Title: Fast Cars

Rating: T

Pictures Chosen: 2,8,28

Word Count: 3,238

Pairing: Jasper

Summary: I had a fast car she said, a fast life, with anything I wanted. I just wanted her.

Disclaimer: I don't own. May be sad.

I had a fast car she said, a fast life, with anything I wanted. I just wanted her. I wanted the feel of her hair brushing across my face in the mornings she spent the night when my parents were gone. The way just hearing her say my name could get me hard, because it was her saying it.

Her God-damned strawberry shampoo, that would always make my bathroom smell like it for a week. Her face scrunching up when she was mad, right before she was about to tell me she wasn't mad, then tell me what I did wrong anyway.

That soft moan I would hear when we made love, even though she tried to be quiet it would always slip out. I'd kiss her lips and whisper loving words into her hair.

I pull my bike out onto the road, rounding the corner of the old Farmer's Market. Down past the High School; the scene of our first kiss, and then the library, where Bella worked part time after school.

I pull into the parking lot of the old brick building, no longer intimidated by its large size. Hoping off my bike and heading inside. I told myself it was to see if I could find a map, but I admit now it was to see if her smell was still trapped between the books on the shelves.

I made my way to the front desk, leaning against the counter, ringing the bell. A small woman, with soft brown hair made her way to the desk, motioning for me to not lean on it.

"Can I help you?"

She couldn't, but I asked for the map anyway.

"How do I get to Crestview inn from here?" I asked, looking down at the map on the desk again.

"Pull out of here and head left, keep going till you reach the old mill, then go right. It should be on the left hand side before you reach the overlook."

I smiled, nodding as I thanked her, and made my way down a random aisle of books. It was stupid to think I'd still smell or even feel her here; she hadn't been here in almost ten years. Then again neither had I.

I hadn't been back to Washington since the day after Bella left, packing what I could stuff in the truck I had and hitting the road. I hadn't planned on ever coming back...till I got that phone call.

I brushed my fingers over a few of the books, pausing on one I remembered being Bella's favorite. Pulling it slowly from the shelf, looking around to see if anyone was looking before stuffing it into my leather jacket.

No one would miss it, and I needed it more.

I scanned a few more rows, before leaving and heading for my bike, stopping by the exit when I saw a familiar face staring back at me.

"Jasper?" As soon as I heard my name being called, a flooding of memories hit me at once as I walked over to them.

In that moment I was seventeen again, waiting for Bella to finish her shift so we could go to back to my house, sitting at a table by the window reading back issue comics. I could hear her giggle in my head, the one she did whenever I would touch her ass when she passed by my table. Slapping it away as she shook her head and moved for another stack of books.

I'd laugh, calling after her, telling her it was all her fault for being so damn cute, I couldn't help myself. I also remembered the sound of her crying trapped in these walls. The time I wanted to break up because I hated having to wait for her to do anything, and would rather spend my summer with my friends

I remembered watching her frantically wiping at her face, her eyes red and puffy. I had never hated myself more than I did that day, as I told her 'sorry' and headed for the door, my friends waiting for me outside.

If I ever wanted a do-over for anything in my life, it would have been that. Had I known then; as I hopped in the back of Mike Newton's van that that was going to be one of the last times I'd ever be able to call her mine, I would have told them all to fuck off and wait for Bella.

Pushing my thoughts back I finally reached the person who had called my name, as I opened my mouth to speak.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah. Long time no see, man. How have you been?" he asked, grabbing me into a bear hug, my feet leaving the ground, as my air slowly started leaving my lungs.

"Emmett... put... me... down... asshole."

"Sorry, Man. So what brings you back to Fork's?" He set me back on the ground, leaning his hip against a chair, pushing into the small table.

"Umm..." I paused, how did I answer this, when I wasn't even sure myself? "Memories mostly."

"Bella."

"You could say that."

We sat down at the table Emmett had been standing in front of, reliving old memories of high school and the stupid things we had done back then. Laughing as the hours ticked on around us. After awhile of sitting in the library, asking me if I wanted to go to a bar in town, finding one still open not far from my hotel.

"So then Rosie gets pissed and slaps me across the face, I wouldn't have got so mad but she did it in front of the whole school... it was embarrassing." he laughed, looking up at the clock behind the bar.

"Sounds like Rosalie, so what ever happened with you guys?"

"Married, two kids, another one on the way. Wanna see them?" He reached for his wallet, showing me a picture of two small and smiling faces. I sighed, a bittersweet and far away wish settling into my gut as he put his wallet back in his pants.

"Wow, congrats, Man."

"Thank you. So what about you?" Taking a sip of beer, and waiting for me to answer, I was again unsure on how to answer.

