No matter how long I have lived in LA, I will never get used to the traffic. It was still early, and I expected it to be better. I took an earlier flight just to avoid this, but watching the cars in front of and beside me move two miles an hour, it would appear that everyone had the same idea.

I just wanted to get home to my wife and kids and take a nap.

I let out a yawn, still groggy from sleep or lack thereof. My eyes were squinted from the rising sun blinding me. When I went to pull the visor down, I saw him. Dark brunet hair laying flat on his head, clothes old and worn. He was just sitting there with a book in his lap, only looking up when a car would honk its horn. He looked older and tired but still the same. I continued to stare wide eyed at him until I saw I was about to pass my exit. I quickly took it, shaking my head of hopeful thoughts.

There was no way that was him, and I wasn't about to get my hopes up that it was. As I continued my drive home, I couldn't help thinking so. He looked exactly how Logan would look now-albeit a bit skinnier and paler. His eyes were the same. Still big and brown, but now they were almost lifeless. I could feel my chest constricting at the thought of wha caused the dulling in the formally bright and happy eyes.

With a sigh, I climbed into bed beside my sleeping wife, careful not to wake her. When Jo turned over, opening her eyes sleepily. "You're home." She yawned.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Sorry for waking you."

"It's fine." She moved over, wrapping her arms around my middle, and snuggling into my chest. I tensed slightly before relaxing again. "How was your flight?"

"Long..." I answered shortly, mind still wondering back to Logan.

"Did you at least have fun at the conference?"

I gave a short, sarcastic laugh at this. "Because doing paper work and sittin in a small room for five hours while people you don't even like talk about things you don't care about is so much fun."

I could feel Jo sigh against me. "It's a job, Kendall."

"So, is hockey."

"Hockey isn't a guaranteed paycheck."

"Says the out of work actress." I mumbled.

Jo sat up, and I could see from her hard glare that she heard what I said and wasn't amused. "I'm not having this argument with you again." She climbed out of bed and stomped into the bathroom.

"I'm not trying to start an argument; I just think it's weird that you can pursue your dream of being an actress, but my dream wasn't as important." I sat up, glaring at the open bathroom door.

"I still get a royalty every time an episode of New Town High airs or when a network shows any of the Chauncey Jackson movies." Jo said from the bathroom. "I'm still popular enough to guest star in other shows, and my agent even talks about getting me in another series." I rolled my eyes, having been hearing that same excuse for the last three years. "You are a washed up pop star who hasn't who hasn't had his songs played since Where Are They Now: Boy Band Edition aired." She continued. I could feel my blood boiling. I was sick of Jo throwing her career in my face. "Even if I had let you play hockey-"

"Let me?"

"-what if you had gotten hurt? And with your temper, you could have gotten suspended from the league or something!"

"So I have to give up on my dream because of a few what if's you have?" I asked. "Or do you just hate the idea of me being successful? You like being able to hold this over my head."

Jo poked her head out of the bathroom, her glare still in place. "I can't believe you would even accuse me of that!" She went back into the bathroom and I could hear her shuffling around the sink. "Of course I want you to be successful, but hockey isn't practical. You have to think of our kids."

I sighed, feeling my shoulders slump. Of course hockey was my dream, but I had to put my family first. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I got hurt and left them without their father. I thought about it everyday. As much as I hated to admit it, Jo was right. I groaned, covering my face with my hands and falling into the pillows. I could feel someone tugging at my hands and allowed them to move them. I was greeted by a pair of green eyes identical to my own staring down at me. "Wakey, wakey, daddy!" The little girl giggled.

I laughed, lifting my daughter above my head, making her squeal happily. "I'm up, baby. I'm up." Kayla continued to laugh as I brought her down and kissed her forehead. "Where's your brother?" I asked as I sat her down.

"He still sleeping." Kayla said in what she thought was a whisper but was really just breathier talking and finished pressing a finger to her lips cutely. Then again, everything a three year old does is cute.

"Kayla, why don't you wake Kyle up for breakfast?" Jo said as she entered the room.

