab me twenty times. Sparks of electricity electrocuted her and she fell at my legs, unconscious for a few seconds before twitching again. I stood there, gawking at the limp woman before me. I turned around to look at the guard, ready to flip off that guy and protest (even though he did save my life), but the the woman suddenly gets up, gasping, and curses under her breath.

"Dau qua! (That hurt a lot!)"

This was the guard's cue to saunter off.

"Are you okay?" I cried out. I quickly put my hand on her forehead; it was normal temperature. I panicked, though, because her face was ghastly pale.

She choked out as checked her pulse. "May lam tao buc minh. (You are bugging me.)"

"What language are you speaking?" I asked in a shrill voice, frantic for a translator.

She is saying something! What if she was saying something that might save her life? Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.

"Cam mieng di! (Shut up!)"

She's plugging her ears with her hands! Are her ears hurting due to the electrocution? Somebody help her!

"Ugh! For my English trained ears, PLEASE stop it with that weird language of yours!" I can't understand her!

"Den khi nao may cam cai mieng? (When will you ever stop talking?)" Okay, she calmed down now, but she still looks like she is in pain.

"Fine! I give up trying to communicate with you since-"

She backhanded me. "Shut up. Can't you see I'm hurt?"

… She can speak fluent English?

She scoffed, "Stupid blondes."

"Hey!" I shouted. You can't just diss a blondie like that, you know? "I thought you couldn't speak English!"

"It's tiring trying to speak your crude language."

"Take that back!"

"Make me… unless you want to wake up with your stomach gorged open." And then she had an evil glint in her eye.

This woman doesn't like to smile; I can tell from our first encounter. Her voice was as cold as a blizzard and it scared me so much to the point that I almost wet my dress.

…

That awkward moment when you have a revelation that you cannot pee in front of a girl… Life is bitch.

XXX ARTHUR'S POV

Why is there a fucking helicopter hovering above my ship? What the hell is Elizabeta doing, sliding down from a ladder attached to my personal helicopter and landing on my personal ship?

Her feet thumped onto the hard wood floor of the Britannia, and she approached me, each clacking of her foot resounding onto my ship. One true man doesn't need a telescope to zoom in onto her jiggling chest, which she is hurdling to and fro, distracting many of my crew men. God, this emergency had better be good.

In her prim and proper standing, she made eye contact with me, her eyes telling me a story of fatigue and insomnia disrupting her cognitive thoughts, which I partake to be very bad news.

"Your Majesty," she kneeled down and spoke in a rattled, "This is bad. This is very, very bad."

When Elizabeth, who is usually composed, uses the term "bad", chaos ensues.

It started with whispers from my crew, but it progressively turn into a shouting match as they placed their bets on this grave situation, which created a cacophony of rumbling voices. Enough of this nonsense.I retracted my gun from my holster and raised it high in the air.

Bang!

The noise ceased.

Withholding my power as the captain of this ship and asserting my control as king is a marvelous feeling. Elizabeta was tight-lipped. I sighed. Even kings cannot relax, can they?

I feigned encouragement for her to explain further details about this "devastating" incident that will "blow" my world. Elizabeta, with her dark circles under her eyes, bore them onto me, as if my knowledge would set her free. She rubbed her shoulder nervously, bothered by whatever memory she recalled.

"Princess Marie… has been kidnapped."

"What?"

"She has been kidnapped by Im Yong Soo, one of Emperor Yao's most trusted generals."

The blood loss was getting to me. I gently took Elizabeta's hand and escorted her to my cabin since her condition was worsening as she told me. I need privacy, too.

She sat on the edge of my bed and spoke more, "Not only that, your majesty, but actually your younger sister was targeted. Princess Marie was caught in the crossfire and shielded your sister." Elizabeta bowed her head, heated vexation rising in her throat. "I couldn't protect her, and yet I was protected instead by the princess." She blamed herself more, "She was tranquilized and taken instead and that horrid man left us paralyzed for the guards to find us."

I put a hand on her back, soothing her with the scent of tea I presented her. This is no time for me to get distressed. After all, Princess Marie and I are only acquaintances. She can handle herself. We married only for peace. That is all.

Right?

Elizabeta caught my attention again as she straightened herself and began going over the meticulous details of our plan of action. Then she went over the number of spies handling the mission to find Marie's whereabouts, and after hearing that, I finally saw the pandemonium.

The Jade Palace… Marie… kidnap… spies… Kiku… and Marie…KIKU!

I blurted out, "Where's Kiku?!"

I clutched her shoulders in urgency, my thoughts swelled with fear and apprehension. If Kiku knows this and goes to the Jade Palace to save her, what will he do when he sees him?

"Kiku was part of the offensive; he's on his way there." Elizabeta's expression was heavy. "I tried to stop him, but he made matters into his own hands. He just departed. You can still catch him if you leave now."

Oh no. This is bad. The rating of this disaster blew off the thermometer of trouble. Kiku is on his way to save Marie while I'm stuck here. They will recognize him, they will ambush him, they will control him, and he, that bastard of a brother, will constrain him into another tower, never letting him to see the world again. I can't let him do that to my friend… Then it hit me. Hard.

He's using my wife as bait for him, and Kiku knows that he's being manipulated by his ploy.

I plucked my hat from my scruffy hair and pat it on my quartermaster's head.

