Chapter 25 – Secret Eternity

Hales

Whether one believes it or not, a lifetime can pass right before your eyes, especially if it is full of happy days. Happiness seems to make everything pass by quicker. As the saying goes, time flies when you are having fun. Almost six decades on, I am an old woman, a very old woman and I have done and seen much in my life but I suspect the same can be said of all my friends as we were once a group of adventurers, thirsting for excitement and life beyond the routine.

Merrill found her clan, a group of the Dalish living upon the borders of Ferelden land. She lived a simple elven life, living off the land, marrying and eventually bearing children. Once, she had need to learn of elven past, reach out into the unknown and relearn the ancient ways but such ambitions eventually simmered down and she found that the simple life was perhaps the best. She passed away a few winters ago, peacefully in her sleep.

Aveline and Donnic remained in Kirkwall, forever guarding the citizens of Kirkwall. She eventually had a large brood of children, all of them sharing the same mop of red hair that Aveline had, all of them taking over the 'family business', so to speak, and guarding various cities with their lives. I hear tell that the eldest, Matthew, recently became Guard-Captain in Orlais! Both of them have retired now, living out their twilight years in relative peace.

Isabela continued her pirate ways, living a life on the constant run. She visited as often as she could, each time her tales getting wilder and wilder until one day, her ship crashed along the shores of Antiva and I never heard from her again. Sometimes, I wonder if she is still alive or if she is elsewhere, having her own private sex party.

Varric, like Isabela, continued his single life with Bianca, extending his network for the rest of his life. He continued to fight many battles against the Carta and other parties he refused to name but unfortunately, died quite the number of years ago when he was overwhelmed. We found Bianca beside his body and buried them together. Still, I imagine that he would have wanted to go with a bang.

Mikhail found a wife and worked his way through Kirkwall politics to eventually become Viscount of Kirkwall. He, of course, immediately signed treaties of alliance with both Starkhaven and Ferelden. All three nations benefited as a result and no stronger alliance was ever seen in the history of Thedas. I believe his only child, Maria, is now ruling over Kirkwall as a Viscountess with an even hand after he stepped down from the throne.

Sebastian eventually married Lady Josephine and the two shared a most amicable marriage. They had three sons, Richard, Eugene and Victor, and perhaps it was due to the way Sebastian was brought up but the youngest was the most spoilt. Victor, for a while there, truly did take on Sebastian's more wild days but thankfully, he eventually settled down and became a very talented strategist. I must admit that out of his three sons, I had a rather soft spot for Victor, his intelligence and mischievous nature constantly keeping me entertained. Then there was also his silver, honeyed tongue, it was difficult to find a woman who didn't fall for his charm. One day, though, I suspect and hope that a woman will keep him on his toes. The mighty always fall hard.

Fenris and Anders continued as they were, keeping me company every day, leading their own quiet lives. Both spent much time training Ferelden's soldiers but aside from that, they had as much free time to spend together, their love burning brightly despite the fact that no one ever spoke the words.

Alistair and Elissa continued as King and Queen for about a decade and a half more, ruling over Ferelden with relative ease and fair balance. Very little really changed between me and them, our relationship growing ever stronger and ever deeper with each day that passed. Alistair was always there for me, through thick and thin, right or wrong, good and bad, and to my secret delight, his need to crash my room with platters of cheeses was a pattern that never really changed. Although after Carver and I were married, he learned to knock which was probably a really good thing considering Carver's insatiable nature.

As for me and Carver, we eventually became King and Queen. It was perhaps as Father had once said. We were certainly in the position to make craters or leave deep impressions upon the world. The coronation was awkward to say the least. Carver had made it abundantly clear that whilst he would assume the position and help me in any way possible, the final decision would always be mine, often deferring to me. He often reminded me rather petulantly, "I am not the King of Ferelden. I am the husband to the Queen of Ferelden. Distinct difference."

He and I shared a most strange relationship but I am certain that is not so surprising. Yes, we had our fair share of arguments and fights but somehow, it always ended up with the two of us kissing angrily and passionately, Carver's hands ripping at whatever clothes I had on. Afterwards, we would talk about it and somehow, and sometimes I still am unsure of the how, the matter would resolve. He kept true to his word though and in everyday, he was beside me.

We had three children. Aristide, the eldest favoured daggers and stealth. Bethany, the only girl we had was a very talented mageling. Maurevar, brawny and broad, favoured great big broadswords.

And all of them were a token to the past that gave us our future.

Though over the years, I have ruled Ferelden, made many changes to my kingdom that has given my people both prosperity and affluence, I am as much Ferelden's Queen as I am a Mother and much of my time was very well spent with my children.

Unsurprisingly, my children were quite the handfuls growing up. All of them possessed strong personalities and stubborn traits but all of them also possessed goodness in their hearts, kindness and care. In some ways, they fought often but in other ways, they never fought at all.