"What do you want to know?"

"Married, kids? I don't even know what you do for a living, Jasper. We've spent the last three hours talking about high school."

I cleared my throat, ordering another beer. "I'm a history teacher in Texas. Divorced, no kids."

"That's rough man I'm sorry. I don't know what I'd without my Rosie."

He had no idea that was how I felt about Bella, without her, life was just...waiting. She took my joy with her.

"Wasn't working out, were friends though. She's a teacher at my school too, math."

After saying my goodbyes to Emmett and waling over to my hotel, I sat on my bed, phone in hand ready to make the call I had been dreading since I hit the 'Welcome To Forks' sign. I pushed a few of the numbers before hanging up and starting over. Finally giving up, I told myself I'd call tomorrow with a clearer head and called Alice instead.

"Hello?" she answered on the second ring, her cheery voice making me smile.

"Hey, it's Jasper. Wanted to let you know I made it to Forks."

"Still like you remember it?" I could hear her rustling papers, most likely grading that day's homework.

"Not a damn thing has changed, but that's small towns I guess." I ran my hand through my hair, sighing.

"Have you gone to see her yet?"

"Not yet, I'm not sure what I'll say when I do."

"You'll know what to say when you see her. You tell her...you love her... tell her sorry. Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I answered her, wiping away a few stray tears from my face.

"She'll forgive you."

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you, Jasper. Goodnight, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Let me know how it goes?"

"Of course." I hung up the phone, tears now falling faster than I could wipe them away. I gave up and let them fall, getting ready for bed.

I didn't get much sleep that night, as all my dreams were of Bella. I dreamed of all the things we should have done. That I wished I could have done.

I saw her in her wedding dress, walking down the aisle towards me. Her smiling face lighting up the room as her dad gave her away. I dreamed of her pregnant and happy, us placing our hands on her belly to feel the baby kicking.

Fighting over baby names and knowing the gender. Laughing when we realized how much it didn't matter, and that in the end as long as he or she was healthy, we didn't really care what the sex was.

I saw us at our kid's high school graduation, pride radiating off of both of us as we watched them get their diplomas. Being old and gray sitting in rocking chairs watching our grand kids playing in the front yard.

I dreamed of holding her hand, kissing her lips... making love to her. I woke up gasping for air and searching for her in the dark room. I looked at the clock once I found my glasses, it was a little after five am, and there was no way I would be able to go back to sleep.

I got ready for the day, taking a cold shower, and picking at my breakfast. Getting on my bike and heading for town. More memories awaited me before I went and saw Bella.

I drove past the library again, having enough of its memories yesterday, I kept driving. I drove past the old police station; the memory of the first time Bella got in trouble springing into my head.

I had just got my license, and was speeding us to the overlook. It was Forks one and only make out point, when her dad pulled us over. The look on her face as he wrote me a ticket, was one I'd never forget.

I was tempted to pull in and see if her dad was still the chief, but thought better of it and kept driving. I drove all the way to the other end of town, down to La Push and the Quileute Reservation, stopping when I saw Jacob, still at the same house, outside working on his truck.

I pulled in, getting out and walking over to him. His face hiding no emotion as I reached him.

"Jasper Whitlock? What the fuck are you doing here?" This time I didn't have to hide my answer, as I let it slip free from my lips.

"I came to see Bella."

"I think it's a little too late for that now, Jasper."

"I have to let her know how I feel, you of all people should understand."

He nodded his head, turning back to the truck he was fixing. Upon closer look I saw exactly whose truck it was he was fixing up. Bella's.

"And you tell me it's too late for me, you're still working on her truck. How sad are we?" I snorted, bending down to help him.

"I guess we are. I just can't let it go...not yet."

"I know what you mean. Man, all the times I've thought back to this God forsaken place... to Bella. It's a land mine of memories here isn't it?" I asked him, handing him a wrench and kicking one of the bald tires.

"Sadly." He didn't have to say anything more to me, I knew we were feeling the same emotions, always would be.

Jacob was Bella's best friend, the one she went to when I broke up with her the summer before she left. The one who came after me, breaking my nose and giving me two black eyes. I shook my head as the thought of asking him to do it again filled my mind.

Knowing Jacob, he probably would.

"So what are you gonna do with it once it's fixed?"

"I doubt it'll ever be fixed, Jasper. I guess just keep it, or give it back to her Dad."

"I'm sure her Dad would like that...Jacob?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at me from under the side of the truck.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." he nodded, with that I told him 'goodbye', and started to make my way back to my bike. Feeling his hand on my shoulder stopping my before I got my leg over. I looked up to see him dangling a set of keys in his hand.

