Author's note: This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but since it's currently at 8,000 words and I have no idea where it will end, I've decided to make it multi chapter. I have two more scenes in mind that I need to type and an ending. So at max it will be 4 chapters. I hope you enjoy it! :)
cutestkittenever .tumblr .com /post/104605072/kitten-via-artolog (take out the spaces between the cutestkittenever and .tumblr and .com to see it.)
This is what the kitten in the story looks like. How could anyone resist her? Also check out my profile for links to pictures to how I imagine Roach, Archer and Toad.

Ian "Archer" Richards paused in his walk and ran a hand across his forehead, wiping the sweat from it. It was hotter than usual today and he was taking advantage of the beautiful weather by walking around the perimeter of the base. Some of the guys had invited him to go with them down to a lake near the base to swim. He had declined, but was now questioning his decision. He looked up at the mountains that loomed over the base and shoved his hands in his pockets. It wasn't very often he had time to just stop and enjoy the small things in life. The warmth of the sun on his skin, the earthy smell of the forest, the beauty of the mountains, how blue the sky was… With all the death and destruction they had to deal with, it was nice to be able to escape even if it was only for a few hours. Archer much preferred escaping this way instead of with drinking and smoking the way most of the guys preferred. He smiled to himself, ridiculously happy to not have to think about all that crap.

A small noise pulled Archer out of his thoughts. He frowned slightly and looked around. It had sounded like a small animal. He walked over to the tall chain link fence that surrounded the base, and listened. He heard it again and this time it didn't stop. His green eyes widened slightly as he realized that it was a series of small mewls. He walked along the fence and stopped when he was sure the sound was right in front of him. He crouched his big frame down and moved aside a small bush. There hiding under the bush was a terrified tiny kitten. She was fluffy and tabby striped, but in light calico colors. Her muzzle and chest were white, as were her feet. She looked up at Archer and meowed, fear in her blue eyes. Archer reached out and picked her up, holding her gingerly in his large hands. She squirmed and hollered.

His face softened. "Hey easy," he murmured. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He ran his finger over the top of her head gently and she seemed to calm down. She began to gnaw on the hand that was holding her. He smiled down at her. She was ridiculously cute and couldn't be more than a month old. He could easily hold her in one of his large hands. He sighed heavily and ran his free hand through his reddish brown hair.

"What am I gonna do with you? Pets aren't allowed on base…" She looked up and mewled at him. "If I tell MacTavish he'll just get rid of you." He chewed on his bottom lip, thinking. He knew he should just turn her over to MacTavish so she could be adopted out. But as he stood there looking down at the ball of fluff in his hands, he knew he couldn't bring himself to do it. He sighed heavily. "I guess we'll just see how long I can keep you a secret."

She began chewing on his hand again and he realized she was probably hungry. He frowned. How the heck was he gonna get food for her? He remembered that there were small packets of cream in the mess hall near the coffee maker. That was going to have to do for now. He held her close to his chest and began walking back towards the mess hall. When the buildings came into view he suddenly stopped. He couldn't just walk into the mess hall with a cat in hand. He lifted her to eye level.

"Where'm I gonna hide you?" he muttered.

She took a swat at his face and he chuckled. He looked down at his person and realized that the side pockets of his cargo pants were probably big enough to hold her. He bent down, opening to pocket and gently tucked her inside. He buttoned the pocket closed and straightened up. He could hear her mewling quietly. He shifted his leg to make sure he wouldn't hurt her while walking and then set off towards the mess hall, walking a little slower than normal so as not to jostle her too much.

When he entered the mess hall the only person in it was Jester who was idly flipping through a magazine. He glanced up at Archer and nodded. Archer nodded back, relieved that he seemed preoccupied, and quickly made his way over to the small table where the coffee was. Not wanting to look suspicious, he poured himself a cup of coffee and stuffed three little cream tubs in his pocket. He then casually walked out of the mess hall and over to the barracks.

He quickly made his way down the hallway towards his and Toad's room. The kitten began to meow louder as she was thrown around from his quick steps. He entered the room and shut the door, quickly flipping the lock. He was grateful that Toad had gone with the guys down to the lake. He didn't have to worry about him returning for a couple of hours. He set the cup of coffee on bedside table and then pulled the kitten out of his pocket and set her on the floor. He carefully sat down next to her and pulled the creams out of his pocket. She climbed up his leg and crawled into his lap, meowing the whole time.

