Feb 28th, 11:30 am

"Speak of the devil," Lanie Parish said, nodding towards the elevators. Det. Kate Beckett turned to follow her friend's gaze, watching as Richard Castle stepped off the elevator and began to make his way towards her desk.

Her own smile fell a bit when she noticed that the goofy grin you usually had plastered on his face was not present; he wasn't scowling though, or moping…instead his face appeared almost dead, like a robot powered down and left quiet in the shadows.

Beckett sighed. A week had past since the whole Linchpin incident and Castle was still taking the events badly. She couldn't blame him though; if she had found out that a former love had been a sleeper agent, plotting the falloff the country and, potentially, the entire world…well, Beckett wasn't for sure how she would react, but it wouldn't be with a smile.

Giving Lanie the briefest of nods, Beckett made her way towards her desk. Castle glanced up at her, and she had to force herself to smile. He just looked so sad and lost…the first burnt out of his normally bright eyes, leaving them like dull gemstones that had gone unpolished.

"I was afraid you weren't going to come in today," she said, trying to keep her tone nice and breezy.

"Sorry…had to take care of some things," Castle said. Beckett waited for him to say something, to make a quip or a joke, but nothing came out, leaving them to stare at each other like idiots.

"Listen, I know you just showed up, but I am really hungry…you want to grab a burger or something?"

Castle frowned. "Don't you normally eat at your desk?"

"I'm trying new things…my New Years Resolution."

Shrugging, Castle rose to his feet. It was a slow, plodding motion, so unlike his normal strut. Normally, Castle dazzled everyone with his grace and quick movements, but today he moved like he appeared he should: slowly, every muscle tense as if ready to rush an attacker.

Grabbing her coat, Beckett gave a wave to Esposito and Ryan before following after Castle, leaving the bullpen behind, but not her concerns.

~MC~MC~MC~

12:15 pm

Beckett was sure there were quieter places to eat in New York, but today she needed something filling, so that meant braving the clash and bangs of The Black Foot Diner. It was one of those mom and pop places that managed to survive even in a world full of McDonalds and Famous Original Famous Super Special Awesome Rays. The portions were big, the chatter loud and lively, and the waitresses looked like they had stepped out of a 1960s greasers film.

Castle had ordered a simple sandwich, leaving Beckett to feel a bit like a pig for ordering a double bacon burger with extra fries and a tall shake. But her stomach was doing flip flops and she needed something to weigh it down, so it was time to say 'screw it' to her health and indulge.

With a good half of her burger gone and being able to feel the fries marching towards her thighs, Beckett focused on Castle, considering what she wanted to say to him.

"Listen, I-"

"I need to tell you something…"

The both of them blinked, before chuckling. Beckett motioned for Castle to go first and he nodded, swallowing. His entire body seemed to be ramping up for something, as if he expected at any moment to need to run a marathon.

"I owe you an apology."

"Don't worry about it," Beckett said, waving him off. "I get it that-"

Castle caught her hand, staring her down until she felt her jaw shut with a snap. "Let me finish, please." Beckett merely nodded, her hand feeling very cold the moment he released his grip. "I'm sure you noticed that…after Sophia…I've been really quiet." He waited, as if expecting her to interrupt again, only to find her truly listening. Building his courage, he continued. "I've been turning it over in my head…how could I have not noticed…how could I have been so blind…"

Beckett wanted so badly to speak up, to tell him it wasn't his fault. But she knew he needed to say…whatever it was he was trying to say, and so she respected his wishes and remained silent.

"I realize now that…I never knew her…not the way I should. You see, the moment I saw her I was attracted to her. And the more time I spent with her, the more attracted I got…her little quirks and faults…they just made me more interested. She fought it with a passion…I understand why now, but in the end she gave in. But even after we…got together…" Castle chewed on the words like they were a bad piece of meat, "I still didn't know her.

"I…I realize that I wasn't in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being in love with her. I made her into this ideal, this fictional character and I just focused on that and nothing else. I wasn't in love with her…I just wanted to believe that a guy like me could be with a girl like her."

