Inspired by Shadow Crystal Mage'sLove Stories
Monk, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt, Batman, Vandread, Transformers, Garfield, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Tiny Toon Adventures, Darkwing Duck, Mortal Kombat, El Hazard, X-Men, Spider-Man, Hulk, Ah! My Goddess, Happy Tree Friends, Star Wars, Zero no Tsukaima, Super Friends and Hellboy are all owned by their respective creators and copyright holders.
I'm making absolutely no money out of this.
Thanks to everyone around the Internet who inspired these stories, from Yeoman to Legato and beyond.
Have a happy Valentine.
Blind Eye
Clark had been raised by Kansas farmers, so his education had been, naturally, conventional and conservative.
Superman was, across the globe, held as a symbol of the good old values, for the idealist minded, and the status quo, for the more cynical ones. He was expected to stop and prevent everything morally wrong in his considerably wide sense range. He wasn't supposed to turn blind eyes to any wrongdoing.
Clark had super senses that made impossible for him to avoid picking some things up, even when he wasn't trying to. He couldn't help hearing how Zan and Jayna's heartbeats quickened when they were close to each other. He could smell the subtle traces on them when they showed up early at the Hall of Justice. He knew what they were doing.
And yet, he never said anything on it. He didn't like it, but he understood.
Sometimes, what you're supposed to do is less important than what you feel you shouldn't do.
Even in Death
Cuddles was used to all sorts of humbling, hideous, confusing, painful, absurd, pointless and cruel deaths in a nearly daily basis. It came with living in Happy Tree Village. He had come to accept it, like everyone else.
And yet, he only could die in peace when he died with Giggles.
The Greatest Gift
The Bureau said the spirit had been killing men, and only men, randomly for more than forty years, but the German government hadn't even acknowledged the problem, much less allowed intervention, until the Secretary of Defense's nephew was added to the list of victims.
She was a tough one, too; fed with dozens of souls, and fast and clever. Somehow, she got a drop on Hellboy, slamming him down against the pavement and tightening her icy hands around his thick throat.
"He promised me the world, only to kill me in our honeymoon and run with his lover and my dowry!" she howled on his face. "That's why I have to kill you! All of you! What could you men ever have to offer to someone like me?-!"
Calmly, he held the gun up. It was very unlike any weapon she had ever seen before.
"Release?" he asked.
After a long contemplation, she nodded and let go of his neck. He nodded back, trained the gun on her forehead, muttered a prayer, and pulled the trigger.
As her awareness faded out, she felt lighter and much better than she had in years.
Ah, what a kind stranger. Under other circumstances, she might have fallen in love with him...
Loss
Death trap.
He held the bloodied and battered large body in his arms, hoping for it to move again in any moment now, punching him in the face. It didn't.
And then he knew he had lost the only person he cared about anymore. He had lost the last remaining piece of his soul.
"What have I done...?"
Never again would they play under the fair moonlight. Never again would they light the Gotham nights. No more merry chases to make their blood pump. No more laughter to go along with his grunts. The harmony was broken. His ribs were sticking out of his chiseled body, ripping through the dark, blood stained dark costume.
The policemen who broke in minutes after said they never had seen anyone crying with more sadness. It was a monstrous, larger than life sadness, the emptiness that remains when a life has been fully consumed.
"I loved him, you know...! I loved him...! He was the only one who mattered...!"
There, where you are
Belldandy could have easily used her powers to levitate Keiichi from where he had fallen asleep and into his futon. After all, that wasn't the healthiest position to sleep in, and he'd wake up aching and ill-rested. And right after a hard day at the workshop, too.
But she knew he was only a human, after all, and as much as she loved him (or rather, precisely because she loved him so much), she had to let him be a human. So she did the human thing to do, and only covered his torso with a blanket, placing a peck on his forehead afterwards.
They'd move ahead together, always, but at a human pace.
That was the kind of everyday subtle sacrifices a First Category Goddess was happy to make for him.
Caught by her Heart
Mr. Monk had been right as usual, and it had been a passion crime despite the attempt to make it look like a professional hit.
"Love, " the murderess said bitterly, while Stottlemeyer handcuffed her, "only serves to break your heart and ruin your life."
