First of all, yes, I know that the Pharaoh isn't this horny. I just thought this would be hilarious.

Second of all, sorry if it takes me a while to update. I just do this when I have a funny idea (You can help with that, my dear reviewers), so it might not be often. Also, I'm working on a Spirited Away fanfic, and this is something of a side project.

Third of all, I know that this was supposed to be a single chapter. A one-shot, so to speak, but when I get a review that indicated lower expectations, I get all competitive. XD I know that this one could turn out to be worse... but I had to try.

Fourth of all, I love all of you who reviewed!

Fifth of all, please understand that the sexual orientation of my characters may change. Because I feel like it.

Sixth of all, I will probably always call Anzu/Tea 'Anzu'. For I like the name better. It means peach, did you know?

Fifth of all, Did'ja notice my mistake?

You know, came the deep, mocking voice of the Pharaoh reverberating in Yugi's mind, this is quite the threesome.

Yugi jerked away from Anzu, choking on his tongue. "God dammit-"

Beside Yugi, lounging in a similar chair, sat his alter-ego, completely invisible to Anzu, who was sitting at the other side of the table. Or standing, rather, as it would be quite difficult to reach otherwise.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Anzu scrambled, a hand lifting unconsciously to her lips, "I- I never meant to be so-"

"No, no, Anzu, you didn't do anything– Or, no, I- I mean you did do something, but nothing that was– I mean you're great, but, ah-"

Keep going, you're making it much better.

"Shut the hell up, you bastard!" Yugi shouted, only to be rewarded with a mischievous smile from the man beside him. Then, seeing the look on Anzu's face, he hurried to add, "No, not you! I mean–"

The 3,000 year old invisible man sitting next to you.

"Atem..." Yugi growled.

"Oh..." Anzu sighed in relief, "He's there, isn't he?"

Yugi nodded tiredly, rubbing a knot out of his temple. He sat back down in his chair across the table. "When is he ever not?"

When he's getting laid, that's when he's not. Seriously, how long have we been making out when there's a perfectly good table right there? I can just watch if it makes you uncomfortable. Then we can switch, and–

Yugi gritted his teeth, hissing. "God Dammit, Pharaoh..."

It's like you're reluctant, the Pharaoh continued, what are you, sixteen? And you're still a virgin?

This isn't ancient Egypt! Virginity is perfectly normal for my age! This time Yugi remembered to communicate mentally.

"You're angry," Anzu said, carefully, "is he...?"

Oh, yes. I am, in fact, having a great time.

Pharaoh!

"Yeah, he's being a bastard is all, and I- what the–?"

The Millennium Puzzle let out a bright glow all of the sudden, golden light shimmering into the air around the boy. Yugi was consumed by it, his appearance having changed in only the slightest of ways when the light dissipated.

"How's it going, sexy?"

His personality, however, had altered incredibly.

"Pharaoh–?"

"Don't you injure your pretty, under-pampered ego about our little aibou. Yugi is having a fantastic time. You can take my word for it," he leaned forward until he was inches away from Anzu's face, "I can feel everything he does, and hear every single thought. And he's practically–" The Puzzle began glowing again, catching his attention. "Shit," the Pharaoh spat, flatly.

"Atem you whoring, bitchy, arrogant, depraved bastard son of a bitch!" And then it was Yugi again, the line of his jaw, curve of his chin, and shape of his eyes having softened, though his words did not experience the same effect. "Shut the f**k up before I rip your puzzle apart and toss it down the garbage disposal!"

But the faded, ghost-like man beside him seemed only capable of hysterical laughter.

When Yugi looked up at Anzu again, her face was pinker than Valentine's Day, eyes meeting his in astonishment.

"Oh, ah–" Yugi was trapped. He was caught between the need to apologize and the need to explain. Since the explanation was not likely forthcoming– "I'm so sorry, those aren't words I should use in front of you or any other–"

Whore?