Kayla nodded excitedly, climbing off the bed and running off to Kyle's room. Jo smiled at me as she climbed back on the bed and leaned down to place a kiss on my lips. "I know this wasn't exactly how you pictured it, but this is the life you need, Kendall." She said softly. I sighed again, my mind once again drifting to Logan. "Stop."

I looked to Jo with a raised brow. "Stop what?"

Jo was slightly glaring but it was also mixed with concern. "You're thinking about him."

"How did-"

"Every time you think about him, you get this far away look and your eyes get all sad." She pointed out. "It wasn't your fault and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I know but..." I paused, thinking back to the moment I was stuck in traffic. "I think I saw him today."

Jo's forehead wrinkled in thought. "You saw him?" Her tone sounded disbelieving.

"On my way home from the airport." I sat up slightly, mind reeling back to the brunet man sitting on the side of the road. The wheels in my head were turning quickly, already beginning to formulate a plan. "He looked just like him, and-"

"And nothing!" Jo interrupted me, he glare back in place. "Kendall, Logan made his choice a long time ago."

"But-"

"No, buts." She did it again. "We've all moved on with our lives, and Logan had his chance to be a part of yours. You have a wife and a family now. Act like it." She said firmly. I didn't miss the extra emphasis on the word wife, and I couldn't help but feel a certain amount of coldness toward her for it. "Whoever you saw today wasn't Logan. You're tired. You were probably seeing things. Let it go." Suddenly her tone became light-hearted and sweet again. "You're on vacation! You need to relax." Then she was up and leaving.

I lied back into the pillows, deciding to catch up on the sleep I lost. Even as I drifted off the sleep, my mind was still on Logan.

…

"Hey, boys." My mom greeted cheerily as the three of us entered the apartment, mumbling half-hearted replies. "Where's Logan?" The she questioned when she noticed the missing genius.

"Where do you think?" James grumbled, falling onto the couch with a scowl.

Carlos frowned at the pretty boy. "Don't be like that, James."

"I can't help it, Carlos." James glared at our shorter friend. "He keeps running off to do God knows what and you guys just sit back and let him do it."

I shot a glare at James. "We're not letting him do anything."

"If you guys would let me do it my way, Logan would be here."

"And he would just hate us!"

"He'd thank us later for saving his life!" James stood. "But if he wants to throw his life away, then fine, but I'm not going to sit around and watch."

"James-" Carlos tried to stop James, but the brnet kept going as he stepped to me.

"I'm serious, Kendall." He was seething. "You've given him too many chances. If that's the life he wants, he shouldn't even bother to come back."

"James, that's enough." Mom finally cut in. James backed off and Carlos went to his side to try to calm him further. "Now we're all tired and frustrated. Turning against each other isn't going to fix this." She let out a calming breath, looking at all of us with tired eyes. "It's late, Katie's already in bed, and I think that's what we all should do—we should all...go to bed."

We all nodded, knowing that none of us would be able to rest so easily.

The apartment was silent. It was always silent now. We had all gone to bed some time ago with the same looks of worry and disappointment. I was tired when I crawled into bed, but as I stared at the empty spot beside me, I couldn't will myself to fall asleep. So I stayed up and continued to wait. I could hear James and Carlos whispering on the other side of the wall. I didn't know what they were saying, but I knew they wouldn't be able to sleep until they knew that Logan was safe at home as well.

Finally, at around three in the morning, I heard the apartment door shut and feet stumbling their way down the hall. I sat up when my bedroom door opened and Logan slipped in, hoping to be quiet. "Where have you been?" I spoke up.

Logan let out a small peep as he jumped and turned around. That was something I normally would have found adorable, but my worry was slowly shifting into anger and I couldn't find myself to care. Even in the dark I could see Logan's dilated pupils, flushed skin, and shaking body. "Hey, Kendall, what are you doing up?" The corner of his lips turned upwards into a coy smile.

My glare hardened at this. "Answer the question, Logan."

"Uh...ice skating?" The brunet laughed, peeling of his jacket and the rest of his clothes without any regard for me sitting there. He was normally so shy about things just as simple as removing his shirt, but he had become a totally different Logan lately.

