A/N: So, this is a fic months upon months in the making. I think I started it back in…November? Either way, it took a long time to complete for several reasons. Firstly, I'm not as good at mushy. I'm aware that the angst, the back and forth with some resolution, is more my forte. Secondly, with the "snippets of memories" style pieces, I tend to chip away at them and constantly edit the previous ones. This adds a lot of time to the process, but I think it makes for a better product.

I was inspired to start detailing some of the events I hint at in my other fictions, as they do seem kind of out of left field for those who aren't entrenched in my head canon (namely everyone but me). In my head canon, the Normandy's crew got two months shore leave after the battle of the Citadel. This details the time from after the final conversation with the Council, up to the night they get the order to go check out the disappearing ships – the one that destroys the Normandy and kills Shepard days later.

Especially since this is a lengthy piece, and most certainly out of my comfort zone, I'd greatly appreciate it if you all would share any constructive criticism or thoughts you may have. If you think it sucks, is too cheesy, or doesn't work, I promise, I can take it! Without further ado, the fluffiest bit of romance I've ever written…at least without some kind of angsty twist!

As I follow her away, my face is still schooled to utter respect…somehow. What I really want to do is laugh until my sides hurt. Leave it to her to get humanity a spot on the Council, recommend a soldier instead of a politician, and then scold them all about how she has too much work to do to lay around for two months on leave, all before she can even change out of her armor. Thankfully the asari councilor managed to point out Shepard had to worry about letting her arm heal; that actually gave her some pause. Even 'Commander Fucking Shepard' can't kill Geth with a badly healed shooting arm. I secretly hope it also helped that she managed to break the arm she already had some issues with because of an old knife wound. So she relented – for now.

Once we were at least half-way back to the Normandy, she paused and groaned as her head drooped. I couldn't help a small glance around just to make sure. Yep, the three of us were definitely alone. Garrus gave me what I think was probably the turian equivalent of a raised eyebrow before shrugging softly. I stepped to close the distance between us and gently placed my hand against her lower back. Even though my gloved hand clinked against her thick armor, I couldn't help but feel like it was the most intimate, couple-like gesture we'd ever allowed ourselves. Well…other than last night, of course.

"You alright?"

Her head gently shook from side to side. "Feels like my arm's on fire. And I would know – my arm's been on fire before."

Yep, that was her: mask pain with humor. I try to fight back the quirk of my lips as they hover near her ear for only a split second; long enough to whisper, "I'll take care of you." I then step back to our usual position. Garrus gives me a look that crosses all species lines.

Really?

I cleared my throat. Back to business. "Come on; Doctor Chakwas is going to be upset if we don't report to her for treatment immediately."

Both of them shook their head this time. What, am I that predictable?

I wasn't kidding when I said my arm felt like it was burning. I also wasn't kidding when I said my arm had been on fire before, too. At least Doc (she seems to like the nickname Kaidan gave her, so I just go with it) managed to set my arm with relatively little fanfare. A clean break is always good because they're usually a clean heal, as well. I'm only stuck with this damn cast for a few days, and it'll take a few more for me to build my muscle back up. A week, tops, total healing time. God bless medi-gel. Guess my shore leave will have to wait a bit.

Heh. Shore leave. There's no way I'm getting away from the Citadel for any of that time, but that's just fine with me on one level. Hopefully they'll let me just stay on the Normandy the whole time anyway. Doubtful, though. I should find out if I even have that apartment any more. I think rent was still being taken out for it…

The last of my ration bar slides down nice and easy. Food feels so good after a long battle on little sleep. I have to bite my lip hard when the memory of why I had so little sleep flashes through my mind. My face heats up and my stomach starts to do that incredibly annoying fluttery thing again. God, I'm thirty. Why am I getting butterflies in my stomach when I think about –

Whoosh.

– Him? He steps out of the medbay, looking no worse for the wear; I saw the huge bruise and cut on the left side of his lower neck when we unsuited, though. I had winced and managed to keep my concern professional, especially when I saw just how close the bruising had spread to his implant site. Thankfully the doctor's orders to eat and rest immediately kept me from fawning over him. That'd look suspicious. He walks over and sits down like I'm any other crew member. We had become very good at this routine over the past few months, but we also had never slept together before last night. There was a quiet difference in the air between us. Things had definitely changed. He doesn't hesitate to reach over my hand for a bottle of that disgusting looking biotic shake ration, but he isn't as careful as he has been in the past. His wrist grazes the top of my hand as he sits back. Our eyes immediately twitch up and meet before surreptitiously glancing around the mess hall: alone, but never truly alone. My shoulders lower a fraction when we notice no one saw. He frowns softly before downing most of the drink.