As Bethany had once told me after a particularly spectacular brawl in which all three of them sported multiple bruises and split lips, "We're a family of screamers. You and Daddy scream and fight. The three of us scream and fight. Raised voices are our way of saying 'I love you'."

In private and just between the two of us, Carver displayed his ability of showing the very many interpretations of "You and Daddy scream and fight".

Carver made a wonderful father, strict when necessary but loving always. Sometimes it surprised me how easy it was for him to step up to the task. Both maturity and immaturity was a good look on him and perhaps, that was why he succeeded so magnificently in the task. The children adored him, always clambering over him to sit upon his shoulders, nagging at him to tell more stories about our lives together.

Children are wily little creatures and they know when they can push their limits and when to back away. They knew they could get away with picking on Carver, climb onto his back and shoulders. With me, they were much gentler, always hugs and damp kisses, always showing me the newest slimy find in the garden rather than dumping it in my lap.

I had never thought I could ever be so happy.

It was almost three decades after my wedding before the Calling arrived, taking Alistair, Elissa and Anders in one fell swoop. It was a difficult year, one I could barely adjust to if it weren't for Carver. That was the one year in which Carver was actively King. I felt as though my heart had been torn apart without my family.

And Fenris, unable to take the absence of Anders in his life, left the castle not long after they died. He travelled to many places, sent me many letters but never returned to Ferelden again. When one day, the letters stopped coming, I understood what it represented. The castle had never seemed more quiet and even my children were more subdued than they had ever been for a very long time.

But just as one year can take so much away from you, it can also give. By the end of the year, my daughter was with child and my sons were also coming to that stage where they were considering marriage. That was a very strange thing for me to accept. Growing older, realizing that your children are not really children anymore but adults in their own right was bittersweet.

Aristide had told me, "We understand how it is, Mom. You'll always worry and we'll always be your babies but," he said with Carver's shining blue eyes and a beatific smile, "we are growing up and you really don't need to worry so much about us."

Bethany had just giggled from the hearth of the fireplace, one hand on her growing stomach, chocolate brown eyes glinting in the fire whilst Maurevar came to my other side, kissing my cheek, Alistair's honey-browns staring into mine, "We love you, Mom. So much."

"I just can't believe how grown up you all are… wasn't it just yesterday that you were skinning your knees and looking for worms to play with?" I had questioned with wistfulness in my voice.

Carver had kissed the top of my head, help me in his arms and murmured, "Feels that way sometimes but don't worry, given Bethany's swollen womb, we'll have skinned knees very soon."

Bethany had glared at her Father playfully.

I decided to retire from the throne not long after that and though I was relieved, there was no surprise that my three children had decided amongst themselves the roles and duties with peace. Aristide ruled as a great King, Bethany taught as a First Enchanter in the Magi Circle and Maurevar fought as a Templar. We had a little of everything in our family, it seemed.

It seemed right and I never had to worry. They worked so well together. None of them were truly interested in the titles. None were interested in who the King actually was. As Maurevar had said with some brashness, "None of us bloody cares who the King is. We can all take turns at wearing the crown if it bloody well means that much."

I tutted him, "Language."

His reply was, "Blame Dad."

But when Carver died a few years ago, his body catching a disease that it couldn't heal from, I was heartbroken and my life for a while seemed grey and dark without him. It had taken a few days for him to pass, a long and drawn out process that left me broken and sobbing by his side whilst he attempted to placate through heaving coughs.

Without my heart beside me, I felt miserable. My children helped, made my mourning easier and they never left me alone so that I could think of the loneliness I felt.

Once again though, just as life takes, life gives and I was able to watch my great grandchildren being born into the world, our family of Hawke's spreading out into the world, each of them giving me endless reasons to live and love and laugh again.

But I am an old woman and an old woman knows when it is her time.

I take slow steps into the garden, no longer as agile and quick as I once was and sit down at the base of a tree, staring out into the sky's sunset as I wait for the four generations of Hawke's to gather for dinner. I feel tired, so tired and just for a moment, I close my eyes to rest.

"Hello, love."

I open them and Carver is standing on the grass in front of me, a young man again, his blue eyes as bright as the sky and his lips, his perfect mouth, stretching into a smile. He couldn't be any older than twenty-one again, wearing a ripped doublet, black breeches and boots.

I smile and ask him, "What are you doing here?"

Carver grins and jokes, "Haven't you had enough of life without me?"

He always did say the worst things but I laugh anyway, still falling more and more in love with him every day. "Are you here to take me away?"

Easily, he flops beside me on the grass, warm and strong hands taking my cool and wrinkled ones. He asks again, a little more serious this time, "Haven't you had enough of life without me?"

"The children are coming," I say simply.

He nods, understanding my need to say goodbye, "I will stay with you."

