A half an hour later, we found ourselves playing his X-Box while I waited for my clothes to dry.

"So I never got the chance to ask, but why do you have that lube in your desk?" I asked, keeping my eyes locked on the TV screen as I annihilated another player.

"Isn't it obvious?"

I shrugged, conceding. "Well yeah, but who do you have regular enough sex with to need that big a bottle?"

"Tweek," he answered easily.

Interest piqued, I looked over at him. "Why weren't you with him today, then?"

He hesitated a moment, before saying, "He broke up with me two days ago."

If I would have been drinking something, I would have spit it everywhere. "You were dating Tweek!" I asked, completely shocked. "For how long?"

"Almost a year."

I stared hard at him for a minute, disbelieving. "Then why did you just sleep with me? That sounds pretty intense."

He glared at the television. "It was intense. But you're the same height as him, and you have kind of similar hair…"

"So I was his replacement? That doesn't seem very fair to him. Or you, for that matter."

His glare shifted to me and I could physically feel his frustration. "You suddenly care? You didn't ask if I was available; you just jumped in my bed. Don't start acting all righteous on me now, after that."

I lifted my hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to offend you."

We fell into an uncomfortable silence as we continued to play the game.

I wasn't the most caring person in the world, but I felt like I was responsible for doing something wrong. What if Tweek hated him forever because he fucked me?

"…So, are you planning on getting back together with Tweek?" I asked, braving his response. What was the worst that could happen; he'd punch me? Big deal.

"I seriously have a pike in my closet with your name on it."

"Seriously, talk to me. I'm stuck here for another 20 minutes, you might as well get some use out of me, right?"

He smirked at me. "Well, I could just fuck you a few more times, if you want to be useful."

I returned his smirk and barked a laugh. "As much as I'd enjoy that, I think you need a friend right now. Or what do you call your friends… a 'bro.'"

He gave me a long stare before sighing and giving up. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I want him back. I fucked up, and he broke up with me. I never meant to hurt him, but I deserved worse than the slap he gave me. A lot worse."

"What happened?"

"I started to get more than just attached to him. I guess I got a little scared. I ditched on a date and went to a party with Clyde, to, you know, clear my head. There was a girl, and making out, and somehow sleeping naked. Nothing happened, because I was drunk and all I could talk about was Tweek, so the girl realized she wanted nothing to do with me. Well anyway, Tweek finds me the next morning, assumes the worst, and breaks up with me. It just sucks, because after he walked away, I realized that I was in love with him. But none of that matters now because he hates me."

"Are you sure he hates you? Maybe you should explain what happened."

"Yeah, that's a fucking fantastic story. I tried to replace you with some whore and also just had sex with Kenny; by the way, I love you, bro."

I forgot to respond for a moment, my brain shorting out. It took me a minute to recognize that "Kenny" was actually me. "You just said 'Kenny' instead of 'McCormick.'"

He tsked and rolled his eyes. "Don't get too used to it, because I still hate you."

I decided to drop it and urge him to continue his story. "So you're giving up on him?"

"Basically. After what just happened, I could never let myself be with him again. My bed is soiled, thanks to you. You're such a fucking asshole."

My eyebrows furrowed and I paused the game to look at him seriously. "Hey, I didn't force you to have sex with me; don't make this my fault. All I did was offer, and you took the bait. I'm anything but a home wrecker."

"Chill, my home was already wrecked. You just didn't help matters any."

"What do you expect me to do about it? Talk to Tweek-"

He suddenly grabbed me and sneered in my face. "Do not talk to Tweek."

I studied his face, thinking about what to say. "How can I help then?"

He let me go and stared at the wall for a few seconds. "Give me your phone number."

"Why?"

He stood to go retrieve his cell phone. "Because now that my chances of getting back with Tweek are fucked, you need to take responsibility."

"How will giving you my number help?" I asked when he handed his phone to me. I began to type in my digits.

"Dumbass. Now that I don't have a consistent supply of ass, you're going to come over here every time I call you."

I grinned at him. "I'm going to be your booty call?" I asked with a snicker.

"Something like that," he said, glancing at me sideways.

I handed his phone back to him. "Hell yeah. We'll be like real live fuck buddies!"

"Except from now on, you won't be fucking anyone other than me." I opened my mouth to comment on how I'm not going to be his girlfriend, but he cut me off. "I just don't want any fucking diseases, so get your head out of your ass."

"So, let me get this straight. We're going to fuck exclusively, but we still get to hate each other in public?"

"Pretty much."

I flung my arms around him dramatically. "Oh Craig, I love you too!"

"Don't touch me. Now get your ass back on my bed."

What did I tell you? I told you not to read this! No! Bad reader! Bad!

Anyway, yeah, this was super lame and didn't make a lot of sense, but whatever. It was pretty much just brain puke, and I haven't read this through yet. The whole story will be edited tomorrow or something, but for now: peace out. (: