Title: Tumble
Author: thefreshapple
Genre and/or Pairing: None
Word Count: 810
Rating: PG for inferences, but nothing serious
Warnings: Mentions of sex in an educational and non-educational manner.
Summary: Ned Stark overhears Theon giving the boys A Version of The Talk and steps in.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: I was flipping through tumblr when I came across a post that said "I wonder if Ned ever gave Jon and Robb the birds and the bees talk." Naturally, my brain went haywire.

I've also posted this to my LJ account...

Eddard Stark was in the stable, examining a new colt, when he heard them: the giggles and whispers of three young boys. Shaking his head, Ned sent his stable master outside and crept under the hay loft, where the whispers were loudest.

"Then a man puts his prick in her."

Ned sighed. Theon Greyjoy was holding court.

Again.

There were a few giggles, then Robb's voice, already deep, "Does he just mash his hips around?"

"Nah, he mounts her like a wolf takes his bitch." Theon's voice cracked with excitement. "She gets nice and wet for him, and he thrusts in her, like this." Three voices dissolved into giggles, and Eddard heard one hand slap another.

Enough was enough. "Boys." Ned didn't often use his "lord of the manor" voice with his sons and ward, but it came out more than he liked as of late. He was lucky Cat hadn't heard him – she'd have shot him that look and tucked Robb under her arm. She might have even let Jon and Theon hide behind her skirts – maybe.

The giggles above stopped. Ned heard Jon whisper, "S'Father," and dust fell from the ceiling as three gangly boys hastened to the stable floor.

They lined up like men at their execution, each carefully toeing a board in the floor. Ned clasped his hands behind his back and examined each one carefully.

Theon had been with them five years now. He stood tall and ruddy-faced. His sandy hair fell over his eyes, making him look more like a peasant than the ward of a lord. He glanced up at Ned and promptly returned his eyes to the floor. Ned struggled to hide his smile – Theon could be a good lad when he chose, which had been more and more often, but his loose tongue needed to be curbed.

Jon and Robb stood next to each other, bumping shoulders. They could have been twins, Ned mused, were it not for their coloring. Where Robb was fair, blue-eyed and auburn-haired like his mother, Jon was dark and mysterious, always looking up from under those unruly curls. At eleven, they were both wiry and slim, but they would grow into Stark men. Even if Jon would never carry Ned's name, the boy carried his blood.

Ned swallowed back a lump in his throat and watched them all sternly. "This isn't the first time I've caught you lot telling stories," he said quietly. "Theon, this isn't the type of leadership I hoped to see in you."

"No, my lord." Theon looked up at him with eyes the color of the sea. The boy was a Greyjoy, and no mistake.

"Robb, Jon." Ned watched as his sons' shoulders stiffened. "You're both old enough to know what goes on between a man and a woman, but not yet old enough to see for yourselves. I understand curiosity, but any man who knows what's good for him knows when curiosity should be put away." He sank to a crouch so that all three boys were looking down at him.

"The union between a man and a woman is a sacred thing, gifted to us through the example of the Father and the Mother. After marriage, a man takes his wife to their marriage bed and hopes to plant within her an heir to his line." Ned watched as Jon's face grew redder with every word, how Robb shifted his weight uncomfortably. Theon was completely still, watching with rapt attention, but Ned didn't miss the way his ears flushed in embarrassment when Ned explained exactly how a baby was created.

He told them the truth they needed to know. In time, the boys would grow old enough to visit the brothel and they would learn for themselves the different ways a man could pleasure a woman. Ned told them the basics – how a woman should be on her back, not mounted like a beast but loved like the precious gift she was.

"You must never strike a woman, not in jest or in passion, and certainly not in anger," Ned said, rising to his feet with a groan. "Women are our mothers, our sisters, our daughters, and someday, your wives. Treat them with respect." He leveled a glare at the three. "If I ever hear otherwise about you lot, there'll be the seven hells to pay. Am I understood?"

Shaggy heads nodded frantically. At last, Ned took pity on them and waved them away. "Go play," he said. "Be boys."

Robb and Theon jostled at the door, pushing and jostling each other with Jon fast on their heels. Ned watched them rush across the courtyard, whooping and jumping over nothing.

Eddard Stark met his stable master's knowing grin with one of his own. "Not even Theon's old enough for a tumble yet," he laughed.

Those days would come fast enough.