When I blink again, I realize that I was dreaming, had fallen asleep and my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren are waking me, asking me if I feel alright. I stare into their faces, a mixture of my features and Carver's. I stare into chocolate brown eyes, sky blues and even Alistair's honeyed ones and I say simply, "Carver's come for me," and the knowledge is joyous but bittersweet at the same time.

There are smiles, there are tears, there are long embraces, tight hugs and kisses of affection, some even a little sloppy and wet but it is time and though I will miss seeing my children every single day, I know the intermittent pause is not as long as it really does seem at times. And when I close my eyes again, death is kind, easy and swift, painless as falling asleep.

When I wake, I am with Carver and I am young again, my long hair decorated with flowers pinned behind my ear like I am no more than the farm girl I used to be. I stare around me and it is as though nothing has changed. I am still in Ferelden, the grass is still as soft, the skies still as blue, even the castle sits as it once did.

I ask him, "So, this is heaven?" It is surprising. I had expected… clouds or maybe a huge golden gate that would open up to me. It was faintly anti-climactic.

"It is life as we once lived it, only different," he replies before shrugging, "You'll see."

Then from afar, I can see a huge group of people waiting for me, the ones I have loved and will always love. Alistair waves at me, his smile bright and young again. I can hear Elissa giggling, caught up in conversation with Sebastian. Fenris is curled up to Anders, both of them leaning against a tree, peaceful smiles and loving eyes directed at me. Isabela is… drunk but that is hardly surprising, a gleam of true contentment in her eyes. Varric is fondling Bianca, Merrill is still giggling naïvely at a joke and her husband is standing proudly by her side. Mother and Father are standing with Bethany's enthusiastically bouncing form, all of them healthy, young and eager to see me. They're waving, all of them laughing and things are really not as different as I thought, and feared, they might have been.

As I make my way towards them, I am pulled into Carver's chest and his eyes stare into mine with expectance. He says in a demanding tone, "I have waited years to kiss you again. They can wait."

We share a kiss and it is perfection incarnate, deep and sweet, his tongue sliding between my lips without thought, his arms holding me tight against the strength of his chest. I can feel the hums of lyrium still connecting with my mana, feel his relief at being able to hold me again, hear his voice as he whispers in my mind.

Let's just go. Skip the party. I want you alone, need you alone… right now.

I laugh and skip away, my legs capable of quick movements now, twisting out of his grasp.

Nice to see your insatiable need for my body hasn't changed even after dying. Although, you've been waiting this long, a little while longer won't kill you. I'm sure you can handle the stress.

He laughs despite himself and sweeps me off my feet, carrying me in his arms like he used to, as though I still weigh only a feather and throws at me, "Tease, don't think I'm not considering scandalizing our family by making love to you right here on the grass," before kissing me again as my arms wind around his neck and he walks the rest of the way to the group.

And just as he releases me, just as he lets me turn to the others, Carver repeats in my ear what he once said to me at our wedding, almost a lifetime ago, "However long eternity turns out to be, I will always be yours. I love you and I always will."

A/N: And it is finished! I know the tone of this chapter was different from the rest, I hope it didn't mess up the entire story and still managed to flow on.

I'm hoping that since Arcanum is finally finished (I know it has taken a while), I hope my reviewers and readers will do me the favour and send me one last comment about their feelings and emotions and opinions about the entire story as a whole and tell me where my skills as a writer could be improved. Let me know what you liked, what you didn't like and what you totally hated, I really want to hear from everyone.

I still cannot believe it's over. I still cannot believe that I managed to finish this fic. It started as a prompt, an idea and it branched out into a novel length story and it has been such a challenging piece for me. I have never really written something so long and so in-depth before and I really hope I did a good job. I'm proud of it, whatever the case.

Thank you to all the reviewers, for all of your kind words of encouragement and praise. I have been so grateful and so blessed by the amount of kindness I've received for this fic (and others too) and I'd just like to let you all know how thankful I am. In particular, I'd like to mention two people:

Mistress Vo - I cannot put in words how much you've done for me. You're endless enthusiasm and encouragement has been one huge reason for this final product and your editing skills have saved me so much stress! You have spent countless hours listening to me yap on and on about all of my different ideas and you have always been there for me. Sister, we've often spoken about life and love but as for soulmates, I think I found one right here. I love you. Thank you so much.

Hatsepsut - You have, in particular, been so active in giving me comments and lovely reviews. I just wanted to put you up here to say I've noticed and I'm very grateful!

Finally, I have decided that for a little while at least, I will probably go on a hiatus in terms of writing fanfiction. I'll still be around if anyone wants to shoot me messages but I've decided to try my hand at some original fiction. If I do ever get it written and if I am lucky enough to have it published, I'll post a message up here to let you all know! I hope you will all support me in this.

Please R&R and please always know that you have my love.
Ann