A/N Woot the angst! I was totally stuck on the last part so I shifted
gears a bit. This is a filler typed of chapter, we'll get back to the boys
the next time. Please review!
I noticed him the first day of class. Acting and Film. He came in just as the instructor was introducing himself and sat just outside the circle. He was cute, disorganized, constantly pushing his glasses up on his nose, he apologized for his lateness, and turned bright red. I liked his glasses, they suited him, I could tell that much. He had on that red plaid jacket that he still wore years later. My grandfather had that coat and used to go chop wood in it.
Mark was quirky and I took notice.
He spoke out all the time, spouting out opinions about theory, and light, and subtext in filmmaking. He was a fan of subtext, didn't like to be told what to think, but instead he liked to figure it out. He was smart and passionate, and I couldn't help thinking about him after class. He had this unique way about him, all the girls in the class had crushes on him, but he never noticed. He never even stopped to try.
I decided I wanted him.
I waited for him after class. He and the professor were debating about some independent filmmaker that I had never heard of. The rest of the class had long been gone and students for the next class were waiting in the hall for them to be done. He finally came out and walked right past me.
"Mark!" He kept walking, his mind obviously on something else. "Mark!" I approached him and tapped his shoulder.
"Oh, hey." He pulled off his headphones, "Marie, right?"
"Maureen."
"Oh sorry." He looked down and shrugged, his face turning red again.
"It's ok, Mark." I flirted, "Look, do you have a partner for the next project?"
"Uh, yeah. Professor Rainey assigned us partners, remember?"
"Oh right." I could tell he didn't realize what I was asking, I would have to be more abrupt with this one. "Would you like to go out to a movie tonight?"
He looked up with me with such complete shock, it was as if I asked him if he wanted to drop to the floor and fuck. "Oh… uh…"
"It would be fun to get to know each other." I smiled and blinked my eyes while I touched the sleeve of his coat.
He pulled his arm away, "No, I don't think so. I have a lot of work to do."
It was my turn to be shocked.
No guy had ever turned me down before.
"Oh… uh… ok."
"Sorry, Maria." He shrugged and put his headphones back on.
I didn't talk to him again the rest of the semester but I couldn't forget the rejection. He was cute and the more he babbled away about film the more I wanted him.
Of course the semester ended, and I didn't think I would ever see him again.
It wasn't until two years later, in a different city that we met again.
I recognized Mark right away, and smiled at him, trying to induce any relocation on his part. Roger mistook that smile to be towards him and he started talking to April and me. April wanted to go the party, but I discreetly motioned to her that I thought Mark was cute and we were on our way.
I wasn't going to let him get away that time.
It is so easy to go back in time. I can almost see both of those scenes as if I was watching one of Mark's films. Instead, I'm here, crashing, desperate and tired. As I walked down Hollywood Boulevard, I silently congratulate myself for finally making it there.
My mind wanders back to him.
Mark was getting married. That's it for him and me. There will never be an us again.
Now the us is Roger and Maureen.
Roger and Maureen. I know he is only with me out of guilt. He is trying to save me because he couldn't save April or Mimi. He can't save me, no one can.
No one but him.
But now, he isn't going to be there for me.
I should have known that he would find someone. I let him go, I tell myself and the ache in my veins throb. He moved away and forgot us. How could I blame him?
"Hey baby, want a date?" The girls I walk by cackle to the men driving past.
"Do you know where I can get something?" I stopped to ask one of the girls.
"Sure, sweetie, of course." She smiled at me. I imagined that she was from a farm in Iowa and came to Hollywood to make it big, and ended up here. Isn't that how it always happens? "Come with me."
I followed her down the street and into a building. "Max hooks up all the girls." She stated as we walked up the stairs. She knocked on a door and I entered and immediately saw a gun pointed at me. "Give me everything, bitch." The girl stood there laughing
"Uh…" I looked around but she was blocking the door and he was walking toward me
First he took my cell phone, the little bit of money I had, my jewelry. The prostitute wanted my shoes, so she took those too. "Here's your smack, bitch." He pushed me to the ground, and I banged my head against the floor.
He and the girl took off, leaving me alone.
