Chapter 20

It seemed likely that the war might just be over soon. Maybe I was just being optimistic, but some of our missions were so…I dunno, definitely missions we could never have even thought about trying when Oz was at full power.

Like this one. We were supposed to sneak into Oz's most heavily guarded building that freakin' has more guards in it than an entire continent on earth, and steal some of their files. Jesus. We could never have attempted this a year ago. Even now, all five of us were required. And I can't believe I'm saying 'all' and 'five' in the same sentence.

And where were we supposed to go undercover? Another freakin' high school. Yippee.

I just don't get it. The people here are just freakin' crazy.

We walk through the cafeteria doors that first morning, every single blue, brown and green eye focuses on us, and I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of a damn feeding frenzy. And guess what? We're the main course.

Apparently, the thing this school prides itself on the most are its dances. Hell, hell, and another hell.

It was simple for Quatre and Trowa. Trowa just pulled Quatre close and damn near looked like he would clean the clock of the first person who even dared to look at him funny.

I swear, you could actually hear the indistinct sigh that rolled throughout the tables.

Well…two of the fish just got away. Guess who that left?

Wufei, Heero, and I all edged closer, trying to present a united front.

It didn't work.

They just wouldn't take a hint. The dances here…they were about as important as your graduation ceremony. You never, never skipped one, come hell or high water.

And you know what?

They freakin' posted lists of the twenty hottest people on the student bulletin board. It was like a matter of principle for every damn person to give a try at any one of those…and if you could claim, like, number two, or number three, your prestige shot up for miles.

Anybody who got number one was immediately queen/king of the freakin' high school.

And guess who was number one. Was it Wufei? No, he was three. Quatre? Nope, four. Trowa? No, five. Fourth and fifth highest even with their 'taken' status. Pretty damn good. And Heero? No, strangely enough. He was number two.

No…number one was…of all the freakin' damn people, freakin' me!

What the hell was wrong with these people? Of course, it might've been that freakin' half the damn school was gay…and I guess I'm the type they like. Unfortunately. Jesus Effing Christ.

I was totally swamped. And Heero and Wufei were only a little better. It was totally trashing our plans for our mission. I had to freakin' employ every single bit of stealth knowledge I had to just sneak us out at night to check out the damn building.

It all came to a head when I got cornered by a zealot of Duo fans, who seemed convinced that if he, yes he, could only manage to give me a freakin' kiss, I would fall in love with him. Just like that.

I'd had enough. Freakin' enough.

I hoped Heero wouldn't kill me for what I was about to do next. Staring distastefully up at him, he was practically slobbering, I told him very, very composedly, "One inch closer and my boyfriend will fry your balls in oil and feed them to you."

That caught him up short. "B-boyfriend?"

"Jalen Hashikawa. I'm sure you know who he is." I brought up two fingers and pushed his head away from mine.

I'd thought up the names this time, because, well, Heero was absolutely horrible at thinking up last names, which I'm sure you're aware of, and Wufei wasn't much better. Trowa just kind of mixed up letters of his last name and his first name and got the oddest combinations, and Quatre never could seem to decide on a name at all. Gods…we are all so freakin' screwed up.

Jalen means bird of light. Hashikawa, just a name I picked up from somewhere. Something to do with bridges and water. Better than Lowe, anyway.

Wufei's name is Corbett Wu. Corbett meaning black raven, because of his hair, and Wu…well, I got that from Zephyr. I still think about him every once in a while, you know.

Trowa's Marlon Bratton. See, I used his way to make his last name, just switched a letter here and there, and nobody'll be able to get Barton from the thing. Marlon…wild falcon. Noticed a pattern yet? You got it, my theme here was birds.

Quatre I called Gavin: little hawk. And I was Galvin: sparrow. I'd decided that we'd go in as brothers…Gavin and Galvin McMurtry.

McMurty from Terry. I really do miss the big hulking guy sometimes.

I didn't tell the other guys what the names meant, but, as totally paranoid Gundam pilots, they all checked up the names, and I think they rather liked them.

When Quatre found out I'd signed us on as brothers, he was literally moved to tears. I can't believe that the guy who could just buy about anything could be so damn happy over one miniscule little name change.