"This is serious, Logie."

"This is serious, Logie." He mocked me before jumping into the bed. "Why so serious?" He laughed more as he poked me.

I grabbed his hands to stop him and forced his eyes to stay on mine. His smaller body continued to wiggle and writhe, either trying to break free or just unable to be still. "Logan, listen to me." He finally stopped laughing and moving, looking straight at me. "I need to know where you were tonight."

He rolled his eyes. "You know where I was." He mumbled, wrenching his chin from my grasp.

At this I sighed. "Why do you keep doing this?" When he didn't answer, I forced his eyes back on me in a form grasp. "Why, Logan." I demanded.

"Because everything is getting harder!" My eyes softened when I saw the tears gathering in his eyes. "Everything with the band is tougher; Gustavo is always calling us in to rehearse. I can't keep up with the dances and my parents are always on my back about my grades and becoming a doctor...and-and...it's hard, Kendall. I just needed something to help make it easier, and I thought I could handle it, I did. The more I did it, the more I thought I needed it and now I'm..." When he could no longer form words, he fell into my arms, sobbing.

As I cradled my boyfriend in my arms, I noticed that James and Carlos' room had become quiet. They probably didn't want to disturb us, but I knew they were also waiting for any sign that they would have to intervene. I held Logan tighter, hating that out of all of us, he was the one this happened to. I hoped it would never be any of us, but I never thought it would be Logan. When his sobs quieted to soft hiccups, I shifted so that I could look at my boyfriend again. "Listen to me, Logan." I wiped the fallen tears from his cheeks, and my heart broke further when he looked up at me with his big brown eyes. "You don't have to do this by yourself. Me, James, Carlos, mom, even Gustavo and Kelly are all here to help you beat this."

He hiccuped once more and buried his face into my chest again. "I'm sorry, Kendall." He mumbled. I quietly shushed him as he continued to repeatedly apologize to me. "I'm trying to stop. I wanna stop."

"I know, Logie. I know. I'm gonna help you, okay?" Logan nodded, and I subconsciously squeezed tighter, afraid to let him go. "But Logan, you have to know that you have to give it up completely. Whatever life you have out there has to end now. There's no meeting in the middle."

I held back tears as I continued. "Because if you leave again...don't bother coming back." My voice shook as I repeated James' words.

Logan nodded again with a sniffle. "I'll stop. I promise." He whimpered.

That was good enough for me.

The next day went by smoothly. When I woke up, Logan was there. There we hit a small bump when Logan refused to leave the room for breakfast and face everybody out of fear that they would judge him or hate him. I was finally able to coax him out of the room and into the kitchen, which was a great accomplishment—even with his face buried in my shoulder most of the time.

After a long discussion, Kelly managed to get Gustavo and Mr. X to tone it down on Logan a bit. We made it all the way through dinner and movie night without another hitch. Carlos and James had finally stopped tip-toeing around Logan and he was happier because of it. It was nice seeing that smile again. When Logan said he was tired, we said our good nights to Carlos and James as we made our way to our room. Logan surprised me by pulling me into a long kiss as soon as the door was shut. It had been a while since the last time we had done anything intimate—even kiss.

I savored every minute of making love to my beautiful boyfriend again. I drank in every moan, whimper, and gritted incoherencies that he released as we reached our peaks together. The moment was so incredible and intense it left the both of us shaking when it reached its end.

"I love you so much, Kendall." Logan scooted closer to me, wrapping his arms around me and bringing his head to the crook of my neck. "So, so much."

"I love you too, Logie." I breathed deeply as our bodies relaxed against each others.

Nothing else needed to be said then. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day. I look back on it for any signs or indication that it would happen, but I never find any. Even now, I wish had seen it coming.

When I awoke the next morning, Logan wasn't there.

He wasn't in the living room, the bathroom, or anywhere else in the apartment.

I searched the entire Palm Woods and came up empty handed. I felt a myriad of emotions as I trudged back up to the apartment and fell to the couch. I was angry, confused, but mostly heartbroken. How could it do this to me and himself? He promised he would stop. He promised.