"If I get her runin', you want her?" Did I want Bella's truck, along with all the memories that came with it? Yes.

"Really? You'll give me Bella's truck?" I fought the urge to hug him, as he nodded, looking away.

"You spent more time in it with her then either me or Charlie. It's as much your truck as it is ours."

"Thank you, Jacob. Really."

"Yeah,yeah."

I gave him my cell phone number, and he said he'd call me whether or not he fixed it for me to come and get. I left La Push with at least one memory amended.

I finished my drive before I went to see Bella, stopping at her old house. I sat on my bike in her driveway, looking up to her bedroom window. I wished more than anything to see her face peek out from the window, before racing down to kiss me and climb on the back of my bike. She would wrap her arms tightly around me as I sped off to the overlook.

I remembered back to the last time I was standing in front of this house, the last time I saw Bella. I remember racing up to her door, pounding on it as hard as I could. Her Dad looking pissed as he opened the door, my face half hidden behind a dozen red roses.

"What do you think you're doing, Kid?" he spit at me, not yet opening the door any wider.

"Is...is Bella home. Char-chief Swan?" I swallowed back the nervous lump forming in my throat, as he watched me.

"I don't think she wants to talk to you right now, Son."

"Please? I was stupid. I need to tell her I'm sorry. Please?"

"Fine, but make it fast."

"Thank you, Sir." He opened the door wider for me as I stepped in, seeing Bella at the bottom of the stairs. Red faced and sad. I handed her the flowers, sitting down next to her, Charlie watching us for a moment, before walking back into the kitchen.

"Can we talk?" I watched her turn her body towards me, squaring her shoulders, before her soft voice spoke.

"I wish I could hate you, Jasper. It would make this hurt less."

"No, it wouldn't. It'd still hurt, you'd just hate me now." I tried making her laugh, getting an elbow in the ribs for my effort.

"That's not funny."

"You started to laugh."

"Only cause you're an idiot."

"But I'm your idiot." I leaned my face down, lining it up so I was right in front of hers.

"And what if I don't want you to be my idiot anymore?"

"Is that what you really want?"

"Just answer the question." She looked at me, her eyes begging.

"Then I'd let you go."

"Would you fight for me?"

"Would it make a difference?" I ran my hand down her cheek, catching some of the tears that had started to fall.

"What if I said I didn't know?"

"Bella, why are you asking me this? What's going on?" I moved my hand to her chin, making her look me in the eyes.

"I just want to know you'd fight for me."

"Always, Bella. I'll always fight for you, I love you."

"I love you too." Her lips were cracked and rough against mine as we kissed.

I didn't get a chance to fight for her, there was nothing left to fight for. I started my bike again, backing out and away from her house. Finally making my way to my last stop, the reason I was here after all these years. To see her.

The iron gates were pulled closed when I finally pulled up to see her. I got off my bike, making my way over and pushing them open, getting back on and driving in.

I found her easily once I was inside, and sat down beside her. My words stuck on my tongue now that I was finally here. I figured I'd start out slow, with small talk, ease my way in.

"I forgot how much it rained here. Texas is fairly warm and sunny most of the time. You'd like Texas, Bella." I sighed, looking down at the wet grass. "So, I'm not sure what to say to you. I had so many things I wanted to, but now that I'm here, I'm not sure I can."

I put my hand over the cold granite headstone. "Here goes nothing. I hope one day you can forgive. I fought for you, I did. It was too late though, you had already left. You left me, you know? You walked away first, not me. I'm not...not anymore. I know it wasn't your fault."

Sitting down now, not caring if I ruined my jeans or not, I leaned into the headstone.

"Bella...Bella I love you, so much. No one will ever be you. I tried, but she wasn't you. Maybe one day I'll bring her back to meet you. I think in another life, you would have been friends. She's really more Edward's type anyway, maybe I'll introduce them." I laughed at the thought of Bella's brother Edward meeting my pint sized and wild ex-wife.

"I brought you something. I went down to La Push, talked to Jacob. He gave me your truck. I had a spare key made for you. I'll put it right here next to the teddy bear from Charlie."

The first rain drops of the day hit my cheek. I stood up, placing a kiss to the head stone.

"I guess that's my cue to go. Oh, I almost forgot, it was your Dad who called me to come and see you. He thought I needed to let you know how I felt. I'll have to thank him. I'll be back to see you before I leave, ok?"

I made my way to my bike in the pouring rain, stopping when I saw an orange butterfly resting on the seat of my bike. Picking it up gently and walking it back to Bella's head stone. I placed it down on the hard stone.

"Thank you, Bella...for letting me know you're listening. I love you."