"So, how's your neck?"

"It's fine, just a bruise and minor puncture. Doctor Chakwas says it won't affect my biotics at all. I'm fit for duty whenever, ma'am."

A low, gravelly laugh makes it way from the elevator; we both can't help but grin a little when we recognize it. Garrus walks around from the other side, clapping Kaidan on his right shoulder. "You know, Alenko, you make a better turian than I do. I'd be looking for any excuse to have some down time right now." All three of us laugh as he sits down next to Kaidan. His head jerks toward my arm. "So. What about you, Shepard? That arm going to heal properly?"

My sullen nod must seem pretty funny to them, given the way Garrus chortles – I had no idea turians could chortle – and the way Kaidan smiles sweetly at me. I decide to hide the growing blush in my mug. He better not do that when others are around. They'll know. I let the next sip of deliciously hot tea clear my throat for me. "Yeah. Looks like I'm stuck with a cast and giving up some of my shore leave. Doubt they'll let me off the Citadel, either way. Hope I still have my little apartment if they kick me off the ship."

"I doubt they'll let anyone stay on the ship, Commander. They'll be too busy bringing cameras through and giving interviews…probably interviews with you."

I scoff. "Like hell. I'm not giving any of those blood suckers an interview. I'll punch them with my good arm if they try."

Garrus leans over to Kaidan and, using a rather human mannerism, mock-whispers, "Someone keep al-Jilani away from her. Pass the word."

Roaring laughter fills the mess hall as the elevator beeps. We all wince and cringe; were we so loud that we were disturbing the folks upstairs? Kaidan sips his shake, I take a gulp of tea, and Garrus begins to fiddle with his omni-tool. The quiet click-clack of crutches a moment later tells us who's coming around; we all relax and continue laughing. Joker won't care. Hell, he'll probably join in. Sure enough, our pilot and good friend walks around the corner before immediately letting a quip fly to our little group.

"Aw c'mon, Garrus; you're not even letting those two celebrate being alive human-style?"

Everything goes silent. On a ship like the Normandy, when things go silent, they go silent. I stare at Kaidan in concern for a split second before averting my eyes to glare at Joker. I'm trying to put on the stern Commander Face, but it isn't really working. He just called our bluff and he called it well. I'm the first to clear my throat. "That's not an appropriate assumption to make about your officers, Flight Lieuten–"

Joker clicks over to sit out of punching range of my good arm, but still at the same table as us. "Yeah, and it's not nice to lie to your friends. Especially when you all just went through hell and back together."

Both Kaidan and I lower our gazes to our preferred beverages. He's right, of course; but at the same time, Joker has to understand why we're being so careful. He's as sharp as he is a good pilot. A frail hand reaches between Kaidan and me to grab a ration bar.

Garrus is the one that breaks the silence this time. "Are regulations that strict in the Alliance?"

"You know, hearing how stringent you claim the turian military is, I'm surprised to hear you ask that, Garrus." Kaidan shifts to face our alien friend more directly, that curious glint in his eye igniting. God, he looks so amazing when his intellect is piqued. Doesn't help that his face is tilted just the right way to accentuate his jaw…

A soft poke knocks me out of my train of thought, my mind shooting back to the present. Joker murmurs, "Save the puppy eyes for shore leave, Shepard." I have no doubt my face has already lit up in a new fiery blush at his well-meant but still teasing chide.

Time for me to go. Clearly the pain meds are lowering my inhibitions (or maybe it's an adrenaline low, who knows) and I need to hide in my cabin before I do something that'd actually get us in trouble. I wait for a lull in Garrus's description of the turian military's rank structure and regs before carefully standing up. "Time for some shut eye, I think. This thing isn't going to heal any faster by staying awake." My encased arm slowly rises and nestles back against my stomach. All three men nod and I look first at Kaidan, then to Garrus before finally resting my eyes on Joker. "And Joker?"

"Yeah?"

I lean over to whisper in his ear. The best part about that I that I can practically feel the hesitant jealousy rolling off of Kaidan. Oh, I love his jealous streak. "If you spill the beans, I'll email your sister all your extranet bookmarks."