Silly Quatre. Solo would've liked him. Would've made all his protective instincts go fuzzy. Quatre just seemed like a dewy-eyed sort of guy you couldn't help but want to be a pillow for - to cushion stuff, not the other thing. Well, that is, if you didn't know him too well anyway.

Okay, back to the guy standing in front of me looking like I'd just dropped a bombshell on his foot.

"You…you've never shown anything!" he bellowed alarmingly, and I got the feeling I'd just popped his little fantasy bubble.

"We were trying to be discreet," I informed him remorselessly.

"Oh," I added, with a pitiless smirk, "and Corbett's taken too. Got a childhood sweetheart back home, couldn't sway him from her with hot irons."

Okay…not necessarily true, but I give myself a tiny bit of leeway when we're going undercover. Otherwise I'd never even get through the door. And the part about the boyfriend was almost true. Completely true, according to Quatre.

Boy, am I on a roll or what?

He left, looking so goddamn crestfallen, I actually started feeling pretty bad myself, and by the time I'd dragged myself to class, was wondering how I'd ever come up with such a crappy idea.

I mean, Heero's boyfriend? He was going to kill me. Totally eviscerate me.

I started running. By the time I reached Heero, I'd worked myself into such a state that I was convinced death was too good for me and I'd be lucky if Heero didn't hold one of those dancing-on-your-grave grudges.

Heero looked up, startled, at my disheveled skidding stop, and I just gasped desperately, "Jalen! Gods, I'm so sorry!"

"What's wrong?" He stood up, letting his book drop onto the seat beside him.

I scurried over to hiss in his ear, "I told them we were boyfriends! I'm sorry! It just popped out! I couldn't think of anything else!"

Drawing back, I looked down at the floor, as mortified at myself as if I were a well-trained dog that had just peed on the carpet.

He was silent, and I just knew he was resisting the urge to throttle me, so I said hopelessly, "It's alright. You can just tell them I was kidding, if you want." I gave him a…not very convincing prankster's smile.

"No…it's okay, Galvin." There was some kind of indefinable tone of his voice. Maybe he always got that tone when he wanted to kill his best friend.

"It's okay!" I was totally flabbergasted. "But, but…I-I just told them we were…y'know, together!"

He gave me a little eye-grin. "Hey, it's better than having them follow us around all the time."

"So, you're going to go along with it?" I was past flabbergasted and working myself up to a this-has-got-to-be-a-dream feeling.

"I will," he said, not sounding like he was jesting with me. At all.

"Oh," I squeaked. "Oh, okay." I probably looked totally flummoxed.

He chuckled at me. He chuckled! He chuckled! He…he…chuckled.

I couldn't help it then. Everything just freakin' flew out of my head, and I jumped him, hugging him like I'd never let go.

I brought a finger to his mouth, and touched it lightly, saying wonderingly, "He-Jalen, you laughed."

He did it again. He chuckled. That sound that just made things inside of me clench and do the strangest things. I couldn't stop my next words any more than I could keep myself from hugging him. "I love your laugh."

Oops. That was too close. Too close to those three words.

I really, really hoped he couldn't hear 'I love you' in my voice.

He just stared at me, dumbfounded, with this light in his eyes, and I grinned at him a little weakly.

Our moment was ruined by shrieks, and I whirled, wondering where the fire was.

…On us, it seems.

A whole crowd of thwarted looking people charged at us, and Heero whipped us around, keeping his body between them and me. Stupid protective tendencies.

Then he gave them a glare that just froze them in their tracks.

Okay, I liked those glares.

"So it's true?" a girl asked in a wobbly voice.

"That Galvin's my boyfriend?" Heero asked savagely. "Yes."

That tone of voice kind of surprised me.

"So," he continued, "anyone who so much as touches him in a way he doesn't like will answer to me." How he could manage to sound pissed off, in total control, and ready to rip the balls off the next person to speak was totally beyond me.

Wow. He just freakin' slipped into the role of boyfriend like it was made for him.

"And that goes for me too." I gave them my most fiendish look, though for some reason, and I never said this, got that, never - I got the feeling it wasn't half as effective as anything my cough boyfriend could do.

They slunk away, and I felt like cheering. In Heero's eyes, I saw the same gleam of satisfaction, and said, "Well, guess being boyfriends was a good idea after all, eh?"