"–woman."

"It's, ah, okay, Yugi..." Anzu said, staring at the Puzzle with a slightly different shine to her eye. "I don't mind..."

Hah. That's what you said, The Pharaoh chuckled, acting as if he couldn't see the hell that he was making this experience for Yugi. Though of course, he absolutely could.

Anzu watched as Yugi's face turned a deep, deep red, his head bowing into his hands so that she couldn't see his face. She heard a low-whispered, "shut up," as if it were some sort of plea to God.

"...Anzu?" Yugi asked, head still in his hands.

She blinked. "Yes?"

"Please," he begged, "Don't listen to anything he says. He can be a bit... Aggressive with people when he's... Ah..."

Said the UKE!

"Anyway," Yugi said, purposefully blocking out Atem's voice with some effort. "We just have to ignore him. You know that he's from ancient Egypt, and you must understand that he just doesn't understand what is socially appropriate in this time period-"

Bitches just love ancient Egyptian–

"...and he'll give up eventually."

You sound like a ten-year-old–

"Or maybe he'll just-"

And look like one, too.

"-Or maybe he'll just get too annoyed to carry on. Either way works for me, really."

Yup, and now there was something like triumph in the Pharaoh's voice, You could go both ways.

Yugi's face tightened as he clenched his teeth, forehead furrowing in anger.

But then he had composed himself, as quickly as he could.

Anzu nodded absent-mindedly, not having seen the expression. "What's it like, to have him there all the time?"

"Well," Yugi said, "It's a bit difficult to deal with his constant bitching–"

God, this is a boring conversation.

"–But sometimes it comes in handy. I mean, like when a jerk wants to play a–" Yugi looked down at his puzzle again, "Ah, Sh–"

But then he was gone once more in a flash of brightness. Except this time his replacement didn't seem to have much to say. In fact, he didn't say a word.

"...Pharaoh?" Anzu asked through the silence.

The Pharaoh looked up briefly from where he was staring at the table, fingers worrying at the table cloth. "Yes?"

"You... Ah... What is it you want this time?"

"This time I'm just saving your ass from his rambling. He does that. Just enjoy the silence for the few seconds that I can keep–"

Yugi switched places with the Pharaoh again, looking quite smug that he had accomplished it so quickly. It was a rather constant battle for their mutual body– usually the Pharaoh was the submissive one. Yugi was more aggressive in keeping control. He had, after all, been there first.

You said it, séme.

"Sorry," Yugi said, the word a little strained as he fought to ignore the comment.

"Yeah... Um...," Anzu hesitated. "So are you free tomorrow?"

Bad sign.

It's your fault, dammit!

"Sure, Anzu..." Yugi said, shrugging. He awkwardly reached forward to smooth out the blue dinner cloth. They had originally decided to merely have a nice dinner at his house, but once the dishes had been removed–

All hell broke loose. You're both amateurs at kissing. I can't imagine what second base will–

Shut your ungodly mouth.

Hah. Ungodly. You know, Pharaohs were actually considered-

"I'll see you later, then." Anzu smiled at Yugi as she turned to leave, a little hesitantly. When the door had shut behind her, Yugi turned to the Pharaoh, who sat, invisible to anyone else that may have been looking, in the chair adjacent to his.

-Godly, Atem said, out of seemingly nowhere.

"What?" Yugi sputtered aloud.

Pharaohs. It's ironic that you said 'ungodly' because we were actually considered to be gods in the old days.

"You can just go straight to hell," Yugi said, but the insult was half-hearted.

Technically, I should already be there, the Pharaoh said, as if this thought had never occurred to him before. Huh.

"Why do you always have to interfere? Isn't there anything else you could do when you're not in control?"

You do not want me to answer that question, my dear aibou.

Yeah. I don't have incredibly much to say, really.

But it's true, the little Pharaoh trivia at the end. I swear it. Tell your friends.