A MLP adaptation of 'The Princess Bride'

For Lauren

Pairing: Rarity/Big Macintosh

Note; If you told me even three months ago that I would be writing pony fanfiction I would have thought you had whacked out poo brain, yet here I am. Lauren and I somehow came to love the really obscure pairing of RariMac and this was the result. It will follow manely, heh pony pun, the book version on the story, but here will be many differences and tweaks to the plot. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I loved writing it.

Scootaloo was completely and utterly miserable.

It was bad enough that their families were out having an awesome time at an 'Adult ponies only' festival, but now they had they had to have a filly sitter.

This was beyond lame.

"This is laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame" Whined Apple Bloom, seemingly reading her friend's mind.

"We're practically grown up, why do we need a filly sitter?" came from Sweetie Belle.

"Well, you're not grown up yet, but that doesn't mean we can't have a good time until your families get back." Replied their filly sitter for the night. As it was Doctor Whooves was one of the few ponies who were not attending tonight's event and had graciously agreed to watch over the cutie mark crusaders.

The young pegasus dared to disagree. "Puh-lease! What are we supposed to do? Read?" she spits out sarcastically.

"That actually sounds that like a read idea! I have just the story!"

Her fellow crusaders send dirty looks.

"Way to go Scootaloo."

"Yeah, great idea."

"I didn't mean it! Do we have to Doctor? Reading is boring."

Doctor Whooves laughs heartily, and reaches into his bag of things, fishing for the book he was looking for "I disagree and I think you will too. This book has everything you could want in a story, action, adventure, mystery-"

Interest peaked, the crusaders interrupted.

"Sword fights?"

"Yes."

"Romance?"

"Yes, there's a bit of romance."

"PIRATES?"

"Even pirates. Now what do you girls say?"

The crusaders mull it over for a moment, but the promise of sword fights, romance and pirates was too much and they quickly settle down and wait for the Doctor to begin.

"In the history of Equestria there have been many 'most beautiful' mares. Two years before Rarity turned 16 the title of 'most beautiful' belonged to a filly named Pinkie Pie-"

"Wait wait wait, is everypony named after people we know? I don't really think my sister should be in a story with sword fighting…" Sweetie Belle interjected unsure if she really wanted to listen to the story anymore.

The brown pony smiles knowingly. "The world is a big place, maybe there is another Rarity and Pinkie Pie out there. It'll get better, just stay with me."

Scootaloo sighs. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiine. But if this is a kissing story about Sweetie Belle's sister, then I'm out."

"Where was I? Oh yes; a lovely young filly named Pinkie Pie, who worked in a bakery. With bright blue eyes the color of gumdrop candies and a mane the color of strawberry mousse, it was no wonder the she held the title. On top of her lovely looks all agreed that her chipper and welcoming personality made her quite the catch, the ultimate catch really...

But as it was poor Pinkie Pie had but one true weakness: cakes. And working in a bake shop did nothing to quell this issue. With each passing day the pony consumed more and more sweets, leaving her a little thinker around the flanks and full in the face.

She quietly dropped off the list of most beautiful, though anypony that knew her knew that she was not bothered by this in the least.

As it was Rarity entered her 16th summer being only 20th on the list. Not that she cared all that much. While it was true that she was a lovely pony, Rarity could have been much lovelier if she had put effort into it.

It was all potential, not effort.

Once Rarity had aspired to become a high society pony but being that she was born on a small no consequence farm miles away from the capital, she had come to realize that she would never be the center of society.

Still the stories of her beauty spread and she did her best to ignore it all.

So she went on with her life, overseeing the daily activities of her family's farm.

In complete honesty she never had much care for the farm she lived on; getting dirty was not a pastime she enjoyed. In fact the only thing about the farm that gave her any pleasure was tormenting the farm pony.

Day in and day out Rarity would call in the farm boy that lived in the small hut at the edge of the farm and demand he do whatever task she had for him.

"Farm pony, don't forget to feed the chickens."

"Farm pony, don't forget to buck the apple trees before breakfast."

"Farm pony, I expect the fields to me plowed by dusk."

And despite the pressure she put on him, pressure that would make a weaker stallion buckle, the farm pony would only smile and say,

"Eeeyup."

Rarity's father was fond of the strong, hardworking farm pony and was even fonder of saying that he would leave half of the farm to him in his will. Rarity wished he would leave him the whole thing, so that she would not have to bother with it or him.

Still, the farm pony had his uses. When the boys from the nearby ponyville would come to her window wanting to see the 'loveliest mare for miles, 9and then later to heckle her for not talking to them at all) he would take care of them. And she would thank him.

"Thank you Farm Pony."

"Eeyup."

It was just after her seventeenth year, that Rarity's small farm world really began to change. It was then that all of a sudden mares began to visit the farm. And it had nothing to do with their harvest.