"Hold on love. I'm getting you food," he said as he opened one of the little tubs of cream and set it on the floor. He picked up the kitten and set her in front of it. She sniffed it and then quickly began to lap up the cream. Archer chuckled. "You really were hungry."

When the cream got down to where she couldn't quite reach it the kitten stuffed her face into the container and got it stuck on her muzzle. She brought one of her white paws up to her face and pried the container off, spilling the little bit of cream that was left on the wood floor. She quickly lapped it up.

"Stupid," said Archer softly as he stroked her back with his finger, a smile on his face. She purred loudly at the attention. When the cream was gone she began to clean her face. Archer just sat there watching her. She was the cutest thing he had ever seen. She suddenly stopped cleaning herself and stood up, tail quivering. She started meowing frantically.

Archer frowned. "What's wrong?" She hollered louder and his eyes widened. "Oh shite," he muttered as he realized she probably needed to use a litter box. He looked frantically around the room. There was nothing she could use, except maybe his blankets if he wanted to wash them. His eyes landed on the window and he leapt up and opened it. He picked the kitten up as gently as he could and then crawled through the open window. He set her down in the dirt and she immediately began scratching at the dirt. She did her business and Archer sighed. He scratched his head. How was he supposed to keep her in his room if he didn't have a litter box? Maybe he could get a box with sand in it? He shook his head. This was going to be harder than he thought.

He picked her up and climbed back through the window. He sat down on his bed, letting the kitten go. She began kneading the blankets and purring. "You're going to cause me a lot of trouble…" he mumbled, petting the top of her head. She turned and swatted at his hand, tail swishing back and forth. "Oh you wanna play huh?" he chuckled. He wiggled his fingers at her and she crouched down, ears slightly flat in hunter mode. She leapt at his hand and latched on, biting his fingers. Archer couldn't help laughing as he played with her. He flipped her onto her back and tickled her belly. She kicked at him with her back feet and chewed on his hand. Suddenly she pushed herself away from him and stood up, tail flicking. She caught sight of her tail and began chasing it in circles. Archer laughed and laid himself down on his bed.

It felt like it had been forever since he had been this relaxed and this free to express his emotions. He had grown up with cats and had found that sometimes they were better friends than people. He had always been quiet and reserved, even as a kid, but he had emotions too and people didn't always know what to do when he expressed them. Because of that he had tried to become as stoic and unreadable as possible. He had succeeded since Toad was about the only person, besides his mother, that could read him very well. But here, with this kitten, he could let his guard down.

The kitten meowed at him and walked up to his face. She sniffed his eye and Archer chuckled. She moved up to his forehead and then began licking him. He reached out and gently petted her, his hand engulfing her.

"I suppose I should name you huh?" He turned her around and lifted her tail, checking her gender. "Female." He dropped her tail and she mewled at him, turning around to face him again. She kneaded the blanket, purring loudly. Archer scratched his head. He had never been good at naming pets. His older sister had usually done that. "Well… how about Amy?" She walked up to him and flopped down, stretching out and pressing up against his chest. "Guess that'll have to do." He ran a finger down her soft belly and she purred. Her eyes closed and she sighed.

"You're probably glad to be safe, right love?" But she was already asleep. Archer laid his head down and decided to nap with her. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, a smile on his face.

Archer awoke a few hours later to the sound of a key wiggling in the lock. His eyes shot open and he sat up, grabbing Amy. She meowed in protest as he shoved her under the blanket just as Toad walked through the door.

Toad did a double take and looked surprised that Archer was there. He was barefoot, shoes in one hand and a towel in the other. His blond hair was still damp, as was his tee shirt and swim trunks.

"What're you doing inside? Thought you'd be out enjoying the weather."

"I was," Archer grunted.

"Hmmm," was all Toad said as he walked over to his bed. He dropped his shoes on the floor.

Amy was attempting to get out of the covers. Archer quickly shoved her back under the blankets. "How was swimming?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"Great," said Toad with a grin. "Water was awesome." He peeled off his shirt and tossed it in the corner. "How was your walk?"

"Fine," he said, averting his eyes as Toad pulled off his trunks. He heard Toad sigh.

"Am I ever gonna get more than a one word answer out of you?" The rustling of clothes indicated he was getting dressed.

"Maybe," Archer said with a smirk, looking up at Toad. Toad just rolled his grey blue eyes as he pulled on an army green tee shirt.

Archer's eyes suddenly widened in horror as he heard Amy begin to meow. Toad paused and frowned.