Mr. Monk thought of Trudy. "No..." he said slowly, shaking his head even slower. "It also serves to prove you had a heart. And a life."
Like Old Times
After so long, they ran to each other's encounter as only bunny rabbits can do.
They held hands and gazed at each other's eyes, smiling as if they still wre children.
"I'm Buster Bunny..." he said.
"... I'm Babs Bunny!" she said.
"No relation, thank God!" they laughed as they hugged.
Paradigm Shift
"Don't you ever grow tired of groveling to my sister?" Stocking asked between mouthfuls of chocolate pudding, her long, slender legs crossed lazily. "It's just pathetic. Can't you see she couldn't ever love anyone? Even you deserve someone better than that."
Now that made Brief lift his gaze up from the mud, Panty's footprints still all over his scalp. "Even I?"
"Yeah, even someone like you is too good for Panty," Stocking declared.
"I'm... too good...?" the boy's voice trembled.
"For her? Hell, yeah. You're so devoted and kind and loyal to her, it's sickening. For her, you have no dignity, no sense of worth or self-respect. All for a bitch you mean nothing to, dumbass. You can't make her feel anything. God, you make me nauseous!" she continued eating. "I've lost my appetite!" and she kept on eating, faster than before.
Brief's eyes shone under his red bangs. "I make you... feel...?"
How hadn't he ever noticed the cute way she scowled when she ate angrily? The doll-like qualities of her pale features? The adorable way chocolate stains stuck to her lips?
After work hours, he walked to the best bakery in town and ordered ten gift wrapped cakes delivered. It wouldn't be the last time.
Logic
Only then, with Saito gone, Louise realized three things.
She hated being by herself much more than she had ever realized before.
She hated being by herself because she hated herself.
She mistreated Saito so much, mainly, because he loved her, and she couldn't bear the thought of someone she loved so much, loving someone she hated so much.
Seen that way now, it all made perfect sense at last.
But it didn't make it any less painful.
Sub-Zero and Deadpool
The man in black and blue stood tall and proud before his gathered comrades.
"Brothers!" he finally shouted, loud and firm as ever. "After my latest sojourn to Mortal Kombat, your leader, Sub-Zero, has returned to retake the reigns of the Lin Kuei clan!"
The ninjas all cheered as a single man, a brief shout of acceptance for their returned master. Sub-Zero nodded sparsely at them, then reassumed his speech.
"However, changes will have to be made to our accommodations! After meeting a very special, brave and indomitable soul at Shang Tsung's domains, I have decided to take a consort!"
The ninjas seemed frozen all of a sudden, their normally stoic eyes widening mildly in shock.
"But, young Master—!" one of them began to interject.
"I know. However, rest assured this decision is for the ultimate good and greater glory of our clan. Next to my consort, no one will be able to stop us! Our jointed power will start a new era of never before seen glories for the Lin Kuei! Because—".
"MASTER! BEWARE!"
Seven shurinken flew from totally different directions and all converged into the masked head of a red-clad figure who had just appeared behind Sub-Zero ready to pounce onto him. Sub-Zero gasped aloud as his attacker fell down at his feet, his head bleeding profusely.
And then, he yelled at his ninjas. "What have you done, fools? Did you think I would allow anyone to ambush me like that if I did not wish so? You have just struck my consort down!"
The Lin Kuei forces did a collective double take.
Ignoring them, Sub-Zero crouched down next to the masked man's body, gently probing it with a hand. "Beloved? Talk to me, beloved. Are you feeling well?"
And then, much to the clan's surprise, their target jumped back to his feet, pulling a shurinken out of his forehead. "Well? WELL? Subby, your stupid Hand rejects just gave me the freakin' headache of the century! And I only wanted to give you a hug!"
The stranger began to point a finger at random spots of the stunned audience. "It was you, wasn't it? And you! And you back there! Yes, you! I saw you! Trying to look aside now won't help you, Mister!"
"Please forgive them, Beloved. Most of them are young and don't know any better. The recent tournaments have decimated our elite ranks considerably..."
The nearest ninja to Sub-Zero stared at him in sheer disbelief. "Master, surely you jest...?"
"Comrade, a greater force than us, as powerful as fate itself, has brought us together" Sub-Zero sighed. "It is a very long, painful and intricate story... painful above everything else... Maybe someday I will have enough time to explain it to you. After I fully figure everything out myself."
