I'm not SM, I'm Jack's guilty conscious.

( this is still unbeta'ed and I'm still in need of a beta, jsyk. hope it's readable :/ )

Chapter 13

I parked in front of the house and was surprised to see that the lights were on in the living room. I thought that maybe Bambi forgot to switch it off, and instantly felt annoyance creeping in. What? I just don't like it when the light's on when nobody needs it.

I felt my resolve starting to slip; overshadowed by the sourness my mood was poisoned with. Man, was I grumpy sometimes.

I stomped up to the front door and let myself in. I was about to turn off the lights and continue my stomping to my bedroom (albeit quietly, I wasn't an asshole), when I saw Bambi, standing by the same window she was this afternoon when I left.

"Bambi, why are you still up?" I asked, somewhat relieved that the lights were indeed needed.

She turned to me, her eyes slightly red and the skin of her face a little blotchy. "Edward," she whispered as if she was surprised to see me.

I went to her and cupped her face, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.

"Hey, what's wrong now? Are you afraid of the storm?" Sure, she loved rain, but a storm was a different story, especially like the one that was raging outside.

She shook her head a little, her breathing started to quicken.

"I don't know, I don't know what is it," her voice broke but she sucked in a breath and blinked away the tears. "I just… I feel so fucking anxious. I can't sit still, and I can't read, and I can't do anything, I'm just…" She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, a pained expression on her face.

I hugged her and started to stroke her hair and rocking gently from side to side. She took a shuddering breath and hugged me back weakly.

"Did you take anything?" I asked her softly. She was mainly off the meds, but took a light sedative from time to time to help her sleep or relax.

I felt her shaking her head again. "I didn't want to," she mumbled, her voice muffled.

"You know, it's okay to take a pill once in awhile, right?" I whispered. She nodded and sighed.

"Still, I want to deal with it myself. Can you… can you just sit with me? For a little while?" She lifted her chin a little, sticking her nose into my neck and taking a deep calming breath.

"Of course. Come on." I tucked her under my arm and led her to the couch. Once we were seated, she snuggled close to my side and I put my chin on her head, stroking her arm with my hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly. She shook her head and hugged me around the middle.

"Maybe tomorrow?" She mumbled.

"Okay," I said and stifled a yawn.

We sat like that for a while and I started to nod off, but fought it in case Bambi would want to talk or something, but when her breathing evened out and her hands loosened a bit around me, I gave in.

I contemplated carrying her to her room, but I was so damn warm and comfortable right here with her, that I settled for lowering us to the couch, tucking B between the back of it and myself. With my nose buried in her soft hair I finally fell asleep.

-x-X-x-X-x-

It seemed like only an hour passed, when I woke up. I didn't open my eyes at first; enjoying the comfortable position I was in: warm all over, a soft small body pressed against mine, our legs tangled… Fuck, I didn't feel like that in years… And it felt fucking fantastic.

Suddenly I was startled by the feel of cold but soft fingertips on my cheekbone. I opened my eyes and stared in Bambi's wide open ones, a serious expression on her face. I didn't dare say anything, or even move. I watched as she lifted her head a little from my arm that was serving her as a pillow, and like in a slow motion moved closer to my face. Her eyes seemed to go even wider, when she stopped just for a fraction of a second, before slowly, tenderly pressing her lips to mine.

I was so shocked, that for a moment I laid frozen like a stone, but then I leaned back a little, breaking our kiss, and started at her with a small frown. A million and one question ran through my mind, but I shut it all out, and just looked at her face, which didn't show any signs of remorse or fear or anything. She looked calm. Peaceful. Beautiful.

Why the fuck was I always so hesitant, when this broken woman was always so sure in her actions, even though she didn't have any solid ground under her feet? Oh, to hell with this, I thought and slowly but surely moved right back and kissed her.

She gasped and I took it as an opportunity to suck her plump lower limp into my mouth, nipping at it a little, and sighing in the process, because fuck me, it felt incredible.

Her hands suddenly went crazy as if she realized she could touch and kiss me at the same time, and touch me she did, clutching at my hair and stroking my cheekbones.

She ran her tongue over my top lip and I reciprocated eagerly, but tenderly, touching it with my own at first, and then slowly deepening the kiss. I hugged her around the waist with my free hand, and lifted myself up on the elbow to hover over her.

I didn't know many things about this girl, but I did know for sure that she was a fantastic kisser. Tender, sexy, patient, sensual… I groaned when she bit my lower lip and then soothed the spot with her tongue, sucking and licking, and kissing, and I couldn't help but start to rub myself against her hip, which made her freeze for a second and then moan. Fucking moan. Couple it with the wet noises our lips made, the soft rustling of clothes and a hundred and one year without sex on my part and I was about to explode on the spot.

I tore myself away from her lips, gasping for air, but I didn't go far away, our foreheads were still touching. As was ninety five percent of our bodies.

"Shit, Bambi," I said, still out of breath. "Don't think that I'm complaining, because fuck no," I confirmed it with a little kiss on her opened mouth, "but what brought this on?"

She shrugged and smiled shyly at me. "I wanted to. For a long time."