"I simply do not understand it." Rarity complained out loud to her mother. She watched as yet another filly, this one younger than her, but still less lovely so there was that, made her way to were the farm pony was pulling the plow through the dirt. "What are all these mares doing here?"

Her mother rolled her eyes. "They're here to see the farm pony dear."

"That's not what I don't understand though; WHY are they here to see the farm pony?" Rarity tossed her violet mane over her shoulder, watching as he politely sent the filly away, like all the rest, and returned to his work.

"I suppose they fancy him dear."

Rarity went to bed troubled over this, but was determined not to let the actions of silly fillies confused her so.

After saying goodnight to Opal, she lays down, closes her violet eyes and….Sees the mares staring adoringly at the farm pony.

"That's rather strange." She says sitting up and readjusting herself. "Surely I am trying to sleep the wrong way." She grabs her sleep mask from her tableside, puts it on, and tries to sleep again.

The mares were still looking at the farm pony.

"What is going on? This will not do."

Rarity puts on her robe, and gets a glass of water from the kitchen, still feeling feverish.

"Wait- feverish! What is happening to me?" She closes her eyes and wills the heat in her cheeks to leave.

The mares were still looking at the farm pony!

'But why? Why would all the eligible mares in Ponyville waste their time to come see the farm pony sweat? What makes them so interested in him? Because they are obviously interested in him, for some reason.' the unicorn thought very hard to come to an answer to this seemingly nonsensical question.

The farm pony had eyes that sparkled like gemstones in the sun, but who cared about eyes anyways. His mane was the color of the golden wheat fields, but who really liked such a shade? He was a large stallion, broad in the shoulders, but then again who wouldn't be after slaving away on the farm all day. He was polite, but that was only because Rarity demanded the best. His coat was as red as the reddest apple, and often times dripped with sweat as he tugged around the large harness that allowed him to do his chores. Why would anypony come all the way out here to see a sweaty farm hand? It was simply mind boggling!

'It must be his teeth. He does have nice teeth.' Rarity could give a compliment when compliments were due, and the farm pony's teeth were quite appealing, straight and white. Pearly even.

Certain that she had figured this whole thing out, (Teeth! How laughable!) Rarity finished her water and returned to her bed ready to sleep without visions of mares ogling the farm pony in her mind.

Now the farm pony was looking at the mares!

'Oh.' She thought. 'Oh dear.'

"Well that isn't right! Not right at all! He's supposed to only look at me! Not common city pon-OH!" Realization dawned on her, or more accurately it hit her like a ton of bricks. "This simply will not do, not at all Opal. What has become of me?"

From her perch on the floor, the cat yawned and turned away, offering no assistance to the unicorn.

It turned out to be a very long, very dramatic, very green night.

By the first crack of dawn, before even the roosters were up, Rarity was pacing outside the door of the Farm Pony's hovel. When she was sure she heard him shuffling inside the hut, going about whatever it was that farm ponies did to get ready for back breaking labor, she knocked.

He opened the door and stood before her, taking up most of the door frame, a question in his green, green eyes.

He was too lovely, she had to look away.

"I love you." Rarity declared while staring at a pillar of dirt that had suddenly become the most interesting collection of dirt she had ever seen. "I know this is all so sudden, what with me always bossing you around, taunting you and degrading you and what not. For which I am sorry. But I've only know I was in love with you for a few hours now and I'm not quite sure how to go about it. All I know is that every minute, every second, every micro second, I grow to love you more.

I love you with every bit of my heart. I cannot do anything other than dream of the day in which we can frolic through green pastures together, very special someponies. Your eyes are like the pastures I mentioned before darling, so very very green. I love them for they put all other shades of green to shame."

She still could not muster the courage to meet his gaze, which she could feel on her, watching, observing.

"I love you so much more now than when I did hours ago, minutes ago even. My heart is full of love only for you. I know that I may be a bit high maintenance, and that you have scores of mares who would be less so, but you must know that having loved you for over four hours now, I have nothing but the desire to be by your side.

And to be honest I am much lovelier than any of them. I realize that that may sound vain, but I feel as if I must lay all my cards on the table this very instant if I am to truly make you believe that I am worthy of your love. I am young still and I can learn. If you wish to take a break from labor, then I will learn to till fields. I maybe a unicorn, but I promise I will learn to be strong. Should you want to give up this life of farming and travel Equestria, living as a nomad, then I will follow you till the ends of the earth. Oh, I cannot bare it any longer!"

Feeling the sun's warm heart behind her gave the young unicorn the courage to finally meet his eyes.

"Big Macintosh my dear-That is so strange. I suppose I have never called you by your name before have I? It matters not; I can make up for that. Sweet Big Macintosh, strong Macintosh, my perfect Big Macintosh, Please speak to me. Tell me that I have some chance to earn your love!"

The red stallion looked at her for a long, long moment, which to Rarity felt like entire lifetime. And then he closed the hovel door in her face.

Without saying a word.

