A/N – I think this is my first BBT fic. I can't remember and I'm too lazy to check. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

"You know what, this isn't working." Penny said in resignation. She stood, scooping her purse off the couch next to her and grabbing the script out of Leonard's hands. Then she turned on her heel and walked out.

"B-but we were just getting to the good part." Leonard yelled, jumping to his feet and looking after Penny sadly. He looked dejectedly at Sheldon who had just come out of his room to look stoically at the scene before him.

"What did you do to make Penny so upset?" He asked, moving to his spot on the couch.

"She says I can't act." Leonard said. Sheldon mentally rolled his eyes at Leonard's usual melodrama. Sheldon couldn't see why his roommate would even care. He was a theoretical physicist, not an actor.

"Why would that matter?"

"You see, she's auditioning for a movie and needs someone to rehearse with." He whimpered. "This was possibly my last chance to win Penny overss again."

Sheldon didn't know why Leonard thought that. He saw Penny an average of two times a day, seven days a week. If there was fifty-two weeks in a year, Leonard would see Penny seven hundred and twenty-eight days a year—plenty of time to trick Penny into dating him again. Leonard had done it once, he could do it again.

"I don't know what winning has anything to do with anything, Leonard, but obviously she needs the help of an expert with this rehearsing." He stood. "I can't imagine why she didn't come to me in the first place."

Leonard looked at him crossly. "Expert? Sheldon…you run on two emotions: crazy and crazier. How could you be an actor?"

Sheldon shot him a deadly look. Leonard was going to make the list if he wasn't careful. "I prefer eccentric, thank you very much—all the greats were." Sheldon quipped back, trying his best to look offended but to be honest, he was used to Leonard by now and his unwillingness to bow down to Sheldon's superior intelligence. Dr. Cooper made a mental note to eliminate Leonard first when he finally rose to power. "And I did take an acting lesson last year. I am an expert on the theatrical arts, Leonard. Really…sometimes I think you don't know me at all."

"Yeah, an acting lesson, Sheldon, as in one."

"I don't see your point." Sheldon crossed his arms and looked much like a young child defying a parent.

"It's not like you could help Penny anyway. The scene…," Leonard began. Then he saw Sheldon's smug expression and stopped. "You know what, Sheldon. Go ahead."

It was an unnecessary comment though—Sheldon was already halfway out the door.

Standing along in the middle of the apartment, Leonard just smirked and then turned on the TV and wait for it all to blow up.

Knock. Knock. Knock. "Penny." Knock. Knock. Kn—

"What Sheldon?" Penny stood in the doorway wearing a pair of short shorts and one of her signature tank tops. Her hair was piled lazily on her head, and her left hand was wrapped tightly the throat of a wine bottle. Obviously she was stressed out.

"I am here to offer my expertise." He proclaimed, striding into the room like he owned the place.

"On what? Being a freak?"

"…Ignoring that." He said, his eye twitching as he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Penny sighed and shut the door. "No, I am here to replace Leonard as your theatrical partner since he is obviously very bad at acting."

Penny raised an eyebrow. "And you're not?"

"Well, if I recall correctly—which I do, of course—I received instruction from you on May 5th of last year on how to be a good actor. Are you to say that you aren't a good enough actress to sufficiently pass on your skill?"

"Not in one lesson."

"You forget that I have an eidetic memory." Penny gave him a confused look. "Oh I forget, I must dumb down my speech for the common folk. I have a photographic memory." He told her, his droll voice dripping with layers and layers of thinly veiled contempt and blatant sarcasm.

"Whatever." Penny said, taking a swig of wine. "Why would you want to help me anyway?" She placed a hand on her hip.

"I just want to share my knowledge with you." Sheldon said, his tone defensive. Penny looked at him in surprise, expecting demands or otherwise. "Plus—"

"There is it…" She muttered.

"—if you someday get an Academy Award (which is highly unlikely, even with my help) you can say that recent Nobel Prize winner, Sheldon Cooper once helped you audition for the part that turned out to be your big break."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Penny drained the rest of the wine bottle. Her head buzzed very lightly but not badly—the bottle was already almost empty when she retrieved it from under her sink.

"You're quite welcome, Penny." Sheldon said. "Now, shall we get started?"

Penny shrugged. "Eh, what the hell?" She passed him a script. "The scene is about two federal agents who despite being complete opposites and fighting all the time, fall in love."

Penny was sure she saw Sheldon twitch slightly again when she finished, and she smiled lightly. Then she drained her face of all emotion and waited for Sheldon to start.

"How would you like it if I lied to you, Katherine?" Sheldon barked, his voice loud and angry, but his performance still blatantly Sheldon.

"I never lied to you, Michael. If you'd let me explain for once instead of jumping to conclusions, then we wouldn't be in this mess in the first mess." Sheldon (er…Michael) opened his mouth as if to speak. "No, don't give me any more of your petty excuses. I've heard them all. I'm not having a good day. You bring out the worst in me. I had indigestion that day. Gosh, I don't know how you passed high school with those kinds of god awful excuses. You can't do anything right!"