I sobbed, praying for someone to rescue me, to take me away.
But no one did.
I noticed him the first day of class. Acting and Film. He came in just as the instructor was introducing himself and sat just outside the circle. He was cute, disorganized, constantly pushing his glasses up on his nose, he apologized for his lateness, and turned bright red. I liked his glasses, they suited him, I could tell that much. He had on that red plaid jacket that he still wore years later. My grandfather had that coat and used to go chop wood in it.
Mark was quirky and I took notice.
He spoke out all the time, spouting out opinions about theory, and light, and subtext in filmmaking. He was a fan of subtext, didn't like to be told what to think, but instead he liked to figure it out. He was smart and passionate, and I couldn't help thinking about him after class. He had this unique way about him, all the girls in the class had crushes on him, but he never noticed. He never even stopped to try.
I decided I wanted him.
I waited for him after class. He and the professor were debating about some independent filmmaker that I had never heard of. The rest of the class had long been gone and students for the next class were waiting in the hall for them to be done. He finally came out and walked right past me.
"Mark!" He kept walking, his mind obviously on something else. "Mark!" I approached him and tapped his shoulder.
"Oh, hey." He pulled off his headphones, "Marie, right?"
"Maureen."
"Oh sorry." He looked down and shrugged, his face turning red again.
"It's ok, Mark." I flirted, "Look, do you have a partner for the next project?"
"Uh, yeah. Professor Rainey assigned us partners, remember?"
"Oh right." I could tell he didn't realize what I was asking, I would have to be more abrupt with this one. "Would you like to go out to a movie tonight?"
He looked up with me with such complete shock, it was as if I asked him if he wanted to drop to the floor and fuck. "Oh… uh…"
"It would be fun to get to know each other." I smiled and blinked my eyes while I touched the sleeve of his coat.
He pulled his arm away, "No, I don't think so. I have a lot of work to do."
It was my turn to be shocked.
No guy had ever turned me down before.
"Oh… uh… ok."
"Sorry, Maria." He shrugged and put his headphones back on.
I didn't talk to him again the rest of the semester but I couldn't forget the rejection. He was cute and the more he babbled away about film the more I wanted him.
Of course the semester ended, and I didn't think I would ever see him again.
It wasn't until two years later, in a different city that we met again.
I recognized Mark right away, and smiled at him, trying to induce any relocation on his part. Roger mistook that smile to be towards him and he started talking to April and me. April wanted to go the party, but I discreetly motioned to her that I thought Mark was cute and we were on our way.
I wasn't going to let him get away that time.
It is so easy to go back in time. I can almost see both of those scenes as if I was watching one of Mark's films. Instead, I'm here, crashing, desperate and tired. As I walked down Hollywood Boulevard, I silently congratulate myself for finally making it there.
My mind wanders back to him.
Mark was getting married. That's it for him and me. There will never be an us again.
Now the us is Roger and Maureen.
Roger and Maureen. I know he is only with me out of guilt. He is trying to save me because he couldn't save April or Mimi. He can't save me, no one can.
No one but him.
But now, he isn't going to be there for me.
I should have known that he would find someone. I let him go, I tell myself and the ache in my veins throb. He moved away and forgot us. How could I blame him?
"Hey baby, want a date?" The girls I walk by cackle to the men driving past.
"Do you know where I can get something?" I stopped to ask one of the girls.
"Sure, sweetie, of course." She smiled at me. I imagined that she was from a farm in Iowa and came to Hollywood to make it big, and ended up here. Isn't that how it always happens? "Come with me."
I followed her down the street and into a building. "Max hooks up all the girls." She stated as we walked up the stairs. She knocked on a door and I entered and immediately saw a gun pointed at me. "Give me everything, bitch." The girl stood there laughing
"Uh…" I looked around but she was blocking the door and he was walking toward me
First he took my cell phone, the little bit of money I had, my jewelry. The prostitute wanted my shoes, so she took those too. "Here's your smack, bitch." He pushed me to the ground, and I banged my head against the floor.
He and the girl took off, leaving me alone.
I sobbed, praying for someone to rescue me, to take me away.
But no one did.