I stiffly saunter the whole couple dozen feet to my cabin as Joker's loud laughter rings behind me. I can feel Kaidan's eyes on me the whole way; it's exhilarating. The door seals shut behind me and I just can't help myself: thirty or not, commander in the military or not, Spectre or not, I pump my arm as I do a little jump. We made it. Sovereign is destroyed, and while we're far from done with the Reaper threat, everyone made it out alive! Kaidan and I had kept our promise to each other. We were both alive, and had two months to sort everything between us out. I feel like I could just float away; I haven't felt this outright happy in years. Time to make sure I have somewhere to go when they kick me off the ship.

The desk chair felt amazing when I sunk into it. It took all my concentration to type on the console; with only one hand, it was damn time consuming. I searched through records, not finding a thing. That didn't bode well. I didn't have time to go find a new place to stay. I was so engrossed in my growingly futile search, and so exhausted, that I didn't even notice when someone walked into my room and locked the door. Hands gently began to knead my shoulders, a familiar electric static discharge shocking my spine straight. My head flew up, eyes connecting with soft brown. An involuntary grin spread across my face as he spun me around in the chair to face him. "Hi."

"Hey."

"Isn't sneaking into your CO's quarters a breach of regulation, Lieutenant?"

His hand grasped my good one, pulling me to stand flush against him. Warmth rushed from my cheeks down to my toes as his other hand dragged up my back. This was breaking so many rules and I couldn't have cared less if I tried. His voice was husky; whether with emotion or on purpose, I couldn't tell. It was captivating either way. "Then I surrender myself to the senior officer for censure."

"Unfortunately," my hand trailed up to rest against his chest. "This isn't the time or place for a proper…debriefing, Lieutenant Alenko." Oh, god. Were we going to start using military jargon as a way of coyly flirting with each other? We were such dorks.

He must have had the same thought, because the sweet smile on his lips twisted into a sheepish grin. Hell, I'd almost call it boyish. I melted a little when he coupled that with my real name. "Kaelia, let's be honest here. What do you want to do?"

I twitched at his question. Not because it was a bad question, but because apparently he felt the need to accompany it by drifting his fingers along my spine. An involuntary groan escaped as I pushed him back. "You know what I want to do. What we should do is what I'm worried about."

"Well, we have time. Do you want to talk about it now?" At my nod, he guided me to the bed and helped me sit down, quickly settling next to me and holding my good hand. It amazed me just how quickly he could switch gears from trying to seduce me to being the epitome of gentlemanly. I decided that was yet another thing I loved about him.

We both sat in silence for a few moments and enjoyed the small things: our thighs pressed together, fingers woven, the way his shoulder edged just behind mine. Once we spoke, the silent magic of simply being together would be broken…and we both knew it. His thumbs nervously rubbed gentle circles along my wrist and I couldn't help but rest my head against his shoulder. I knew what I wanted to say: that I wanted to damn all the regs, to pounce on him right now and not care what anyone thought. That he was the most important person in my life and that I loved him. But I couldn't say that. I was already a Commander and had fought in two battles that people were calling me 'war hero' for. I could retire now at the young age of thirty and live comfortably, if not handsomely. Kaidan was a biotic, and only a Lieutenant. There was a much higher risk of him getting in real trouble than I would if we were caught. There's no way I could ask him to make such a sacrifice, to take such a chance on me. Just as I began to formulate the words to express to him how much I didn't want to end it but had to, his voice cut through my thoughts and set my stomach in knots.

"I'm not that good at grand confessions. I'm even worse at taking risks. You know I always leave myself a way out." I began to think I was going to throw up my ration bar. I knew it'd be too much to ask of him. One of his hands untangled from mine and settled instead on my lower back. He turned me to face him and what I saw took my breath away. He was smiling at me again, a soft but happy smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "We kept our promise from last night. Permission to speak freely?"

My throat went completely dry. My stomach twisted even more. I couldn't tear my eyes from his for the life of me. I only slowly nodded.

His other hand reached to comb through my hair, cupping my jaw at the end. "I don't care." He paused to let that sink in for a few moments. "I don't care about any of it. We can keep it secret, and I know we'll be able to keep it from affecting our duties. All I know is I can't stand the thought of pushing you away." Hearing him saying the risk was worth it to him crushed my reservations and I began to smile stupidly. The next thing I knew, my arm was securely wrapped around him and my face was pressed against his neck. Both his arms carefully circled me, ever mindful of my cast. I mumbled into his skin, hoping he understood me; the deep chuckle resonating near my face told me he didn't. "What was that?" I twisted to breathe a laugh against his ear.

"This is a huge mistake."

He grinned and leaned to kiss my shoulder. "We never do anything half-way on the Normandy."