Written for anon on tumblr.

I don't know how I feel about this. Sooo much angst, and they're pretty OOC. I don't know. Eh.

Oh, light Sam/Lucifer and Sam/Gabriel in the background.

Why We Fight

Dean Winchester and Castiel don't fight. They have disagreements when it comes to the best way to fight monsters, and sometimes about Cas' angel duties. Mostly, they argue when Cas bring the wrong kind of pie. But they don't fight.

(Their disagreements don't last very long, because Dean is physically incapable of staying mad at Cas for more than a few minutes; less if the angel has pie. Dean loves pie, and more than that, he loves his angel.)

Given that they never fight, Sam is rather surprised when he enters the motel to find Dean with a bloody nose, and Cas nowhere to be seen.

"What happened? Where's Cas?" he asked.

Dean grumbled and shot him a glare that very clearly told Sam to drop it or be prepared to deal with the consequences.

(The consequences, at best, being a fist fight, at worst, being forced to sleep in the car. Sam's legs just couldn't handle that.)

Dean and Cas didn't fight. The last time they got into a physical altercation was when Dean planned to say yes to Michael. They had been fought with each other over the whole purgatory ordeal. But they don't fight, not anymore. Sometimes they argue, because they do have different opinions on a lot of things (pizza toppings, soap operas, 'good' music), but they don't fight. Not really.

Cas doesn't come back for over a week. Dean doesn't mention it, and Sam knows better than to bring it up. When he finally does return, with information from Heaven, he doesn't look directly at Dean.

Sam used to find it very off-putting when Dean and Cas would stare at each other for what felt like hours on end (he doesn't think of it as eye-sexing because that gives him visuals he really doesn't need). It was like they were having a full conversation without moving their mouths. They would discuss the situation and come to some kind of agreement without so much as a word. Sam was utterly thrown off by this for a long while. But then, it happened so often, that it became so normal that Sam hardly noticed it happening. Until it stopped.

(When Dean and Cas finally gave in to the sexual tension, they couldn't look at each other for days. Sam immediately regretted asking what was up. Dean told him bluntly, and when he saw the deer-in-the-headlights look on Sam's face, he didn't hesitate to share ALL of the details. Sam ran from the room while Dean laughed.)

Sam looks back and forth between Cas and Dean, who are very pointedly not look at each other. Cas is directing most of his attention at Sam, while Dean is fiddling with something in his duffle.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asks when Cas leaves.

"What?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

(Sam likes Dean and Cas together. Before they got together, Sam had desperately hoped that they would. He could see the way they looked at each other. He could see that Dean was happier when Cas was around.)

"Whatever you guys fought about, it can't be that bad."

"Drop it, Sam," Dean says sharply, lugging his bag over his shoulder.

Knowing that Dean isn't going to talk, Sam goes to Cas instead. But Cas doesn't come whenever Sam calls. In fact, Sam is pretty sure he only comes when Dean calls. Which Dean doesn't do anymore. The only time Cas comes around, is when he has information. Those days are few and far between, and they're getting farther.

(Dean and Cas did fight once. Sam doesn't really count it as a real fight though. He had spent almost a week trying to get them to at least talk to one another, before he found out what the argument was actually about. It was something stupid and Sam vowed never to play mediator again.)

Three months after the initial fight, Sam and Dean could really use some angelic assistance, but Dean refuses to call, and Cas doesn't come, not matter how loud Sam tries. It's been weeks since they've seen him.

"Come on, Dean," Sam practically begs. "We're way out of our league here. We need him."

"We don't need him," Dean replies.

"Dean-"

"He isn't gonna come, Sam," Dean says. Sam can sense the agitation growing in his voice.

(Sam knows he's gonna regret it, because an angry Dean is not a pretty sight. But Dean needs to get whatever this is out in the open. He'll probably pummel Sam in the process, but maybe it'll help. Sam pushes him.)

"Dean-" he tries again.

"We didn't need his help before. We don't need anyone. We did fine on our own for years. We'll figure it out," Dean says, temper still rising.

"Things are different now-"

"No they're not!"

"If you just tried-"

"He's not coming back!" Dean shouts.

Sam blinks in surprise. "What?"

"He isn't. Coming. Back," Dean hisses. "He's gone, Sam. Gone for good."

Dean gets up and walks across the room, desperate to escape the prying eyes of his brother.

"What do you mean, he isn't coming back? Of course he is."

"No, he isn't Sam. He got a better offer."

"Dean-"

"They promoted him. He's an Archangel now. He's got a lot more on his plate now. He isn't coming back. He isn't allowed," he finishes quietly.

"And he agreed to that?" Sam asks.

(He knows he's pushed too far. He's lucky he got as much as he did. Dean is closing up again. He takes his shoes off as he moves, then he throws himself into the bed, facing away from Sam. Conversation effectively over.)

"Come on, Dean."

(Sammy never was very good at knowing when to shut up. He receives a pillow to the face for it.)

"You know," Lucifer tells Sam while Dean sleeps. Sam ignores him. He's gotten used to ignoring the devil. It's easy. "We don't know the full extent of their argument, but what we know about them can be pretty telling."

Sam continues tapping at the computer, ignoring the fallen angel.

