A/N: Finally, I'm finishing this project. I didn't like it to begin with, I don't really like it now, and I hope it will be done as soon as possible.

You're fucking welcome, BritishVampiress. Enjoy the product of my demented, sleep-deprived speed writing.

This chapter almost (almost) crosses the line into crack. As is, I tried to keep everyone in character. :p

Eliza Loves Yaoi is (kinda) proud to present...

Paradigms Chapter 3

-Guess what, McGonagall.- thought Harry. -You're about to be roused from your comfortable sleep to investigate me, and make sure I'm not under the influence of any spells, potions, or other such BS magic things.- He was currently being levitated somewhere by his two best friends, who hexed him to prevent struggling.

"This is really quite unnecessary, guys," said Harry calmly. Under normal circumstances, he would be a lot more perturbed, but he could understand Ron and 'Mione's problem. But still. A full Body-Bind, taking his wand, and levitating him back? Not cool. Stupid bitches who thought he didn't know what he was doing.

"You...Malfoy...lips..." Ron seemed incapable of forming a coherent sentence.

"I believe what my moronic boyfriend is trying to say is that you are almost certainly heterosexual, and that you would have better taste than him," Hermione yawned as she maneuvered Harry around a suit of armor. Ron's face went redder than his hair at the usage of the word "boyfriend."

-Boys,- thought Malfoy, peering at them from a nearby alcove. Apart from a quick Impedimenta!, the intrepid trio seemed to have ignored him entirely. -Wait, did I really just think that? Fuck.- A memory flew to the surface of his mind.

Lucius walked in to the room, to a startled cry from Draco. The boy, fifteen at the time, stuffed a magazine quickly under his pillow. Not fast enough. Lucius had plenty of time to read the title boldly emblazoned on the cover: "Playwitch."

"Um...hello Father?" Draco blushed deeply.

Lucius' brow narrowed. "I fully expect you to produce me an heir still."

Draco nodded pensively. "I can do that."

"I don't want to know how, I don't want to know if you get a boyfriend, and I especially don't want to know if you've ever had sex," Lucius calmly listed as he folded his arms.

Draco blushed further, but maintained his composure. "Of course, Father. You have your private affairs, and I have mine."

Lucius nodded curtly and stepped out the door without another word.

-I guess I am really gay. Well, damn.- Draco slid smoothly out of his alcove, dipping through a secret passage and Disillusioning himself without blinking. He sidestepped the roving trio, who had been forced to take the longer route. They really should have used more time on figuring out all the little secrets of Hogwarts, instead of their silly adventures.

"Can you please let me down? I can walk," grumbled Harry.

"Mate, you were kissing Malfoy. I don't trust you to blink anymore, much less walk," Ron said. He seemed calmer now.

"Whatever." Harry crossed his arms and decided to just wait and see what they had in store for him.

Draco unconsciously followed the same course of action, staying a full 10 paces behind the trio (or, in this case, the duo+puppet). They moved in this fashion to the office of Professor McGonagall. Draco would never admit it, but he silently thanked the Weasleys as he pulled out an Extendable Ear.

"...with Malfoy," he heard Hermione finish her sentence.

"And why is this any of my concern?" asked McGonagall. Once more, Draco had an un-admittable thought: She was the queen of the Voice of Ice. Perfect clipped tones of frustration and boredom, along with undertones of uncaring and tiredness.

"Well, we thought he might be under the influence of a potion, or charm," Hermione quavered slightly under what Draco was sure was a piercing glare from the Headmistress.

"Mr. Potter, as proven by two simple diagnostic charms that we taught you as second years, is under nothing but the influence of his own teenage libido."

"I'm sorry, Prof-Headmistress, we just didn't think..." Ron shrunk away.

"Bloody right you didn't think! Now let me the hell down!" -Mmm, Harry is delicious when he's angry.-

A loud thunk, followed by a muted curse, preceded footsteps maneuvering quickly towards the door. Draco, still Disillusioned, dived out of the way of the swinging block of wood just in time. The intrepid trio marched rapidly out. Or to be more precise, Ron and Hermione did. Harry stomped out and stalked in the opposite direction without a word. As Ron reached towards him, Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled it down.

"No, Ron!" she hissed. "We ballsed up. Let him go. Besides, we have more...important things to do." She trailed a finger over his chest, to which Draco gagged and sped after Harry.

Catching up to him easily, the Malfoy heir gently grabbed the Boy-Who-Lived and dragged him into an empty classroom.

"We have unfinished business," Draco growled, and went for Harry's shirt with his teeth.

"Shall we finish it, then?" was the last thing Harry said before everything dissolved into moans and pleasure.

A/N: Yep! No lemon for you. This is over, over, over, over, and thoroughly done. Never gonna be continued. Don't ask.

This is Eliza Loves Yaoi, signing off.