"So you lie, and I'm the wrong one?" Sheldon said. Penny was surprised at the change in his voice, his expression. Maybe he got more out of her lesson than she thought. "How does that work, Katherine?"

"Not any more than you do apparently. When was the last time you did any actual work, Michael, huh? Last week? Last year?" She paused, looking frazzled. "Three months to be exact. And you know how I know? I've been doing all your paperwork for you!"

"Why? Because I can't do it myself? Newsflash, Katherine, I'm a federal agent too. I don't need you treating me like a child. I got here, I can do the work." Sheldon/Michael snarled, stepping towards Penny. She involuntarily stepped back, only to find herself nearly backed up against the living room table. She looked back at Sheldon who was standing just inches away from her now.

She had to check her script quickly. "I never said you couldn't do the work!" She screamed, giving him a soft push. He hardly noticed. "I was just trying to help!"

"Help? Help! I said I don't need your help!"

Penny, after a glance at her stage directions, started tearing up. Sheldon looked confused at first but after a quick check of his own paper cleared things up. "I-I just didn't want you to lose your job. Ever since this case with Monroe, you've been…stressed and overworked. A-and I'd do anything to make sure that you don't leave me again. That day three years ago, when I thought you were dead…I wanted to die too. I-I'm sorry." Her tears were full blown now.

"Katherine…Kathy." Sheldon cooed softly, grabbing her face with both of his hands and using his thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Even though it was acting, Penny caught herself blushing at Sheldon's gentleness. He noticed. "Don't cry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's just…I should be looking after you, not the other way around. If anyone is leaving here…it's you. You're a great agent, better than I'll ever be anyhow, and one day the government is going to swoop in here and take you away from me. You'll be off to bigger and better things. Me? I'll always be here, behind this same old desk."

"Y-you're afraid that you'll lose me?" She choked out.

"I never want to lose you."

Done. Penny thought triumphantly.

There was one more stage direction but Penny wasn't going to force Sheldon to do anything he was uncomfortable with, no matter how much she wanted to follow the lines to the tee. But as she started to turn away, she found herself caught by Sheldon's hand still cupping the side of her face.

She looked back at him, his eyes half-shut and his mouth slightly agape. This was a different Sheldon from the usual stuck-up one. Then it hit her. This was Michael. And Michael was going to finish the scene.

His lips brushed against hers softly, feeling slightly chapped but gentle at the same time. Sheldon moved closer, his body nearly flush against Penny's. His hands stayed on her face while Penny's own hands found a place on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat thudding under her fingers was better than standing there awkwardly with her hands hanging by her sides.

Sheldon pressed against her more until she really was up against the table. The kiss grew hungrier, and he nibbled lightly at her lip. She wondered where he learned that, but decided she didn't care when his tongue ran over her lip, begging for access. Penny granted, relishing in the strangely sterile yet sweet taste of Sheldon Cooper.

Then when Penny thought Sheldon was finally going to let her up for air, his hand snaked into her hair and tugged her even harder against him. No guy had ever done that before, not in the heat of the moment, never, and while she wasn't a masochist, she did enjoy it a bit rough. The clumsy handling of Zack was irritating and the fragile treatment from Leonard was plain insulting. Sheldon knew she wasn't going to break, and she had to admit she liked it.

The kiss had gone farther than a simple stage kiss, and if they had been on camera, Penny knew the director would be delighted with what occured.

Finally they broke apart, breathing heavily and feeling lightheaded. They tipped their head towards one another, their forehead touching.

Neither said anything for a minute. Then Penny said, "You act very well, Sheldon."

He didn't smile or say "of course" like she expected. Instead he closed his eyes, licked his lips, and said, "I wasn't acting at the end."

Penny's eyes went wide as Sheldon gave her a simple peck on the lips. He pulled back again. "Really?" She breathed.

"I admit I might have become caught up in the moment but I can assure you that this was something I've wanted for a long time."

"Well, I wanted it too, verily." Penny said eagerly, pulling Sheldon in for another kiss.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, deciding that this time he wouldn't scold for using "verily" wrong. …Maybe later.

Back in apartment 4A, Leonard looked at the clock. 12'oclock. Midnight.

Where was Sheldon? Leonard expected that when his roommate learned that he would have to kiss Penny to complete the scene, he would march back over and yelled at Leonard for not warning him. That was three hours ago.

Leonard could have sworn he heard some muffled screams that sounds suspiciously like Sheldon's name, but brushed it off as his sleepy imagination. Or maybe Penny killed Sheldon.

That sounded nice, and with that thought, Leonard went back in his own room to sleep the night away. He paused as he swore he heard the scream again—distinctly female—but it was so abrupt.

He was imagining things…

A/N - And NO, they weren't having tons of hot, kinky sex. Sheldon's a germaphobe. Yeesh…don't be ridiculous. Penny just finally snapped and tried to kill Sheldon (while naked…and in her bed). Damn…there goes the pg rating. R&R please.