"Yes, a very good idea." He eye-smiled down at me.

So, that was that. We were officially together. Uh…I mean, not like together beyond our roles, just in school.

The creepy thing, though, was that we didn't even act really different. After that first moment of shock, it was like they thought every move we made just screamed, 'He is my boyfriend!'

Our casual hugs, the way we stuck close together, how he spoke softer to me than to anyone on campus…which is totally acceptable for best friends, you know? O.D., stop snickering at me. I call Other Duo O.D. now. It's easier.

Well, Heero did make it a point to keep his arm around me almost excessively, and I tried not to stray far from him. Those were the only concessions we made, but they were more than enough. Nobody was going to even try to break us up. We were, according to them, 'so fucking in love that it was scary.' Well, they can go to hell.

Everything worked phenomenally, except for that one little snag we hit. Or rather, I did.

"You bastard!" Wufei slammed me into the wall, looking at me like he hadn't since those first few months.

"What?" I gasped, mystified.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why the hell did you tell people I had a childhood sweetheart?" He was practically gnashing his teeth.

Okay, that kind of piqued my anger. "What the hell's wrong with you? I did it to help you, you asshole!"

"Help me? How the fuck does that help me?"

Jesus, he was mad.

The other guys were around us now, and trying to make Wufei calm the hell down.

"What the hell…I thought you didn't want all those damn girls around you!" I shouted.

"I don't!" he snapped. "Did you go snooping around in my background, you bastard?" His fingers were grinding my shoulders against the wall and I was sure my collarbone was going to pop any second.

"What the hell are you talking about? Snooping around in your background? You know I wouldn't do that!" I was pretty pissed off by now.

He looked at me intently for a moment, and then, just kind of seemed to sag.

When he let go of me, I winced from the sudden pain that flooded in from my shoulders. Ouch. Wufei is pretty damn strong.

I looked at him and cringed again. His entire being seemed to be caught in this bleakness.

"Corbett…gods, whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry." It was obvious I'd accidentally brushed on a pretty touchy subject…like me and the church.

"I need to be alone for a minute," he said abruptly, and strode away.

A really touchy subject.

"Well…I screwed that up," I muttered.

Five minutes later he walked back in, and just seemed kind of dispirited.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I overreacted."

"It's alright, man," I shrugged, "there's just some things you can't do." I grinned at him a little sadly. "Guess I stumbled on one, eh?"

"It's just that…" he trailed off, and I kind of knew that he was preparing to tell us something really big. "I did have a childhood sweetheart. She died. Along with my colony." He said it detachedly, and for a moment, I couldn't reconcile the words with the tone.

Oh gods. I really blundered upon a Maxwell Church kind of thing.

"I'm sorry," I said, horrified. "I'm so sorry, if I'd known…"

"But you didn't," he interrupted sharply. "It just kind of…hit me where I didn't expect it."

Now I felt totally conscience-stricken. "Oh gods…and they'll all be talking about it…I'm so sorry."

I looked at him wretchedly. I knew how it felt…oh how I knew how it felt. Those first few weeks, when there was nothing on people's mouths but the massacre, I'd come close to the point of murdering someone just because they said the words, "Maxwell Church." Even afterwards, when the pain had kind of been pushed away to the back of my mind, I couldn't hear them without being struck with a fresh sense of loss. And guilt. And as for the plague…that one nearly broke me.

"I can deal with it," he said, "It's been years."

"But it never fades away!" I cried without thinking, and the anguish in my voice shocked me. "Even after all that time…" I whispered.

He looked up at me, and I could see a sudden, surprised understanding fill his eyes. Then his face kind of crumpled along with mine, and we totally bawled in each other's arms.

After ten freakin' years, a damn decade, I finally cried for the massacre and the way everybody I'd known had been ripped away from me. Twice. And in front of the other guys, who were probably flustered beyond belief to see two of their comrades suddenly take a dive at each other, only to start sobbing.

Ostrich, here I come.

It was a short, and almost violent storm of tears. When we were done, we were just wiped out. Who knew crying could be more exhausting than running thirty miles? Dammit. What's happening to me? Where's the tough guy I knew? Oh, he was in there somewhere, but for some reason, with only people I trusted around, I couldn't seem to summon up the effort to drag him out.