When everyone woke up, I had the unfortunate job of breaking the news to everyone. Mom only nodded and continued with her day, but I could see this was killing her inside. She finally broke when she had to call Mrs. Mitchell and tell her the news. They cried together.

Carlos didn't want to believe it. He kept telling himself and everyone else that Logan would come back. We didn't have the heart to discourage him, but a week later and still no sign from Logan, we were there to comfort him.

Katie didn't act so broken up about it, but I knew she was sad about the idea of losing a brother.

James was clearly angry. He and Logan had always been close, and for this to happen must have been killing him inside. So, he masked his heartache by lashing out.

Seeing everyone else fall into their emotions so easily made me envious. Naturally, in a time of hardship, I took the role as the leader—everybody's rock. I didn't give into my emotions until three months and five days after Logan left—the day Jo came back. By the time she had reached my apartment, I assumed she had heard everything from people in the lobby.

Jo just listened to me ramble about it for hours until I finally ran out of words to say and we were enveloped by silence. Then she spoke. "Maybe this was a sign." She said quietly.

"A sign for what?" I spoke gruffly from the crying wearing out my voice.

"A sign that it wasn't meant to be for you and Logan." She continued, placing a comforting hand on my thigh. "You gave him a choice, and if he cared about you, he would have chosen you."

I pressed my lips into a line as I thought. Jo had a point.

"And maybe this is fate working it's magic that I would come back now." I was more confused by this until Jo went on. "Maybe..." She moved a bit closer to me, running her hand in circles on the inside of my thigh. "I'm supposed to help you through this."

Before I could voice another word, Jo had her lips pressed to mine. I slowly kissed back under the impression that Logan didn't want me. He didn't love me. Everything he had said to me was a lie. I was rougher with Jo than I ever was with Logan. I didn't need it to last; I just want to do it. I felt like I was getting back at Logan for making me feel like an idiot all this time. For lying to me.

For breaking his promise.

My judgment was clouded with suppressed emotions and I acted irrationally. It all went by in a blur, but the next thing I knew...

"Mom, Jo's...pregnant." I was announcing with Jo nodding excitedly beside me as she picked up where I left off.

"And we're getting married!"

I didn't notice then the look of surprise and uncertainty underneath my mom's "excitement." Maybe if I had I would have rethought my next move. Soon after that we were moving out of the Palm Woods and into a house to prepare for the baby. Kyle Jacob Knight was born a few months later.

Then we got married.

Before I knew it Kayla Grace was on her way.

Jo convinced me to give up on hockey and to join a career in business with her cousin. It wasn't my dream job—I found it hard to believe that paper pushing was anyone's dream job—but it provided plenty of money to take care of my family. I loved my kids with all my heart and I wouldn't take them back for anything, but I couldn't help but feel like something was missing.

"I didn't lose the paper work, David." I spoke into my blue tooth head phone as I drove.

After more naps than I needed and a few days of sitting around the house, I decided that I needed to get back to work and get my mind off of Logan. I know I was supposed to be on vacation, but with everything that has happened, I couldn't be by myself with my thoughts right now. The only break I got from thinking about Logan was when I was finally able to get the kids from school. Even as I made after school snacks for them, I thought of how much Logan loved kids. I would quickly shake those thoughts.

Jo was right; I was tired and delusional, and now it was bringing up old feelings that would distract me from more important things. "Of course I'm sure you didn't give it to me. If you gave it to me, I would have it!" I sighed heavily as David tried to stutter his way out of the situation. I glanced out of my windows for moment, only for someone to catch my eye. I barely took my eyes off him as I passed the brunet man again, the only thing distracting me was driving and David's nervous chatter in my ear. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fax me the paper work." I quickly ended the call, eyes still focused on the man. When it became a dangerous angle to continue staring at him, my eyes went back to the road, but even then I continued to glance at him through my rear view mirror.

I wasn't seeing things this time.

That was the same brunet man who was on the side of the road near the airport. The one that looked like Logan.

