Pages – 3 Doors Down

America

Alfred let out a sigh, pinching his nose as he attempted to write the letter in front of him. He never thought it would be so hard, but he didn't expect it to be easy either. He just wanted people to listen to him for once. To trust him. To appreciate what he does for them. But no, all he was to them was the loud obnoxious American who knew nothing about anything. Maybe there was a reason they saw them that way though, maybe it was because he didn't want them to see the truth. To see how much he really hurt. He didn't want them to worry.

What happens to a man when he spills his heart on a page

And watches words float away then

His feelings lie on the page alone

Arthur entered the meeting room. He was rather early, well, not to early. He was the first to arrive. With a small sigh, he began the preparations for the conference when he spotted a small folded paper sitting just in front of America's chair. Alfred's chair. His first intention was to ignore the letter for the boy when he arrived to see, as he took his chair next to it. But he finally decided against waiting when he noticed written in sloppy handwriting on the top.

To: who ever care's to read this...

It was Alfred's handwriting, there was no way the letter was for him. And so, Arthur lifted the page from the America's spot on the table and began to read, a frown forming on his lips.

There waiting for someone who cares to read them

To open their eyes to see them

To see if they can make his thoughts their own

Whoever cares,

I doubt anyone is reading this, cuz well, no one really cares, right? Hmm. I don't know. I don't know anymore. All I wanted was acceptance. All I wanted was to help. I wanted to be appreciated. To actually be loved. You know what I'm saying? Of course not, cuz no one cares. No one see's me! I mean, yea, you know I'm here. You know I exist. But you don't KNOW me! No one knows me! No one takes the time to know me! I'm sick of it! All you do is criticize me! Hate me! Why can't you all just accept me for who I am. You refuse my help when I try. You don't listen to any of my suggestions. So what if there all stupid! But even when there not, you don't take the time to listen to me. But you know what! You wouldn't survive a day with out me! No! We all depend on each other! I may be 19 but I'm NOT stupid! I know what's going on in the world! I know what you say about me! I'm not ignorant and I'm NOT a child anymore! Stop treating me as one! Actually, you won't have a chance to anymore... I guess... You know what. No one is probably reading this anyway. So by the time you find me... No, You know what. Don't even look. Don't bother yourselves. Cuz once I'm gone, you'll regret everything. Then you'll see, I'm not just a piece of trash you can throw away. I'm not some child who doesn't know what he's talking about. And I'm not someone who can just be silenced. All I wanted was to help, but it doesn't matter now.

The Ex Hero

Alfred F. Jones "America"

What happens to a soul when he's trapped inside his emotions

And all of these words he's spoken

They bind him to the life he's left behind

And every new step he takes

He knows that he might not make it

To all of these dreams that he has yet to find

Arthur's breath caught in his throat as he stared in shock at the letter. Was he really so stupid? Was he really so stupid not to see how much Alfred had been suffering? Dropping the paper, he sprinted from the room, ignoring as the others walked in calmly, giving him looks as they did.

Arthur ran into Alfred's open door. Not bothering to knock. Looking around quickly, the place seemed to be in order. Quickly, he found Alfred in the back room. A bottle of pills scattered the floor.

Matthew was there also, holding Alfred tightly as he shook violently. Alfred's face burred in the Canadian's tan coat, tears streaming from his eyes. Matthew had arrived just before Alfred could do anything terrible. Arthur stood in shock at the door, neither boys bothering to look up at him.

Managing to regain his composure, he moved and knelt next to Alfred, placing a careful hand on his back. The boy flinched slightly, but didn't respond otherwise.

You can see that his broken soul is bleeding

So you can see your feelings inside yourself

and wonder through my heart

Letting you see through me now only consumes me

Forget your pain and watch me fall apart.

Alfred lay asleep in the hospital bed while Matthew and Arthur sat in silence, waiting for him to wake. Suddenly, Arthur broke the silence.

"I feel so stupid, how could I not have seen this." He muttered, more to himself. Matthew looked up at him, a bit surprised by the sudden break in the silence.

He shook his head, answering quietly, "It wasn't your fault, you didn't know."

"There's something I don't understand though," He started. Matthew frowned. "If he didn't want anyone to find him, why pills. It would seem overdoses take to long."

Matthew turned back to Alfred, remaining silent for a moment before finally answering.

"It's cuz in his heart, he did want us to find him. He wanted someone to look, just to see if anyone really cared."

Letting you see through me

Now only consumes me

Forget your pain

Watch me fall apart

As I fall apart