"Her name was Meiran." It didn't really quite seem that he was talking to me, or to anybody, but just letting the words go…kind of like when I talked of my nightmares.

But I couldn't say it. I couldn't let them go yet. Because, unlike him, I'd played a large role in their deaths, and one I was doubtful to ever forgive myself for.

So I said that instead. "It was my fault." A whisper I don't think anybody heard.

Then Heero was picking me up, and Trowa Wufei, and we got deposited in our respective beds.

Wufei was absolutely aghast at the bruises he'd left on my shoulders.

Heero wasn't really all that happy either, and he'd sent Wufei some black looks before I could stop him.

But, hey, aside from that, things went on without a hitch. Our mission didn't seem quite so much like mission impossible anymore, after we thoroughly investigated the Oz building. They had holes in their security big enough to squeeze buses through. Guess the war was really taking a toll on them.

The dance took us totally by surprise. We freakin' found out the day before the actual event that we were supposed to dress in tuxes and come in limos and all that garbage. They did that for every dance? What freaks.

And it's not like we could skip it…that would be like writing all over the sky that there was something odd about us. I mean, even odder than we already were. Our motto during undercover missions was 'Do not stand out. Too much.' We followed it best as we could.

We rushed around to get our limos and tuxes in less than twenty-four hours, and only by the grace of Quatre's money did we manage it.

We got out of school early that day…an extra three hours for the girls to primp and fluff.

I just took a shower, had Heero comb and braid my hair, the perfectionist, and was done. Heero showered. I really tried to get his hair a little less disorganized, but it just kind of…sprung. Whatever. We'll just say we're going for the natural look.

Not that it mattered, anyway. He was devastating. Lots of girls and guys were going to be totally heartbroken when he left.

The limo ride was kind of…tense. I was scared frozen stiff, if you want a better explanation.

But then he put an arm around me, and pulled me in, and I couldn't help but relax. Heero's hugs always melt me like putty.

And we arrived. Can you believe this school has their own dance floor? Like a building reserved only for dancing. How freakin' obsessive is that?

As we walked into hell, a thought struck me. "Hey, Jalen, do you know how to dance?"

It would be…interesting, is the mildest word I can put to it, if he didn't.

"Yes."

"You do?" Well…that was a revelation.

"Just in case of formal gatherings," he explained reservedly.

Oh. I smothered a laugh. God, but J really has the most bizarre way of thinking. He teaches Heero how to dance but doesn't tell him how to deal with girls.

"Um…I'm not really all that good at it…learned a little when I was small." At the church, when Sister Helen was in a merry mood.

"If you want," he said stolidly, "we can just sway to the music and try not to step on each other's toes."

"Huh." I raised an eyebrow.

"It is an accepted practice."

"Oh." I cheered up. "I think I can avoid stepping on your toes at least."

It was…tantalizing, dancing with Heero. It kind of seemed like one of our hugs, but…not. And when he looked at me, he had the strangest little fire in his eyes, that kind of frightened me, and kind of…aroused me. I wondered what he was thinking of.

We only danced through about three songs, before it was became almost excruciating not being able to at least caress some part of his face.

It was almost a relief when he called a stop to them, but there was also a distinct feeling of regret involved.

Quatre and Trowa danced for nearly two hours, before finally taking a break. Wufei…heh, the guy just ignored any invitations he got and stared at nothing, munching on crackers. He seemed kind of distant, and I guessed he was thinking about Meiran, but there wasn't that air of tragedy around him anymore. Even if he had been just as embarrassed as I had over our impromptu sobbing fit, I think it had done something good for him. It had dredged up memories I'd rather not remember…but I guess that's all right. The pain is something I should be used to anyway. Like taking bitter pills.

The climax came at midnight. Do all their dances go on this long? I wondered how they got up the next morning.

Yeah, so, anyway, apparently, at midnight, they have one of those bothersome things that some people call traditions. This one wasn't any less maddening.

The kings, or the queens, or the king and queen, whatever, they could be the goddamn monkeys for all I cared, of the dance share a kiss. In front of everybody. Guess who were the kings? You got it! Me and Heero. Number one and two.