"Boy, I'm gonna have to knock some sense into you guys! By the way, Subby, maybe we should start the changes here with your nome de guerre. Below zero at the sack, ya ain't. Anyway, we're going to have to do something about those lame outfits. And you all should carry guns too. Hello! 21th Century calling! And after that, oh yeah, I had this wonderful idea we all should get into. I call it Capcom vs. Marvel vs. DC vs. Mortal Kombat, bayh-bee. We're gonna be RICHER! Hey, is that guy at the back of the place committing seppuku as I speak? Or is it harakiri? I never can tell those two apart. Oh, and you too? Hey, Subby! The guy next to the door has just made a whole red mess at your floor! Definitely, we'll have to discipline your Ginzu Boy Scouts better!"
Red Hulk/Squirrel Girl
"I think we may have overdone it" she shyly squeeked, tightening the covers aginst her chest, sitting up and looking nervously all around.
"Bah, nonsense!" he laid back indifferently, crossing his legs and drawing in a deep, satisfied breath. A small piece of what little ceiling was left fell onto his head, but he didn't even notice it. "So what if everyone heard it? I don't give a crap!".
She shook her head, blushing. "Don't say that...! Oh my gosh, I think I'll die of embarrassment!" The bed squeaked one final, agonic time and it finally crumbled down under them. She sighed. He only laughed crassly.
All around the world, the seismographs finally calmed themselves down.
At the Baxter Building, Reed Richards looked at his readings and grimaced. Ben Grimm stood behind him flabbergasted. "Stretcho? I rarely see ya with that kinda face, and I never like what I hear after it..."
Reed ripped the piece of paper between his hands to shreds. "... No. I absolutely refuse to believe it at all. It goes against all laws of logic, physics and nature ever conceived."
At Latveria, Doctor Doom shuddered. "I have just felt... as if someone had just walked over Doom's grave..."
Elsewhere, She-Hulk perked up in a sudden, odd manner. "I feel... I feel like my one night stand with Juggernaut somehow isn't such a bad benchmark anymore!"
Kiri Komori/Majiru Itoshiki.
Matoi smiled happily as she served them tea. "If you wish for anything else, just tell me, please."
"Thank you," Kiri nodded politely, delicately grabbing her cup with her thin, pale hands. Sitting very close to her, Majiru nodded as well, still blushing.
At the other side of the table, Itoshiki-sensei sadly drank his tea before going into another despair-filled rant.
"I have failed as an uncle and tutor! And as a teacher as well! I have failed as a human being in all aspects of my pitiful existence! No, I definitely can't go on! Rin!" he addressed his sister, who was drinking rather indifferently. "From now on, you shall be the house's mistress in my absence! I only ask for my ashes to be thrown at the wind as far from Kitsu-san's house as possible!"
Matoi quickly swiped the loaded pistol from his hands as soon as he took it out of his right sleeve. "Sensei! You should be happy for your nephew and your pupil's newfound bliss. How couldn't you be?"
Itoshiki gave her a tired glare. "You only say that because it means less competition to you."
Matoi shrugged. "I only said why YOU should be happy, not why *I* should be happy."
Rin shook her head. "Brother dear, you are truly pitiful! You only are wounded because our nephew has proved to be more of a man than you!".
"I am not!" Nozomu protested. "I already knew he was more of a man than me, since long ago!".
"We all knew..." Majiru muttered under his breath. Matoi slapped him across the head from behind without missing a beat.
"Please, respect my fiancée," Kiri warned softly, looking up at her old rival.
"Sorry, my hand slipped!" Matoi rolled her eyes back.
Itoshiki sighed. "Regardless, Majiru-kun, where will you live now?"
Majiru blinked. "You mean we can't stay with you anymore, uncle?"
"Brother dear, Majiru-kun still is a spoiled, useless child, and Kiri-chan still is pathetic recluse with no laboral skills or competence to face the real world" Rin calmly offered. "You can't expect for them to make a life all of their own".
"I'd be thankful if you didn't defend us so much, Rin-sama," Kiri asked softly.
"They should have thought of that before I found them doing... doing... that!" Itoshiki despaired again. "What kind of moral are we sending to the people watching this show!"