"You hear something?"

"No," said Archer, placing his hand over the lump on his bed that was Amy, trying to get her to be quiet.

Toad's frown deepened. "You sure? It sounded like a mouse or something…"

Archer shook his head. "I think you're ears are full of water mate."

Toad snorted. "Well maybe your hearing's going, old man." He threw a grin at Archer. Archer just grunted in annoyance. He wasn't that much older than Toad.

Toad ran a hand through his blond hair, making it stand on end, a slightly annoyed look on his face. "I hope Roach hasn't let another rat loose in the barracks."

Archer chuckled at the memory and Toad just glared at him.

"I swear I will fucking kill him if he does that again," said Toad as he sat down on his bed to pull on his boots, not looking happy at all.

Roach hadn't targeted Toad specifically with that prank, but somehow the rat had ended up in Toad's bed. Archer hadn't seen a grown man scream that loud since they put a camel spider in Ghost's bed while they were on a mission in Afghanistan.(1) Toad had leaped onto his desk and screamed at Archer to, quote, "kill the fucking disease ridden beast." He had just laughed at Toad, who, of course, had been pissed at Archer. Hearing the commotion Roach and Meat had come down and laughed right along with Archer. Roach eventually got rid of it, but Archer suspected Toad hadn't forgiven Roach at all.

Toad stood up and headed for the door. "Gonna head to the mess hall for dinner. You coming?"

"In a bit," said Archer shifting on his bed, attempting to hide the lump that was Amy.

"Alright." And with that, Toad was gone.

Archer sighed in relief. He reached under the covers and pulled Amy out, who was meowing again.

"That was close," he muttered. Amy just squirmed in his grasp.

Archer took her outside one more time to make sure she wouldn't leave him a little surprise for when he came back and then cleared out a spot in one of his dresser drawers for her to sleep. He set her in there and then shut the drawer, hoping to God she wouldn't find a way to get out. He then headed for the mess hall.

Somehow Archer managed to make it through that evening and the night without Toad finding out about her. He had been able to scrounge a large box that fit under his bed that he could keep her in. And he stuck a smaller box filled with sand in it as a make shift litter box. The only worry now was the possibility of an inspection. But they had just recently had one, so Archer was pretty sure they wouldn't have another one for a few weeks.

The next morning went just as well, thankfully. He realized, however, that he couldn't keep taking creams from the mess hall. She must have been starving before he found her, because she ate everything he brought her. He decided he would have to figure something out soon.

He sat on the floor of his room after training playing with her with a string. She was a fast little bugger. He was constantly having to pull the string in erratic patterns to keep her from catching it. Archer dangled it over her head and she leaped up and grabbed it. He dropped it, letting her have it. She chewed on it and attacked it, jumping around and generally spazzing out. Archer chuckled. She walked over to him and rubbed against his hand that was resting on his leg. She then began to suck on his finger tips, moving from one to the next. Archer frowned.

"What are you doing?" Suddenly it dawned on him. "Oh you must be hungry. Guess we'll have to get you some food love," he said, picking Amy up.

Suddenly the door opened and Toad walked into the room. Archer stuffed Amy under his shirt, holding the edge of his shirt taught against his body so she couldn't get out.

Toad raised an eyebrow at him. "What… are you doing?"

Archer's mind raced trying to find some excuse, heart pounding furiously, though outwardly he looked perfectly calm. He shrugged. "Meditating."

He looked like he didn't believe Archer. "Ooookay then…"

He walked over to his book shelf and pulled a few CDs down, tossing them on his bed. He then crouched down and pulled a box out from under his bed, looking for something. Archer stood up and edged his way towards the door, still trying to hold Amy under his shirt.

"We're gonna have a poker tournament tonight after dinner, wanna join?" asked Toad, still digging through the box.

"I'll think about it," said Archer. He just desperately wanted to get out of the room.

"Alright," said Toad absentmindedly. "Where the hell did I put those CDs?" he mumbled to himself.

Archer quickly left the room, shutting the door behind him. He pulled Amy out of his shirt and held her close to his chest. "Shite, that was close," he muttered as he walked quickly down the hall. Now he had to get her some food. He already had something in mind though.

He exited the barracks and dashed across the compound over to the back side of the mess hall, Amy held firmly in his hands. He stopped at the back door to the kitchen area and set Amy down. She sat at his feet and meowed at him. He cracked the door and poked his head in. He watched as the kitchen staff hurried around the kitchen getting things ready for dinner.