"Can I trust you to take good care of Britannia?" I demand in a stern voice.

The plucky man smiled a wide smile and saluted me, "Aye Captain!"

"No Mr. Sparrow, it is you who is the captain for now."

A gust of wind snapped the sails back to its rocking pace, and I whisked around, tagging along Elizabeta as she climbs up the ladder and tells the pilot to fly back to the kingdom. I objected, and she gave me a puzzled look; however, she trusted me and urged the pilot to change course as I viewed the setting sun, praying that Kiku won't be a wally and attack on the spot. He's not an emotional sort, but when it concerns that…man, he can be reckless and impulsive. I will secretly infiltrate the Jade Palace with my own hands, and if I have a knack for it, I might save my wife and can pick up Kiku on the go before he does anything reckless.

Or I can eat their cuisine first. And hopefully they will not shoot me with their fireworks.

…

Because I would not want to go out with a bang… I'm so funny.

XXX ALFRED'S POV

"I said I want chocolate and a cola!"

"And I said that this is the Jade Palace! We only drink herbal tea!"

My stomach is a mangled beast contorting its cries and pangs of hunger, and this guard, a feeble, stick figured one, refuses to feed me? Me, the princess of the Emerald Kingdom? When I get out of this hell hole, that Emperor is so going to drown at the bottom of the English Channel, and I will laugh maniacally at his suffocating death in the chilly water. I'm not usually this evil, but when your bladder is a needle prick away of exploding, you get irksome.

"Why are you so, as what you Emeralds call it…so 'bitchy?'" asked Uyen, as I have learned (well, more like pestered her to tell me) her name.

When you have the undying urge to pee, you either do a) wet your pants (or in my case, a dress) b) cross your legs and hop around madly like that white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland or c) bawl and have a total hissy fit until a guard submits to my calling. Since I haven't been a productive thinker for the past few days, I'll take c) thank you very much. It's a nice distraction, and then I got an idea, inspired by a certain peculiar survival book snug in my library archive; however, if this plan can ever be seen in action, I need materials.

"Psst. Yoohoo. Mr. Guard, can I have something? Don't you hear my belly rumbling like a thunderstorm? Hello?"

"What is it?" he hissed.

"Can I have chocolate and a can of cola?" I plastered my face to a smile that is top notch, deserving to be framed on a museum of illumination or something because that guard blushed like a teenage school girl, flustered and dropping his flashlight and sword. Dude, I even swished my hips a bit to add the effects, but that was probably a bad idea since my bladder is giving me warning signs again. Whatever. Be still my bladder because I'm going to escape this misery and save the day and prove other dudes out there in the world that a woman, yes, a damsel in distress such as myself, can kick ass and break out of jail. Did I just thought of that?

"I apologize, but we have no cola, only tea."

I was dumbstruck, and that's when the blistering began.

"THE FUCK YOU DON'T HAVE COLA OR PEPSI?! JUST TEA?! TEA?! IS EVERY NATION MIND-CONTROLLED BY TEA OR SOMETHING?! I THOUGHT OUR WORLDWIDE DRINK WAS BEER OR ALCOHOL, BUT NO, APPARENTLY AN HERBAL DRINK MADE FROM GRASS AND FLOWERS IS THE ONE DOMINATING OUR TASTELESS TASTE BUDS!"

For that one moment, I transformed into a she-beast, rampaging and clawing at the jail bars with a hot temper, and the personality shift was so violent that Uyen mangled me and knocked me out cold. I rubbed the bump on my forehead and puffed out, sending my strand of hair flipping back and forth. My glasses aren't cracked, but they were lopsided and crooked. We were both sitting at the corner before the guards could retaliate for my immoral behavior, and Uyen wasn't being very cooperative with me. Her blood was pulsating and her hands twitched erratically. However, I have to be with her unless I want to be raped in prison (she was the only other female prisoner). At least the guard was sympathetic enough to hand me chocolate after I whimpered, but without the cola, the plan is foiled.

"Why do you need the soda?"

"Huh?"

Uyen whispered again, almost regretting she spoke to me, "Why do you need the soda?"

I scooted over to her. "You see," I explained, "If you use chocolate and rub it against the top of the aluminum can and clean the chocolate off, it will be shiny. Then if I direct sunlight on it, we can make a fire by directing the sunlight onto something flammable!"

She flicked my head. "That's a stupid idea."

Puffing out my cheeks, I muttered, "At least it's better than waiting for Arthur."

Uyen's mouth curved upward. "Maybe you want to be saved."

I deadpanned, "I don't. Besides," I briefly thought about the letter I sent him, "He doesn't give a fuck about me." Probably she understood me because she stopped the teasing.

She stared at me a minute longer and sighed, as if resigned. She lifted the bottom hem of her ao dai. "Your plan is stupid, but lucky for you, you have me." A row of dynamite and a set of matches were revealed.

"Wha- how did you- What?"

She shrugged. "I was an ex-spy gone rogue."

XXX

"Here kitty, kitty." Alfred squinted and read its name collar to the best of his ability. It read "Angel". He smiled. "Come here Angel. Bring the key here. Come on. I'll give you lots of food."

Angel swished its tail and ignored him. Alfred swore from that day on to make friends with a cat.

Then Uyen said, "Stop dilly dallying, idiot." Making an alliance with Angel can wait later.