"Has this show ever had morals?" Majiru was curious.
"Is anyone still watching this show?" Kiri asked as well.
Matoi frowned a bit. "I think Sensei is right. You two should move out so Sensei and me can live alone here, with no one to ever disturb us. So I finally can break into his room at night and-".
"On second thought, you two can stay" Itoshiki added hastily. "I almost acted like a heartless monster for a moment! The idea I could fall as low fills me with despair!"
"Thank you, Sensei" Kiri smiled warmly. Matoi scowled, but said nothing else.
Itoshiki laughed awkwardly for a moment, and Rin also laughed, much more relaxed. Then they all fell silent.
Until Kiri asked, "By the way, would it be a bother if we asked for a room for the baby as well?"
Itoshiki's eyes widened impossibly. "WHAT baby?"
Majiru turned to Matoi and Rin in a sudden hurry. "Quick! Hide all the rope, guns and pills in the house RIGHT NOW!"
Optimus Prime and Garfield
Jon Arbuckle squirmed uneasily on his seat for the tenth time in the last five minutes. And yet, next to him, Doctor Liz's face still betrayed no emotion at all.
"Well, that was a truly... unexpected story of how did you two meet" she said with an even voice, taking a few notes just enough to make any sense out of the situation. "Now, I must say I am thankful for the effort you take in consulting this with us. Considering how easily could you simply take the animal and stomp us flat before departing..."
"Liz! Please don't give him ideas!" Jon squeeked.
"There is no need to fear" the metallic giant sitting before them gently petting the cat's head with a hand several times larger than it said as politely as before. "The Autobots respect all human and animal life. You have such a beautiful planet it even equals the glories of Cybertron, even if in a fully different way. And of course..." he seemed to hesitate for a moment. Jon almost could have sworn the machine was... bashful? "Your beloved house pet is no small part of this world's wonders. This is what I have come to you with this formal request. I understand it is a normal custom between you to ask for the closest relatives or tutors' agreement in a legal engagement".
Jon blinked cluelessly. "You mean this is legal?".
Liz elbowed him in the stomach. "Thank you, Mister Prime. We really mean it. Now, I'm sure you'll understand too, as Garfield's veterinarian, it's my duty to worry about my patient's health. I must say I'm somewhat concerned about the... possible internal damage to his anatomy in direct... intimate contact".
"She means we're afraid you'll split him up by half" Jon said. "At least, that's what I think she said. I prefer not to think too much about it".
"Oh, there is no need to concern yourselves about that either. In our relationship, I strictly play the role of..." He paused, looking for the word in his databanks. He cocked his head slightly aside then to listen to some of Garfield's meowings. "Catcher? Thank you. Yes, 'catcher'. That is it".
"Whoa! I didn't need to know that much!" Jon recoiled back.
"I did" Liz deadpaned. "Now, you'll need to bring him to my clinic at least twice a month. He'll try to resist with all his might, but don't let him to overrule you. His cardiac condition also needs to be watched over constantly. He's supposed to be on a strict diet regime, and hopefully you'll be better suited to enforcing it than Mr. Arbuckle here—".
Jon buried his head between his hands. "If I only had known I'd be getting into this when I bought him that day..."
Garfield reached with a paw to pat Jon's right shoulder, smiling. Look at it this way. You haven't lost a truck; you have gained a son-in-law...
Lolita.
"Gee, D.W.," Launchpad said, "If I didn't know you any better, I'd almost say you're personally jealous over Gosalyn's friends."
The downright murderous, Negaduck-worthy stare his friend shot him was more than enough to silence him.
Odd. Had he just blushed under the mask?
The Light of Our Eyes.
"Without you, our days would be much darker," Negaduck angrily told Megavolt. "That isn't intended to be praise, by the way."
Futility
That night, after the funeral, Scott heard knocks at the door. It was Jean's soft way of knocking. He ran for the door, thinking she might be back, somehow.
But it was only the heavy rain rapping on the door.
(Author's Note: Yeah, I'm well aware of the irony here…)
Alielle Relryle and the entire female cast of Vandread
The three men sat together quietly sipping their plates of soup.
'Quietly' being the key word. Duero finally reacted to this by slightly aiming his spoon towards the youngest one of the trio.