I hesitated for a moment, my impulsive nature tell me to turn around and finally find out if that was my long lost best friend, but Jo kept coming to mind. She wouldn't like to find out that I spent time that I could have spent working, goofing off with some guy I've convinced myself is Logan.

I gripped my steering wheel tightly with a deep frown. Just turn around. You're going to dive yourself crazy until you do.

I huffed, slamming my hand onto the wheel and swearing under my breath. I checked the traffic around me before making a quick u-turn and driving back down the path I came. I looked up and down the sidewalks for any sign of him, and let out a small breath of relief when I spotted him sitting on a porch, away from any other activity going on around him, still reading that book. I pulled over to the side of the road in front of the house.

I took another moment of hesitation, thinking over the consequences of this once again. I quickly pushed my way out of the car before I could talk myself out of it. I looked over the hood of my car at the brunet again. He still hadn't moved from his spot—he only indication that he was still alive was the moving of his lips as he read along and when he would reach down to turn a page. I let out a breath, trying to relax my body as I slowly made my way over to him.

The other occupants of the house stopped to stare at me. I wouldn't blame them. I was approaching casually and roughly dressed people, and from my guess, grooming wasn't the most important bullet on their to do list. I was in a perfectly tailored suit and tie. I looked—and felt—out of place here, but the closer I got to the brunet, the less that mattered.

Finally, I was right in front of him. He took notice of a shadow being cast over him and slowly looked up to me. I bit back a gasp at the brown eyes I would be able to recognize anywhere looking up at me tentatively. Opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Even if I wanted to, he beat me to the punch. "Look, I don't know what you think you have on me, but I haven't done anything." He said with a glare.

I blinked in confusion before finally finding words. "No, Logan. It's me." When he still stared at me with a slight glare, I sighed. "Kendall?" I tried again.

The dull eyes continued to look at me with a scrutinizing expression before his eyes went wide and that shine was back. "Kendall?" His tone still didn't sound like he believed it. I nodded having to fight the grin slowly spreading across my face and the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "I-I can't believe it's you." He slowly stood, fidgeting as he stood before me. "How are you?"

"I'm..." I let out a breath, finally letting a smile come to my face. "I'm good. How are you?"

Logan continued to fidget, eyes moving every which way as he shrugged. I nodded, slightly understanding. After a few moments of awkward silence between us, Logan looked at me. "It's great seeing you again." He said quietly.

"You too." I smiled softly.

I watched as he lifted his arms slightly before retracting them. "Um...can I...?"

I nodded, maybe a little too eagerly, as I opened my arms to him. The shorter boy didn't waste time taking his place in my arms. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, taking in every detail of him that I had missed so much. His body still fit perfectly with mine. He was a little smaller now, but everything about him still felt perfect. He even smelled the same.

I tensed when I realized that I had my nose was buried in his hair and my lips just centimeters away from being pressed against his temple. I quickly released him from the hug, putting more distance between us. I wasn't sure what had come over me, but I knew it was totally inappropriate. I was married now, and I had kids I needed to take care of. Whatever Logan and I had was in the past, and I needed to move on. I ignored the look of hurt the spread over Logan's features as I stepped away from him. "So...it was nice seeing you." I finally said after a minute of awkward silence.

Logan smiled slightly at me, slightly fidgeting again. "You too."

I let out a breath, ready to turn around, go back to my car, and move on with my life. After all, I should have been satisfied. I found Logan and I could move on. When I reached my car, I found myself hesitating. My mind started screaming for me not to look back. I got the door open and paused, eyes moving up to the house and the brunet still standing where I left him, wearing a small sad smile.

...Damn it.

"Logan," I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, not sure why I was doing this. He shouldn't effect me like this anymore. I sighed and continued. "I don't know if you're busy, but...maybe we should hang out and catch up."

I watched the brown eyes light up again and my old friend nod eagerly. "I'd love to."

I know I shouldn't have, but I felt a grin creeping it's way across my face and my stomach did a flip like back in the good old days. I didn't even try to shake off those feelings, knowing it would be useless. "Well, then, come on."