Beckett fought against herself, wanting to scream, to shout, to say anything. She didn't believe in 6th sense or psychics… but something within her warned that what was coming next was going to be bad.

But she couldn't talk…couldn't move.

All she could do was listen.

"But the thing is, the girl I wanted to be with…it wasn't Sophia. It was this twisted 2-dimensional version of her a cooked up in my head. I never allowed myself to see her as a real person… maybe if I had…"

Castle closed his eyes, and for a moment Beckett was frightened he would begin to cry. But instead, when he opened them, she found that there was a fire once more in his eyes, burning intense and bright.

God, that fire scared her.

"And that is why I need to apologize to you…because I made the same mistake with you as I did with her. I worked myself up thinking I was in love with you…when all I loved was this idea of you and I together. It wasn't fair of me to do that to you…to subject you to my idolization. I'm…I'm so sorry I did that to you…that I didn't see you as a human and only saw you as some phantom goal."

Beckett's upper body was still, frozen in place like she'd been caught in Medusa's gaze. Her lower body was twitching like she had been hit by a bolt of lightning, wiggling and shivering.

"But…the thing is…I do want to get to know you," Beckett sighed in relief. "I'm not saying I'm going to stop following you around and bugging you. But I need to do it right." He reached out again, his smile returning, warm and bright and happy…

…and platonic.

"I want to be your friend, Kate. I want to get to know you, to hang out and have a beer. I want to be there when you need to move, give you advice when you can't decide what dress to wear for a date…god, this is making me sound gay." Castle laughed and Beckett did as well, her head swirling. "The point is, I want to make up for making you uncomfortable…for not treating you as a person. I want to be your friend…or a big brother you set your friends up with." He flashed one of his classic smiles and Beckett bite her lip. "Do you think you can forgive me…and let me try?"

Beckett wet her lips, hands freeing themselves from his grip to snag a fry and shove it in her mouth. "Sure…totally. Always wanted an older brother who was loaded."

Castle laughed, a massive burden lifted from his shoulders. "Thank God…I was so worried you would hate me for all the crap I put you through."

"No…no problem…" Beckett said, taking a bite of her burger.

~MC~MC~MC~

5:00pm

"That's good, right?"

Beckett glanced over at her shrink. He hadn't said a word as she told him about the lunch. He'd merely watched her, occasionally taking notes in that little pad of his, allowing her to tell the facts at her own pace.

"Good?" Beckett parroted from the couch she sat on.

"Yes," her shrink said. "We have discussed Mr. Castle's declaration of love and your concern that you were not ready for such a step. It seems to me that such an action as his would not only be very healthy for him, but also for yourself. It allows you to remain close to someone you trust without having to worry about loving him."

Beckett looked at the man for a moment, her lips twitching as a smile tried to form…only for her to begin to sob.

"Det. Beckett?" The shrink questioned, confused by her reaction.

"Don't you get it?" Beckett said, hating herself for crying.

~MC~MC~MC~

11:25 am

"Lanie…I'm going to do it."

"Do what?" Lanie asked. She had stopped by the precinct to deliver some notes about a John Doe to Beckett and had decided to take a coffee break with her BFF.

"I'm going to tell him."

"Tell…no." Lanie gaped at her friend, nearly spilling her coffee. "You aren't screwing with me, are you? Because that would be mean, girl, and I-"

"I'm serious, Lanie…I'm just waiting for him to come in and then I'm going to ask him to lunch. Gates is giving me the afternoon off…" Beckett smiled playfully, Lanie laughing so hard she was afraid her friend would have a heart attack.

"I suppose you have some things planned for writer boy to do while you have the day off."

Beckett stirred her coffee, a coy smile playing across her face. "Maybe."

"Speak of the devil…"

~MC~MC~MC~

5:05 pm

"I was going to tell him I love him," Beckett said, her tears still falling despite all she did to try and stop them. "I was finally ready to tell him I loved him…and it's too late." Beckett buried her head in her hands, losing the battle with her tears. "I was ready…I was ready…"

~MC~MC~MC~

Author's Note: Yes, this will start off with angst...but humor and romance will come soon (assuming there is a desire for me to continue)