Not a single wo-"

"Now wait one darn minute! Are you tellin' us that her fussy sister is supposed to be in love with mah big brother?" Apple Bloom looks like she isn't sure if she should be confused or offended at the idea.

Doctor Whooves cocks his head to the side. "Yes. I don't see what's wrong with that."

"Obviously ya don't know Miss Rarity very well Doctor." The youngest apple sibling murmurs under her breath, earning her a dirty look from Sweetie Belle.

"Well I think it's sweet!"

"You just say on account of her bein' your sister!"

"No I do not! I think they would be nice together!

"You said it wasn't a kissing book!" The last member of their trio chimes in indignantly. "And where's the fighting, and the sword fights! You promised us Doctor!"

"That's coming later. Settle down girls, we have a long story left to go. Now, let me see…..Ah there we are!

"Rarity, heartbroken over of Big Macintosh's rejection hid in her room for three days and three nights, refusing to see anypony at all. On the third night of her shame and heart hurt induced exile, somepony knocked on her door…..

"Go away mother, I shant come out! Never again. I am too embarrassed! I wish I were dead."

"Miss Rarity."

She felt her heart beat wildly in her ribcage. "B-big Macintosh!" Without thinking she runs from her bed and swings open the door. She had been hoping that after not seeing him for three days, she would have somehow gotten over her silly filly infatuation with the farm pony.

She had not. He was still beautiful.

But she was still angry.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here after treating me so cruelly. One does not shut the door on a lady! Especially when she is telling you how much she adores you. It is rude and it is uncouth and- and-"

"I've come ta say goodbye."

"Goodbye? If anyone is going to be saying goodbye it will be me. Do have any idea how I felt because of-"

Big Macintosh shook his head, sending strands of his mane flying. Even upset, Rarity could not help but notice how attractive it made him look. "I'm leavin' Miss Rarity."

She gasped. "Leaving? Right now?"

"Eeyup."

Tears began to well up in her exquisite eyes. "Was it because of what I said three days ago?"

"Eeyup."

The white mare is torn between righteous anger and crushing despair. "I've frightened you away haven't I?" she doesn't give him a moment to respond before she if off again, speaking a mile a minute. "Oh course I did, coming at you like a crazy pony. Ohhhh I could just kick myself!" Against her better wishes, she can feel tears slip down her face.

"Please don't cry Miss Ra-"

Predictably enough though she cuts him off as the unicorn turns her anger toward him yet again. "And you! I hope you're happy with whatever mare you decide to run off with, but do not expect to come back here should something go wrong! I won't take you back, even if you beg!"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb, Macintosh, we both know you are not. I've seen you reading in your hovel when the work is done, play acting stupid does not suit you. Just because you are strong and wonderful and the perfect pony does not mean you can trample on my heart! I won't allow it I simply won-"

"Rarity. Stop talkin' and cryin' please."

She isn't sure if it is the serious tone in his usually easy going voice, or the fact that this is the first time he's ever called her by just her name, but she cuts her sentence short and gives him her complete attention.

"I'm goin' to Canterlot, ta seek my fortunes." She only stares. "….so that ah can buy a farm of mah own." She still stares blankly at hit. "Ah don't think any a this is getting' through to you, is it?"

"Not a single world. All I hear is that I've scared you away, and now you're leaving forever because you don't love me."

Big Macintosh actually laughs.

"It's not funny! My feeling are very real I'll have you know!"

"Rarity, I'm leavin' to so that ah can get mah own farm. For you. I've toiled at this farm for you. Most everything I've done since Aah came here as a colt has been for you."

The spark of life has returned to the mare who is now nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. "I think we are on the verge of something very important darling, please say exactly what it is you mean so that there can be no more misunderstandings. Do you love me?"

He gives her a fond look and nuzzles his cheek against hers. It sends butterflies into both of theirs stomachs. "Of course ah love you. All these years you thought ah was sayin' 'eeyup' but ah was really saying 'ah love you.' But you never understood."

Rarity wishes that this moment could last forever. "I understand now darling. I love you, and I will never love anypony else, as long as I shall live. I swear it."

He pulls away from her with great reluctance, his serious face back into place. "I'll send for you soon. Ah promise."

"Would my farm pony ever lie to me?"

His smile lights a fire in her heart that she had never thought she was capable of. "Nope." And with that he walks away, out to seek his fortune, in the far away capital.

Rarity thinks she had handled Big Macintosh's sudden departure with great dignity.

At least until the third minute of his absence goes by and she can no longer stop herself from galloping at top speed to catch up with him, just at the edge of the farm. The words, choppy and out of breath, rip through her. "Do you really mean to leave without at least one kiss?

As long as there have been ponies, there have been kisses. It was understood that how good a kiss was could be determined by four factors; passion, intensity, duration and purity. It was always an argument about which element should hold the most weight, but there were five kisses that everyone agreed were the best, born of the truest love.

And this kiss, left them all behind.