"Hibiki-san?"
"Yeah?" he grumbled.
"You have been rather... oddly moody ever since the young newcomer arrived" the doctor noted calmly. Next to him, Bart had slightly perked up, stopping his eating to curiously look at the other two.
"What the hell are you saying?" Hibiki looked at the medic through narrowed eyes. "I'm just like always."
"No, you aren't," Duero insisted, firm but gentle.
"No, you definitely aren't," Bart agreed with a nod.
"You stay out of this!" Hibiki barked before facing Duero again. "And even if I were, what would it have to do with that crazy brat?"
Bart chuckled. "Well, it's just Dita has started to spend more time following her than following you..." he cagily said.
"So what? All the better for me" the pilot snorted, sinking his spoon into his plate once more. "And besides, you're wrong. It's the brat who keeps following Dita around".
"And Parfait-san" Duero observed.
"And Meia," Bart noted, impressed. "What's more, Meia actually tolerates her a lot."
"For some reason, however, she doesn't seem as attracted to BC-san" Duero seemed intrigued. "When I asked her, she only shrugged and said she somehow felt something wrong about her".
"Wait, you went and actually asked her?" Hibiki blinked.
"Of course I did. I find her to be a fascinating study subject. I believe there is something simply unusual about her unusual amounts of... energy."
"What's so strange about her energy? She isn't that much active than Dita," Hibiki arched an eyebrow.
"No, not that kind of energy. You obviously haven't heard to the Mejere's conversations about her. They constantly talk about her... unusually high amorous performance behind closed doors".
Hibiki made a shocked face. "That's-That's just sick!"
Duero smirked a bit. "Remind me never to tell you about the Captain's stories about her then."
"BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" Hibiki put his hands over his ears. "BAD MENTAL IMAGE!"
Right then, Bart blinked as the men all saw a giggling Paiway running away before them, covering herself with a bed sheet and being pursued by the stark naked newcomer, who giggled just as much and was completely oblivious to the men they passed by next. They were gone as soon as they had arrived.
For a moment, the whole dining room was eerily silent.
Then Hibiki buried his face into his soup.
Duero continued eating as if nothing had happened.
Bart looked aside shaking his head. "When did I become the only sane person in this forsaken spaceship?"
Separation Anxiety.
"It's not you, really. It's just the pathologically jealous and possessive alien symbiote grafted to my being, " Peter said.
"Riiiiiight..." Mary Jane rolled her green eyes.
Convenience
My dear son, my Anakin. As I see you depart once again, I think of how much you have grown, and of how much have you changed under his tutelage. Back then, when you first left me, I kept going on the true hope you were going to be a man of good, even if your physical absence pained me so much. That all changed when Senator Palpatine came one day, claiming he had looked for me for months, to pay whatever thanks he could to the brave boy who had helped the Republic so much. He bought my freedom from Wattoo, and told me I could go wherever I wanted from there. But of course, I had nowhere to go. So he gave me a job and a beautiful place as one of his aides. It was then when I started loving him. He was so heroic, so charismatic, so noble and wellspoken. I couldn't even believe he would be nice enough to offer me a new life... much less a life at his side. The day he made me his wife was the second happiest day of my life, after your birth. For some years, we were so happy I truly believed it never would end. But then, slowly, so very slowly, he started to change... although my mind, unlike my heart, knows he never really changed: he just was showing the true colors he had kept hidden. He grew colder, more distant, and so did you. As his grip over the Republic tightened and tightened, his grip on my arm became more and more oblivious, more infrequent. I watched, impotently, how he rose to even greater heights of power, with you always at his side, even after you lost Padme. No, even Me. And then I knew it: he never had loved me at all. He had just kept me as a tool to use you as another tool of his never ending greed, his boundless perfidy, his grotesque ambition. And even now, sitting here alone... no, never alone- the guards watch over, just like always, just out of my sight, but never far enough to fool me... before my window, seeing you leaving to join his side again, I silently despair, knowing I'll never be able to tell you the truth. I know what would he do then, and I don't even wish to think about it. Not that you'd listen to me in any case. But even so, my dear Anakin, my only child, I'll never stop loving you. And the worst part is, I'll never stop loving him either.