Okay, so we got a little uneasy when the clock hit five minutes before twelve, and we were suddenly the center of attention.

Then, some people steered us forcefully to the middle of the room, right under the gigantic disco ball, and just stared. There was this petrifying feeling of anticipation filling up the room, and I had no idea what we were supposed to do. Heero was expressionless. Guess he'd pulled his mask back on.

Or, at least, I didn't have any idea until ten seconds before the chiming. The chants of "Kiss, kiss, kiss," kind of clued me in, though.

Hit me like a freakin' thunderbolt. I was only able to mouth wordlessly at Heero, 'What the hell are we supposed to do now?'

He gazed at me impassively for five entire seconds, and I was having a full-fledged panic attack, before mouthing back, 'We kiss.'

This thunderbolt just totally undid me. When the clock struck, I was still gaping soundlessly, even as he brought a hand up to my cheek, leaned over, and pressed his mouth to mine.

It was…electric. Involuntarily, my eyes closed and I gasped, my mouth opening under his. Hesitantly, he swiped his tongue across my teeth, and my knees buckled. O.D. yelled, Kiss, you freakin' stupid idiot!

It was kind of weird, something going in to my mouth that wasn't supposed to be chewed and masticated and eventually swallowed, and kind of awkward too. But this was Heero.

So, tentatively, I began to kiss back, and his hold on me tightened. His tongue probed at me a little more boldly, and I really thought I was going to die soon. I think I moaned his name, and he shivered.

Shyly, I licked at his tongue, and his arms tautened around me like steel, before he actually groaned, and started to kiss me a little frantically, a little desperately. I was just totally lost in that kiss. I could only respond, and moan into him, and he took complete control. This was my first kiss, remember?

I didn't ever want for it to end. I simply forgot about everything, that there were actually hundreds of people watching us avidly, and that this was all a ruse to keep other people from getting suspicious, and only thought of Heero.

Well, thought so far as I was capable of thinking.

When he finally pulled back, slowly, so slowly, still lingering a bare centimeter from my lips, and panting lightly, I was almost afraid I would weep from the loss.

He looked down at me, with this extraordinary longing in his eyes, but I was too stunned, and bereaved, to even think about understanding it.

His eyes were staring straight into mine, and I drowned in them, drowned in the blazing emotion that overwhelmed me.

Unexpectedly, there was cheering, and our eyes snapped over to the crowd applauding all around us.

"Man, that was the fucking hottest kiss I've ever seen!" Someone shouted, and there were hoots of agreement.

Well…they certainly know how to ruin a moment.

Dazedly, I wondered how Heero had learned to kiss so well, and had to still a smile. I could just imagine that totally deranged old man that was his mentor, and who, by the way, I wanted to stick into a blender for putting Heero through such an atrocious training, putting on some kind of freakin' slideshow, describing to him how to kiss…maybe even bringing in test subjects. Because it obviously wasn't Heero's first kiss. That kind of made me a little wistful.

Heero's face was back to being totally blank again, and I wondered if it had really been that repugnant for him. I wondered why that thought hurt so much.

He shoved us through the crowd; I just sort of let him cart me along with him, my legs still pretty wobbly.

Then we were outside, and I shivered at the sudden reversal from pretty damn stifling to the breezy night air. A puff of wind passed over me briskly, trying to cool my heated body.

Neither of us said anything for a while. I remembered the feel of his lips on me, the way his arms clutched at me, and the warmth of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Eh? That one kind of left me at sea.

"I know you probably didn't want to do that," he clarified.

"Huh? Why?" were the only things I could force out of my mouth.

He just looked at me with that what-kind-of-baka-are-you look on his face I hadn't seen for a while.

"It's alright," I grinned up at him hopefully, "that was a great kiss. Best one I've ever had." Only one I've ever had.

Something in his face seemed to darken, and I wondered what I'd said wrong.

"Hey." I reached out and tugged his hair gently. "Wanna go back now? I don't really feel up to facing them all right now, do you?"

He shook his head.

We walked back, didn't take the stupid limo.

We both seemed kind of introspective, and stayed quiet through the walk till the next morning.

Quatre gave us some sad looks, which I totally did not understand, but didn't tease us. I was surprised at his restraint.

I locked that kiss away in my safe of memories.

It was my moment of heaven.