"Psst, Chef!" Archer whispered when a short stocky man walked by.

The man turned and arched a red eye brow at Archer. He walked towards the door. Amy attempted to go through the door and Archer gently pushed her back with his booted foot.

"Something I can do for you Archer?" Chef asked.

Archer shuffled nervously. "Yeah I, uh, need a glass of milk."

Chef looked at him in disbelief. "You came back here to bug me for that? Couldn't you just get it in the mess hall? I'm kind of busy here."

"No!" said Archer a little too loudly. Chef's cocked an eyebrow at him and Archer lowered his voice. "I can't let anyone know about it."

Chef narrowed his blue eyes in suspicion. "If this is for a prank, it better not come back that I gave you this."

"Of course not, mate."

"Hmmm." Chef still didn't look convinced. "Fine." He disappeared into the kitchen and came back a moment later with a glass of milk. He handed it to Archer. "Remember, I didn't give this to you."

"Thanks mate." He gave Chef a nod and quickly shut the door. He looked down and frowned when he saw that Amy wasn't at his feet anymore. He looked around and panicked when he saw her making her way to the edge of the building and out into the open. "Shite," he muttered, rushing over and scooping her up into his large hand. She squirmed in his grasp and mewled. He pressed himself close to the building hoping he hadn't been seen. He waited a minute, Amy in one hand and the glass of milk in the other, then peeked around the corner. Toad was walking away from the barracks towards the rec room. He sighed in relief. That meant he could go back to their room and feed Amy.

He waited until Toad went into the rec room and then ran over to the backside of the barracks. He crouched down and walked under several windows until he was under the one for his and Toad's room. He quickly stood up and set Amy on the window sill. He opened the window as Amy batted at his hand. She lost her balance and tumbled through the window into their room, landing on Archer's bed. Archer stuck his head through the window to make sure she was alright. She was, of course, fine and was attacking the blankets on his bed. He leaned back and let out a small sigh. They were almost home free.

"Archer?" came a voice from behind him, making him jump and nearly spill the milk. "The hell are you doing?"

Archer whirled around. Roach stood behind him, hands on his hips, an amused look in his hazel eyes and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Nothing," Archer said quickly. He inwardly cringed at how suspicious that sounded.

Gary looked down at the glass of milk in Archer's hand and a grin spread across his face. "Dude, if you're pranking somebody, I want in on that action."

"I'm not pranking anyone."

Roach raised an eyebrow and gave him a look that said, "Oh really?" It took all of Archer's will power not to just dive through the open window behind him and leave Gary standing there confused. Before Archer could say anything more, Amy jumped up on the window sill and meowed at him. Archer's eyes widened in horror. Gary's mouth fell open in shock and the cigarette fell from his mouth.

"Holy shit! Is that a cat?"

Archer looked down at Amy. She was just sitting there happily, whipping her little tail back and forth. Roach took a couple steps forward and reached out to touch her. Archer moved between him and Amy, growling.

"Whoa!" Gary took a step back and put his hands up in mock defense. "Chill out dude. I'm not gonna hurt her."

Archer just glared at him. He winced when he felt small needle sharp claws dig into his back as Amy climbed up onto his shoulder. She stood on his shoulder and hollered at him.

"Aww," said Gary, his face softening. "She's so cute!" He looked up at Archer. "Or is it a he?"

"She," Archer grunted. Amy rubbed against his face.

Gary reached out and stroked her with his finger. She arched into his touch and began purring. "Well aren't you just the cutest wittle fing. Yes you are!"

Archer rolled his eyes. Some days he couldn't believe Roach had made it onto the Task Force. Granted at 22 he was the youngest one on the team, but did he have to act like he was 12?

"She got a name?" asked Roach curiously.

"Amy."

"Amy? Why Amy?"

Archer shrugged. "It's all I could think of."

"Figures," said Roach chuckling. "So is she why you have the milk?"

"Yeah."

"Can I hold her?"

Archer just shrugged. Gary took her off his shoulder and held her firmly, scratching the top of her head. She just continued to purr. "Man she's tiny. Where'd you find her?"

"West edge of the base. Don't know where she came from."

Gary frowned. "You know we're not supposed to have pets on base."

"I know," said Archer sighing. He shifted nervously. "Are you… going to tell MacTavish?"

"Ha! I should, but she's just too damn cute." He grinned, hazel eyes full of mischief. "Let's see how long we can keep her a secret!"