"You can ignore me all you want, Sammy boy, but sooner or later, you're going to realize I'm right. Here's how I see it: Cassie told Dean-o that the boys upstairs wanted to promote him. But if he accepts the offer, he'd never see Dean again. You know as well as I that Dean is a self destructive masochist, so he told Castiel to say yes. Cas didn't want to, but he doubts Dean's love for him. He thinks Dean doesn't want him there. So he leaves."

(No way in hell is Sam going to admit it, but he knows the Devil is right. What's worse is that Lucifer knows he knows.)

"Running away from heaven isn't easy," he continues. "Not many have done it without losing their powers, and their memories. But, if you could convince Cas to come back, there's someone who could show him how."

"Why are you trying to help?" Sam asks. He kicks himself. The Devil grins. Finally he's gaining some leeway.

"Is it so hard to believe that I just want what's best for the hunter and his angel?"

"Yes," Sam says. He's already screwed up, why pretend.

"Well, I do. Castiel was always one of my favorites."

(Sam doubts this, because Castiel is one of the most Human Angels there is and Lucifer hates humans.)

"I just want him to be happy."

"And you think he could be happy if he ended up like you? He'd never do it," Sam spits.

"Oh, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy," the Devil says, shaking his head. "I'm not the only Archangel to escape heaven."

Sam looks up at him in shock.

"Gabriel is dead," he hisses quietly. "You killed him."

"Ooh, his a sore spot, did I?" Lucifer giggles. Actually giggles. "Gabriel's death was somewhat - exaggerated – shall we say."

Sam stares daggers at him. "What are you saying?"

"Gabriel isn't dead," the Devil grins.

(Gabriel isn't dead. It takes some work, but Sam is able to track him down. The Archangel/Demigod/Trickster is, to say the least, surprised when Sammy finds him. He agrees to help, because he's always liked Cas, and even more, he's always liked Sam. All Sam has to do is find a way to get the newly made Archangel down to earth. Gabriel most certainly isn't going into heaven to find him.)

Getting Cas down to Earth proves to be slightly easier than Sam had initially expected, though he isn't exactly pleased with the circumstances.

(Dean has always been a reckless driver. He takes care of his 'Baby', but he also does a lot of stupid things. Like get into car crashes.)

"His chances are not looking good," the doctor says, after several minutes of harassment from Sam's end (and Lucifer urging him on all the while). "We're hopeful that he'll wake up in the next forty-eight hours."

"And if he doesn't?" Sam asks, though he knows the answer.

"Then it's not likely he'll wake up at all."

(Sam stands on the roof and screams for Castiel. He's sure it's pointless, because Cas never comes when he calls. But its Dean so he has to try.)

"What happened?" Castiel asks.

"Cas." Sam breathes a sigh of relief.

"What happened?" he asks again.

(Cas practically runs to Dean's room and places a hand on the hunter's forehead.)

"Cas?" Dean asks hoarsely, when he awakes. "What are you doing here?"

He isn't happy. Cas can see it. He knows he shouldn't be there.

"You would be dead in under three days if Sam hadn't called me," Cas replies.

"You shouldn't be here," Dean says, looking away. "You said you weren't coming back. You shouldn't be here."

(His voice is shaky. He hates himself for it.)

"Fine then," Cas said, rising to leave. "Next time I will just leave you to die."

"You two are the biggest pair of idiots I have ever met," Gabriel's voice tells them. He and Sam are standing in the doorway, wearing matching expressions.

"I think you two should talk," Sam says, pulling the door closed.

Castiel looks confused for a moment, then defeated.

"Since when are doors a match for a big, badass Archangel of the Lord?" Dean asks.

"Gabriel has placed sigils all around the room. I cannot leave until he allows me to."

(They sit in silence for what feels like forever before Dean finally speaks.)

"I miss you," he says quietly, because he can't keep it to himself anymore.

"You are the one who told me to leave, Dean," Cas replies. Dean is pretty sure there is a hint of anger there.

"Doesn't make it any less true."

"You have no right," Cas says. "You told me to leave, and never come back. You have no right to miss me."

(His voice isn't angry. Dean misread. Its sadness.)

"You never could have been happy with me," Dean says, shaking his head.

(There aren't tears in his eyes, he tells himself. He wills them to leave. They don't listen.)

"Me or Heaven," Dean continued. "There's no choice in there. It's always Heaven. No matter how much I want you to stay, no matter how much I love you… I don't compare."

"Shouldn't you have let me decide that for myself."

"I know what you would have picked," Dean says.

"You don't!" Cas exclaimed. "You pushed me away in fear that I would chose Heaven over you. You chose for me, so you didn't have to fell rejection. But I would not. I would not have picked Heaven over you."

"Then you're an idiot," Dean said.

(He doesn't deny the tears that are falling now. He can't control them. He doesn't try.)

"No, Dean. It is you who is an idiot. I would rather be human, die a human death, than never see you again. I love you, Dean."

(Dean doesn't know what to do with that.)

"It's too late," Castiel says sadly. "I have already been given my new title. I cannot back out."

"Gabriel did it," Dean points out.

(They're both pretty stupid when it comes to this whole relationship thing. But they both want it to work, and that's enough, right?)