She looked so cute and sexy lying like that under me, her eyes wide awake and excited, her cheeks slightly red, as were her swollen lips, soft curly hair sprawled all over my arm that was still under her head.

I leaned down and kissed her again, slowly but surely slipping my tongue inside her mouth. She sighed contentedly and hugged me around the neck lazily, smiling in the kiss and ending it consequently. I kissed her smile one, two, tree times and brought my hand to her face to stroke her cheek.

"I'm glad you did," I said, kissing her nose. "I did too. I was just too chicken shit to do it." But now I didn't have to worry about that, so I kissed her again and again. And then one more time. And once after that.

She started to giggle and nuzzled her face into my neck, hugging me tightly.

"Edward?" she murmured.

"Hmm?" I hummed, burying my nose in her hair and inhaling deeply.

"I really, really like you. And… no matter what will happen, I… I'm glad I met you. You make me feel happy. Whole. Even though I'm not."

"But you will be, Bambi," I said, kissing her hair. And I hoped that I won't be forgotten, when the girl she was will be remembered.

We lay like that for some time, but then I suddenly remembered that it was Friday and Bambi had to be at the hospital for her therapy session. Fortunately, it was only seven and we still had plenty of time.

B got busy in the kitchen while I took a shower (which involved some cold water), and after breakfast I drove her to the hospital and this time I said goodbye with a kiss (which involved some tongue).

Instead of going back home, I decided to stay right there in the parking lot and catch up on some sleep, which I did fabulously, and when B returned one hour later, I woke up rested and refreshed.

"Hey, Jessica," I said, rubbing my hands over my face. "How was it?"

She surprised me by leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips.

"It was okay," she said against my lips. "And I'm not Jessica," she added leaning back, a small smile on her face. "Were you here the whole time?"

"Yup, I took a nap. Learned something new about yourself?" I asked while starting the car and driving out of the parking lot.

She shrugged noncommittally. "It's more about getting comfortable in my own mind than learning anything," she said thoughtfully. "Maggie and I are just talking, discussing my life, my feelings and thoughts… Just like we do. I even think that talking to you made me more good, than these sessions." She mumbled the last part, staring at her fingers knotted in her lap.

I put my hand over hers and rubbed my thumb over her fingers.

"Hey, it's like you have two Edward's to talk to. More chances to discover something important."

She smiled brightly at me and said, "It's not the same with her."

"Well, she's a doctor after all, I wouldn't–"

"No, Edward. With her I'm just a patient, a complicated case… I just answer her questions to help her do her job. With you I'm alive. I am me. I am Bambi."

I grinned smugly and brought her hand to my lips, kissing it noisily.

"Yeah?" I asked proudly.

She giggled and echoed, "Yeah."

She tugged her hand out of my grasp to put her hair into a pony tail, and I was so enthralled with the sight of her slender neck, that I didn't hear her question.

"Huh?" I asked ever so eloquently, snapping my head back to the deserted road.

"Where are we going?" she repeated and turned in her seat so she was facing me.

"Oh, to the grocery store. We're out of cat food and milk, and… pretty much everything."

She hummed and continued to stare at me.

"What?" I asked, trying to pay attention to the road.

She shook her head and grinned, "Nothin'. I just… I feel so normal with you."

"And without me?" I asked and frowned.

"And without you I feel lost. Empty. Like there's nothing left to remember." She shrugged with one shoulder and turned her head to the windshield.

I grabbed her hand again and squeezed it softly.

"It's nothing, really," she said and glanced at me with a sad smile. "I know it's okay to feel this way. And I'm so glad you found me. You've become something like an anchor to me. Your strength and support is basically all I have now. And I'm so so grateful, Edward." Her eyes were full of tears, but she didn't let them fall and smiled at me.

"I'm glad I found you, too," I said, my voice thick with emotions.

We were already at the grocery store, so instead of saying anything else, I parked, got out of the car and made my way to the passenger's side. Once B stepped out, I tugged at her arm and pulled her into a tight hug. She didn't protest and hugged me around the waist, nuzzling her face between my shoulder and neck.

"I really, really like you Bambi," I said, burying my nose in her hair. "Whatever will come… I…" I hope you will stay with me, I thought, but couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. "I will always be there for you."

She placed a small kiss on my neck and hugged me tighter.

She was so small in my arms, so frail. I wanted to never let her go, to protect her from all the sadness and anxiety and fears. But I couldn't stop the inevitable, and there was no point in denying it or worrying about it. So I decided to let it all go, and just enjoy her presence in my life to the fullest.

I leaned back and cupped her face in my hand, looking into her eyes.

"Now how about some shopping?" I asked.

She nodded with a small smile and I couldn't help, but kiss, kiss, kiss her again, softly and briefly at first, and then more slowly and deeply, not giving a fuck about the show we were putting on.

I needed to stop with all the worrying and second guessing. I needed to learn to live in the moment, to enjoy what I have and welcome the future, whatever it will bring. Just like Bambi did.

Damn, do they kiss a lot.

Sorry for the wait. Work was craaaazy (in a good way).

So whaddaya think? B's such a bold little cookie! And Ed is such a worriwart, humph. Dude needs to chill. All the kissing seems to be helping, though!