Archer nodded and Gary handed her back to him. He took her and leaned through the window, dropping her on his bed. He then carefully crawled through the window. Gary followed him. Archer grabbed Amy off the bed and set her on the wood floor. He poured a small amount of the milk on the floor for her and she lapped it up eagerly.

"When did you find her?" asked Gary as he sat on Archer's bed watching the two of them.

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Does Toad know about her?"

Archer shook his head. "Not yet." He poured some more milk for her.

Roach ran a hand through his light brown hair. "Maybe you should just tell him. It's gonna be damn hard keeping her in here without him knowing."

"Yeah…" Archer watched as the little calico drank the milk.

They sat in silence for a while as Archer continued to feed her, each of them considering the consequences of keeping her on base. She finally seemed to get full and began wandering the room. Archer smiled to himself as he watched Amy go around sniffing things.

"Shit," said Roach, amusement in his voice. "She's got you wrapped around her paw already, doesn't she?"

Archer turned to look at Gary, one eye brow raised, a small smile still on his face. "What do you mean?"

Gary laughed. "I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you so fucking happy."

Archer just shook his head watching as Amy walked under Toad's desk. Just then the door swung open and Toad walked into the room. Archer froze, suddenly very aware that Amy was across the room and out of reach.

"Oh, hey Roach," said Toad, a little surprised to see him.

Gary nodded. "Hey."

To Archer's horror, Toad walked across the room to his desk and began shuffling through papers. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to figure out what to do.

"What're you guys up to?" asked Toad as he turned around and leaned on his desk.

Archer glanced at Roach. "Just chatting," said Gary with a shrug. Archer could see the tenseness in his shoulders, but his face was a mask of calm. His ability to keep a straight face was the reason he was able to pull, and get away with, so many pranks.

Archer's eyes widened as he watched Amy walk over and begin to play with Toad's boot strings. He felt Gary stiffen even more next to him. A frown flickered across Toad's face and he looked down at his feet. His blue eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock at what he saw.

"What the…?"

A little grey and orange calico tabby face stared up at him, blue eyes bright with mischief. She meowed at Toad. Archer quickly crawled across the room and scooped her up. She hollered in protest. He went back to his spot and sat down.

"Is that a cat?" Toad cried, his voice a little too loud for Archer's liking.

"No," said Roach, amusement in his voice and smirk on his face. "It's a multi-colored rat."

Toad just glared at him. "What the hell is it doing in our room?"

"I found her," said Archer, holding Amy in one hand and petting her with the other.

Toad ran a hand through his blonde hair, distress evident on his face. "Jesus Christ Archer, we can't keep a cat in here."

Archer didn't say anything, just looked down at Amy. She was wiggling in his grasp.

"Come on man, look at her!" said Roach gesturing to her. "She's fucking adorable!"

Toad sighed. "That's not the point! If MacTavish finds out we're in deep shit."

"He won't find out," said Gary with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Now that he doesn't have to hide her from you anymore, keeping her a secret will be easy!"

"'Anymore?' The fuck… how long have you had her?"

"Since yesterday," said Archer quietly. He was stroking the top of Amy's head with his finger and she was purring loudly.

Toad's face softened when he saw the way Archer was looking at her. He walked over and crouched down in front of him. "Archer, we can't…" Archer looked up at him. His face was blank, but there was a pleading look in his green eyes. Toad hung his head, sighing, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Fine." He looked back up at Archer. "We'll see how long we can keep her." Relief flooded Archer's face and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Toad stood up and rubbed his face with his hands, groaning. "What have I done?"

"The right thing," Gary chuckled, standing up and slapping Toad roughly on the back.

Toad glared at him and then looked back down at Archer. He had set the kitten in his lap and was playing with her with his hand. He had never seen Archer act this way, so attached and happy. It was… odd.

"I just hope this doesn't come back and bite us in the ass," he grumbled.

"Pfft, you worry too much," said Gary, putting his hands on his hips. "This wouldn't be the worst thing someone's done."

"We'll see," Toad muttered. He had a bad feeling about this.

(1) I read this fanfiction over here: /s/5732024/12/Casualties about Ghost being afraid of spiders and just thought that was awesome. Everyone has their fears. I've also decided that Toad's fear is mice and rats. :D
I listened to the Titan A.E. soundtrack while writing this. Which is pretty much rocking. :) And I had tons of fun writing this! I am however wondering if I should up the rating on this because of the swearing. What do you guys think?

Constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated!